Sadly,
all my best conversations
are the ones that are silent

I don´t think im dull
I don´t think im lazy
you are lucky to have a person like me

You change in the snap of a finger
you give pain
with your stinger
you can't see the pain
why can't you see

why does he attempt to
harm me with his words

when I try to let them go
you know
by staying silent and calm
he comes back harder
in an attempt to provoke

I try and try and try
but I can't lie
it's hard sometimes

it's hard sometimes for me to get past my pain

because I know he wont care about it

I need to tune you out
because you're stressing me like crazy
I'm stretching in all directions
and I can't stop it lately

Is it just me
or when your sad
do you lose your mind

do you want to eat?
the feelings out of yourself
just to feel...

something other than the pain

Sometimes
I wonder if this world is meant for me
We all have highs and lows
but around this time
my mind goes
............
crazy

The day you left
I can’t help thinking that you committed theft
You ran away with my heart with no warning

I,
once lively
full of personality
and greatness

Now,
a withered shadow
empty of balance
unsteady
from the stressors in front
and behind her
left by grace

Why do I want what I can't have
When initially I create a feeling that feels like I am being stabbed
Even though I am alive
I feel dead
I search my unrequited love for a guy instead
Instead of looking outside and seeing the beauty in the rain
Seeing how the rain falls with love
And it looks up to see the trees
That the rain helped create up above
The rain works in perfect harmony with the seed,soil and sun
We can learn from the rain and see past the lust of love
To see that there are other things that we need
We need other stimuli for balance
and then we shall live in perfect harmony

i've struggled over the weekend
I kept all my stress in
And my thoughts have finally caught up to my head
now I breakdown

I'm so sick of being sick
sick of the clawing, itchy feeling in my throat
let me speak already
let me speak

I wanted to see you
but we can ´ t be together
it hurts me
it burns me
like a million tiny flames
roasting my dark skin
why do we have to be so young
so dumb
so in love
Why did I let you in

I slept
I was in a slumber
I was confused by the numbers on my clock
they moved a lot faster than I had thought

Where did all the time go?

I'm cold
I have ice to my skin
it shivers me to my core
Fall is ending
while Winter will begin

Lies and deception
What some use to create a sense of perfection
It feels calm and it feels like it protects  
But some might see through your incompetent dialect

He is not right for me
but i´ll bathe in his toxic waste
for now

All I ever wanted
was to be held by someone
I thought that someone was you
but you only want me in the night
So that means your love for me
is not true

"Wake up and smell the smoke"
That's what my friends said to me
before I awoke

I'm screaming in silence
Wondering to myself
Why is life like this
How come I can't see you
And would you even want me too

I just wanna be with you

Chest,recoil,push push
I tried to save a life
but he was gone before I got there

He finally realized my potential
and I grew my perception of his
but the sad thing of it all
Is that he only sees me
behind closed doors

I don't want your limited time
NO NO NO
no more placeholders

Boy from Virginia
It has been a while now
Are you still hung up on me
like I was for you?
I don't miss you
but I want to
I think I have attachment issues.

All I have to say is..
*******
you're an idiot
I try to be nice
I try to care
Now you act like you don't want me anymore
Don't you know i'm rare?

I apologize for the things I don’t realize  
How my actions change the way you see me  Through your eyes
The way I go from sunshine to cold hard ice  If only I knew that my listening ears  
Would have sufficed  
The tension between two

I don't know what type of toxic ****
you are on
but I don't want to be a part of it
I have my own issues
that I have to work out
So don't you act like everything's about you
you're no baby
don't throw a fit
I no longer care if you mess around with that guy
who argues just to gaslight you
You both are toxic idiots
and i'm done with the drama

You're blind
you don't see
he is not the one for you
he tries repetitively to manipulate
he doesn't communicate
but you see something amazing in him
but what?
I could never understand

13 yrs older
probably sitting in a dark room
doing this to the children
I hear life repeats itself
so who did this to you?

I always wonder
about those 3 days

Does it even matter to you
Because it changed my entire life

I code my message to fit his rhyme
'cause I savor the moment in which he twists his mind
his heart in my hands
devoured into time
I prosper in the sands of the hourglass

I can't explain to you
how irritated I am

Why do you pretend to care
If you don't give a ****

I'm excited
so delighted
my mood has changed
so fast

I'm like a roller coaster
twists and turns
ups and downs

working hard for those that want to break my back

Emotions move like the wind
but my body can't take it

I'm so close to whiplash
I will not even fake it

He’ll be the death of me
I was just fine without him
Then I got my seasonal depression
With him now on my mind
I just keep thinking about him
Wondering if he’s thinking back
If I see him again
I hope he can reciprocate
Cause I wouldn’t know how to make of anything else
I’m losing my mind
Losing all composure
I keep wondering if i'm ever getting closure

I think i'm done
being there for those that don't deserve me
why would I spend time on someone
if the more time I spend with them
gives them a better shot to burn me

I want to be important
I want to save lives
I want someone to make googly eyes
at me
but instead
I go to school
and sleep in my bed
Wake up
and do it all over again

I don't want to pry
I don't want to be called a lie
but sometimes
I get a nasty tingling feeling
That makes me want to mutilate my *******
and light fire to my veins
anything to stop him from fetishing my young brain

Those that say
they aren’t emotional
Show the most emotions

Those that think they show the most emotions
Are the most together?

I'm boiling with anger and jealousy
why does he talk to you
but not talk to me

I shouldn't be angry because he was never mine
nor did I take the time
to show him who I am
but I still feel such indescribable pain

i get so messed up in my mind

I keep thinking horrible thoughts at the wrong times

it weird's me out
and
I am so ashamed...

I feel so disgusting
nasty.
disdained.

the unbearable, questionable things that cloud my thoughts

unspeakable,

I will never say them

He shot his shot
but it was a shot in the dark

why is your spirit
in my head

what a celestial experience

I saw you
it wasnt quite deja vu
but it was interesting how our thoughts moved

Intertwined were our minds
I believe it was the divine

Our souls are calling for each other
maybe this is our sign?

Iḿ just contemplating
my thoughts
wondering where i went wrong
We did something so amazing
when´d it turn into an argument
where you left me blazing
I just want to love you
I want us to be calm
I gave you everything
and you gave me nothing at all
you put salt into old wounds
on my feet
did you want me to trip and fall?

I'm trapped
lost in the shadows
of despair,
I'm lonely and sad

I don't have a childhood
but a trauma hood

I only have myself
and the vulture that surrounds my existence

aching and hungering for me to decay into a silhouette of what could have been my greatest potential