I wonder if you noticed
My swollen eyes
Purple around the rims,
The yellow and blue
Blooms on my knuckles
Or the way I was quiet.
And when I did tell you,
You didn't care.
It was all normal.
You're used to all this
And have stopped asking why.

Please...
Try to pry me open.
Get to know me so you know
That I was in fact punching walls again
And bawling my eyes out,
Please wonder why.
No one cares.
...

Thanks for looking after me,
following me, looking for me,
when I needed you guys most,
when the demons came back to haunt me today...
There aren't enough words to express my gratitude
to my amazing friends.
No word or poem can do them enough justice.
Thank you:
-leelah
-Dani Chase
-unwritten
-Akumu
-Lotus Blue

How has the world come to that suicide,
Had become a popular hashtag used?
Is suicide so popular?

I shouldn't care, but I do.
And I guess that's what hurts most...
I'm spinning around in circles
And I feel like that circle ends in walls
And I keep falling down and collapsing in agony and pain and misery
As I feel around for something to pull myself up on
I can't i can't I can't find anything
And I've given up,
I'm just gonna lay here on the floor
And stare at the ceiling.

Make up your mind!
Do you want to cry
Or would you like to smile?
I prefer the smile,
It literally brightens up the whole day
And makes everyone happy.
We love it when you smile,
So please do.
Show us your love,
Don't hide behind the clouds,
We miss you...

The sky was gray,
the kind of overcast that took over
not only the sky
but took your mind with it,
Pouring all of its tears
steadily
into all your thoughts,
Drenching them and washing them all away.
The steady pitter patter of the rain
drummed away all the swirling mania that danced across my head,
the soft jazz settling into my head
steadying me
and finally bringing me to rest.

Each thought pierces and penetrates
My heart,
Causing irratic thumping,
Loud sighs,
Quick skipping.
I still smile,
Even through the pain.
With all the pain that comes
With all those fond memories,
Each and everyone
Reminds me the bond
Between you and I,
Everything we've been through,
And reminds me to smile.

Fairy tales never end.
Everyone just lives
"happily ever after,"
guess that
that means
we do too?

The things that I looked forward to,
The necessities in life,
The things that make it okay to live,
Gone.
The things keeping me alive,
They left me behind.
The ones still here,
Taken away.

I guess...
Maybe...
I'm not enough.
But I will always try to be...
Just to make you happy,
to make you smile.

Whispering the solace,
whistling the blues,
whittling tears.

No matter what you think
What you believe,
Know that I love you.
It rings true through the once empty
Corridors of my heart.
Even if the demons follow you around
Whispering lies into your hearts,
Even if I don't remind you,
Know that I DO.
I LOVE YOU.

You were my prized possession.
I shone you around,
polished you,
shoved you into everyone's faces
told them all about you.

But you failed me.

Now I must put you away in shame,
you are nothing now.
I'm an ashamed widow.

You ripped my heart out of my hand just as I was about to give it to you.
It wasn't quite ready to be given away yet.

It was tired of being shoved around and hurt without a thought
Tired and forgotten, it lost its true meaning:
To love and be loved.

It loved and loved and loved,
It oozed it out.
Everyone took it for granted,
Always wanting more and more of the sticky ambrosia.
But it will never be enough, huh?
It will never be enough...

So they kept taking.
They gave nothing back,
Until all it was was a shriveled up thing that longed for love and affection,
Still guzzling out too much love
And always getting shoved around and bruised and cut and scarred.

But you came around.
You shoved everyone back
And saw how my heart was dying.
You gave it life again,
Loved it and gave it purpose.
Thank you.
...
I just hope I'm strong enough to do the same for you.

Hey, so I don't know if you guys knew the amazing poet, "No one you care about,"(I cared) but he recently deleted his account. Why? That's not for me to say. But I would like you guys to know that he is okay, just going through sone rough times and is currently recovering ^^ so um... yea. :)
-creep
P.S. he's hella kind and awesome to talk to :) anyone who met him was very lucky ^^

Is it selfish
To want all your attention and time
And to want to be fully and completely loved?
Hah.
Love me so well,
Be so good to me...
I'll get used to the good life and always want more and more.
The withdrawal hurts,
You were my addiction and now you're gone.

"Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"No. But you should know enough about me to know what's bothering me."

