There used to be a key to my heart, that was before she tore it apart, now I'm just desperate for love

My heart is now a pin cushion next to her sewing machine, she tore it out when she was done with me, now she punctures it with pins and needles used for thread, oh how I dread ever trusting her with my heart

She knew I hated cigarettes, right down to her nicotine breath, she really wanted to get back, she made threats I would never love again, my heart in her hand, she split it in two right down the middle, now each side placed on her two nightstands, both covered in ashes from her put out cigarettes, not just of hers but her many lovers too, my heart now her ashtrays

Back to school savings 
Buy one get one free tazers 
and bulletproof vests

You cant hide 
behind a name 
Years ago 
I was Rob Grove 
On this website 
I wasn't sure then 
the power of poetry 
I neglected my profile 
all my poems then 
were about heartbreak 
Then during Covid 19
I re-Discovered my profile 
I was at the lowest of lows 
just lost the love of MY LIFE 
I hated who I was 
I was the product of 
A BAD PAST 
that I NEVER DEALT WITH 
many skeletons rested 
In my closet 
So I created Reborn-Rob
a fictitious character 
that allowed me to ACCEPT 
the past by not actually 
OWNING IT 
See I was a NARCASSIST 
and we can't be seen 
any less than PERFECT
​​​400 poems later 
the truth that was buried 
​​​was awaken from my 
CHILDHOOD GRAVE 
so many memories 
I suppressed from fear 
So many horror stories 
that I never healed from 
I had a ton of support 
along with haters too
They didn't UNDERSTAND 
or SEE what I was going through 
With each write, song, story, poem, freestyle 
I felt so much better and the weight of the past drama 
WASNT DICTATING MY LIFE 
Shortly after 
I became sick with 
my entire profile 
and felt I needed to 
MOVE-ON 
That's when I created
SHALLOW WATERS 
figuring I made it back to 
Mental-shore 
NO MORE GOING OFF THE 
DEEP-END 
That lasted awhile 
mostly going through my past lovers and the drama 
It felt better to be a part of 
Calmer waters 
But then ....... 
I realized ...
MY MENTAL DISORDER
was still controlling me 
I WAS HIDING BEHIND 
ALL THESE NAMES 
and that's when 
Robert James Grove 
WAS ACCEPTED 
knowing ALL three profiles 
WERE HIM 
With all the pain, hurt, abuse
baggage and bad decisions 
WERE MINE TO OWN 
I gave up my personification that ONLY I HAD ABOUT ME 
I wasn't fooling anyone 
BUT MYSELF 
Now I'm coping with it all 
A-Z but accepting it's always been ME these are 
MY SCARS to
OVERCOME

Bad people aren't born they are made Thanks mom and dad 

​​​Bad people aren't born they are made Thank your grandma and grandpa 

Bad people aren't born they are made Thank your great grandma and great grandpa 

Good people aren't born they are made ​​​​​​Outside my family tree I have met some 

Good people don't blame others, they take responsibility ​That's how I'm becoming a good person 

Good people aren't always born or made ​​​However through the desire to change anyone can become a:
GOOD PERSON!

Raised a slave to mental-disorders 
Momma bear hibernated when it came to LAW AND ORDER 
No Papa bear but a ton of 
WILD ANIMALS
I love Mother Nature 
but HATE her MAMMALS 
I received the most love 
and healthy interaction from 
ACTION-FIGURES and 
STUFFED ANIMALS 
heartless creatures 
with no brain damage 
Raised a slave to mental-disorders 
Peta mightve been more alert than child services 
As I served my 16 year sentence 
If only I was a dog it would've came 7 times sooner 
Now an adult by the government's standard 
I AM FREE to deal with 
THIS MENTAL BAGGAGE

I'm not the Wizard 
but i'll gladly give you my
Courage, heart and brain

I'm Biden my nails 
My cuticles are bleeding 
Why did I do that?

