And the sadness was so profound,
Such a part of my insides,
Such a weight over my chest,
That cutting off from the world wasn't an option,
But a necessity,
To keep this disease,
From spreading;
This unhealthy parasite of a feeling,
From eating up the people I loved
I'm sorry

I don't know how to live without you,
I'm not saying it isn't possible,
I just don't know how

You came in quietly, no trumpets and drums,
But you made a stir, inside, where only silence lived,
I don't know how

You made me smile, you made me cry, happy tears too,
You made me believe, in goodness, in a mentality I thought had long gone,
I don't know how

You made my favourite song sound more melodious,
You wasted time, chasing cars, around our heads,
I don't know how

You told me some secrets, you began to let me in,
I messed it up, with glimpses of my filthy heart,
I don't know how

You showed me things, I'd already seen,
In a world, I thought only I was privy to,
I don't know how

You became an extension of me,
I became an extension of you, feeling your pain and happiness,
I don't know how

You made me believe we can be invincible,
From my strength, you became a strong weakness, but still a strength,
I don't know how

I should let you go,
I know we can't be,
I know it's ugly,
I know you care,
I know this life - is not one we can share,
But you gave me so much,
And I, just hurt you in return,
Sorry seems to be the hardest word,
And not nearly enough,
To sum up my love and repent

So all I say to myself,
I must live without you,
I must let you live too,
I just don't know how to live without you,
I'm not saying it isn't possible,
I just don't know how

My mind is in too many places right now,
Don't worry, you're with me in all of them.

I was never good at loving from a distance,
If that's my fault,
I'm guilty as charged

I'm tired,
Writing these lines,
Which rarely make sense,
Somehow helps, momentarily at the least,
But these thoughts, and this life,
Throw me a curve ball,
Every time they feel better,
Kodaline's lyrics,
Am I wasting my time, am I losing my mind?
Seem to have become the question of my life,
And this silence, makes it worse,
As I wonder,
*Does it make you feel better?

All the detours,
All the turns, of fate,
and of this confused mind,
Led me to you,
And will always lead back to you,
here on,
Even if I wanted to,
There's no turning away,
You are engrained in this skin,
And in this half soul

That's the thing about words,
To some they mean the depth of the ocean,
To others they're the emptiness of conch shells,
Merely manifesting ocean sounds

I am your heart, I am your brain,
I am your balm, I am your pain

I am your confliction, I am what you abhor,
I am the keeper of your secrets, and of so much more

I am the racing pulse, and the throbbing vein,
I am the fuel of insanity, that oddly keeps you sane

I am the untouchable, that you know you want to touch,
I am the subject of your elusion, when you’ve had too much

I am your guard, that you guard yourself from

I don't think I can take it much longer,
I did think I was a little stronger,
But this warped world, and its warped inhabitants,
Have left me dumbfounded,
Running behind immaterial materiality,
Leaving behind priceless pursuits,
Seems I am trapped,
Doomed to be here,
With no room for my overwhelming fear,
Already left behind all that counts for anything,
Only to count all these countable things,
I know this doesn't make much sense,
But this is reality with no pretense,
If I could, and I wish I could,
I'd end it now, gladly,
Sadly, our beginnings and endings are never ours alone

12am
All these crazy thoughts,
Present through the day, just undistracted right now










And I hear you breathe, sleeping next to me,
And everything is okay

I thought I could paint you a new picture,
Smiles, giggles, hugs and kisses,
I wanted a picture perfect life for you, with me,
For me, with you,
We've had those moments,
I am sure those were what they call ~heaven on earth~
And I love you, I do,
But day by day and everyday, my love,
I think, I feel, you'd be happier without me,
And I still want that picture perfect life,
For you, for you

I'm lost,
In all the books I read,
In all the people I meet,
In all the songs I hear,
In all the quotes I save,
In all the pictures I take,
In all the efforts I make

I'm lost,
Desperately searching,
For an answer,
For a purpose,
For a life,
For myself

I'm lost,
Drowned by diktats,
And a disregard of them,
Drowned by the urge to please,
And by the conflict to not

I'm lost,
And until I find myself,
I'll remain lost,
In a variable you.

