gosh i'm trying, but i hate this.
i feel so uncomfortable in my body.
i don't know if this will ever get easier.

we caught up yesterday,
a simple conversation
with encouragement and laughter.
i thought i'd trip back in love with you.
i thought i would have to ward off pesky feelings
and persistent romance,
but all i felt was pride for how far you've come
and thankfulness
that you had had a place in my life.

i stopped hurting myself
because i was tired of hiding it.

not because i wanted to.

the air is getting colder and i can feel its hold on me.

some hear the wind's whispers and wonder of its language,

but i can hear it clearly,

softly:

you have waited long enough.

you are free now.

i keep forgetting how intensely i love.

i'm terribly sorry -

my affection must have spilled over

in the most unexpected and uncontrollable way possible -

out of my fumbling hands

and into your beautiful heart

they told me these were the best years of my life.

...these are the best?

but why do i have to be small
for them to notice i'm hurting?