When will you get it through your head
That not everyone wants to be your girlfriend?
That not everyone loves you,
And most of all,
There's a difference between
****** relationships,
Friends,
And Family?

...
Its hard for a butterfly to fly
With only one wing
Flapping so hard,
The other half broken
And flapping just barely.

It'll only go so far.

nothing seems right
the colors don't fit the tone
the melody doesn't fit the song
everything is spinning out and out
no end to it
no end to the constant pain
that sneaks into every little crevice it can find
and if there are no more
it'll crack and break you open
like a ******* pistachio
and seep through
ooze into every part of you
until you are nothing more than a corpse
filled with gooey black
mess and sorrow and agony and pain
oh the pain it never goes away
it shows too much
you can never keep it inside
it'll always find a way to dissipate
show itself
so prideful, tell them all that
you've been able to consume another victim
able to corrode away the inside and make it
it's new home.

That's all it ever wanted anyways.
A home;
isn't that all we ever want?

Planes, trains, cars, ships
anything to get me to you.
If that doesn't work out,
I'll walk and swim all the way to you.
If that isn't enough,

I'm content with going to you
*in my mind.

I stole you and put you in a little cage
Inside my heart.
No,
It's not a prison,
(At least I hope not)
But when you hurt,
The cage inside my heart,
It feels it.
It feels your pain
And resonates it throughout the rest of me.

It hurts.
It hurts so ******* much.
A jolt of too much bad electricity gone wrong bursting to life flowing in and out of my veins,
Fire coursing through,
Burning me inside out,
And don't even get me started on what happens on the outside.

Cause on the outside baby,
That's where it hits hardest.

It's this pain that will cause me to wail,
Toss my head back in agony,
And to scream like a banshee.

But that's beside the point.

Just...
Stay safe.
I care.
It hurts.

But what of the young girl
Confused and clear minded?
She'd all but given it her all
Gave the world all she had to give,
Conforming to society's
Ideals ,
Tried as she might,
But never enough.

Until she had enough.
She shattered the glass walls surrounding her,
Broke through amidst all the fumes
And the heartbreak,
Escaping into the sullen night.
Now she runs
Sprinting delicately through the dark,
Tendrils of light illuminating through her dashes
Never stopping for anyone or anything.
Nothing stops her,
Nor does she stop for anything.
She is all alone,
Taking comfort with the other shadows.
But that's all she needs
All she cares about.

Let nothing stop her
From loving
And daring to be
Herself.

I sit here in tomorrow,
as you lay there in yesterday.

I can tell you what's to come:
a broken glass,
some tears,
and too many tubs of ice cream.
Oh an the best thing of all:
a smile
that will surely come.

I tried giving you
All the dreams you would ever want,
All the stars in the sky,
Spinning story after story
With each constellation.
But it was never enough.

You left the beautiful storyland I made for you
For the horrors of reality.

I hope you survive,
Meanwhile I'll always be stuck here
By myself,
In dreams.

It was dark
and I wasnt alone.
I could hear your gentle breath,
In and out of your mouth,
those soft lips perfectly puckered
and your breath finally steady.

You were asleep.

You were finally seemingly at peace,
your mind wasnt running around
worrying about how to pay the bills
worrying about me,
you were finally sleeping and dreaming
and in bliss.

Do you remember
When the days were bright yellow
Evanescent with brightness
That made even the sun envious?

Do your remember when it started to
Dark to an orange, slowly into a red
The beautiful passionate crimson it was?

Do you remember when passion turned to
Purple and blue
Days when we were gone from each others
Embrace?

Do you remember when it all turned
Green laced with black and blue and yellow
A bruise hidden with strength?
Proof that we're alive and thriving
Hurting but only
Growing stronger?
Do you remember, my dear?

Because when the darkness falls
Everything dies,
All the laughter will dissipate,
The smiles will fade away,
And the warmth will dissolve.
All that is left to do
Is surrender to the darkness
That falls
Letting it carry us down to dream lands,
Where night fairies come out to play
And whisper secrets into our ears.
Sometimes they turn into demons,
hoarsely approaching and letting terror crawl into our
mouths and ears and eyes.

