I realized I had grown up
When I looked around for familiar faces
And I had found none.

It's been awhile since we've met up
been awhile since you've stopped lighting up my dark eyes
or bringing out my crooked teeth from underneath
my paper thin dreary gray lips
it seems like it's been forever since the day
my lungs were still able to take air for granted
because back then my throat didn't close up
and my lips weren't clamped shut to contain the void
left inside after my voice had fled
I can still vaguely recall how it felt back then
waking up each morning in a light *****, energetic
springy, vibrant body; legs as weightless as twigs
and feet so free like flower petals
with shoulders that would carry the world for someone
because there were not yet any rocks slung at them
and not yet any burdens piled on top
I definitely remember all the colors and the warmth in the breeze
when life was a beautiful huge sunset in the afternoon
and a cascade of freckled stars and shimmering moon
during the night
before the sun suddenly became a signal for the start
of another reluctant day and the night turned into
sorrowful darkness seeping into my bones throughout the night
and I most certainly wish I could step back through the folds of time
and relive that brief yet steady moment
when waking up didn't feel like such a burden
and you were still around tucked in my chest
stocked up with laughter
as the medicine to whatever pain I ended up succumbing to.

If I stood very still; lightly on the soles
of my feet
head tipped back, eyes drinking in the stars
cheekbones swimming
in splashes of silver moonlight
the milky way would continue to sway,
and the universe might swirl
to swallow me whole.

Even after perishing,
I would strain to let every fragment of light know
that I have already experienced
that intense feeling of overwhelming loss,
the sense of being swallowed whole by a greater entity

that I have already experienced those phenomenons
in the daily life of a small, insignificant
human being
one of 7.7 billion on this earth

being swallowed by the fast paced conventions
of society,
being sunken further in the soles of my shoes
by the heavy weight of expectations
and burdens implemented by others' judgement,

being cast to the shadows
as an outcast
from the group of uniform peers, moving in unison
marching to a rhythm found in their interior systems,
one that I lack

being utterly alone and drained of light,
laying like a corpse on my suffocating bed in the stillness
of the dark night,

so, there you go.
After all of that mess that I am supposed to call my life,
you surely can't be surprised
by my indifference to being swallowed by the universe
as melting stars run down my cheeks
like the tears of my soul,
as it begins to sob
throughout the night.

You were born near the warm ocean,
grew up around there,
With your clear acrylic smile
and sun-kissed blonde hair

I, the winter cold
More north than I can remember,
We met that day you visited,
a brisk chill, that December

We drank and danced,
while the years passed over
Argued and grew apart,
our greatest fears, now sober

My memories of you, once treasured
Now, faded
as sun deprived lands complain,
Forever, jaded