I remain the ghost we both knew me to be
You saw yourself reflected off me
But darling, couldn't you see?
Why we always felt so lonely?
We thought we could keep each other company
But what can we give if we are both empty?

I admire your apathy
The perfect juxtaposition
to my burning passion

Blood
Runs down my skin
As my lips curl into
A rapturous grin
I forgot I was alive
Until the blade dug in
And I watched pain unravel
Into sanguine satisfaction

I don't understand how I've gone
From being unseen and invisible
To suddenly becoming beautiful
It's but a trick of the eye
A slip of the tongue
Mistake of the heart
That causes their gaze
to fall on me
It's just a misunderstanding, I say
For one day
They will realize
I am not the person
they think I am

Why has my heart grown so cold
Now that I have a hand to hold
Yearned to love when I was alone
But all I craved was the unknown
I finally know, and I no longer know
What it is I want, and what it is I don’t
The only thing I'm certain of
is I feel nothing
                    anymore.

A grave stone covered in moss
Sanctuary for two ghosts, lost
Traversing an empty conversation
A selfish manifestation
Of self pity and broken philosophy
Too concerned with themselves to hear
Their words being lost to the ether
The galaxy in her mind
drowned out all sound
It wasn’t until he leaned in,
she was suddenly found

Two souls lock eyes,
and touch cold hands
Silence carried what words could not,
Hidden feelings they now understand
They were both never broken
But communicated best
In words unspoken

Atop the grave stone
Two bodies now lie
Side-by-side
They wait to die

do you remember
the moment you realized love was real?
stuck your hand down her throat and began to peel
carefully tearing away flesh to reveal
celestial beauty, an irresistible meal
of arteries, tissues, and organs galore
isn’t it all you’ve ever wanted and more?
so you swallowed your awe, reveled in her gore
you’ve found the one, and now she’s yours.

I exist only to drift softly
in a world of my very own.
My mind is the only place
I call home

why can't you figure out how to unravel her mind
as quickly as you do the straps holding up her dress
unlucky for you,
the girl you've laid eyes on
craves the tenderest kind of sweetness
the kind you only find wrapped
in trust and innocence.
if you asked me,
I'd say,
            "honey, you're looking for love in the wrong place"
yet, your eyes dart down instead of up into the light
but see, even then, I don't think you’re blind
you're simply complacent
unable to see your debility
in recognizing true, mysterious beauty
for where your eyes see *******
lies a soul, a chasm
of infinite depth,
illuminated by sunlight.
if you were able to finally see it,
you'd quiver and shake in delight.

The observer
Is surrounded by a sea of people
But is entirely alone
They look in your direction
But they can’t see your soul
And, though you can pretend
To be one of them,
You will always be elsewhere
Observing

But you are gifted
With a conscious mind
This world is yours
To explore and find
Beauty in the ugliest faces,
Meaning in the darkest places,
So unravel the smothering laces
Of your petty, cynical wit
For your mind’s potential
has no limit

"I think you're beautiful"
Well, I think you're blind
Perhaps you're a conman
that enjoys spinning lies
So I'll take off my pants
and take you for a ride
Wish I could just blush,
say, "Thanks love, I try!"
But I yell, "*******, ****"
I know I'm not good enough
I'll never understand
why lovely words
hurt me so much.

Memories are all I have left
Ceaselessly sinking
Into the depths of obscurity
Clouded by mist
Shrouded in doubt
Unable to tell
Reality from fantasy

Ink blots
Paint a picture
Tell a story
Of forgotten secrets
Buried thoughts
Perpetually bleeding
Into each other
Exchanging whispers
Hidden truths
I will never understand

Don’t be afraid
To turn the page
And start anew
Forget a past
That’s past its due
Why hold onto things
not meant to last?

Memories of you
Are all I have left
Trying so hard to hold on
Trying not to forget

Whenever I try to reminisce,
The memories I so dearly miss,
Are nothing more than pain and tears
Ugly like the devil’s kiss

You are nothing but a phantasm
That turns beautiful memories
Into monstrosities

The sound of buzzing
Plagued my ears
Till one day,
I swallowed the nest of wasps

Cataclysmic pain
is far more bearable
than monotony.

