My life in pieces,
my world in pages.
I'll never finish this puzzle.
I'll never finish this book.

I keep collecting.
I keep reading.
I keep placing.
I keep writing. 

Eventually I'll figure it out, 
I'll never quit fighting. 
Battles won, battles lost.
I refuse to stop, regardless......

You look at me
I stare at the ground
Not from fear
but rather disgust
You look at me
I could careless
I wish it was different
but I cannot undo
All the pain you caused
all the lack of love
You look at me
only from photos now
You're dead to me
I hold my head high
Only looking up
because I deserve to
I cannot love you
for all the scars caused
You made me learn
everything on my own
In fact I taught you
solely from trial and error
Not because I wanted to
but because I had to survive
You look at me
but never in my eyes
Because you don't deserve me
nor ever loved me right

A family tree of unemployment
A family tree of
disability
A family tree of
bad credit
A family tree of
high interest paid
A family tree of
we own nothing
A family tree of
alcoholism
A family tree of
drug abuse
A family tree of
mental disorders
A family tree of
grief
A family tree of
divorces
A family tree of
endless debt

I'm just trying
to be a black sheep
and defy all odds
Regardless the roots
or branches I came from

I have no right to judge
nor can I forgive all
Please don't worship me
please don't call me your God

Doctors prescribe what pharma sells, I rather prescribe myself

Market fresh filets
marinating all day
Lazy day, at home
videogames with my son
Fresh powdered roads
plowing driveways
Busy day, at home
riding shotgun with my son
Dogs anxiously await
steady napping away
Lazy day, at home

"Man I've missed being home, there's no place I'd rather be."

You say I'm angry
But that's just not the case dear
You get what you give

You, one of many
You, only feel this way dear
They get what they give

A whisper heard but not understood,
MY VOICE.

A touch felt but not
known,
MY HAND.

A sight seen but not
familiar,
MY SOUL.

A willing set of ears to listen but not capable,
MY FLAW.

A comforting smell but not
lasting,
MY SCENT.

A beautiful mind but not home to a healthy brain,
MY TRUTH.

Relapse
GREEN LIGHT
Success
STOP SIGN
Think
YELLOW LIGHT
Plan
RED LIGHT
Grow
GREEN LIGHT
Battle
RAILROAD TRACKS
Stop or Go
CROSSBARS DOWN
Decide

Poetry is literally
everything you see
Believe me or not
look around or listen
Born from it, Hip-Hop,
Rap, slap games
Big bombs dropped
from lack of words
Head Games, fame
fortune, love, torture
Pain ends and begins
with messages or lack
of sent, a creator and deterrent
in the mix
Blood, water....thick
and thin! Enemy and
best friend, lost time
and time to come
Here to stay or on the run!
Love stories, romance
novels, old school values
morals encompassed
The light at the end of
the tunnel or the
darkness before
Hate expressed, faith adored, anger released from anger stored, it's the Mother to every word, Poetry is ALL

Kick
chiLL
Both friends sit
Pick
piLLs
Both ends lit
Wick
stiLL
Both lend hits
Sick
iLL
Both tend it
Thick
biLLs
Both hands get
Quick
fiLL
Both land bits
Licks
****
Both send ****
Brick
ceLLs

I'm never 100'/,
blame my brain
it's a bad battery

Confidence is that green sphere within the hardboiled Ego

One may realize how fragile they both are, be humble

Seconds passed unnoticed
minutes seemed like hours

Hours were longer than days
days never seemed to amaze

Nights always feared most
weeks combined flew by

Months were very slow years
& the years were forever gone

This pretty much sums up
my confused childhood

Gray skies filled with clouds
unfamiliar hidden sunshine

Hungry for unacquainted love
starving for good attention  

But all these conclusions
weren't known back then

Nor were they made quick
however Im glad for them

True signs through life
that finally I've become a man

Time tells all tales needed
but time never gaurantees

Time invested in yourself
may determine being free

Time we cannot get back
nor can we ever create more

But that doesn't mean for one second we can't invest it

To fix times we weren't ourselves in an effort to grow

"TO BECOME WITH TIME, WHO IT IS, WE TRULY DESIRE TO BE"

"TIME ISN'T JUST A MEASUREMENT BUT ALSO A LOST LOVE"

I went from having nothing to owning everything and to what do I owe all my success? ACCEPTANCE
I went from having nothing to owning everything and to whom do I owe all my success? MYSELF

Early resentment
from working long hours
blame pointed towards
each other's direction
Pain felt forever

Late resentment
from the forever pain
still causing havoc in
each other's direction
Pain felt forever

Tuning in and out of what I desire
and what I got
Amidst a perception
trapped in reality
Floating above
many hopes
Beneath
all of
it all.
ME!