Dancing With The Scars
all eyes on stage 
as heartbreak sweeps me 
off my feet 
The judges score cards are in:
Disappointment
False-Hope and 
YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH 
Dancing With The Scars 
Here I go again 
I'm back up from the ground 
on my feet again 
Not feeling to confident 
but there's always 
NEXT ROUND

Why did our love make it to shore? Why couldn't we just stay stuck out at sea? It wasn't us but rather everyone else, that wanted our love's ship to sink. As quickly as the waves came crashing in getting lost in the sand they turned to mud, our love went from beautiful blues to shades of dark brown. Dont bring a heart to a mud-fight unless you're:
PREPARED TO GET HURT

I took a chance 
an unnecessary 
dance 
Thank God 
I made it home 
safely

Today is a good day 
today is a bad day 
Today is a fun day
today is a sad day
Today is a __ day 
because i just woke up 
Today is whatever kind 
of day I decide 
FREEDOM

Replace the B with an M
and that's what you make me 
when you act out 
Replace the M with an S 
and that's how we both feel
after the fact 
Replace the S with a D 
and that's why I'm so hard
on you son 
Replace the D with a GL
and that's how I feel 
when you don't break the rules

.......T                            H
               S               T
                    U [] I
               R               A
        T                             F

FAITH IN TRUST 
X MARKS THE SPOT
MIRROR IMAGES IN LIGHT 
BECOMING ONE
TOGETHER THEY FIGHT 
HAND IN HAND, 
TOGETHER THEY LOVE 
BECOMING ONE 
MIRROR IMAGE IN LIGHT 
X MARKS THE SPOT 
TRUST IN FAITH

FALSLEY ACCUSED, HOW?
"SOMEONE MUST HANG" SAID THE KING.
RIGHT NOW, PICK SOMEONE! 

     DUCK, 
            DUCK, 
                  NOOSE 
                             // [][][][][][][][][]
                           //                   [][]
         11  12   01                     [][]
     10                02                   [][]
  09        PAY        03               [][]
    08                   04                 [][]
        07   06   05                     [][]
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                                                 [][]
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Subtitle: We All Are Broken

My reflection used to be UGLY
I hated it because
it DISGUSTED me 
Back then
when I was 
living a LIE
Try to swallow that pill 
try to stare that 
in the MIRROR
Fear is an 
Understatement
Disappointment 
more accurate 
But Now is different 
because I have changed 
My reflection attracts me 
because now I see GOOD
in many different aspects 
like abstract art 
Morals,, values,, goals,, self-love and respect 
My reflection is like 
looking into a 
KALEIDOSCOPE 
all my imperfections 
perfectly placed 
within my life's spectrum 
flaws now full grown 
transformed into 
BEAUTY FROM PAIN 
I'm proud to say 
I resemble a 
CHANGED MAN

My purpose 
isnt to service 
unwanted ears 
from sharing 
childhood fears 
from past years 
Its not my destiny 
to become someone 
that must share 
all the darkness 
for hopes it might 
help someone 
besides myself 
CALL ME SELFISH 
for this selfness 
i surround myself in 
i wish i could be 
more selfless 
but to imagine 
what that means 
when i was 
an acquitance of 
everyone elses needs 
but mine 
when i was a kid 
Emancipated at age 17 
runaway with 
a pregnant girlfriend 
just the icing 
on top of the cake 
of mistakes 
I wish were fake 
but are far to real 
the scars exposed 
host the bitterness 
exposed in me 
from years of 
bad habbits 
being the 
natural habitat for me 
poetry saved me 
poetry gave me 
a fighting chance 
the last dance 
before death 
was interrupted 
by words wrote 
on a bar napkin
before the rage 
took over the daze 
before the haze 
ended the self-slavery 
to mental health catastrophe 
as I gave 
my last words
meant to be written  
a second chance 
glanced at my last 
vision as I published 
a mind releasing poem 
and recieved comments 
of uplifting support 
yet another soul saved 
rEaLiTy 
kindness saves 
more than hate
COULD EVER STEAL 
Thank you greatly 
POETRY 
Im not worthy 
of your poise

Pain to Painful 
Trouble to Troubled
A Life to A Life Sentence 
Fumbled to Humbled 
Children to Child run 
Far to Not Far enough 
Your not guilty
to
You are guilty 
Of these Patterns 
You didnt start 
to 
Finished 
another Life 
GONE

