Acknowledge YOURSELF
ACCEPT
Adapt YOURSELF

BEWARE
Become YOURSELF
BELIEVE

Create YOURSELF
CONTROL
Conjure YOURSELF

DEVISE
Deliver YOURSELF
DETERMINED

Encourage YOURSELF
EMPOWER
Enlist YOURSELF


FREE
Form YOURSELF
FROM FAITH

Attention desired
in order to feel
IMPORTANT
Insecurities desired
attention to feel
SECURE
Wether good or bad
attention granted
REALITY
Seek what you deserve
not what you’ve learned
DIFFERENCE
Lose your”self”
in order to find
YOURSELF

I'm not sure how to explain what it is that caused the pain. I know the past has caused damage to my developing brain, what is right and wrong may have been blurred. She opened eyes that were closed and SCREAMED ******* LOOK! For once I finally saw, for once I finally witnessed, for once I became what it is I hated! Since then she's been gone, since then I haven't quit regretting, for I know I'm the cause! Born to an environment that demands pain, raised in an environment that maintains the birth, with no recollection or memory of something that resembles love! It's the ******* TRUTH!

BE REAL
I ask who you are?
YOU REPLY
to quickly REHEARSED
Of course
It's human nature
a: NATURAL REACTION
a: DEFENSE MECHANISM
I can tell
YOU'RE NOT
the only
ONE
BE REAL
Not just to me
but EVERYBODY
INCLUDING YOURSELF
Don't fear
who you are
ACKNOWLEDGE
the
FLAWS
SCARS
PAST
INSECURITIES
and all thee
ABOVE
BE REAL
tell me how
YOU FEEL
without
MASS appeal
BE REAL
Life is to fragile
life is to short
life is to familiar
for US
ALL to
BE THE SAME
BE REAL
Amongst a world of fakes
filled with actors and actresses
the "MR" and "MRS" PERFECT
selling and telling
the dream they don't
BELONG TO
for far to long
that they forget
what is true and false
LOST
BE REAL
love yourself
learn from the past
REARRANGE things
CHANGE things
Allow things
to PROMOTE
YOURSELF
GENUINELY
BE REAL
You deserve to
others desire
THE REAL YOU
but most importantly
SO DOES YOURSELF
BE REAL

.......T                            H
               S               T
                    U [] I
               R               A
        T                             F

FAITH IN TRUST 
X MARKS THE SPOT
MIRROR IMAGES IN LIGHT 
BECOMING ONE
TOGETHER THEY FIGHT 
HAND IN HAND, 
TOGETHER THEY LOVE 
BECOMING ONE 
MIRROR IMAGE IN LIGHT 
X MARKS THE SPOT 
TRUST IN FAITH

Freedom costs, can you spare
some change says the guy
holding the sign
———————
|      NEED       |
|     MONEY     |
———————
           |
You look at the stoplight and think please turn green but it remains red

You grab your wallet and take what little bit of cash you have and hand it to him

You reply back “ you are 100’/,
correct, it isn’t free is it ? as the green light appears

