Green eyes,
wish they'd stay
but only when I cry
and my eyes are red
from the acidic tears
only when I'm high
and my eyes are red
from the smoke roaming the air

wish green eyes would stay,
but I am stuck with brown
and theyre kind of a bore.

Such a fool for you,
she once said

I believe so I am what a
fool for you
  my thoughts   t
                            u
                               m
                                    b
                         ­               ble
tumble and fall
how I lost my mind thinking
of you

Your touch, your love, such lust
  Look at me,
such a fool, such a fool for you
but yet I do not trust you
with thy heart but how not
  when you give so much lust?
Tell me, am I your baby
or one of your little ******
I hope not,
as you put your head between thighs
"more, more, more!"
You're disgusting, I hate you
such a fool, a fool for you.

You walk around with your
head held high
think you are grand
some kind of god
I've got news sweetheart
your nothing but a poor boy
& such a ******* bore.

          ....

I'm sorry, I've gone mad
you make me mental loving you
your soft words,
such lies but I am
such a fool, a fool for you
   You love me,
you love me not
what do you want?
You're making me insane
and I think its time to walk,
walk out your door  

I am nothing to you,
but a Friday night tour
I'm done, I'm gone
  but forever will I be a fool,
such a fool for you.

Daddy,
this poem is for you,
an apology letter of some kind
because really, I want to say I am sorry
for I have disappointed you countless
number of times
For the goals of yours I could not reach,
no matter what I do, I am sorry
for making things harder
For I have mistaken,
thinking I can count on you
to help keep me on my long finger toes
I am sorry I can not keep myself together
like how i use to
For doing drugs,
lying,
stealing,
leaving,
I am sorry I am not the daughter
you intended to raise
You raised a black sheep
and the only one too
I know you question,
"what to do, oh what is there to do?"
And Daddy I wish you knew,
but I do
but that will just **** you
but I wish to leave
and have peace in mind
for here there is no peace,
I dont want to hurt you any longer
so it is my time to go,
to make peace in your home
and for me
wherever that may be
Know that I do not hate you,
but love you more for  everything
you have done but

I am sorry
I am sorry
I am sorry.

I want to lay with you
in the warmth of your bare
skin
and have your arms wrapped
around my bones,
like unforgivable knots
Intertwining our words with
'I love you' and ,
'you make me feel beautiful, knowing im not'
Your skin,
your skin is comfortable beneath
my palms,
bury your nose in the crevice of mine
roam my body like a map with the
sweetness of your fingertips
wandering hands,
deep breaths.
taking you in.
With you I shed,
like a snake becoming a new,
making me feel beautiful once again
in the skin I lye in
caressing every inch of me
letting you feel welcomed
to come inside me
love me,
touch me,
we're all just skin wrapped around
beautiful bones.

Nine years,
It's time to put time behind and
find myself to happiness
because the American Dream isn't all
a dream
I found myself wanting to die
in the middle of it
got caught up making wrong decisions
and giving love and limbs
to a pack of wolves
who tore me in two
ripped me to shreds and walked on
maybe somewhere between
now and then
Ill find the one thing I lost

my sense in dreamin.

I've got a loss of words,

I feel nothing but everything
and I'm not sure what it is

but nothing is quite right
but then again, nothing is quite wrong

I think I've lost my mind in the
thoughts of..

How can I be so blind?
Who am I again -
whats your name?
look at the stars, they shine so bright.

Get out of my head
I want to get out of my own head
please lets not do this

You're a beautiful boy, I love you
I hate you
who are you?
hold me close keep them away

I can't do this I want to die.
I feel nothing,
I want to feel.

You creep
and you crawl,
you look through the shadows
of your own well being
you're a cat
Observant and curious of all
things around,
havn't you hear, baby?
Curiosity killed the cat.
and when we are together,
they mistaken our names
for Mr. Tom & Jerry,
a game of cat and mouse.
You the cat, me the rodent
getting caught between your knees
and as you eat me up,
I don't squirm,
no not one bit ,
as you leave me breathless.
Swallow me up, take me hole
fill you up with my poisons

Wish you knew baby,
wish you knew curiosity killed
the cat

Happy Birthday ,
to my sweetest sweetheart
486 days and I've only grown
to love you more
and I will continue to
until my heart decays
for I have not cared for anyone more
than I do you
and though our relationship
has not been such a smooth ride
It is one of my favorites
and I dont want anything more
than to keep riding along
with you baby
I love you with all my heart
my heart and everything I have
Happy Birthday,
Happy Birthday to you my sweetheart.