Nightmares scare you 
but do they men
that sleep during the day 
working third shifts 
might just be 
the real nightmare 
Knowing your loved ones
are at home asleep 
by themselves 
thats no way to live 
to give or take 
the darkest hours 
from the ones 
that deserve 
your piece of mind 
for protection 
But what do i know 
i spent nights asleep 
in the backseat 
of cars 
traveling backroads 
as a kid 
with strange men 
who partied with 
my mom 
Truckstops
hotels
motels 
holiday inn 
blankets from a single bed 
make great cots 
for little kids 
more like tents 
did i pretend 
to stay hid 
from the evil sin 
If only it couldve been 
imagined at night 
when in deep sleep 
but these arent 
nightmares 
but rather 
childhood memories 
I stare in the eyes 
having to accept 
when i look my eyes
in my face 
My least favorite 
REFLECTION 
I HAVE EVER RELIVED 
I ******* hate 
the devils comfort 
I rather freeze 
to death 
than be warm 
from his flames

Its not your fault 
you did nothing wrong 
my heart  beats now 
to a different song 
than yours
I know itll hurt 
but its not my fault 
all Im doing 
is just being who I am 
I didnt mean 
to break your heart 
but i cant help 
you didnt make me feel 
as relevant, as she does 
my biggest fear 
isnt losing her 
but its losing myself 
to someone that doesnt love 
ME FOR WHO I AM 
no one can tell that 
it may take years 
in order to find out 
I fear no one or nothing 
If i continue to lead
with the tune 
my heart beats too
Im sorry for 
the change of heart 
you did nothing wrong
I cannot help 
how this girl 
MAKES ME FEEL

Listen ..... Do you hear that voice of concern ?
I didnt think so...... I could careless, if I'm being honest 
BITTER TRUTH

A mentally unhealthy family 
is hard to deal with 
WHEN 
You know its not their fault 
they are the way they are 
WHEN 
You are forced to be a part of their life, forever you will hurt 
WHEN 
You know they need help but you cant save them all 

PS: Its equivalent to being in a house thats on fire and everyone you love is burning to death and you can only save yourself 

HARD

Abused 
confused 
with 
WHO I AM 
Words
heard 
from 
words 
spoke
from 
words 
wrote 
My roots formed 
from a poem 
but 
which
type 
FrEeStYle?
I am to confused 
my reflection uncertain 
must we have labels 
hAiKu?
I ASK MYSELF ?
of course my voices 
have no response 
They only speak up 
when they benefit 
THEMSELVES 
My identity is in many 
because these words 
have many meanings 
Who i am ?
is up for debate 
until I know
I guess ill always remain
GeNre-CoNfUsEd 
NaRrAtIvE?
WHO KNOWS ?

Evil does exist 
We all cross paths with evil 
some of us host it 

Evil does exist 
Should we try to avoid it?
some of us try to 

Evil does exist 
How can we conquer evil?
if we are afraid 

Evil does exist 
But im not afraid of it 
I used to host it 

Evil does exist
But not inside of me now 
because I chose love 

Love will overcome 
All evil and conquer it 
evil does exist

But so does love too 
Evil is a choice you make 
but so is love too 

What will you decide? 
What side do you belong to ?
Evil versus Love

An abundance of 
pain, turmoil, regrets and 
mental health issues 

Serial killers 
made from same ingredients 
not one victim yet 

Except for myself 
I keep killing who I am 
over and over 

So I guess I'm one
each death brings hope for new life 
I'll keep murdering 

Until Im reborn 
again with a better mind 
absent from voices 

Reminding myself 
of the past decisions made 
over and over 

The same voices said
from youth I would amount to
nOtHiNg WiThOuT tHeM

Geo-fencing
invisible cage 
detecting 
signals 
messaging 
the brain
Marketing 
decisions
with
persuasion 
Defense-mechanisms
fa­de
to 
emotions
collecting 
particles of trauma
rewinding 
your minds thoughts
back in time 
to a bitter reality 
you vowed 
to leave behind 
but moving forward 
you cannot prevent them 
from coming to life 
Brain-washed 
through lies 
false conclusions 
formed from 
mistrust
Issues pile up 
will this continue 
well into adult years 
Adult fears 
still stemming back 
to CHILDHOOD years
Are we just plants 
our internal roots 
with time just grow 
Can we not escape 
the unwanted birth 
with wanted growth 
or are we just 
STUCK
with the 
Aftermath 
Enraged, engaged 
to a life we are 
enslaved 
until the grave 
forever a mind 
trapped in a cage 
host to past thoughts 
that cannot be lost 
all fenced in 
since day 1