"love it or leave it"
SHE
left

"love something
let it go,
it'll come back"
SHE
never did

"diamonds are forever"
not this one
SHE
wore

"two heads are
better than one"
SHE
disagreed

GONE

A crazy night
A crazy fight
Dark place
Dark face
ON
NO LIGHTS
Dazed
Hazed
CONFUSED
Lost
Cost
PAID IN FULL
Thoughts
laid to rest
cots
DAMAGED
put to bed
ALERT, ALERT
All I see is
RED
Ambition
DEAD
Hanging on
by a THREAD
WORDS said
other ones
UNSPOKEN
REGRET
THREATS
Within
AMIDST
Myself
WHO KNOWS
Caught
in a MOMENT
of TIME
STUCK
LUCK GONE
wrong
SONG
THE BEAT OF DEFEAT
My theme song
LOVE DONE
LOVE DRUNK
PUNK
DUNK your SOUL
PAIN
DRAIN
SANE OUT
ABUSED
USED
CUT LOOSE
At sea
LIFE A
SHIPWRECK
TIMEOUT
STOP
DROP
PRIDE
HIDDEN
TRUST is TOUGH
VULNERABILITY
FORBIDDEN
Attempts to forgive
ACCEPTED
BUT NEVER
APPROVED
Living BITTER
QUITTER
KNOT
*******
EMOTIONS
POTIONS
SPAT OUT
YOUR MOUTH
CLEAN UP
MOUTHWASH
DROWN
SOAK
CLEANSE
THE PAST
the PRESENT IS a
GIFT
LIFT YOURSELF
UP
NEVER LOOK DOWN
Ground
SOUND
HEARD
LiStEn
SHOUT
DEFEND
LEND
SEND
OUT
MESSAGES
Set SAIL
BAIL
NEGLECT
REJECT
BOMB
ExPlOdE
Shattered
to pieces
BROKEN
DISMISSED
*******
LIFE SWITCH
ON/OFF
FiNiShEd
LIFT OFF
3....2....1.....
COUNTDOWN
Time ticks
Time takes
Never does it
GIVE
SO LIVE IT UP
**** SERVED
PINCHED NERVES
**** HAPPENS
Don’t TAKE it
PERSONAL
REALITY
NEVER
SOMETHING
DIFFERENT
SCARS
STARS
GUIDED LIGHT
INTERNAL FIGHT
NIGHTS SKY
DARK MIND
REWIND
RE-LIVE
GIVE-IN
GIVE-UP
Back Now
BACK THEN
F👎🏻CKED UP
THUMBS UP
NOSE DOWN
EYES CLOSED
DANGEROUS
YES/NO
CONFIRMED
LIFE IS DANGEROUS  
WITHIN A MIXED MIND
MUTT
VALUES MIXED UP
MORAL COMPASS
STOPPED
NO DIRECTION

Dancing With The Scars
all eyes on stage 
as heartbreak sweeps me 
off my feet 
The judges score cards are in:
Disappointment
False-Hope and 
YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH 
Dancing With The Scars 
Here I go again 
I'm back up from the ground 
on my feet again 
Not feeling to confident 
but there's always 
NEXT ROUND

Listen ..... Do you hear that voice of concern ?
I didnt think so...... I could careless, if I'm being honest 
BITTER TRUTH

Love has no road signs, if only it did we may not get in so many love-wrecks

Regardless the red flags we may notice our emotions get in the way, hopeless

If only there were laws to protect us in the same way as we travel down loves path

Stop signs, yield, detour, speed limits all to defend us from falling prey

But that’s just not the case, so I only have myself to blame for my past accidents

My heart still exposed from our crash as it passed through my rib cage like an airbag

My love fax has 4 previous owners and 4 accidents, not so desirable

But hey I’m still running fine and In time hopefully the pain will fade

HOPEFULLY

For every person
that told me
I wasn’t
GOOD-ENOUGH

For every person
that told me
I wasn’t
WORTHY

For every person
that treated me
horribly
ABUSE

For every person
that took advantage
of me
WILLINGLY

For every person
that put themself
before me
SELFISH

I used to
think I deserved
all of you
WHOLEHEARTEDLY

Until I learned
to love myself
for who I am
SELF-DISCOVERY

To every person
who treated me
like dog ****
I FORGIVE YOU

Because I realize
as I have grown
it wasn’t me
that caused you
all of the
PAIN

But rather yourself
from everyone else's
actions and words
creating self-hate
INSECURITIES

I recommend you
focus on yourself
and quit deflecting
your past flaws
focusing on
EVERYONE ELSE

There’s one person
I listen to
he looks me
dead in the
EYES

His reflection no-longer
scares me anymore
because I finally
LOVE MYSELF

Trapped in the middle
                     of wrong and right,          
black and white
          My whole world is grey

         I will be okay
    or so I say to myself
                   but I’m really not

   I must overcome            
          I cannot paint
                 here anymore
​​     I’M TO GOOD FOR THIS

Break a heart 
to 
Make a heart 

Life isnt fair 
care to 
Tell her now?

Shes gonna cry
care to 
Tell me how?

I cant lie 
to 
Lead her on 

My feelings changed 
care to 
Break her heart 

My feelings changed 
care to 
Make her heart 

Make a heart 
to
Break a heart 

Love isnt fair 
care to 
follow your heart? 

I know now 
to 
Let her go 

Break a heart 
to 
Heal a heart 

Right now mine 
is 
Split in two 

Love isnt fair 
care to 
Tell me how? 

