There probably would have been
so many good relationships I  could
have been in, but no, I push people
away until they find someone better.
And I have no one else to blame
but myself.

He only went to her when he needed her
just for help, nothing else.
And of course she came to his rescue
because she still cared, still wanted
him in her presence
and when he realized he treated her wrong
oh wait..
he never did.

Why are you so afraid
of people hating you?

It means you're real.

Not getting attached is all
part of an act,
it's hard to keep up, and
kind of scary
to think that one day it
won't be an
act anymore, it'll just be my mind
thinking that
this is how I'm supposed
to be.

Your words are like death,
once it's gone, it still holds meaning
It lingers in my head
as if they were just spoken
to me
It haunts me, repeating what I
desperately want to hold onto but
physically can't.

We fight for titles, don't want the labels.
Want the fame but not the troubles
but in the end we're all the same,
dead and underground.

Still with all of that, we strive
to make the best out of it.

Once again I'm in this
state of mind that just hates
the way I look.
I just want to yell at myself
for looking like this
and then for acting stupid,
I shouldn't be hating myself.
But I do. And I can't stop.

It's so hard trying to improve myself
when there's voices of
those who told me that I can't.

It's so hard trying to prove
people wrong when their words
are imprinted into my brain.

I still remember parts of
you that nobody knows
anymore
They were what made
you, you.
And that's the sad thing
about growing is that people change,
good or bad.

Things are sometimes better quiet
because my heads a mess
and I need some silence,
but when you speak it's like a lullaby
and I feel as if I'm a kid again
and for a while it's not a mess anymore.

Hands hurting, shaking.
Punch. Punch. Punch.
Don't cry anymore.
You're strong ******.
Just punch.

People only lie when
they're guilty.

And you just lied.
To everyone, you're
someone who is
never at fault.
To me,
you're a **** coward,
too afraid to admit the
truth.

Humans are the only species
that care about
time
money
and self image
and with all of this
we seem to have everything but
happiness.

I have good intentions,
I swear I didn't mean to mess things up,
I'm sorry.

But you've heard it so many
times it sounds like lies,
like I'm wearing
a disguise but you
need to realize
that I'm trying.

I'm trying.

But that isn't enough
because it's tough
to forgive someone
who has broken your trust.

There's just something about
people with stories and experience.

How their faces light up talking about how
they met their true love
or their eyes full of mystery when they
remember their first love.

How they smile about the past
or have a look of regret.

How they're so passionate
about everything they do.

There's just something about
it that makes me want to sit and
listen.

Being content is the such a
relieving feeling because
I'm no longer unhappy, but actually
okay with how things are.
And I don't feel stuck,
I feel free.

I see things realistically,
and if you don't like that,
I'm not sorry that you're
living in a dream full of lies.

I say things the way they should be said,
And if you don't like that,
I'm not sorry that I'm the only person
who doesn't sugar coat and
tell things the way you want to hear them.

This is me, and if you don't like
it, leave.
Simple as that.

Your goodbyes are
as empty
as your
soul.

There is always going
to be a place for you
no matter how many times
I say I hate you.

I know you won't stay
for long, but  I still let you in.
Maybe I still care,
or maybe I just won't learn.

No, I'm not scared
of monsters under my bed,
I'm scared of monsters
inside my head.

The monsters keep reminding
me of mistakes I've done
and people who have hurt me
in the past
making me cringe as I cuff
my hands on my ears, but still
they make no difference, the voices
just get louder and louder.

I scream begging them to
to be silent but they just
do a quick hush and whisper
even more cruel things
and this is where
I wish I was a child again
because when I screamed
everything became silent
and there weren't really
any monsters.

If there's one thing
I learned this year it would be
that even though my family is
dysfunctional and  I question
their actions sometimes
I wouldn't grow without them.
Each and every one of them continue
teaching me to be a better person,
to be more caring and more selfless.

They are the reason why I laughed so
much in 2013.

One of the worst things
is wanting someone in your life
but the both of you
are too different
that it's just impossible
to keep them in it.

I don’t know how bad it is
in your mind, and I don’t know
what they do to make you suffer
or “tougher”
I’m just begging the demons
inside of you to give you peace
before you beat them to it.

So the question is,
who really changed
and
who actually grew?

I’m fully aware I push
people away, and although
it’s bad, I don’t really mind,
but then I realize that one day
I’m going to end up being alone.
I don’t allow anyone to
make me happy for a long time,
I distant myself that they slowly
just walk away
which is my fault,
no one else’s
and that’s what eats me up
every time I push someone away
because I do nothing about it,
I just watch them leave.

Unconditional meaning
never ending, always,
no matter what.

Never ending love

Always caring

No matter what came
to us

So when you betrayed
my trust
And gave me no reason
to forgive,
I still loved you
Still cared, no matter what.

So this is it
People just leave your life
out of nowhere
and you’re supposed to just to
just accept it,
to just be happy,
because the pain of not
knowing isn’t the reason
to be frustrated, confused
or in denial.

You’re expected to just
“move on”
because that somebody already has
or you have no choice.

But why?
Why do you pretend to be
okay, when really you just want to
scream, cry, and just act out.

To be able to move on,
you shouldn’t pretend that
you're fine,
pain takes longer
to heal when you don’t treat it.

Don't you dare
tell me people
can't change because
they do, good
or bad.

Our minds have a clock
wired inside yet we
always seem to have
terrible timing.

Millions of things she wanted to say.
Millions of things going through her head.

I love you.

I hate you.

Both were true, love was more of
what she felt but she blurted
“I hate you.”
because she would
rather seem strong than vulnerable and
that was terrifying because she
pushed people away just so
people couldn’t see the side she
was too stubborn to show
but people longed to see.

Tell me writing is not a talent
and I will show you what it's
like to read exactly how you
feel but could not express it.

Tell me poetry is boring
and I will captivate you with
words that will get you hooked
more than drugs ever will.

Tell me quotes aren't important
and I will write quotes that
will make you re evaluate your
life in a better way.

Tell me writing is a waste of time
and I will show you all the people
who have been
touched or inspired.

We are all going to reach this
time in our life where everyone
will go their own way
whether it's death
or people just grow up and move on.
Its's something we can't control
but wished we could.

It's terrifying to think
about but it's a part of life
that makes us grow.

Things never go as planned
yet we are told to plan this future
that may or may not work out.

We are told to do certain things
that will help in the future
but we’re not even sure what the
future is.

Things never go as planned
but maybe it leads to
something better.

Sometimes she wished she
was less pure,
less secure from innocence,
more experienced.

Barely anyone is happy anymore.
It's like smiles and laughters don't exist,
they have become extinct.
And this loneliness and unhappiness is overpopulating.

I think once we grow up we start to
hate how are family is.
We love certain people in it but
family as a whole is so dysfunctional.
So broken so empty.
Instead of wanting to go
home we want to run away.

Thank you for staying this long.
You don't realize how good it feels
For these words to leave my mouth.
You sure are something special.