Cobwebs draped over a dust covered beautiful mind forever meant to be hidden on purpose from the young soul who called it his very own

Forever meant to be forgotten and never shared with anyone for fear he might be able to save other trapped souls cut from the same cloth

Sinful crime and murderous plots the result and plan from the hands that were supposed to hold him dear and love him the very most without doubt

Shallow frail roots must be to blame for a mentally-unstable name claiming to be of family with no knowledge of what it means or the role it plays too

MOTHER NATURE IS FUNNY

Layers upon layers
and still I see you
Beneath them all
you remain scared
Take your time dear
only you can take them off
One by one they will fall
don't try to conquer them all
At once.......

I'm changing,slowly rearranging, I'm not the same! **** fake love, I've grown from the ones that have been GENUINE, I'll become someone I can be proud of, regardless the scars or hopeless stars I wished on, regardless the ones that trapped this soul, I WILL OVERCOME

I'm a little boy within this skin of what resembles a normal looking man
I'm a psychopath within this skin of what resembles a normal looking man.
I'm a healing soul within this skin of what resembles a normal looking man.
I'm a little boy within this skin of mine that resembles a normal looking man.
There's nothing normal at all about me or what lies within the skin of what appears to be a normal looking man.
I AM a man kindly reminding you
" things aren't always as they appear "

Fix those that seek growth,
break those that fake growth

Fix yourself you pathetic phony, seek with purpose

We're not broken or fixed, it's not a permanent label

Forever it can change within the same days and so on

You want what you want, you don't what you don't

Accept who you are, what you desire and live your life

But whatever you do please, don't waste anymore time

ITS _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.(Poem title)

​​​​​​

I got a knot in my neck
I got a lump in my throat
I got a whole in my heart
and there's only one......
It's her

"Mentality plays" roles on sexuality, what "we find" attractive may be "fueled by" encounters with trauma.

Lack of love translates to "someone who chases", much love might look like someone being "taken for granted."

These are comparisons in the "lightest form", I have alot of real life experiences with the "darkest forms." imagined

What makes you attractive is the question to "ask yourself." Make sure to "be honest!"

"Don't feel bad if" you don't  offer much, "I had no answer" when I asked "MYSELF FIRST"

Loves a stranger, captive to anger, danger seems normal.
Since she's been gone
life has become more bitter.
Days are slow, nights are long
the only lyrics I hear are from sad love songs, so unfair.
Bare my life has become without the one to complete me. My better half, my better laugh, my ounce of hope, my only wish that ever came true, GONE!

A found newborn becomes a lost boy.The lost boy becomes a troubled teen.

With a blink of an eye the troubled teen, legally becomes a broken man.

When was the opportunity missed to become someone different? It wasn't !

It all started long before he was capable of making any decisions, the sad truth.

But all you see now is what stands in front of you, with looks of disappointment.

The same exact image I have been forced to stare back at for many years, REFLECTION!

Peace within your mind
         Peace within
   your heart and soul
Peace within your life

Hate torments lost souls, love cannot be understood genuinely to those that cannot love themselves. Buried alive in shallow graves for all to witness their flaws.
They wear their hearts on worn sleeves, covering scars that refuse to leave. Misunderstood by most, hurt by most, lost by all, no one can be trusted, no one at all.
Perpetual pain, fueled by the bitter truth and hidden beneath the comfort of the believed lies...... Life may be nonfiction, but most that live it, choose to do so in fiction!

He kicked the can
far before the keg kicked

He drank himself
until he drowned

Literally his last breath
was spent at this bar

Right before his last cent
he was broke in many ways

His days started at open
his nights began at close

Only leaving room for
a drunken walk and sleep

His spirits were always hi
until the spirits went bye

A rowdy guy he could be
when others spoke to thee

He was a lonely man
sorrow built up caked his face

Cold brews washed it down
as foam covered his chin

He knew his limits though
never touching the liquor

The beer numbed the pain
the brews calmed the temper

A good tipper indeed he was
but now he's gone from us

He kicked the can
far before the keg kicked

The pub still lives on
from open to close

His lack of presence
remains the biggest difference

He was a lonely man
that found comfort at

The bottom of every glass
he had ever ordered

But was it genuine habit
or was it out of pattern

I never the courage to ask
I never the care to speak up

Is life moving to fast
for us to take the time

I'm no therapist, I remind myself
but merely a tender of the bar

However I still feel guilt
knowing I filled the last mug

Meaningless words dealt
fake "how you do's"

It turns out, until he was gone
I never valued his soul

He was a lonely man
but now so am I

He kicked the can
far before the last keg kicked

And now I'm left
kicking myself in the ***

For never becoming
a good friend
​​​​​

I'm so ******* uncomfortable it makes sense, I'm outside my own skin, I vowed whatever it took to become a success !

When bad habits are normal
regular behaviors are horrible
Irregular behavior seems abnormal from discomfort of acting different but I now see the good that comes from being uncomfortable.