I'm looking for hope, for a new direction,
I'm looking for a sign, a glimpse of salvation

I've wandered too long, but not too far, Knocked on all doors, except the ones ajar

Pride was an alien concept, once I knew what I am,
A void that has nothing to claim,  a life that's been a sham

I sensed the desire leave, the fire in the shadow fade away,
Living in the hopes of tomorrow, before I knew it, it was today

I'm losing faith, as I beg everyone to hold on,
I'm inching towards insanity, as my world moves on

The child is captive, somewhere in the corners of me,
I want it to be my captor instead, I want it to set me free

Where there was love,
Now there's a vacuum, it seems
And though I don't want to believe that,
I am holding on to something that isn't here,
And maybe,
Never was

Love was never a choice,
Maybe that's why,
You could walk away,
And I still could not let go
When I call you my own,
How I can a drop a part of myself?
Letting go would be like cutting off a vital *****,
And one doesn't do that,
Even if they're on life support

To see the shimmering horizon,
In your sunset brown eyes

I'm looking for better words,
To describe this inexplicable feeling;
Your exquisite person;
And all these  bubbling emotions;
That seem nourish and destroy me at the same time

Words,
Could never perfectly sum up all that I feel

Which words do you believe in?
The ones uttered a thousand times over, but as hollow as their sound,
Or the unsaid ones, that silently live, but mark their presence at the most unforgiving moments

Which anticipation do you rely your thoughts on?
The one pounding you to give up, and accept a lost cause
Or the tiny sliver of hope, beyond reason, pressing you to stay

Which person do you want to be?
The victim that let the outside world decide his destiny, and romanticized the disaster
Or the victor, that overcame, chose, killed, buried, burned, and rose from the ashes, stronger than ever before.

What did I do to deserve your hate?
I convince myself that's a language of love too;
You've been spoken to in that language for a long time now,
Perhaps, that's the reason,
Being a lover yourself,
You still resent the language of my love

Oh, my little love,
All of 2 feet,
I leap across to surprise you,
And scared instead you weep!
It's just me, don't cry!
I take you in my arms
And wipe your tears dry,

Oh, my little love,
You hold on to me tight,
I scared you,
And yet in my arms you hide

A minute passes,
Then another,
You've let go of the embrace,
But now I need another

You forgive in a moment,
And flash your disarming smile,
I'd do anything for it,
And make it stay a long while

Draw the line,
Draw as many lines as you wish,
But I suggest,
*Draw them in pencil

A peculiar smile,
Eyes bright,  
About Stephen Hawking,
I dare write
According to him,
It may be -
In another universe,
He is friends with me,
Perhaps that explains,
This feeling of loss,
In microgravity he floats,
Furthering his cause,
Selfishly I think -
After life will be okay now,
With Stephen there,
Figuring how,
An exceptional intellect,
As the world knows,
He was much more,
His humour shows,
Sanguine,
Seemingly “wheelchair bound”,
Nothing stopped him,
He knew black hole sounds!
Thank you,
The man who studied time -
I hope somewhere,
You’re reading this rhyme

Every single day chronicled in my head,
How do I get you out?
I can't even seem to get out of bed
Every conversation, every laugh, every secret,
In my veins, omnipresent
I don't take you for a lover, my brother
I take you as my own,
An extension of I - an ego, a child
Tell me then, how do I let go?

In your highs and your lows,
Your happiness and your despair,
Your brilliance and your confusion,
Your purity and your sin,
Your dark and your bright,
Your sunshine days and desperate nights,
I want you in your all,
I want your entirety

The lies you said,
The lies I said to myself,
The ruse,
The abandonment,
The uncharacteristic desperation,
The unexpected separation,
The feigned interest,
The lost respect,
The empty conversation,
The full heart,
I can't tell,
What hurt most

You became too crucial,
Key word being  too
Too essential,
Like the air I breathe,
But of all the things you can do,
I should have known,
You could cut off the air,
Leave me to suffocate

Through tortured hands,
And a tormented mind,
Rose a rhythm,
Nearly divine

A pianist I knew,
Par excellence,
Stroked keys with ease,
His fingers danced

With perfect balance,
Of black and white,
The baffled king played,
For the rapt knight

But the melody ended,
Before I knew,
Like waking from a dream,
I thought was true

To build a life to revolve around you,
To watch you tear it apart
Step...
by...
step.

