"i loved you"
to me?

"love you"
to her



i-

i might cry?

i ******* knew it

why is it such a surprise

you dont love me!

what does it feel like to be home?

today is the day to celebrate love

and yet my love
is not here
or making the effort
to celebrate

i look and look and look
and everyone else
takes time out of their day
to celebrate their love


and i
beg and beg
and beg
only for
nothing to
happen.

why are they called sunflowers?
why do they represent "happiness?"
is it because yellow represents

h a p p i n e s s ?

oh well,
ill grow sunflowers
so i can feel
less empty
inside this body.

whats your favourite flower..?

watch me c
                      r
                          u
                              m
                                    b
                                         l
                                            e

surely,

i’ll break soon.

i ******* loved you.
i really did.
i had this amazing feeling whenever i spoke with you.
we never met.
we spoke as online friends.
you said you loved me.
i believed you,
then
you left me
you ******* left me.
we don’t talk as much anymore.

we don’t talk.

you stopped replying to me.

and unfortunately a part of me still loves you.

look at me with your pretty eyes,

i love looking into them,

your eyes say so much,

so many words

that arent said

i feel like i'm going to rip out all my hair
i feel like i'm going to cave in my skull
i feel like i'm going to have a 3 hour panic attack
i feel like i'm going to punch my chest til my heart gets punctured.
i feel like i'm going to **** someone
i feel like i'm going to accidentally hurt you.


i feel like i'm going to die.

depression
anxiety
PTSD
stockholm syndrome
insomnia
anorexia
bulimia
paranoia
bipolar disorder
schizophrenia?

i don’t know if they’re true or not.


it’s judt$ making me feel better because everyone’s taken except for me

of all things
why me
why is everyone
trusting me
So many people believe in me
but in doing that there is no hope
encouraging things
feel like 28 stab wounds

you dont like me. i know

why?

i no longer want to live

If mustangs are gay,
I’m a mustang.

my body doesnt trust you.
it doesnt know when you're gonna feed it again.
it thinks that you wont feed it.

so-

every day you remind me
how i can’t rely on you for anything

how much you hate me and wish
i never existed

how much  i’ve ruined your life
since you made me

you are not my father

what does it feel like to love?
do i love him?
or do i love her?
i don’t know.

i heard he likes me;
but what does that mean?
does he enjoy my presence?
am i fun around him?
do i make him happy?

he used to like my best friend though,
we joke around, saying
“oh he has a thing for orchestra girls”

unfortunately, i can’t say i like him back;
but i also can’t say that i don’t like him.
because i simply do not feel such a thing.

i heard that if you want to spend time with a certain person,
for the rest of your life, you love them.
if i want to spend the rest of my life with one person,
to do amazing things like,
travel the world,
overcome all our fears,
and so on,

it would be nobody.

i’ve always known that you never loved me

i just don’t know why it hurts so much now

in 4th grade i was sure that i wouldn't survive 'til middle school. i was sure that i'd **** myself before i even stepped foot into my new school.
today was my last day of my first year of middle school, the day i never thought i'd reach.
in the beginning of the year i wrote a letter to myself, telling future me to not **** themselves. to not blame themselves for everything.
now i have to see if i'll stay alive 'til i graduate middle school, til i graduate high school, til i graduate college and have a life of my own.
i.. dont wanna do this..
i dont want to. i really dont want to. i just want to end it all, all the pain, all the stress, everything. but i have to do this for everyone else
i wanna live for everyone else
to tell their stories if they can't tell it themselves.
this is what they need anyway. its for them.

why don’t i do you a favour?
i’ll ******* **** myself for you,
now wouldn’t that be easier?
you don’t have to yell at a ******* like me anymore :)

im not your perfect ***** <3

It's a bit humid outside,
It's raining at the moment.
But,
Good afternoon.
I have been traveling a lot.
A few places in a day. It's a bit scary.
But, I'm grateful for being able to travel.

i’m in school right now.
i’m in history class.

please let me know what content you would like to read on here.

i don’t know what to do.

why can’t you see that?

you’re shouting at me to the point where you break me,

i’m lying on the ground in tears with a booming headache.

you’re putting words into my mouth,

telling me that i’m not trying, rhat i don’t care about anything, that i don’t give a **** about you.

thanks for all those curse words, now i know what i’m worth.

worth nothing

i don’t care about anything because i’m gonna ******* **** myself soon

there’s no point in living so

i’m gonna **** myself.

wether that be today , next week or next month.

i’m gonna fuckinf do it

because to you and everyone else here

i don’t mean anything

i’m just a toxic ***** who manipulates everyone

i don’t try hard enough

i don’t care

i don’t give any ***** about everyone

every day i am so disappointed
in who
i call my father.

you scream and yell
and destroy the home around you

and then act like it never happened.

you scream and yell
and destroy me

and then act like it never happened.

you joke and joke about
never wanting me
and how i am nothing
worth nothing
not able to love

and then act like it never happened.


i am ashamed to call you my father
because you are not
my father.

you are merely some boy,
man child,
who i live with
and tolerate
because when you
are supposed to be my father
act like one
pretend

you destroy me.
and everything that builds me up.



daddy why don’t you love me?

i live for you

i love for you

you did this to yourself

you caused the drama.



i was just the one to stop it.

i ******* care about you

you dont care about me

i love you

you dont love me anymore

you hurt me

you break me

you make me feel bad

you're one of the reasons that knife cut my skin


and i love you and would take a bullet for you

at this point, i don’t know.



you’re so fed up with me.



i guess you’re just,,,



happier with her.



happiest with her.




i’m just in the background, with my arms open, ready to comfort you, if something goes wrong

yet you always blame us for it.

even if its a month or two,

or even longer.

if my feelings stay,

you bet your *** im waiting for as long as it takes

i thought we had something.
i thought you cared.
i thought i had you.

then-

you drifted away.

you fell out of my arms.

and i lost you.


i lost you forever.

you expect too much.
he doesn’t wanna do anything
you expect me to do something

i’m sorry that i’m not ******* good enough for you.
i’m sorry that i don’t want them to touch my ******* things.
i’m sorry for having boundaries????

i think it will be okay if i die soon

****, it hurts to be replaced by one of your friend’s girlfriend huh

i wonder if you’d notice if i passed.

do you hate me?
do you truly love me or are you just saying it to make me feel better?
are you sure you love me?
do you like me?
do you think i’m as pretty as the other girls?

why do you love me.