isn't it awful when you are hurt and disappointed so often, you start to say,
"I'm used to it"

*n.e.w

I'm not used to disappointment, I just expect it.

Here I am, looking up causes for headaches
at 1 am
when I know it will always come back to you.
My hands found the bottom of the ocean
as I cleaned old movie tickets out of my car today.
I can see your honesty from here.
It took my composure on its way out the door.
I’m not bitter anymore.
I’m just tired.
And I’m tired of being so tired.
I’m sorry you didn’t stay.
I’m sorry that I apologize
for all the times you didn’t.
I keep forgetting these things
are not one-sided,
and so,
I’m sorry I gave you everything
for nothing in return.
You tasted like love,
and I was parched.
Still am.

My soul hurts today.

Relapse relapse relapse
Friday night
******
Needle
Track marks

"Where was I?" was my first thought.. Did I ignore a text of help from her? Did I have a bad feeling that day that I ignored? Could I have done something to help her?

Could I have saved my sister from it this time?

I'm torn & my arms want to bleed & spill out all my sadness

School is...
A place of laughing
A place of love
A place of smiles
A place of hugs

School is...
A place for sitting
A place for learning
A place for writing
A place for earning

School is...
A place that hopes
A place that cares
A place that's safe
A place that shares

School is...
A place to go
A place to be
A place to hear
A place to see

School is...
None of these things.
Not a single one.
So go **** school
'Cause it's ****** you, son.

School is hard
School is right
School is like a card
Being played at night

School is boring
School is geeky
Sometimes the teachers catch me snoring
Because I"m not very sneaky

Everywhere I go
School is life.
It creeps up on me day and night.

Depression happens
even when success happens
in succession

I'm on a level that
I can't get off
the earth
or the depths of a ******* bathroom

Is depression

supposed to

be this

wildly crazy

and painful

and bland

and worth

the loss

of tears?