But sometimes we don't have to face the silence.
Not anymore.
We can stand tall,
Refuse the demons
As the ashen world is lit
With electricity.
It runs through the world,
A rushing wildfire,
Dying and bursting here and there like sparks of fire brightly illuminating our world.
We don't have to face the danger of the nights alone anymore,
For now we have the best sword yet-
Electricity.
And we'll smile and laugh,
Keep going deep into the night even as the danger calls outside our protective shield of electricity.

You make the devil look like an angel.

I lay my dingy old purse down on the floor,
by the hydrant reeking with ****,
my broken stilettos,
as well as my judgement and heart.
Only hours ago, you took my heart and smashed it to the floor.
You left me.
So I ran.
Now here I am, still in my clubbing clothes,
strewn, messy,
on the sidewalk and crying.
Smeared makeup,
runny mascara and eyeliner.
I don't care.
All I had left was you,
and I put my everything on you,
I paid for the rent,
I worked double jobs to support you
as you lay around doing nothing...
I loved you, but you used me like a tissue.
Now your off with some other *****
using her the way you used me.
I wipe my face,
stagger down the block, clutching dearly
at the wrecked shoes and purse,
my hair tangled,
my small glitzy dress in tatters,
too much showing.
An older man walks by me, whistles, low and clear,
piercing my fuzzy head,
and I wink and blow him a drunken kiss.
I have to continue walking,
one foot in front of the other.
I'm too aware of everything,
the honking,
the blaring lights,
the stares,
It hurts, all that noise, all that brightness...
I wince and stumble back to the ground again.

Suddenly, a honk.

I look up to see a cab right by me, it's door open, inviting me to go in and be driven to somewhere else. I sniff, wipe my face and crawl my way in,
closing my eyes, and
waiting for paradise.

---

She was never seen again.

When the days have been shuttered up,
ready to be knocked down,
barren and brisk,
he stood by you.
He was the one to
breath warmth and love
into your blue hands,
to kiss that cute button red nose of yours
with feverish lips
anxiously, fearfully
giving you his love.
He was the one to
gather up all the last pieces
of a ghost of you,
your exploited
soul,
your expendable heart.
He was the one
to glue them back together
each and every little piece.
He was the one to
capture me
at my worst
when you fell,
and hold me together, tightly
so that you can never thank him.
He was the one
to bring courage, confidence, strength
in your head,
beautifully spun sugar
in your warped and mauled
and beyond mutilated
mind,
with delicate gossamer
musical notes hung upon a string
to be treasured forever.

But you were the one
to take his everything,
snap that branch in two,
and hand it back to him.

So my question is,
are you blind?

The thing is
its not that you left
I dont mind that you've gone to go find yourself
to explore things you've never seen
to escape this hellhole

Its that you didn't take me with you

Is it possible to procrastinate sleep
or is it just cause I want someone to talk to me so much that I don't sleep?
Literally, I'm just laying around here
Doing everything but sleeping
At such a late hour
And trying not to think of you.
Gosh... Is it so hard not to reply to what you have clearly read?
I just want a conversation with you
But that's clearly not happening anytime soon so
Buh-bye.

Its the ones who care about you, not the ones that don't, who will last the longest.

We were both
Lonely ******* in the night
Awaiting something
Anything to come by
So we can pounce and devour.
I crept by you,
Looking for something
Anything to talk to,
To know me as just simply
Me.
But you pounced first,
And I became your something
Anything,
And now here  I am,
With you as more than my
Something anything
But more like my
Everything.

It bloomed like a bruise,
all the pain, hate built up,
but soon enough the colors sprouted out
and burst with
blues and greens and yellows and purples
and then slowly faded away...

When we love someone,
we'll do crazy things,
even hurt yourself
if it means they'll prosper.

Maybe it was me,
that I was too late in fixing our problems.
Maybe it was me,
that I didn't know how to love myself
to fix myself,
before I could ever hope of loving you.

But.
Maybe it was you too.
Maybe it was you,
in your stressed out ways,
your lack of time,
and your incompetence.

...Maybe it was you too.
Not just me.

It's too late for anything now
To patch it all up
Make sure every one is happy

It's just too late

I'm too far gone to be saved and I don't know if I want to be saved.

Someone once told me
That words are nothing
And shouldn't hurt you
The way the punches do,
That words have no power
In relation to physical violence,
At the face of bullying.

Someone once told me
That words have the power
To change the world,
That they are more powerful
Than wars and acts of destruction
At the face of peace.