Make a heart 
to 
Break a heart

Today, yes starting now 
please grant me 
the power to stay strong 
remaining focused 
on what is important 
walking today's path 
guided by my 
moral compass 
Today, yes starting now 
please grant me 
the ability to not get distracted
or be tempted 
to stray away 
from what is necessary 
to fufill my purpose 
and reach my goals 
Today, yes starting now 
please grant me 
the courage 
to stand tall 
for what I believe in 
and to be successful 
throughout the entire day 
with staying true to 
WHO I AM

Square tiles 
line the floors 
Square files 
line the drawers
Square piles 
stacked from 
the floors to 
the ceiling 
Blocking the 
doors to the
files upon the 
floors preventing
the drawers from 
OPENING, secured

I got a knot in my neck
I got a lump in my throat
I got a whole in my heart
and there's only one......
It's her

Relapse around the corner, real laps around the coroner, I'm tired of running, better yet ill just sit and ponder, what is it i desire, yellowish oranges burns to blue, I cannot keep playing with fire, I'm tired of pretending change is on my mindset, rewind......Revisit goals, revisit hopes, maybe wishes do come true if you really try, I want this disease behind me, the rearview had never looked good but it doesnt mean it can't with time, relapse denied.... What do I have to lose, its all gains ahead, regardleds the outcome: IM GONNA TRY

Doctors prescribe what pharma sells, I rather prescribe myself

My life in pieces,
my world in pages.
I'll never finish this puzzle.
I'll never finish this book.

I keep collecting.
I keep reading.
I keep placing.
I keep writing. 

Eventually I'll figure it out, 
I'll never quit fighting. 
Battles won, battles lost.
I refuse to stop, regardless......

If only I knew the power of the truth but I fed into the lies. I never realized the complexity of false feelings for myself. I acted and reacted based on what I saw and not what I wanted. If only I could've understood it was always me and never you then maybe... just maybe I could've grown with you. It's to late now for what ifs or what might. We grew apart because I never helped myself before you and I hurt each other. I apologize

Puppet Master”
I consume you
own you
it’s all you know
I lift you up
raise you high
for all to see
my love for you
is so toxic
without me
you cannot breathe
I consume you
move you
left to right
tell you how to feel
place you on
a pedestal
just to tease you
release you
from the sky
I consume you
drag you
across the floor
disregard your feelings
leave you with scars
tell you I love you
only to break your heart
I consume you
your every action
at the mercy of my hands
I’m your puppet master
your body drives me mad
I consume you
Hide you
put you away
only I decide
when you come out to play
I own you
that will never change
I’m your puppet master
it’s me
that pulls these strings
I consume you
without me
you wouldn’t exist
your very existence
quenched between
the palms of my fists
thank God
I love you
regardless the
lifeless limbs
with no voice
you possess
for I’ll control you
you can trust me
I’ll always
have your back
I consume you
use you
like a host
my hands hosting
your motions
I breathe life through you
don’t you ever forget
I’m the master
your my puppet

Downbeat, leaning down,  appearance insecure, unhealthy heart, mind filled with doubt and 
I'M FEELING BAD

Cobwebs draped over a dust covered beautiful mind forever meant to be hidden on purpose from the young soul who called it his very own

Forever meant to be forgotten and never shared with anyone for fear he might be able to save other trapped souls cut from the same cloth

Sinful crime and murderous plots the result and plan from the hands that were supposed to hold him dear and love him the very most without doubt

Shallow frail roots must be to blame for a mentally-unstable name claiming to be of family with no knowledge of what it means or the role it plays too

MOTHER NATURE IS FUNNY

How many generations
carry the burdens

Of yesterday’s problems
and deliver them to

Tomorrow’s newcomers
rather than acknowledging

A much needed change
and ending the age old cycle

Be taught to teach
learn to educate

Be abused to abuse
learn to hate

Be forgiven to forgive
learned to late

I won't speak for you
but I can guarantee you
​​​​​​ I'm not one to force

I fight for freedom
My life will be lost before
an injection forced

It is my body
I won't ever give into
being dictated

My Great Grandfather
left the old Czech Republic
before allowing

Communism to
decide his families fate
It won't be in vein  

I pay my taxes
I follow the many laws
SO LEAVE ME ALONE

I will not conform
to any date you may set
and decide for me

It is my body
it is my choice to decide
I'm drawing the line !

