My chest feels stuffy

Maybe it's time my heart

Gave it's job to my brain.

People are dying everywhere
And yet we go to war
**** even though we cannot save
Hurt even though we cannot heal
We humans only have ourselves
And yet we fail to show a shred of kindness
When it is most needed
Rule of nature? Oh yes
Inevitable? Oh yes
Foolish?

That is for you to decide.

I fail to understand myself
Fail to comprehend the future
The world keeps turning
And life goes on.

And with life I have to run
As it rushes past me in giant strides
I seem to fall behind, so far behind
That future to me is nothing but a blur.

But I shall keep on running
For it is all I can do
Run and run
Until my sky turns blue

Stairs to the downside

Bridging the hopes of the heart

Your old love and my soul

Pushed further apart.

White noise
White lies
A thin white cat
Rubbing against my thighs

Grey skys
Grey storms
The grey lane between
All that is right and wrong

Black hearts
Black eyes
A black crow
Feasts on rotting mice

I close my eyes

The night is heavy on my tired shoulders

I turn to another side to get some sleep

Vacant voices resound in my brain

Numbers fail me

Music fails me

The bed is uncomfortably soft

I am unable to sleep.

I was twelve
Twelve when I saw my parents fall out of love
Twelve when I was told that my face looked better from afar
Twelve when I was taught that being a feminist was silly
Twelve when I heard that I wasn't meant to cry aloud
Twelve when I felt that it was time I died
Twelve when I decided to cut open my wrist

And then I started to write
It is now on pages that I bleed

Bless the heart of this weary soul
Walked for miles without reminiscing about home
Feet soiled with grey dust
Lips sealed, emotions gathering rust

Deleted yourself from my life with a click
Afterall, we were strangers behind the screen
Locked away from reality we talked through the night
And when we ran out of topics we bade a hasty goodbye

For this seems to be the last one.

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The pearl that I dug out
From the heart of the ocean
Loved not me, but the dead oyster

The bed sighed.
        It had been awake for a while now.
Bathed in harsh electric light, I too,
        Could feel the weariness of my dead eyes.

But sleep refuses to alight!

Countless silent nights I have spent
Tired, withered, weary
But still
             Unable to rest.

I stare ahead
My reflection stares back
                         Bit
                              by
                                    Bit
We merge into each other
A mask over the pre-existing facade of reality
I have merged directions
And now
Can only gaze at
A blank canvas
Resounding with
    
                              Emptiness

I get to see her when she runs in the rain
Soaking wet, water dripping off her chest like sweat.
I sit in the car and as she goes by,
I look at her approaching, then I look at her die.

    And I keep my head over the politics of the humans
    So that right and wrong doesn't tear me apart.
    In this unknown place, many souls I have known
    Seen their journeys end, seen their miseries start.

   She runs down the street unaware of my inhumane gaze
   Unaware of the world, unaware of her place in
   The depths of my immortal heart.

The unruly boiling cauldron of genius
Escaped from the grasps
Of the ignorant
And that was the last time
We heard anything about it

Knew how to love
Until her heart grew tired

Knew how to dance
Until here feet became sore

Knew how to sing the night into dawn
Until she lost her voice
And then she faded away

Wonder why those high flown words
Of self love and acceptance
Always ends at the mirror

I wish now
That I had persisted
Wish that I had held on
But I gave up my dreams
For the sake of a phantom I couldn't see
Nor touch, nor hear, nor feel

But I succumbed
And I fell
Down to the depths of my own hell

I've come up again now
Have gathered the broken pieces of the days I wasted
And have pieced them into an amateur mosaic of dreams

And I know I'll hold on this time
Even if
For just a little longer.

Heavy colours
Spill onto the floor
A marred rainbow
Splashed onto the door

Get out of here
Before you lose your mind
Living in a hologram
You lose your sense of time

I scraped away
At the painted ground
Broke my nails
Your blood came out

So go away
Before I paint you black
Go to your land of colours
And never come back