I was raised as a mother,
Never as the daughter.
A burden they carried,
Never the healer.

I was the giver,
Never the receiver—
And for one single mistake,
I became the villain.

It’s almost been a year—
a year since I last saw you smile,
since I talked with you,
since I heard your voice,

A year of crying,
a year of trying to understand,
a year of sinking into silence and grief—
a year since you breathed.

I loved you...
I loved you...
F*ck...
I love you.
I wanted to scream,
but I have no more words.
I wanted to sing,
but I have no more notes.

I want to see you,
but that would burn my soul,
because I miss you more than you do.

I yelled into my pillow,
asking why...
why was I not enough?
Why did we have to fight?

But things are what they’re supposed to be.
I was born to love you.
You were born to be loved; it’s true.

The cards don’t lie; they even told me again
that our love is true, it’s not a postulant vain,
but maybe it’s too late to see,
and maybe you moved to another sea.

But my heart is always open to try,
in this one or the next life,
because our love is true and kind,
and I will whisper your name in the ears of angels until I die.

I love you across all of time
any day and any night
so long as by the end your mine
God sent me a sign
that you belong in my life
now I give my love
to you day and night.

I really do wish
I could find sleep easily
all I want are Z's
but
I am too busy
to allow my body rest
so I stay awake

"Don’t hurt her
She’s the one person here undeserving of pain
Not now, not ever, certainly not like this"
(shut up.)
5 days later
you left as though i was nothing
it hurts, I'm hurt, i hate you,
(i'd let you come back if you wanted)
you turned to your ex and told her
(the day you slammed the door
with my hand lodged firmly in it)
you hated being mad at each other
the way you asked her not to hurt me
then hurt me more than anything

yes I did it
I messaged him
I can tell
he's mad at me
I'm not upset that he hates me
I'm upset I ruined it
a friendship that could've lasted
I mourn our full conversations
and our inside jokes
I mourn the loss of what could have lasted longer than it did
I fear I look for him in every person I meet
hoping to find someone like him
but its useless
there will never be another
just like him

i'm not her
i'm not good
i'm not perfect
i'm not his
i'm not a good person
i'm not happy
i'm not stable
i'm not anything