We are what we are,
And we are nothing more,
But what if what we are,
Is just what I was looking for?

White noise et al,
In a moment I won’t know you, and you won’t know me,
Time and its arbitrary hinges,
Fate and its random decisions,
Led us to becoming family,
And until blood flows through these mortal veins,
I will love the whole of you,
I will be grateful

Nothing is where it is, because you want it to be...
Nobody is who they are, because you want them to be...
You may be who you are, and where you are, because you want to be,
But you won't be at peace,
until you are who and where,
*you are meant to be

There's a dead man lying on the street,
Don't wake him,
Cars have driven over him,
Don't shake him,
Vultures have picked on him,
Don't feed him,
Moss has grown on him,
Don't knead him,
Rodents have stripped off his skin,
Don't clothe him,
Fate has done undone him,
Don't loathe him

And then she decided to stop loving the nice people,
She began to prefer the company of the outspoken ones,
The ones she knew would hurt her,
Because the nice people, the ones that seemed too good to be true,
Usually weren't,
And nothing cushioned the blow when you didn't expect it

And she thought,
Maybe that wasn't the way to live,
But it was the way to survive

Here is my heart,
Served to you on a platter,
Eat it, break it, keep it,
That's all up to you,
I'm just here to love

I have a limited supply of your photos,
I see them almost every day,
At least one,
Sometimes two, sometimes all of them,
They reaffirm you're real, angel

I have a limited supply of memories,
I replay them almost everyday,
They get intertwined sometimes,
I can't tell one from the other,
They're all my happy place

I have a limited supply of songs,
I listen to them almost everyday,
Made by you,
Shared by you,
They take me back to you

I have a limited supply of things,
I touch them almost everyday,
Given by you,
Chosen for me, by you,
They feel like you

I have a limited supply of shenanigans,
I smile about them almost everyday,
Shared with you,
Understood by you,
They give me a hopeful tear

I have an unlimited supply of prayer,
I repeat it everyday,
Devoted to you,
Believing in you, for you,
It keeps me connected to you



*I have a limited supply of your photos

It's your journey,
And a single ticket is all you've got,
You were kind enough to let me in on your travels,
Thank you,
I've learned but an ocean full of secrets,
And I could go on forever,
Around the world and back,
With you
But a single ticket is all you've got,
So for my borrowed and stolen time,
Thank you,
And safe travels, my love

There is an odd serenity in his eyes,
It's my own version of paradise

Ever so often
Do I find myself
Lost in you

Keep me away from the happy ones,
Believe me, I'll make them sad,
In their naivety and ignorance,
They've found a light,
I won't switch it off, for them,

And for all the things I'm rightly accused of,
Being a sadist won't be one,
And I do not want to graduate into it,
Let me be,
For their happiness, and my own

I have cultivated this person,
I have known this person,
And been on the receiving end,
Before I switched sides

For reasons you will never understand,
And have no doubt, I expect you not to,
Please,
Just let me be

To exist, is to love you,
to love you, is to exist

It It began with my broken, shaky, nervous words,
This friendship,
Then you made it a song,
My broken, shaky, nervous words have resurfaced,
But I guess only you know where that's coming from

Cry with me,
Over the misfortunes handed to you,
Over the failed attempts made by me,
Over everything we won't be,
Let me cry with you,
Cry with me

Your absence from my life *****,
I've stopped making efforts that go in vain,
I've accepted that for you, there's nothing to gain,
But you were my calm in every storm,
You were the big bang, where my real journey began from,
You were all I aspired to be,
You were the only face I ever wanted to see,
You were the alpha and omega of all that I am,
You were the only one, with whom I'd share my bread and jam,
But you've severed all those ties,
And I've stopped believing my lies,
So we go on with our lives,
But,
Your absence from my life *****

I was not with him,
But I wasn't without him