Some nights I’m not filled with words,
I’m just filled with so much of you.
You’re making more space in this ribcage;
it was always saving a spot
for your heart anyways.
You give the moon light to reflect,
and I swear the stars would fall for you tonight.

A Poem For Each Of The Boys I’ve Ever Loved

Ⅰ.
sometimes your scent travels in the wind,
suffocating me like a nasty perfume,
leaving me to wonder if i’ll ever forget your smell.

Ⅱ.
you wore the sweatshirt you let me borrow a few days ago
i mean, i don’t even think you remember i had it at all.
it was just another sweatshirt in your drawer.

Ⅲ.
your handwritten notes sit in neat pile next to my bed.
it has occurred to me that maybe thats the cause of my nightmares.
but really i think you’re the reason for everything and anything.

Ⅳ.
you have the prettiest eyes in the whole entire world.
im satisfied knowing i was once the reason they lit up so bright.
I’ll never let someone take the sparkle in my eyes away again.

Ⅴ.
we used to listen to music together and we’d laugh a lot.
you’d snicker at they way i lip sang to myself.
and id laugh because you really didn’t care i was a ******.

ⅤⅠ.

most of my days are spent wishing you were still here
you never really know how much you love someone
until they don’t love you anymore and thats a sick thought.


(ps, each of these poems are about you and only you and always you. i miss you. love always, the pathetic girl with a big heart and green eyes.)

I know there are a lot of people
who are willing to say that
they hate themselves
But you can usually tell which
ones actually mean it
It's a heartbreaking thing-
to watch someone loath
their own existence
I never said it
Because I wasn't looking for
a comforting disapproval of my
disordered thoughts or a
flattering disagreement about
the way my hair fell or the size of my waist
I didn't care to be persuaded otherwise
I didn't consider it a possibility to think
any differently and so
I left it inside my mind
And that's a small part of the reason why
I knew it was entirely real
And still,
I can't honestly describe
exactly what it's like
It's not all violent
Depressing
Ugly
And
Dark,
hating yourself
It doesn't beg to scratch its
way out of your skin,
hating yourself
It stays hidden inside your skull
And no one outside of you
seems to have the intuition
necessary to connect the dots
The way you step over yourself
Like a grave
You don't think twice
You're not your own concern
You're looking at the people
who live all around you
Just to avoid the person who lives inside you
Doing everything in your power to make
sure they are as okay as they can be
Because you have decided you'll never
recover but you long to
see someone else rise out of the rubble
He loved me mercilessly
And I loved him painfully
But I couldn't bare the burn
of his eyes focusing on mine
I felt like I was the punch line of some sick joke
There was no way someone so flawless
Could care for someone as plagued as me
So I pushed and pushed and pushed
Until the distance was evil
But somewhere along the love I had for him
I found the love I have for me
Burrowing itself into the ground
I grabbed it by the ankles
And pulled it from the soil
He's long gone since
And now I just can't understand
Why there isn't a person in this world
To love me as much as I do
What's wrong with their eyes
What's wrong with their minds
I'm fine
So fine
What are they missing
When they look me in the eyes?

I am broken.
Or at least that's what they've told me for years.
"No one will love you".
"You're pathetic".
Well I say "no".
I won't be labeled by black hearts.
I won't be tossed around like a restless body in the dead of night.
I will not listen to the blind's recollection of my image.

i.* tell me one thousand things you hate
about yourself. tattoo your face with flaws,
and i will correct each and every one of them
with my lips brushing lightly against your
bruises.

ii. we sit underneath an empty sky and you
are telling me about your parents' divorce and
it's times like these when i have to remind you
that you are not your mother, or your father,
or any of their mistakes, and you just nod but
your eyes tell me everything you've been
hiding from me and i bit my lip until it tastes
like ancient rust and melancholy.

iii. you were the one who told me that stars
shine brightest before they fall, and if that was
the case then you and i are shooting stars
flying in opposite directions, just waiting to
hit the ground and leave a crater in each other's
mangled hearts.

iv. my twisted heart strings wrap around my
my chest to leave an unwanted reminder that
i love you, and i loved you, and i'll love you,
and it hurts. you shined like sunshine,
i burned.

Eyes like fireflies
dancing in the black of night;
My lantern of light.