I close my eyes

The night is heavy on my tired shoulders

I turn to another side to get some sleep

Vacant voices resound in my brain

Numbers fail me

Music fails me

The bed is uncomfortably soft

I am unable to sleep.

Heavy colours
Spill onto the floor
A marred rainbow
Splashed onto the door

Get out of here
Before you lose your mind
Living in a hologram
You lose your sense of time

I scraped away
At the painted ground
Broke my nails
Your blood came out

So go away
Before I paint you black
Go to your land of colours
And never come back

The loneliness of life
Is a hard lesson learned
But once realised
Is one rarely forgot

No one makes it out alive
None of us have a second chance
So go all out in this amusement park
Ride your rides as long as your ticket lasts

Deleted yourself from my life with a click
Afterall, we were strangers behind the screen
Locked away from reality we talked through the night
And when we ran out of topics we bade a hasty goodbye

I wish now
That I had persisted
Wish that I had held on
But I gave up my dreams
For the sake of a phantom I couldn't see
Nor touch, nor hear, nor feel

But I succumbed
And I fell
Down to the depths of my own hell

I've come up again now
Have gathered the broken pieces of the days I wasted
And have pieced them into an amateur mosaic of dreams

And I know I'll hold on this time
Even if
For just a little longer.

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This is not enough
Give us more than lies
Sugarcoated with prejudice

"The rally rhymes ring true
Clack-a-doodle-do"

We have never been satisfied
We want more
We have wanted more
All the time

Young voices have whizzed past your years
You have not listened
Flashes of red have covered your shoes
You have closed your eyes
Words if worry have trembled in your throat
You have decided to keep quiet

Oh great monkey man!
Oh great monkey men and women!
Look at us!
We are you, crawling in the dirt
Look at us and we shall
Take care of everything.

The basis of justice is equality

All principles are enmeshed into a tight orb

Thus ignore not one and champion another

For them we bring all of them

To the exact same fall

Wonder why those high flown words
Of self love and acceptance
Always ends at the mirror

We are marionettes
Pulled together by invisible strings
And pulled apart by the same
Rolling in and out of love.

I woke up
Happy
Smiling
The wonder of last night's dream still lingering in my eyes
Thought
It will be a great day
But boy! Was I wrong!
Never knew that our love was nothing but an egotistical illusion
Never knew that the lack of validation
From people I thought I could care less about
Would matter so much.

The both of us together
Me and you
You and I
We keep waiting for our friend to come
To bid him a final goodbye

We've been waiting for a while now
This friend is yet to arrive
And I sometimes think I've forgotten
How he sounded and looked like.

Forgotten if he ever asked of us
To wait for him in silence
But why then do we keep waiting
On life's little bylane?

Stretching my voice
Until the very corners of the town
Ring with sonority
Up from the cliff
I shout to the unspeakable

And back to me
They send their silent answers
On invisible breezes
That carry the cries of the unheard

Then from the cliff
I sing their woes
For everyone to listen to
And for the masked leaders to heed

If I see emotions wafting by
I'd lean onto their warm, wide back

And let them take me to their wonderlands

Whether they be empty
Whether they be bursting with colours

I'll learn

How to feel better
And look love in the eye

For that's the only truth we can be sure of

Loved your touch too much to forego it

But your warm caress

Could not soothe my aching heart

And so I left

For my heart did not agree with this love of mine

They will fork out my eyes...they said

Peel off my speckled skin

And tear out my lashes

With their freshly cut fingernails

But still I stared

And no one came for me

A stone in my throat

I gasp for breath as I drown gradually

Into a quagmire of useless rules

That no-one cares for, but is afraid to break

We know now why the caged bird sings

But that's all it seems

We know everything, but understand nothing

And unfortunately that seems to suffice

Tired and yet not weary
Disgusted by myself but still I keep going

Knifes are a welcome escape
But the fear of pain bites stronger

Loved many but do not remember how

I wonder
If we are all such muddled creatures

Why does it seem we are linear

From the outside?

