depression
anxiety
PTSD
stockholm syndrome
insomnia
anorexia
bulimia
paranoia
bipolar disorder
schizophrenia?

I think about how you're doing.

I think about you in general,

I think about the possibilities.

Could I hang onto you like a koala because you're so **** tall?

What if I hugged you? Would my head reach your neck?

What if I slipped under your hoodie and hugged you?

Could I sit on your shoulders like a toddler?

I wanna hold your hand, could I hold your hand?

Thou shall not of thee thy.

i thought you coming home would make a difference yet i feel more alone than ever

I have no idea where the **** I am.


I've been walking around for hours and mom hasn't found me yet.

No one has.

watch me c
                      r
                          u
                              m
                                    b
                                         l
                                            e

surely,

i’ll break soon.

sometimes when i write
it feels like im screaming

screaming into a void.

where no one can help me,

maybe ill suffer on my own

i mean,

what makes you think i’m right?

i’m a ******* after all.

so.

don’t listen to me.

i live for you

i love for you

i make everything for them just to get nothing

I love you, right?
heart, i love them, right..?
you would let me love, right??
please.
tell me what love feels like.
show me what love feels like.
i love him, right?
i love her, right?

it just doesnt feel right.

it just doesnt feel like love.

i found you.

after searching for what felt like forever.

found you.

haha.

hate me now

i dare you.

i mean,

i cant hear her name, right?

why the hell does it trigger a panic attack then??

anything that associated with her,

even the smallest thing,

triggers a panic attack.

so,

im sorry.

i killed the mood.

you just reminded me of her,

and triggered a panic attack.

today is the day to celebrate love

and yet my love
is not here
or making the effort
to celebrate

i look and look and look
and everyone else
takes time out of their day
to celebrate their love


and i
beg and beg
and beg
only for
nothing to
happen.

i feel as if
i am not the one meant for this body
i am not meant to be here ?

i am not meant
i am not

i don’t know who this is
i don’t have a purpose
i don’t have a future
i have nothing
ii would be better off dead

is it wrong of me to be jealous?

you didn’t seem to care too much when you saw me last.
i guess it’s different since it’s your parents but
could you act sad? just a little?

i feel unimportant to you. i feel like im nothing to you.

for someone you claim to love so dearly,
you don’t seem to care about leaving me behind at all.

i don’t think i’m meant to be here for this long

I’m boarding the flight to home.

See you in 18 hours and 45 minutes

if i die then i won’t have to deal with all of this hullshit and pain and stupidity and eveufjjgn i need to be gone now!!!!!!!!! then they will all realize they ****** up and are stupid

even if its a month or two,

or even longer.

if my feelings stay,

you bet your *** im waiting for as long as it takes

being forced to eat ****

"i loved you"
to me?

"love you"
to her



i-

i might cry?

i ******* knew it

why is it such a surprise

you dont love me!

If mustangs are gay,
I’m a mustang.

i just cried for 15 minutes
i don’t feel anything but pain
it hurts so much
i just wanna ******* end it
i just wanna die

it’s been 30 minutes now
over the past 30 minutes
i’ve been thinking of ways to **** my self without making a noise

my heart is failing me

for wanting my things to be left alone
for wanting to be equal
for not wanting to worry about my stuff being stolen every time i am away

for being me

you dont like me. i know

when good things come, they don’t last.
i don’t deserve good things,
the world has shown me that multiple times.

my body doesnt trust you.
it doesnt know when you're gonna feed it again.
it thinks that you wont feed it.

so-

Life is a lie,
we will all die.
Society is a fiction,
we will all die.
Ambition is a curse,
we will all die.
Depression is a *****,
it should suffer.

what does it feel like to be home?

so much anger and sadness all solutions include me dying

yet im not growing.

my scars run
from my wrist
to my forearm.
you might ask yourself,
"what has made her done this
to   h e r s e l f  ?"
simple.
i
couldn't
take
it
anymore

no one stopped me when
i wanted to end it
no one stopped me when
that knife marked my skin
no one stopped me when
i cried and cried.

no

one

stopped

me

from

breaking.

now i am very broken
now i want to tell people my story
on how i snapped
i left the online world
all my online friends
had believed i had
killed myself.
i came back, and
they were worried
"are you okay?"
"what happened?"
"where were you?"

i
dont
know

4
people
that
i
personally
know

that i
have been
constantly breaking
and they are trying
to get me help.

now i am waiting for a therapist.
i am writing down my dates.

i have been cut free for 1 week.
i have cut 3 times since i was told to get a therapist
by the people who care.

february 23, 2019

april 24, 2019

may 13, 2019.

i feel like i'm going to rip out all my hair
i feel like i'm going to cave in my skull
i feel like i'm going to have a 3 hour panic attack
i feel like i'm going to punch my chest til my heart gets punctured.
i feel like i'm going to **** someone
i feel like i'm going to accidentally hurt you.


i feel like i'm going to die.

knowing you,  

your life would be so much better if i just disappeared and you show me this Every Single Day.

I am just the mistake that you regret every single day.

I am just a burden

i wonder if you’d notice if i passed.

i no longer want to live

school student found dead after friend dies in front of school


they say he committed suicide after he found out that his friend, actually died in front of the school as she’s been saying for years.


he said they wished to run an orphanage

wished to live together with their friends


truly a sad death between two friends

do you hate me?
do you truly love me or are you just saying it to make me feel better?
are you sure you love me?
do you like me?
do you think i’m as pretty as the other girls?

why do you love me.