When will the day end?
I brood as I lay in bed
Listening to my thoughts swarm,
Murmuring throughout the dorm
I always thought I’d find comfort
In being noticed and adored
But the clouds still loom over me
And I realize,  
                     I will always feel empty
There exists no greater purpose,
No lifetime without loneliness.
It's pointless to even ponder
A fulfilling and meaningful existence
So I’ll let my mind wander
Stare back up at the ceiling
Continue to grapple,
Fighting for feeling
My room is black as pitch
It seems that tonight
my only consolation
will be unconsciousness

You beg to feed,
Bury your seed
Tearing my flesh
Gnashing of teeth
Hungry for blood
It’s all you seek
Seek to find
Take mine
Take me
Inside of you
Swallow
Every
Last
Drop.

As fall and winter meet
The trees give up their leaves
And as they stand, now bare and bleak
They don't feel empty

jasmine is known to be
sweet and delicate
her life a never ending poem
and as she reads,
she slowly forgets.

jasmine devotes her life
to finding where she belongs
but she finds herself circling,
chasing her tail
forgetting that love was inside her
all along.

you see, jasmine's a traveler at heart
yet always confused on where to go
trying to create a perfect world
when her happiness can only be found
through word.

I yearn
to make the sun shine
so I can see it reflect
in the lights of your eyes

It's all here
Laid out for you
Just come and take
What's already yours

I want to watch
You wear my skin,
Devour my organs,
And bathe in my blood

the yearning
is burning
my poor heart.
doomed to be
a hopeless
endeavor
from the start.

Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Stop wanting.
Let things come to you
as they should.
Let things come to you
as they should.
Let things come to you
as they should.
No.
No.
No.
You need to realize
that you do not deserve
anything.
anything at all.
This world was not built for you
This world was not built for you
This world was not built for you
There is no one out there
built for you.
No one out there
that can understand you.
No one that would even want to.
So either find someone
more ****** up than you
Or save the tears
for hell.

Perhaps, the worst thing I could do
is hold onto you.

Tell me why your skin is cold
As your lifeless hand I hold
Body laying at my feet
Our weary souls yearn to meet

Desperate to revive thee
To keep your pure soul with me
To see your eyes gleam and shine
And see my boy one last time

I beg you to stay
Yet you slip away

When I was a small girl, I played in the dirt and looked
for worms and other small creatures to give my hands
something to do, something to look forward to
But even when something was found and for a moment
my mind was occupied, there was no reward
I continued to spend my life chasing after meaning
that would never rise up to meet me
looking for a sense of solace that would convince me there was
a reason life was worth living
I searched for the purpose that other children seemed to find so easily but I could not see a reason

I am 18 years old now
and I feel just as lost as when I was a child
I always questioned where my innocence had gone
but something tells me now it's been missing all along
every new emotion I feel
I have felt before
every new person I meet
I have met before
every new word I say
I have said before
if everything is the same,
then why long for more?

There is no more drive, no more passion, no need
so what reason could there be to keep on living?
Perhaps the tree's purpose is not in simply growing
but in spreading its roots and planting its seed
its not about you,
it was never meant to be

I wish a meteor struck as you held me close
and we're cradled by ash, molded by stone
thousands of years later
when they uncover our bones
they'll say,
"behold, a love that has died
to live 'til the end of time
two souls that will never
be alone."

What is the point of life
if not this?
Perhaps there is a reason
to exist
As I breathe with the earth
and sway with the trees
Thoughts materialize before me
Appear, only to disappear
I realize everything comes
only to eventually pass
And to think I lived in fear
that my happiness wouldn't last
Now that I'm here with you
I don't need it to
I don't need it to.

I smile as I feel
the sun shine on my skin
and we frolic amongst flowers
in the garden

you don't know how long
I have waited to feel
held and touched
by a love that was real

and as you pull me in close,
your hands melt into mine
I realize it's you
I have waited for
all this time

let's bask in this feeling
here, among the tulips
our two lips
can find meaning

my hunger will never be satisfied
for what I crave is not food
and feeling the emptiness satiates
more than eating ever could
when I starve,
my mind is occupied
and I forget that I'm alone
the pangs hit deep
and I smile
as they strike bone

lily tells me she’s a lover at heart
i’d love to love her, but every time I try
she places her hand on my mouth
and looks up at the sky.
“I just don’t get it.
I can’t understand why
no one wants to love me.”

I reply,
“don't you ever think, just maybe
love is all around you
and you refuse to see?”
she frowns and furrows her brow
lily says she has an open mind
but she doesn’t want to listen
to what others have to say
maybe if she learned how
she’d let herself be loved
                            before she could run away

And so, we meet again.
A familiar friend
I forgot I knew
Reveals pictures of me,
talking to myself
as I walk to the library
"Do you remember when we spoke about---?"
Oh, it's all coming to me now
I've been split in two all along
But I know I'll forget you
when I wake up tomorrow
So I lay down my head
and force myself
to remember.

