"I'm not pretty"
You say as someone compliments you.
"I'm not pretty"
You say as you step on the scale.
"I'm not pretty"
You say as you try on those new pants.
"I'm not pretty"
You say as you leave to go on that date.
"I'm not pretty..."

...Yes. You are.
My dear, you are wrong.
When was the last time you've really seen yourself
Past that *one pimple
and the stretch marks on your legs?

You seem to have overlooked
That sparkle in your eyes
When you talk about something you love.

Or how graceful your fingers are
as they skim the keys of the piano,
as they run down your arms
clasping your elbows
and your back arches forward when you're embarrassed.

Or your skin,
that could easily rival
the softness of your favorite cashmere sweater
which fits loosely over your torso,
bunching at your elbows
when you do chores with me
after saying I "don't do it right".

Or your feet
that trek across the creeks with me
when we sneak out every Saturday
so you don't have to go to your uncle's house
when your mom leaves to see her friends.

Do you not even see your lips?
Their rosy color,
their fullness?
The pair you bite when you're nervous or frustrated
that are usually a bit chapped
especially in this chilly weather.

My dear,
You are pretty.
You're beautiful.
Stunning.
Immaculate.
Ravishing.
Please don't say otherwise.

Is it too late to say sorry?
Well, ask yourself that, not me.
Do you think you're worth forgiving?

They say
'Fool me once
Shame on you.
'Fool me twice
Shame on me'

But what about more than that?
Ten
Twenty
Fifty
One hundred times?

And with every time came a "sorry"
"I promise not to do that again".

So before you ask me
And tell me yet another apology

Apologize to yourself first.
For putting yourself into this predicament.

Today at church
we played a name game
and somewhere down the line
I was sitting next to you
For the first time in ten months
wondering if my name
still tastes like honey to you
Or if you even remember
What it felt like
When it rolled off your tongue
Because I still taste yours
Vibrating on my lips
And I still feel
your vanilla kisses
across my chest

Focus on me.

Me

    Me

       Me.

Look at me!
Look at my flaws!
See how my hips flare!
See how my skin glows so dully in the moonlight!
See how my eyes mock every word that falls out of my chapped lips!

Look at me!
Because it's been a while since you've seen something so worthless.

You want to be a child again
to jump above rainbow puddles
and stuff your mouth with pies

You want so much
to retrace your steps
back when it was as small
as the hope you have now

You want to be a child again
not because you'd rather be oblivious
not because you'd rather break legs than
your mind
not because of anything
except just be who you are
all you are
back before the world started
changing you

It was pouring
as if gods had forgotten
to turn off
the rain faucets.
I walked
my heart dry,
fever raging
like volcanoes,
heart beating wild
thoughts in disarray,
only one thing blended
with the falling rain:
tears that came
streaming down
to join
the rivulets
and the puddles,
while I moved on
in yesterday's rain.