A family tree of unemployment
A family tree of
disability
A family tree of
bad credit
A family tree of
high interest paid
A family tree of
we own nothing
A family tree of
alcoholism
A family tree of
drug abuse
A family tree of
mental disorders
A family tree of
grief
A family tree of
divorces
A family tree of
endless debt

I'm just trying
to be a black sheep
and defy all odds
Regardless the roots
or branches I came from

Bad people aren't born they are made Thanks mom and dad 

​​​Bad people aren't born they are made Thank your grandma and grandpa 

Bad people aren't born they are made Thank your great grandma and great grandpa 

Good people aren't born they are made ​​​​​​Outside my family tree I have met some 

Good people don't blame others, they take responsibility ​That's how I'm becoming a good person 

Good people aren't always born or made ​​​However through the desire to change anyone can become a:
GOOD PERSON!

Tired, of what? 
Frustrated too......
What's a man supposed to do, who am I? 
Greed, it makes me sick, it makes me work, it makes me take, take,, take......time, love and stress! 
Driven and fueled by lack of structure from the past, at last I can become someone that creates wealth for the future ones...... Yes I can but the time I'll never get back, sacrifice life with loved ones for loved ones life's to strive! 

Tired of living to survive, frustrated I have to rewrite the bloodline, I'm the guy for the job...  that's who I ******* am! 
Greed cures the sickness it provides through the confident eyes of comfortable loved ones, they wont have to have these problems or contradictions to distract themselves because I'm choosing them over us!

An abundance of 
pain, turmoil, regrets and 
mental health issues 

Serial killers 
made from same ingredients 
not one victim yet 

Except for myself 
I keep killing who I am 
over and over 

So I guess I'm one
each death brings hope for new life 
I'll keep murdering 

Until Im reborn 
again with a better mind 
absent from voices 

Reminding myself 
of the past decisions made 
over and over 

The same voices said
from youth I would amount to
nOtHiNg WiThOuT tHeM

Umbilical cord
you kept me alive and well

Those 8.5 months 
weren't nearly long enough 

As soon as we 
became quickly unattached 

ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE 
everything heard from within 

Was in fact not an act 
it was MY NEW WORLD 

Umbilical cord 
we were separated at birth 

Oh how I missed you 
when I left our earth 

You always fed me 
safely we remained together 

UNTIL BIRTH

A wishing-well
on the ground
of an old school

A victim the building
of asbestos walls
and ceilings

The grass overgrown
the building falling apart
but yet the well remains

People stop regularly
I see cars as I pass by
with people around it

It always leads me
to think sincerely
about the wells power

You would think
if it could truly
grant a wish

Then why not one
of its own benefit
as it rests alone

What once used to be
a place of youth gathering
all singing and playing along

On the big playground
just slightly across from
the old stone wishing-well

The bells going off
for lunch and recess
also signaling school is out

But now things have changed
and the wishing-well all alone
with only visits at random

I truly believe the power
of the wishing-well was lost
when the kids love was gone

As it remains amidst land
with a ghost of a school
with overgrown grass

A depressing site for all to see
including the ones that stop by
with hopes of remaining powers

As they throw their choice
of coin in, make their wishes
and wait patiently to see

.............11  12   01
         10                02
      09         ?            03
        08                   04
            07   06   05

Go ahead and plan out every minute of your day, I don't recommend it because : UNLIKE YOU, plans do change!

Fix those that seek growth,
break those that fake growth

Fix yourself you pathetic phony, seek with purpose

We're not broken or fixed, it's not a permanent label

Forever it can change within the same days and so on

You want what you want, you don't what you don't

Accept who you are, what you desire and live your life

But whatever you do please, don't waste anymore time

ITS _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.(Poem title)

​​​​​​

To remember pain 
but to forget love 
To forget happiness 
but to remember sadness

Truth be told 
only we can decide 
On which feelings 
we want to focus on

Truth be told
within our lifetime 
We will experience 
the good and bad 

Without either 
we could take
Our life for granted
and everyone

I choose optimism 
it seems the best choice 
Its much easier to be happy 
when you try to rejoice

I                                                
I                                                
I    ——-    SHALLOW ———
I
I  
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I_THINKING_­__

1 joint
2 shots
3 beers

A
Bad
Combination

1 driver
2 drunks
3 killed

A
Bad
Crash

1 life-sentence
2 different charges
3 families affected

A
Bad
Choice

Depressed softly
Distracted hard
feelings discarded
MENTALLY
and
EMOTIONALLY
but not
PHYSICALLY
and the
DISTRACTION
gets lost
WHEN
I get
OFF
so I
LIVE
focusing on
PHYSICAL
attention from
WOMEN
true love
LOST
the cost
MY
bad examples
OF
fake love
GROWING-UP