Cigarettes,
after ***
after arguments
on cold days
on hot ones too
by the pool
at parties
walking down the street
when anxiety is taking over
when everything is sad
or when you are mad
relief of stress

It is sad to say,
a cigarette feels more like a fresh
of breath air
roaming my lungs
than the air I breath
and how it doesn't feel like
a stick packed with
toxins and cancer
killing my lungs.

2:43 p.m
Bob Dylan / Dont think twice Its alright

Thursday Mornings
I never expected to be so wonderful

Smell of hot coffee
Warm sun peeking through
lying on my skin,
blinding me with its beautiful brightness.

Turn over to the earths most
precious creation: Him.
His smile awakens me as he moves
the stranded hair from my face.

Soft kisses and gentle fingertips
moving along my cheeks

Kind words that whisper
"Youre beautiful, goodmorning my love"

And that is when I knew I was home,
safe in his arms,
in his presence.

Your words,
they tell tale lies.
You think you're grand,
some kind of god
a high power of a sort
   well I've got news,
your words aren't worth my
two cents so go preach to one of
your little ******
and watch me,
watch me walk out your
door.
   You can entertain so well when
you clear your mind
but at the end of the day
you still cry your tale tale lies
  
nothin but a boy,
nothin but a boy.

Taken so much acid, that I know longer have a memory and that depresses me.

The level of stress
there is upon a
relationship
weather to trust your lover
with your heart
after the decision
to tear it apart
Where trust becomes
questionable
and how simple things
seen with your eyes
can make your heart sink,
sink to undesirable places.
Questions run through your mind
endless number of times
"Does he love me?"
"Am I the only girl?"
"What am I  worth?"
When you get to this point
I cry
I cry for you,
for you love him so
but too much to let him go.

I began to feel uncomfortable with the skin
I lied in
when I could no longer feel the bones
that wrapped around my skin.

Usted es una pobre excusa de un ser humano.

I love him so,
I love him so much
that when he is away for work for the week
my thoughts only consume of him
and every thought makes me
realize how much
I am completely in love with him
Find myself always missing his smart *** grin
and his ways with words
and the way he wakes up to me
saying "goodmorning baby" and kisses me again
and how he goes on for hours talking about
one specific thing
things that inspires him
like music, and Bob Dylan
I couldnt ask to be with a more
perfect human being
though he is not perfect
no, not at all
but he is, and always will be
the one I will be making
future plans with
plans like marriage
plans like children and
plans like where we will be living 5 years from now
because i love him, i love him so
and I never want to let him go
so its never "I love you, goodbye"
its always "I love you, Ill see you soon"
and I like that.

I thought I knew what real heartache felt like. But I didn't, not until now. My heart physically hurts, and I can't breathe. Every time I think a little more, a little more it hurts. I feel like I'm suffocating. Like I'm in a dark closed box, tightly squeezed and getting out isn't possible.

7 years,
and it times to go
California is no place for home

the weather is dry and
the leaves have no season

and oh dear all I want
is to find my reason here

but the American Dream
aint the thing for me
  so Ill pack my things
and Ill bring my lover,

from there we'll make our life
a show.

I don't want to ask,
because I know what he'll say

I don't want to look,
because I know what I'll find

I'm afraid that the thoughts consuming me
the thoughts telling me
"He is the same person doing the same things like before"
I'm afraid they're right, that they're true

And I'm afraid that every piece of hope I had left
hoping he wouldn't hurt me again,
that he'd stay true to his word
I am afraid that my hope will be disrupted
And I will be in pain again

I love him so,
sometimes even too much to want to let go
Even when knowing what the truth may be

No good for the getting
better, for you
most of all

You have been through
the worse that may
come and youre
finally
getting better..

I'll only put you back
to things getting
worse, and no one
not even myself would
like to be back there

of all places, not there.

So I'm saying goodbye,
I'm sorry and I hope you stay well
I'll love you forever
forever, until I die.