Temporary fun with irresponsible decisions 
their repercussions are 
always right around the 
corner, Im all about longterm,
forget the instant gratification
I refuse to let a part-time fun 
create a full-time problem 
moving forward or atleast not on purpose, opportunities for bad decisions will always surface but it doesnt mean we have to let them rise 
STAY FOCUSED 
its not magic,
no hocus-pocus 
just a lot of tough-love 
The older I get 
the more I realize 
Im worth it 
The more I grow 
the more I realize 
I deserve it 
Self-observations 
leads to 
Self-reflection 
leads to 
Self-acceptance 
leads to 
Self-understanding 
leads to 
Self-respect
leads to 
Self-improvement 
leads to
SELF-CHANGE
Equals 
SELF-GROWTH 
Heres a real life 
mathematical equation 
they didnt teach us 
in school, Lifes one BIG
MATH PROBLEM 
everything your facing 
can be fixed 
with addition 
or subtraction 
its really that simple 
solve for 1( you )
Once you are the product
then you can produce 
but to think 
someone else 
can do the math for you 
is ridiculous 
its quite obvious 
that theory 
will always end 
WRONG

Its just another day 
the weatherman
is calling for SuNsHiNe
but Im still feeling 
teardrops of rain
its just another day 
the weatherman
is calling for clear skies 
but Im still feeling 
shades of gray
DEPRESSED
STRESSED
Sadness replaces 
happiness 
Emotions drown
blending together 
NUMB the background
Silence sounds 
all love is lost
the cost 
paid in FULL
time gone 
Never to be replaced 
faced with 
traces of 
past trauma
building up
to much to overcome 
Easier to just 
GIVE-UP 
Yeah the weatherman 
called this day wrong 
for people like
you and me

Among the many remedies  to fight stress and release anger
I have custom tailored my own cures for my mental-health 

Like tearing through my firebirds 4 speed as I take off like a bat out of hell and watch the rpms climb to redline 

Like hopping in my truck and burning out while cruising down backroads listening to the radio all the way turned up 

Like taking my dog Buster for a hike and watching him enjoy some one on one time with me out in the woods by where we live 

Like writing poetry just as quickly as the words try to weigh heavy on my mind, each line wrote prevents the bottling up 

These are my most popular ones among some more but most importantly require no dependancy on drugs prescribed by a doctor 

Gas, tires, oil changes and dog food is much cheaper than hurt feelings, broken relationships, criminal record or attorney fees 

Plan for the worse, hope for the best and if **** could hit the fan then eventually it probably will....... So have a plan

Wakeup 
while your awake 
lately on the feet 
seems like 
sleeping 
concrete jungles 
glass lined beaches 
but hey 
they look nice
fake 
feels 
real
faded reality 
now 
truth
hold on
gravity keeping us all
GrOuNdEd
NO TIME 
for timeouts
seconds dissolve 
minutes disappear 
hours we grasp on
         !02:00!
Off goes the alarm 
while i was awake                 L
SL33PING                             L
       FOLLOWING THE     U
             GrAvItAtIoNaL P
Pounding this 
    Quicksand 
planned 
out
with 
the 
E
X
A
C
TIME
         V      
       S  O  L  V   E
              L  
                 E

LOVE 
 behold we hold  theeeee
air 
Whether
 WARM OR cold
    TAKE THE STEPS 
    necessary 
              to take less steps 
and quit getting 
    STEPPED-ON
earn the learn 
and LIVE     ----------------
                            ON
                             ⬆️
                             ⬆️
                             ⬆️
                            ON
                      ----------------
AND CREATE 
an OFF'LESS
Switch
but not a 
LIFELESS
Switch
    DiTcH tHe PrEdEtErMiNeD
        PATHS
     Take steps of
                 YOUR OWN

I'm the main character 
of this horrible book
Titled: LIFE 
I deny every single word 
of this horrible book
About my life 

LIES LIES LIES 

I'm the main character 
of this horrible life 
Documented by myself 
Titled: LIFE
I wrote every single word 
of this horrible book 

TRUE TRUE TRUE 

Non-fictional 
THE TRUTH HURTS

The turkey isnt the only thing baked at this Thanksgiving Dinner....