The unruly boiling cauldron of genius
Escaped from the grasps
Of the ignorant
And that was the last time
We heard anything about it

The rat inside laughs
As it thinks of the other rats
Squirming around it

Could not bring my thoughts
To a common outlet
The mesh of spring
Allows your blood-red flowers
To peek through

I could not help but
Smile
At the soft delicate petals
Which would little by little
Rot away into nothingness

For they were lovely
Oh! So very lovely!

On the tip of my tongue
A tiny spark
That could ignite
All of my future

Just another one of those made-up facades
That I hid in the woods
For the milkman to find out
And parade it
For the people to believe

When destiny scorns the road you take
Walk straight ahead

Bless the heart of this weary soul
Walked for miles without reminiscing about home
Feet soiled with grey dust
Lips sealed, emotions gathering rust

I wonder if it's a problem
That it feels like people who don't know you
Love you more than those you can feel and touch...

White noise
White lies
A thin white cat
Rubbing against my thighs

Grey skys
Grey storms
The grey lane between
All that is right and wrong

Black hearts
Black eyes
A black crow
Feasts on rotting mice

This morning when I woke up
It was raining
Softly pouring from a gloomy grey sky
My cat came home soaking wet
She had had a bad time.
I closed my eyes hoping the sun would shine
Break through the curtain and bring a hint of warmth
But when I opened my eyes, my cat was gone
It was only me and the rain, the rain and I.

I shall go to sleep, goodnight goodnight goodnight
Hope I wake up to some news
Or I think I'd rather die.

The pristine expanse of glassy bluegreen
White foam tumbling into nothingness and resurfacing
Long shrill notes that rent the misty air
The high oceans, bedecked with flair
There a glossy fin, there a sleek twisting tail
Boundless eyes, with many a stories to hell
Drowning in freshness, in the midst of human greed
Tis the creed of the mighty ocean, from humane shackles freed

Senses numbed
Dumbing down the concerns of the hours
By bringing irrelevant history to the forefront

Knew how to love
Until her heart grew tired

Knew how to dance
Until here feet became sore

Knew how to sing the night into dawn
Until she lost her voice
And then she faded away

I have failed myself with such absoluteness
That not even death
Would be of any use

Mila had her life set
She knew it all
The exact amount of calories she required
The exact amount of sleep she needed
She even knew when to smile
Even knew when to help
And when to shrug off the matter and walk away
Knew why and how she did what she did
Knew how much love she needed to give
Gave up offers of promotions for those she believed were better
Let others take the rein, never flinched when they blamed her

But she was alone
No friends to keep her company
No family who considered her as their own
No lover to beckon her homewards
She lived in a house,not a home
For people hated her
As they failed to find her faults
And then hated her even more
Cause she was so kind to them all

All of this Mila knew
It was to her another challenge
That she was ready to overcome
But how can one improve perfection?

Lonely strangers
Sit together in a pub
Knees brushing
Hearts gone numb
They sit and think of the overcast sky
Seek to lose themselves in an ephemeral high.

Lonely strangers
Wait together for the bus
Sharing umbrellas
Separated in a rush
They fall in love in the most unfortunate of times
Prisoners they are, of their own, fickle device.

Hair the colour of sunshine
Mouth wide open in a loud smile
You remember your feet in white sandals
As she stood beside you, in a yellow sundress
The hot, dusty parking lot
Screamed for release
And after three months together
You cry as you whisper goodbye, hug yourself to sleep

No more than strangers in the crowd
Both too alike to be together
But at least you know

How it is to be in love with yourself.

They named her Patience
Hoping she would put up
With the unflinching burden of hatred
Hoped she would stand through it all
To emerge out into the boundless open
A space with no history
No prejudices

So she took up her pen
Held it so high that it caught the sunlight
She raised her voice
So that it broke through the walls of prejudice
And with threads of intellect wove her thoughts into order
She was Patience
But she did not intend to wait
For a saviour

People are dying everywhere
And yet we go to war
**** even though we cannot save
Hurt even though we cannot heal
We humans only have ourselves
And yet we fail to show a shred of kindness
When it is most needed
Rule of nature? Oh yes
Inevitable? Oh yes
Foolish?

That is for you to decide.

Like a belt of leather
Steel hooks sliding into the notch
Adjusting until it is just right
And then
Smack!
It is shut