Who was bullshitting me?

In the beginning, she was nothing, an it to everyone. Wasn’t worth insulting or complimenting. Black hair. Black Clothes. Black eyes. Black everything. But when she noticed im, she also noticed herself. She never had a care about herself before, and now look at her, the cute girl with pink and a tingling personality and flame. At first, it was only small changes. Switch out black combat boots for black converses. Start wearing less black eyeliner, added some dangling earrings. No one noticed yet. She tried harder. Took off her dog collar and choker. Replaced it with something a normal girl would wear, a heart necklace. A few glances tossed carelessly, lazily her way. Black pants to a pink miniskirt. Outright stares this time. Bangs cut and dye her hair blond. Rumors started, gossip exchanged like the racing pulse in her wrist. She knew she was changing, but she craved the attention; for once people could see how great she was underneath everything; they would give her a chance when she changed her appearance to their liking. She swiped on sparkly lip-gloss and tossed her band shirts for spaghetti straps, midriffs, and **** bras to show off. She threw the last of her away and he finally noticed, once she changed everything.
“Hey, babe. I never noticed you before. Are you a new student?” he asked with an unmistakable hidden meaning and looked her up and down with a greedy look. He slipped his hand over her **** and grabbed it. She backed away slowly, like he was an animal, which he was. He stepped closer. She was at a wall. He hastily reached his hand out to her ****; she could feel his rapid raspy breath on hers right before he shoved his tongue in her mouth, feeling her up. She gasped, thinking isn’t this what she wanted? She blinked and punched him in the nose.
“Ow! What the **** was that for *****?!” he yelled at her all while clutching his nose. She slowly began to walk away backwards, watching him. People around her barely noticed her dismay, but those who did did nothing to help her. They whispered, some even yelled or bluntly said things, not hiding their harsh venom words.
“******* *****.”
“*****.”
“Such a total ****. I knew it all along.”
“I heard she’s ******* the whole football team.”
“She just came and already she’s sexing Matthew up?”
“Who does this ***** think she is going around practically naked trying to ***** everyone right then and there?”
She kept backing away as their words surrounded her and crowded her and finally drowned her.

She didn’t come back to school until two weeks later. She arrived in black to her own funeral. Everyone sneered and leered at her. Rumors were spread; biting words were thrown like confetti. Each little thing took a chunk of her away. Matthew didn’t even recognize her.
She was gone the next day.
No one cared.
The corpse lay left behind to rot in the small apartment.

It was weeks later when neighbors began to complain about a strange smell coming from the apartment did the police come. By now it was too late. Her corpse was a reminder to those that pain will always come and find you no matter what.

!!!

After her actual funeral that no one who actually genuinely cared about her attended, a multitude of people left to go home.  Some were only trying to clear their guilt for not helping her. Others just wanted everyone else to think they cared when really they didn’t give a ****. Death tends to bring the fakers out. In the end, still no one actually, really cared about her. No one looked through her diary to see why she hung herself, no one remembered.
After a week, it was old news, and she was forgotten again.

!!!

So you see? It’s an endless cycle. Things maybe good right now, but those who are willing to gamble their current state for a better state usually end up worse. They are hurt and are never the same again.

I don't think I'll ever be able to get over you,
So I hope that you won't ever break me.

Put your chin up.
Don't let anyone see you down.
Don't you ******* dare
Sit around and wallow in self-pity.
That just proves my assumptions
That you're a little *******.
Head up, look the problen straight in their
******* eye,
And fix it.
Don't go sitting around moping,
"Oh woe is me!"
*******,
Stand the **** up,
And see how the people around you care,
And how you say your leaving as to not hurt them,
You leaving hurts them ten fold.
See how we care.
Open your ******* eyes.

Only the giggles are exuberant
And the smiles spread wide.
She'll stand tall,
Somewhat indifferent,
Always there.
Too kind,
Always listening to us
Always there for us
As a friend,
As a shoulder to lean on,
Offering comfort all day
In boredom and in panic.
She'll always be around.

Until she won't.
And I swear,
When she's gone,
Gone too far,
Someone we never noticed before
Will suddenly come alife
As if a cannon strick us
And took away arms, legs,
And paralyzing us.
We'll finally realize,
But it'll be too late.

It's too late to care.