Cigarettes are nothing
but poison
the way you need them,
actually need them
when you get to that point
your ******
Flicking your finger makes you
just want one more
When Im anxious for one
the feeling
is horrible
inhaling all the toxins
feels so beautiful
and
When I cry,
I just want to hold one
in between my fingers
I hate needing them
Ive never needed something
so much right now
and I cant even have one
Makes me want to go mental.

Tomorrow I graduate,
It wasn't a deal a few months ago
It was to early, to soon to think anything of it
but tomorrow I will be alone
as I congratulate myself with bowls
and more bowls  and cigarettes
feeling more and more worthless
Mothers in another state
and Father is off trying to make more money
Maybe it isnt such a big deal,
I just thought it would be different,
Anyways,
congratulations to me
I have made it,
I think.

We walked on the shores
with our bare feet, at
a beach where old souls
once made love in
   crossed fingers and
caressed our skin
we told each other sweet words
and lied down again
With the flock of seagulls  
and sand in our hands,
we kissed and took
ocean air in

I love you now and
i love you always thank
you for being my
happiness
and lying with me 'til the
sunset ends.

From what I've learned of love,

never hold your breath
you'll end up dead.

Tonight i am alone
for such a beautiful night
i sit here,
chewing through my bones
waiting with such
the heavy eyes
waiting for your call
to come home
to lye by your side
with our bones wrapped
like unforgivable knotts
To caress your sweet skin
with my long thin fingers
to look into your eyes
and listen to your soft soft
breathing
but I am just here
choking on my own words
forgiving myself for
making up false hopes
for tonight I miss you
and when I awake tomorrow
I will miss you again
as I sit
chewing through my own bones.

Coffee, and cigarettes
       i think im gonna crack
sweet words oh such lies
       i think im gonna crack
you walk around with you head held high
       i think im gonna crack
you cheat and lie, you beg
       i think im gonna crack
you love me, you love me not
       what do you want?
           i think im gonna crack
im lonely i need you
         i think im gonna crack
tabs and trips
        i think im gonna crack
Coffee, and cigarettes
     ****
       love me, i love you
           i think im gonna crack
lines, snorts
    i need more
       i think im gonna crack
you leave me,
    you love her

            cracked.

warm
thick
veiny
full of children
****.

I have scars vertically placed on my arms from the kindness of a rusted razor blade

don't be alarmed,
   I only tried to **** myself.

I have bruises on my knees from the rocks placed on the train tracks

dont be alarmed,
   I only tried to **** myself.

I have rub marks on my neck from the rope that broke like a small piece of thread

don't be alarmed,
   I only tried to **** myself.

I only tried to **** myself, that's all, go back to tweeting.

My name is simple,
my name is
Brittney
Five years ago
I lived in a town where
violence was the answer and
people killed to stay alive
to take care of their loved ones
I was safe where I was at,
my heart
and my head
Just four years ago,
I moved
to somewhere new
new people
I never even knew
Before my first year,
I knew who I wanted to be
who I was
until I got into drugs
met great people
and lost them because they
werent so great
Fell in love,
am in love
maybe..
to a boy who sometimes wants to
be with me

Im on my last year,
and I have no idea who I am
where I am
where I want to go, to do
I lost motivation for everything
My name is easy,
My name is Brittney
but thats not the question,
the question is
Who Am I?

How sad it is
that such a small word
can have so much
meaning
  How one little word
revolves around everything
We cry, we laugh, we pry
all because of a simple word
  Causing so much horrid
and yet so much greatness
How it runs all relationships
and how it ruins love and
fixes love

Tell me dear, oh what would we do
without
trust?

My name is Brit,
and as the days go one
I wish that name didnt belong to
the person I am today

Young and trying to find new
experiences in an empty town
full of horrid beings we interact with.

In love with a boy
who see's me as not enough
who breaks me with simple words
who I'd rather be with, than being alone.

Finding better places inside the mind
with the power of a tab on the tongue
or a snort from the nose

But when everything starts to come down
as do I
and I wish I was gone

Always trying to find the guts
and once I did
and with a glass on the side
13 white pills filled my stomach

My names Brit,
and I don't know who I am
and I think I've lost my mind.

I am here, and that is all
just a body
just
here.

Arkansas here I come,

leave my lover and friends behind.
I've got to find my mind
in one place or
another and California livin'
isn't doing its duty.