Subtraction
Attraction
Distraction

Subtraction : I'm taken away
Attraction : By her beauty
Distraction : All else fades

S :
A :
D :

Her touch a rush I still chase
her touch lost from chasing others
Others touch couldn't compare how dare I chase anothers
She's gone now and I'm all alone missing our home
now
Others here now and I'm all alone missing the one that
mattered
I'm laying in a bed I made and I cannot ever get comfortable now
I'm alone now and wondering how I couldn't  see what
mattered
She was taken for granted and I take full responsibility for my actions or lack of
She deserved way better but I never figured out how to change for the better
She's gone now and the growth from the pain of her loss I have endured seemed so natural
She's gone forever and the pleasure from the growth cannot be celebrated for I have lost my true love

Wealthy need not money
for they have much more
Wealthy need not validation
for they have much more
Wealthy need not popularity
for they have much more
Wealthy need not abuse
for they have much more
In a perfect world
thou shall not abuse it
But we all know
including the wealthy themselves
That's just not the case
otherwise equality would exist

Phone 99 percent charged
and I’m 1 percent sane

Phone 1 percent charged
and I’m 99 percent sane

CHARGE YOURSELF
just as much
as you do
your PHONE

Ive lost more
than i ever loved 
Ive loved more 
than i ever shouldve 
So it only makes sense 
ive felt comfortable 
with LOST LOVE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
Please just give me a name ,
tell me there’s a pill, or a specific treatment that can fix this but please ... Whatever you do, don’t tell me it’s all
IN MY HEAD !
FU*KED

THERE HAS TO BE SOMEONE ! That can fix this problem for me.

THERE HAS TO BE A PILL
I CAN TAKE!  That can help take my issues away.

THERE HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF TREATMENT! That can provide me a cure.

BUT... If you expect me to believe there’s nothing you can do to help me and this is all: SELF-INFLICTED , than I’m definitely ******* !

Understand
before
JUDGEMENT

She sees in him what he wishes to see in himself but cannot
​​
He's never been looked at
with compassionate eyes

She understands his pain
from his childhood past

He wants to love her back
but just doesn't know how

With time a void is made
separating them apart

She promised to be patient
and never to leave his side

He noticed a bitterness start to grow within her loving eyes

She just couldn't look at him the same anymore like before

He just needed more time but she was tired of being patient

She couldn't comprehend thirty years of trauma being built up

He was crushed when she left him, losing her support

She really loved him at one point but not anymore

He knew better and felt dumb for finally trusting someone

Mistakes were made along the way to add to the pain

She started to believe he was a lost cause and wanted out

He hit rock bottom and was covered in horrible doubt

Love cannot conquer all, it's just not the bitter truth

She still thinks about him to this day and their relationship

He still misses her dearly but knows the damage is done

They both dance with the what ifs but refuse to call

She took a part of him she will forever have and keep

He took many lessons and pieces of her love to hold

The love shared will forever love on although they will not

She gave him hope and new strength from the tough-love

He gave her strength to stay true to who she was

BOTH LEARNING TO LOVE THEMSELVES MORE

FROM THE PAIN OF THEIR TRAGICALLY LOST LOVE

THEY BOTH STILL HURT THEY BOTH STILL CRY

BUT TO THEMSELVES THEY BOTH HAVE VOWED

THEY MUST MOVE ON FROM THE PAIN AND GROW

THEY JUST CANNOT DO IT TOGETHER, LIKE HE HAD HOPED FOR  

LOVERS LOST LOVE,
HEARTBREAK-WARFARE

Disrespect me
          to check me
                       If i refuse
   to disrespect back
       Then
You will
       continue to walk
                      all over me
    so i fire back
​​​         Then .........

When you are free
     fear can no longer
         motivate your choices

Decisions will come from
        buried truth deep within
  supporting your purpose

​​​​​       When you are free
   feelings no longer dictate
            your mental strength

      You know your destiny
​​​​​​success becomes overly addictive   when you are free

​​​​​  Free from the past
      free from the present
                    and the future

    Free from their hands
         free from their words
    and their plans

   When you are free
  you will be lonely
         to find yourself

Free to gather strength
         free to learn yourself
                 free to change

        When you are free
             fear can no longer
         dictate your LIFE

There’s a war overseas
There’s a war outside
There’s a war in the sky
There’s a war worldwide  
The war I’m most concerned
about, is the war inside my
MIND