Last night
I was thinking of you
as I fell asleep
So I dreamed about floating
in an Olympic-sized pool
The chlorine welcomed me
like an old friend.

And I saw your legs
Hanging in the pool
Heard your laughter
Muffled by the clear blue sea.

Later, you kissed me
but I turned away
and it landed on my cheek
like a dive off the highest board
into the deepest end
where I stayed
as it faded to black.

you called me
not to say hello
not to wish me a good day
nothing like that

you called
because you had a favor to ask
but I didn’t mind
I said I’d do it
but you didn’t say goodbye
we sat in the silence on the phone





till I said “okay”
only then did you hang up

the silence wasn’t even
five seconds
but it felt like a forever

i only said "okay"
to break the silence
but it felt like a confession

there's nothing
quite like
being inexplicably sad
because what seems to be
so obvious
is impossible to put into words
for yourself
let alone for the world

Last night
I was thinking of you
as I fell asleep
So I dreamed about floating
in an Olympic-sized pool
The chlorine welcomed me
like an old friend.

And I saw your legs
Hanging in the pool
Heard your laughter
Muffled by the clear blue sea.

Later, you kissed me
but I turned away
and it landed on my cheek
like a dive off the highest board
into the deepest end
where I stayed
as it faded to black.

Sometimes when you wake up
your dreams are forgotten
as quick as breath on glass

But sometimes they stay
long after you've woken
well into the afternoon

So sharp and clear
that you begin to wonder
if it happened or not

I finally have enough distance
to tell you that
I was in love with you
I reasoned myself out of it
gradually backed off
so I wouldn't get hurt
The only thing I lack now is
the guts
to see what your reaction will be
when you do what I did
a thousand times
a thousand different ways:
imagine the could have been.

Does this make me strong or weak?
Have I got it backwards?
Isn’t it lonely to be so secretive?
Isn’t it lonely never being alone but no one knowing anything about you?
Who taught you that this is the way it was supposed to be?
Shouldn’t that have been a sign?
Where did the time go?
Can I step back from this?
Did I go to far?
Is this it?

You're something precious
That I've caught in my hand
But I'm scared to open in check
In case I find that I'm mistaken
and I will open my palms
and there will be nothing
You were never there to begin with
and I imagined it all