So I say goodbye for now,
and in a year I'll look less dead.

This is but an apology letter,
nor a letter at that
perhaps just a few words,
a note
my dearest friend
even without a title
or even if we are no longer
in each others lives
i will always love you
with such the heavy heart I have
This time,
we'd be sharing cigarettes in
your car, laughing of silly things
and though we have parted
I will miss you
and Im sorry for the harsh
things I've caused
all the troubles
Happy,
Happy Birthday to you
Sweet girl,
forever will I miss you
Spend your days well.

I smoke cigarettes
and I smoke and I smoke and I smoke  and I smoke
and I drink, drink the whiskey and my whine
my livers are dry and I've changed my name to
Black Lung Jack
Ohhh, well give me some of that crack, Jack!
We'll take taps and spice our tea
with shrooms and and wait until we see
we'll walk around and
we'll cry and we'll cry and we'll cry
  Then off we go we'll see a show and afterwards
we shall ****
but don't mistaken by such a kind boy cause
he might just have the clap so wear
a glove and let him shove and grind up
against your back

and I meep and I cry as we say our goodbyes,
Ill go home, perhaps ill take a nap

I cry
I cry and I cry and I cry
because I have no one
no
not a friend, nor a foe
Seen
Treated
Talked to
as if I'm a hobo on the streets
You see,
I do I do
I do cry for a boy
because I love him so
even when his words are so low
so weak I cannot
pick myself up when I fall
cannot even get on my knees
and crawl
I only cross for my fingers
for the night I sleep
the next morning I awake,
and the blue birds,
yeah the blue birds will sing.

Sang me a song, one of my favorites by Dylan,
you sang and sang and sang
and I knew,
I knew this was it.
"Go 'way from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want, babe
I'm not the one you need
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who's never weak but always strong
To protect you an' defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain't me, babe
No, no, no, it ain't me babe It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe."

"Yeah.. Im going to have to leave you"

and then, you were gone.

You reek like cigarettes
and your lungs are dry,
   you have no words
     you just stare,
  with your bold brown eyes

You pick and pull and bite
   your nails until the
     tips go dull
I'd tell you to quit but baby Im no troll

Since we last slept,
   your beds become home
     we lie there and talk,
talk, talk, talk

        here is where you lie and stare,
with your brown bold eyes

A year from now,
I'd like to be where I was
a year ago
with the same boy who made
my life a show

We'll be at the capital
far away from all horrid beings
We'll live our lives together
just him and me

To wake by his side
To explore and drive
Oh, it sounds so happy
kind of makes me want to cry

So here it goes,
a year from now I will
be gone from this ****
town with the boy
from my dreams

Cross my fingers
and never let them go.

Afraid when I see you
a year from now it will not be
the same lover i loved
before he left.

Afraid the drugs
will become the monster
hidden in the closest
and youll have no way
out

Afriad the new life you
have made
is something youd like me
to stay out of

Afriad to know the boy
who left wiping my
tears is now a boy
who just watches my
tears fall

Afraid all that we had
is now a scrap of
old memory left in
the past.

I wish the thoughts that have made a home inside my mind walk forward and go a far
I wish they didn't belong to me,
but because they do
I wish you knew them

I wish you knew them as much as
you think you know me
because if you did,
you'd know me quite well.

but I don't think I want to give
you that again
for you've abused it one too many times
and now the only thing that lies between us
is a barrier that you caused, and one I've created

He spoke to me in words
told me to promise
to cross pinkies
to tell all his loved ones
that he loves them so,
and hes sorry
sorry to have to let go so easy
with an uneased mind

he held me
and he told me he loved me
told me to keep going on and
missing him will be temporary

we sat on the train tracks
waiting
waiting for the better end to come
together we wanted to leave
him and i
so we went.

When I look at you Id like to
think the frown is temporary and the
tears in your eyes are from a
flick of caught dust
Id like to believe you wear sweaters
even during summer
because you had an odd shaped
birthmark

   but what i know is, that frown has
been temporary one to many
days and the teary eyes from caught dust is actually from the
abuse of words and i know
you wear sweaters even in summer
because the texture on your
skin is from the kindness of a razor
blade

and as the blade digs deeper id only
like to believe flowers grow
upon the next mark
youve made

and i only hope one day,
flowers wont grow just
there but everywhere.