Unfinished was tattooed on her skin.
And the way she carried herself you
could tell she's been through many battles
yet she carried a sweet gentle smile.

She caught me looking at the peace of art,
She smirked and said, " Demons are hard to break,
mentality though is much stronger. "

Two years ago I wrote myself a letter.
Inside of it I told myself to not give up.
To not give up on writing, something I
believed I was good at, which is rare.
Within those years, I stopped believing.
I stopped being creative.
I made no more time for it.
That's when I realize that's how it is to grow up.
You just start to lose that spark, that passion.
But reading that letter made me reach for a pen and paper.

So I guess this year is really
just about letting go.
Friendships, they just eventually go.
It's sad, it is but if they can't last, they can't.
That's just how life is.
Fight temptation because it's a waste of energy.

You kept saying you were sorry.
You kept saying you were sorry I felt the way I did.
You kept saying sorry for how things  turned out.
I just wanted you to stop.
to stop saying sorry.
You weren't sorry, I knew that.
I guess you didn't know me as much as I thought to know I could handle a solid truth.
An explanation.
I deserved that much. Just that much.

I'm just really sad and overwhelmed
But I haven't had a chance to let out a
Good cry.

One by one death is putting people to "peace"
and those close, in pain.
Although I'm usually not close to some one
who passes away, I'm always in disbelief and confused.
I fear that someone close will soon pass,
and I will lose control.
and there's a certain time in everyone's life where
they're expected to except death, but why should I?
death gives me nothing but thought that will never be solved.

"I promise" is something
I never say because it is nothing
That I am sure of.
Circumstances change, things change,
Feelings change.
These things I have no control over,
so if you ever ask me to promise you something,
I'm sorry but I can't.

All our life, we were rough drafts
editing all mistakes throughout the
process hoping that by the day we die,
our story was remembered.

Everyone's left, intentionally or not.
Physically and mentally.
And having no control over the smallest
thing such as someone caring just a little
drives me completely into a
loneliness state of mind.

I've been very sad, when I'm alone
And I know that it's okay to be in this
state of mind but it's happening so constantly
that I just don't know what to do anymore.

Isn't it sad that people all
our lives have told us that the past shouldn't
and doesn't shape who we are when
really our mental state is so dependent
on our past.

To not know where I stand, destroys
me more than you will ever know.
Everytime I try to communicate with you,
you never respond driving me nuts.
And I've been trying to say everything I can making
me sound annoying, but that's what people
do when they're trying to fight for someone.
They fight and fight.
You were my sanity, and I could tell you everything.
Embarrassing moments from elementary school,
my darkest times, and everything in between.
But I guess that's my fault for being dependent on
someone.
I know that you care, but not enough to keep trying.
What's awful is I wished someone had caused a big
commotion just so I knew the reason to why
our friendship ended the way it did
instead of wondering why it had happened.

A month ago we started to distant, and around that
time, the picture of us fell down.
I never really thought much of it, but as days
passed by it kept falling, whereas the other pictures stayed .
As our friendship just kept getting more distant
it fell for the last time, and I decided to put it
away in my memory box, because you're just a memory now,
And I'm not trying to keep our friendship going anymore.

Every person that we meet
teaches something to us,
whether it's to be more happy,
or to be careful with who we trust.
They reinforce us with things we already
know, but don't think about all the time.
With them, we learn more about ourselves,
and we are who we are because of the
people we encounter.

They judge how you live,
and once you're dead,
they judge how you died.

And here we go again crossing paths.
We leave and somehow always meet again.
I believe that there's some kind of message,
but you can't seem to read it.

If I knew that this was how
we were going to end up
I wouldn't have wasted so much
time believing that we were
meant to be in each other's lives.
Instead, you walked out as if
we have never met.

There's a difference between wanting
and needing
     You want him to walk away.
      You want him to hate you.
But that's not what you need.
    You need him to stay.
Stay, even at those moments where he
does hate you, just a little bit but can't imagine
anything without you.

What scares me about the future
is that I cannot picture
it in my head.

You may think that
everyone has it figured out
but trust me, they're
just as lost as you.

Just like pictures
the way we see things
isn't how they're captured.

I just want to
know if
I'll be
okay. Years
from now will
I be happy and alive?

When glass falls it makes
this sharp yet beautiful sound
But then look at the ground
and it's all shattered and broken,
no longer whole.
No longer useful.

You know you're at a point
of insanity
when you're so overwhelmed
you start laughing like a madman.
When nothing's funny but you still
keep laughing.
You're going insane,
and there's no way to stop it.

Its funny because you get bothered
by people who only focus on the
negative things you do rather than your success.
They pick apart everything but when you do
something right, a word is never mentioned.
But see darling,  you need to stop
being a hypocrite, because you do the same.
You dont realize it but you do. You beat yourself up
but never commend yourself when you should.

