I have lost something.

Something important.

I lost my sanity...

Taken in motion

That split instance where
It is all read

Every nuance

Nothing is alive

Not a shell

Not a game

Not a

Just
Just for

For you
For me

The simple idea
The misconception

A notion

That I stole your soul

If it is here

In this picture

It will be safe for it is

Quietly

For it will be

Always

Deeply

Cherished.

I know you are gone but in this photo

We

Really truly

are

my mother
she stands
behind
four boys

her smile
mirrored
in each

like any photo
with my brothers
and I
it engenders

some to say
she was cursed

     I see it now

the ghost
of my camera shy
sister

I was born without a family,
Always stayed inside my bed,
I never had a friend,
By 15 I was dead,

You found me in my closet,
With a noose around my neck,
You knew that I was gone,
Called my brother in to check,

Your suspicions turned out true,
I guess it's not so bad,
I mean he didn't amount to much,
And he was always way too sad,

I was forgotten by next week,
No funeral was had,
No one to call and tell,
Not even his own dad.

I am aware this isn't true,
Just how things play out in my head,
Please just let me be so selfish,
Please don't miss me when I'm dead.

I used to tell myself that I would always love you,
that for the rest of my life part of my soul would always care
but I'm here now and seeing clearer and realizing that if nothing else
you ruined me, ripped me limb from limb and left me bleeding in the streets
and that even in my broken state, even being as empty as I am right now
I have enough self love to accept that whatever we had wasn't love
and that the truth probably is that I was delusional and lost,
I let you hypnotize me, and even when I realized it
I let you walk free,
I let you hurt me.

how can such an ugly thing
look so pretty
as its written
anx-i-et-y