All I remember was a bang
A flash but no pain
I remember the feel of the hollow barrel
Stuffed in my mouth
The discomfort of the seat
And how far the trigger seemed
Now I'm here
Finally able to grasp deaths hand
Yet my hand she refuses to take
Like a ******* she requires money
The ferry wont leave this dock
Till I pay the toll
Yet I have no money in my empty pockets
I only have the hearts and souls
Of every tear that fell when my funeral began
When the last black rose fell 6 feet
When the last petal wilted away
I can't pay deaths toll
With the limbs and intestines
Of every skeleton in my closet
I can't pay deaths toll
With the smell of my scattered brains
Still painting the corner of my room
My empty pockets can't pay death's toll
So I guess I'm off to living
The life I was never meant to live
**** it was just a dream
I'm making sure
I have money in my pockets
Or at least the still beating heart
Of my angels voice
Always wishing me goodnight
Just before I dream of never paying deaths toll

i am a tree
i am an observer
i do not speak
i listen and listen
and wait patiently
for something to witness
as i stand still silently

i see
war and
**** and
****** and
suicide and
all brutalities,
caused by
human nature

but i see
love and
joy and
character and
movement and
all endless possibilities,
caused by
human nature

i do not have a voice
i cannot move
i can only grow
higher and higher
closer to the sun,
i can only change
the colours of my leaves
to aware others
of new seasons

i provide oxygen
for all these infinite beings
and i do not know
how many years i will
be rooted here
as an insignificant
on-looker

I took out my heart
It fit perfectly in my ****** hand
Still beating
And craving for some love
Like a fish taken out of water
Still flapping
And craving for some oxygen
And although there is plenty in the air
It needs the oxygen from the water
Just like my heart needs the love from you

here's a letter so i can ensure this is not your fault
and never will
don't you dare think that
you're one of a kind

don't be alarmed
when i'm gone
it's not your fault
you tried your best
i tried too little

you were good to me
i was bad to you
i was bad to everyone
i deserve my fate

i'm sorry i broke my promise
please don't hate me
don't shed a tear for me either
i'm not worth your golden output

remember that i love you
and i love the memories we shared
and the jokes we made
the worlds we created
and the worlds that never got to be visited

please still live on the memories i destroyed
they're meant to be shared
not just for us, but for the world we would have changed
the world that is in your hands
and is left for you to take on

you're strong and are able to do this
without me
without any burdens
because you're strong, brave, and powerful
everything i am not
and can never be

i love you
regardless of where my body lays

Ways To **** Yourself

Blow out your brains with a gun,
slit your wrist, slit your throat.
Play chicken with a moving train,
jump in front a moving bus.
Go in the ocean, filled with sharks,
while in the tub, throw in a toaster.
Overdose on alcohol, drugs or pills,
leap off a real tall building.
Hang yourself with a strong rope,
choke on a big piece of meat.
Run in the hood, yelling the n word,
jump from a plane, high in the sky.
Drown in a swimming pool,
poison your food or drink.
Cover your head with a pillow,
stab yourself in the heart.
Jump on top of a hand grenade,
walk naked through the jungle.
Warning, do not try these tricks ever,
side effects include a painful death.
Reality, never a reason to **** yourself,
don't be foolish, dumb or stupid.