First I cared too much and psh, you never tried.
Then communication stopped completely.
2 years later, you asked for my forgiveness,
and of course I forgave, but this time I didn't
try as much. Then communication stopped once again
and I thought you were out of my life.
A couple months later you appeared in my presence having
the same class
I kept thinking to myself that we're meant to be in each others
lives because for some reason we keep passing each others paths
but I think I know and have learned to accept that
we're never in sync, we never were. Our minds can never catch
up to eachother.  We're in this never ending cycle
of nothing.

Sometimes communication
can be such a hard thing to do.
How do you explain
"I'm sorry, I pushed you away, come back"
How do you explain
that I love you but I can't bring
myself to say it because I'm terrified.
How do you explain
something that you regret
but meant at that exact moment.

Don't think that you can
mess with me, because once
you do, you'll regret opening your
mouth.

I miss a lot of people.
Is it selfish to say that
I hope they miss me too?

Hands are so genuine.
Think about it, exam it.
They're like eyes, they show emotion
without having to say anything.

Hand holding, grabbing,
Pushing, caressing,
Lingering.

These all have different meanings,
Caring, ******, anger, tempting, and desperation.

Bearing physical pain is easier
than emotional pain because
physical pain hurts for awhile and
disappears.
emotional pain hurts, and then lingers,
never really going away.

I want to hug her and protect her
but the truth is the world is an
evil place and even the people we
hold close to our hearts will hurt us
and make us weak.

That word "fat" she gets called everyday
will destroy her mentally and all I can do
is tell her it's not true and hope that she's trusts me.

I've been in those shoes, I still am and for a ****
8 year old to be going through this is so disturbing to me.

She acted like she didn't care when I brought it
up, but once I showed her i genuinely care, she opened up.
No one should be called names on their body, no one.
Yet everyone does it.

You're so young yet
you get that although
sometimes
I have bad ways at going
at things, my good
intentions stick out to you more.
You don't know how relieved
it is to know that someone
agrees with me just a little.

Letting go is one of the
hardest things to do
and such an undescribable
feeling.
Being separated by something
that won't feel right doing
but need to, to keep the sanity
that is just about to disappear.

No one is good
and no one is bad.
everything is really in
the opinion of our preference.

I care and
love people
more than
they deserve
and more
than they
realize.
But I
won't stop
because it's
not in
my nature
and I
can't tell
whether that's
a good
or bad
thing.

Have you ever realized that
we are not really original.
We are all shaped by the people
in our lives.
The day we were born, we lost who
we actually were because the people
who raised us put their opinions into us.

Seeing past acquaintances and I smile
but it quickly washes always
when I realize that they don't even
acknowledge me anymore.
Or even worse we make eye contact
And you look away.

See, I know change happens all the time,
but I can't seem to accept it.
Simple things shouldn't change, it's
what gives me sanity and hope
but when they change, things are
unbalanced.

I wonder what it's
like to be someone's weakness.
where they can't control
their own thoughts and blinded
by what might be lust.

People need to stop making
comments about other peoples
body image and focus on themselves.
It's tiring and sickening.
Grow up.

I don't think people are afraid to die.
People are afraid of losing loved ones
and possessions that hold their memories.

Photographs, drawings, writings.
All that explain the secrecy that they've kept
not wanting anyone to find but when they're
dead they have no control.

People aren't naturally
good anymore.
They only act like it to
get attention
or to impress,
but it's never from
the goodness of their heart.

She used to be so fearless
even the thought of rejection
didn't scare her.
The thought of embarrassment
was just whatever to her.

But now everything's different.
When did everything change and why?

Eyes are my weakness
so when you tell me you're
sorry and that you love me
do me a favor and
don't force me to look up into
them because I will fall for
you again, causing me to have
a broken heart who still think there's
truth in your apology.

Throughout high school I have
had a 3.0 GPA average and I
thought that was the greatest I could do.

I was wrong. Junior year, "the hardest year."
I agree. But here I am proudly saying
I got a 3.7. I worked my *** off to get to this
point.
I almost just want to cry.  I always thought I'd
be a failure.

To act like you know someone,
talking to them and showing them
that you care, but then once
you get your life together
you act as if they were
never in it.

How cruel can you be to do that?
Do you understand how much it hurts?

People criticize others so
much they don't even realize
how often they do it.
One insult after the other,
its so unattractive.

Makes me watch what I say.

Just stop talking.
I don't understand.
Your words are just
mumbling in my head.
Nothing makes sense right now.
Leave me alone.
Nothing you say will
help just give me space.

People are so easily manipulated,
no mind of their own
just doing what others tell them
to do.

I don't know whether I should pity
them  or be in disgust.

I'm in this game of tug of war
with myself.
One moment I want to change
the way I act, because I can be
better, more gentle, more relaxed
and calm
but then again, I love the way I
am, I love my honesty
my quick comebacks,
my jokes, my laughs.

Even if there are improvements
to make I still have
to love what makes me, me.