Thanksgiving is here 
 the mentally unstable 
gather in one place

Beneath the surface 
well who cares 

Anyone who digs that deep
just uses it against me 
anyhow 

Beneath the surface 
UnKnOwN

Among her various shades 
my favorite by far 
Is when
she can just be herself,
far far away 
from judgement 
Beneath the sheets
skin to skin 
my favorite shade of hers 
among them all 
by far.... 
Isnt a shade at all 
but rather 
just her 
in the rawest form 
All the labels are gone 
appearances lost 
along with the 
namebrand clothes 
her makeup now belongs 
to the bathroom's 
washcloth 
as I enjoy the view 
to who
she really is 
while holding her 
in my caring arms 
Safe and secure 
away from harm 
far far away 
from her various shades 
In my arms 
where she belongs

Holoday 
caust me 
my sanity 
most recent 
memory 
of losing her 
as my soul 
got slaughtered 
spending 
a celebration 
all alone 
shes still gone 
yet i pretend 
that i can forget
that theres no hope 
for a quick second 
then I'm reminded 
She gave up her grip
and 
FOREVER LET GO

My feelings hurt 
my feelings ScReAm
in pain
My feelings long 
for SoMeOnE to 
come along 
My feelings have 
been through alot 
My feelings never 
have forgot 
The past, the worst,
or the best memories 
My feelings are sore 
my feelings are tired 
My feelings lost 
their voice 
My feelings just want to 
RETIRE 
Are you the one 
my feelings whisper 
inside my head 
when my feelings 
are grabbed 
Her voice
her smile 
her lips
her body 
her personality 
her demeanor 
her story 
has my feelings 
going crazy 
inside my body 
"Is she the one?"
My feelings ask 
I reply disappointed, 
"Im not sure yet"
but my feelings 
still keep
FEELING

I swear if they exist 
the next one is mine 
car doors automatic 
OPEN 
****** expressions automatically 
DETECTED 
i , yes lower case
because ill always remain 
INSIGNIFICANT 
to THEIR NEEDS
literally ill bleed 
for them 
i just want someone 
to hold 
someone to show 
how it feels 
to be 
on top of 
THEIR WORLD 
please just grant me 
one woman 
that knows 
who i truly am 
and who i want to be 
and what that means
for them 
Im wholeheartedly 
CONVINCED 
my true love
MAY NEVER 
exist 
BUT IM STILL 
SEARCHING

When searching for happiness one may find that the hunt is filled with so many ups and downs that its just easier to be content with 
BEING ALONE

When money prevents you from your dreams...money you may or may never have. 

When a decision prevents you from your dreams...a decision you can make.

So is it safe to assume we enjoy the comfort of having something to blame.....

Internal warfare 
MENTALLY 
EMOTIONALLY
External warfare 
PHYSICALLY 
MENTALLY 
EMOTIONALLY 
Im not in the Military 
but why does it feel 
we abide by the 
DONT ASK DONT TELL 
AS A WHOLE 
AS A COUNTRY 
AS A WORLD
Im tired of bleeding
Im sick of temporary fixes 
I want to :
PERMANENTLY CHANGE

Ounces of tears 
matches 
ounces of beers 
matches 
pounds of fears 
matches 
pounds of regrets 
matches 
years of
ALL THEE ABOVE 
dEpReSsEd
until the liquids 
replace the face 
that hurts so much 
with feelings gone 
NUMB

Insecurities, 
are born from outside sources 
Dont let them come in!

Its not my eyes that scare you, so look me in the eyes when I speak. If you are not capable then please go work on yourself. Its not my eyes fault you cannot stand
YOUR REFLECTION!

Walk through life if you want , I suggest you rUn ScArEd. 
THE CLOCK IS TICKING

Life no longer teases you when you know your purpose 
Then and only then...
Life threatens you from being able to achieve it in time

Hard wired 
DNA tired 
genetics invented 
man created life 
overcoming
sickness 
politics threatened 
rocking right to left'em
BEHIND 
time 
lightyears 
AHEAD 
of light 
Dark-ages 
pages 
written 
on human flesh 
with sacrificial blood 
lost ones 
forever gone 
RETURN 
back home 
before the 
INVENTIONS 
that started 
HELL ON
EARTH 
simple

No, no,no,no,no 
No not today, not at all
No, no not today

NOTES:
(Buster my 31lb Shih-tzu that saved my life ... literally! )

My dog, my angel 
my hero and my savior 
my one and only