remember when you would stop at nothing
to skip the next meal?
you were hurting so deeply.
an empty stomach did nothing to fix your empty heart.

i romanticize the things that **** me

i think i might be lonely.
but who would i tell
if i realized i was?

my safe place
has become a place i dread.
how can i stand to look
to care for
to be present
with this body i can't seem to bear?

gosh i'm trying, but i hate this.
i feel so uncomfortable in my body.
i don't know if this will ever get easier.

we caught up yesterday,
a simple conversation
with encouragement and laughter.
i thought i'd trip back in love with you.
i thought i would have to ward off pesky feelings
and persistent romance,
but all i felt was pride for how far you've come
and thankfulness
that you had had a place in my life.

i stopped hurting myself
because i was tired of hiding it.

not because i wanted to.