I hear the rain falling outside
onto my window pane
there is something peaceful
in the sound that it makes
when it leaks through the roof
and burrows into my brain
it eases my thoughts
and drowns out the pain.

Begging for mercy
Dreading the cost
An eternity spent
Confused,
Lost,
         Nailed to the cross.

she's silent,
never makes a sound
but every time she moves,
she speaks
and the world listens

I just want to
Taste your love kissing me
See your hands reach for me
Hear your soul sing for me
Feel your heart beat for me
I just need you to
Let me love you
Like I was always meant to
Or will you always be
Just a beautiful dream
For me to long for
But never reach?

I know that you will never love me
how I need you to
because your heart is simply
not able to
you will never comprehend
the ocean that flows
within my mind
or a love that transcends all confines
and surpasses linear time
a love universal and arcane,
not earthly and mundane

your idea of loving me
feels empty, bland and meek
you touch me,
press your lips against me,
a momentary release
it ends as soon as it begins

I'll pretend to understand
but my mind will be in the sky
yearning for what
you cannot provide

he loved her only as a concept
a disembodied fragment
to fit an illusion:
his delusion.

her essence contorts,
twisted and deformed,
so she could fit tightly
into his world.

a tainted story
of man's fabrication
and *******
of womanhood.

I felt the gentle rock of the earth
as she held me in nurturing arms
a feeble child, touched by warmth
as we swayed together
I hoped you wouldn't let go
for if the roof came down from above
and the ground caved in
I'd be smothered by your love
and we'd be together again

he asked me,
"what is the point of living
if you deprive yourself
of loving?"
and I answered,
"I live for almost nothing.
loving you has turned me
into a fool.
I love,
       and I loathe,
                      you."

Look over your shoulder
And you’ll find me there, staring
Admiring your hidden perplexities
Your mysterious and alluring secrets
That draw me in with every glance

Blood starts to pour from my eyes
I cry that your perfect imperfection
Is unworthy of my sight
But I can’t help but notice
You staring back

As a child, I always felt safest
holding the hands of tattooed people.
Their feelings were worn on their skin,
their smiles were always genuine,
their words came from deep within
their soul, honest and true,
and their acceptance of themselves
showed me it was beautiful
to be authentically you.

I have come to realize
that I have become the person I looked up to
since my vulnerable, earliest days.
Now, whenever I feel alone or afraid
I hold my own hand
and feel safe again

A seedless fruit
Serves no greater purpose
But to serve itself
And yet, it itself does not exist
For what is a fruit
without its seed
and what is a fruit
without its tree
Existing simply to die
a fruitless death

Why have I been put on this Earth?
To live just to lose?
I keep on asking myself,
if I was allowed to choose
my person, my future, my destiny,
would I truly be happy?

The answer is
it's the fighting, the yearning,
the pondering, the burning,
that gives a reason to living
My suffering is a symphony
That builds and rings until one day,
In a clashing crescendo,
Discordant sounds align
and resolution is reached.
A peaceful resolve
will give strife
its meaning

discomfort is all
I've ever known
so how can comfort
feel like home?
how can I settle for this
when something better might exist?
I feel it in my soul:
the longing
the pining
for what? I do not know
but if I have nothing to reach for
then what do I do?
where can I go?
if I stay with you
I'll still feel alone
I am always uncertain
I am endlessly hurting
I will never be stable
so I'll never be able
to love you

I feel every neuron bouncing in my head
Shooting electrical currents
back and forth.
back and forth.
back and forth.
One plane to the next
Moving my neck
side to side.
side to side.
side to side.
I lay supine
and think,
"I can't stop thinking"
My ears are ringing
My mouth is dry
my eyes are bleeding.

Trauma shapes her outward projection,
A sorrowful display of rejection
And repeated emotional assault.
She needs to know that it was never her fault.
That there's still love left to give.
That there's a life that hasn't been lived,
She can acknowledge the darkness within,
and have no desire to live in sin.
Underneath her skin is an innocent core
It turns out she was never a *****

how do I shake the feeling
that everyone wants something from me
every "how are you"
every compliment
every charming word said
is done with intention
to manipulate, deceive and
lure me into your bed

you must think I'm a fool
for what reason have you given me
to trust in you?