Outside of the confines of who we are told to be

Who will we dare to become?

Collecting memories like seashells
I clasp them in my hand
Press my hand to my heart
The shells will last longer than this

Put them in a jar by the door
To remind us our time was plentiful like the night sky plastered in stars
The kind of view you can only see from the middle of the forest
Cocooned between the green canopies

An infinite depth
From which we were born
And where we will return

This year taught me

You're more resilient than you think
that there is comfort and joy in solitude

hugs are like honey
pure
simple
valuable

I learned you can find happiness where you least expect it

That the only way out is through

there are more outreached, helping hands than you think

how grand it is
to simply be
toes dipped in the river
sunset kissing your forehead
trusting it will rise again
Trusting this is not the end

(To your inner child)

Tell her she needn’t weather the storm on her own this time

Wrap her in lavender and sing to her and dress her in courage. Tell her she is as powerful as her wildest dreams.

Let her rest in your arms,
Watch the sunrise together.
Accompany her grief, comb the knots out of her hair
Let her run barefoot in the dirt with no consequence

Write her love letters, mail the ones she wrote for those who were incapable of receiving
Burn the ones where she blamed herself.

“Too much too wild too selfish too human too challenging too loud too loving too anguished”

Burn it all, let her hold the match so she understands she is the master of her fate.

Hold her tiny hand in yours until she dissipates
Absorbed into the roots of your inner garden;

She is owed a place there, but she will no longer overshadow the other wildflowers.

I whispered to my body
“you are safe with me”

Dear 2022,

I have arrived
bare and alive
flawed and unruly

wrapped in lavender
Last year I held joy in my palms
washed my face in it
Last year I showered in eucalyptus
I let my hair grow past my hips
Painted my toes with honey to show the bees they’re welcome here

Last year I began by asking for kindness and comfort and love and I learned I didn’t need to ask the sky

I can create all these things for myself
I can plant them and nurture them
I can nurture me and love me and pour sunshine over me

So 2022
Here I am
Stepping into you
Ready to be planted
I am here with open arms
Asking for nothing
Except for one more trip around the sun

Let me fall in love
Over and over
Until my heart is dripping
And bare

I want to come home and the lights are on because you’re curled up in the living room and filling the air with your laughter

I want it to be warm when I step in the door because you cranked up the heat after your afternoon walk in the snow.

I want to step over your shoes you forgot to put away

Toss away your sweater you left beside you on the couch

And lift your arms over my shoulders and nestle into your neck.

I want to come back to a home
Not a house.

I want to come back to light and not darkness

Want to come back to hear your voice not my own breath.

But I don’t know who you are yet
Or where you are yet
Until then I’ll leave the lights on
And I hope you come home soon.

10 years have passed and I have been held by others
But none held my heart like you

Like a forest that sets itself on fire to start over

I will uproot the parts of myself that no longer serve me so I
can emerge wiser brighter lighter

and I will be a better home for myself and the garden that I have been tending to
That is gently blooming inside of me

Dear one,

Write me when your legs have tired from wherever you’re running to

I sense that you are running simply because you were born running and
I can only imagine from what your eyes told me you want to get off this carnival ride but you never learned how and

I know you know that stillness is your friend if you only tried because
that must be why you asked me to hold you with my whole body and that’s why your soul uncurled its fists and
Maybe it’s all in my head but
I think you wanted to lay there forever so

write to me when you’re tired of running and

Come home to me.              


A letter to your heart;
(that I’ll never deliver)

Here’s to taking up space
To not shrinking for the benefit of others
For speaking your mind even when your voice shakes
To starting over courageously with each sunrise
To holding hands with your shadows,
And letting them go

Here’s to allowing yourself to make mistakes
and allowing yourself to be great 🌻

Here’s to you
Here’s to you
To you

This time I lay my head down on the bed instead of chasing him out the door
This time I sit with my darkest parts and listen to them and love them and give them light and
It is they who needed the company, they’re the ones who wanted to run
Not me
Not anymore

I wept
Wishing I’d stopped to witness the leaves
In their glory
Before they fell at my feet

I want you to remember that no matter how far away it seems or how long it has been since you were embraced by the sun

That the sun will always choose the very moment you need its light most
To pierce through even the darkest clouds
To remind you
That you are alive 🌱
You are an accumulation of its rays and its tears and its joy and its rage and you wear it all so beautifully

And I want you to remember
That a cloud is born to be temporary

But the sun
The sun is infinite
And it belongs to you ☀️

My rib cage pressed against the railing
Trying to catch the dandelion seeds as they pass
When I look over at you you’re laughing at my infatuation with them
I almost admit I love you
Maybe I will
when the dandelions are flowers again