Pain is powerful
pain can produce
Pain creates comfort
pain creates truth
Pain is real
pain is raw
Pain made me
pain gains trust
Pain translates easily
pain persuades others
Pain relates well
pain convinces us
Pain produces sales
pain soars profits
Pain is genuine
pain is love
Pain haunted me
pain blessed me
Pain is life
pain is purpose
Pain employs me
pain pays well
Pain is me
pain is you
Pain needs me
pain needs you
Pain sells cars
pain buys cars
I'm not a salesman
I'm a pain identifier
I'm not a shark
I'm a pain comforter
We all have pain
we all desire comfort
I share my pain
to gain your trust
You share your pain
to repay my trust
Together we become painless
when I sell you
I'm not a salesman
you're not a customer
​​​​​​We are pain victims
together finding pain comfort
Pain leads to profits
pain leads to sales
Pain is my business
pain pays me well

Perpetual Hunger

Life is out of focus
pieces of who we are
captured by those close to us

Who we are, will we not know?
pieces of ourselves blankly
captured by others photos

Life is out of focus
as a whole we remain altered
captured by those unknown to us

Who we are, will we know?
pieces of ourselves boldly
captured by our purpose

Life is our main focus
pieces of all of us
captured by life's purpose

I escaped reality
to realize it was fake
Until I removed myself
it was impossible to see
I escaped a life sentence
of remaining the same
Now that I'm better
I'm back in the picture
Witnessing others
victim to bad patterns
I now have the strength
to continue to change
I realize the same pain
these loved ones suffer
But when I try to explain
it falls on deaf ears
They find more comfort
in the constant pain
They forever will be
trapped within false reality
I forever will try
to get them to listen
But I have accepted
this may not ever be
A successful mission
that I have taken

If only I knew the power of the truth but I fed into the lies. I never realized the complexity of false feelings for myself. I acted and reacted based on what I saw and not what I wanted. If only I could've understood it was always me and never you then maybe... just maybe I could've grown with you. It's to late now for what ifs or what might. We grew apart because I never helped myself before you and I hurt each other. I apologize

When you are free
     fear can no longer
         motivate your choices

Decisions will come from
        buried truth deep within
  supporting your purpose

​​​​​       When you are free
   feelings no longer dictate
            your mental strength

      You know your destiny
​​​​​​success becomes overly addictive   when you are free

​​​​​  Free from the past
      free from the present
                    and the future

    Free from their hands
         free from their words
    and their plans

   When you are free
  you will be lonely
         to find yourself

Free to gather strength
         free to learn yourself
                 free to change

        When you are free
             fear can no longer
         dictate your LIFE

My mind outside gravity's reach, amidst the stars in the sky I seek, my goals shine bright providing guidance I need. My mind outside humans reach, amidst the stars in the sky I seek, my goals shine bright dividing misguidance I don't need.

My life has been a crockpot of mixed emotions all stewing together

Without any taste of the familiarity of each ingredient alone

The comfort of them all together creates a vibe felt forever

Before I found myself, within fake walls that weren't my home

"I KNEW NO BETTER, NO BETTER AT ALL, UNTIL NOW! "

Life conditions us
We condition life
What condition are you?
What condition is life?
Conditional statements
Conditional questions
Conditional answers
Conditionally speaking
that is........

Created to create

I'm feelin froggy
dropped the bad habit
left it standing
dine and dash
I don't owe you nothing
I spent many years
That only led to many fears
And it appears, I've had enough , I can't stand it , I never planned it , but 32 years taken from me , IM tired of being disappointed... I WANNA BE PROUD OF WHO I AM, no more allowing sickness , change couldn't be quick enough , I had to learn patience , it can't come overnight but the flaws to numb the cause can be instant, madness Abra cadaver it's not magic R.I.P you becoming the best you could be , I cannot flee me, I rather be lonely and working on becoming somebody than rely on continuing to be a narcissist feeding off bad energy from a relationship , who am I, I cannot blame others for my past pain, I must change who I am before I can provide happiness for myself, useless cause, IMPOSSIBLE but I must end this madness and this poem on a positive note, WE ALL HAVE GREATNESS , WE MUST JUST FIND IT , ITS WITHIN OUR PURPOSE , NOT ALWAYS ON THE SURFACE , KEEP FINDING TO GROW AND BE A LEADER TO HELP FIND IT FOR OTHERS, BE STRONG FOR ONE ANOTHER ! that's what's weighing heavy on my heart .

I'm going through a selfish stage
but this is my change

I don't mean to be rude
but I finally feel important

I know what I need to do
so I just need to focus

I apologize to those that
I have made feel unnoticed

It's not on purpose so
please don't take it personal

I'll overcome this phase
and be way stronger

I'll become someone better
and be way more supportive

I'm going through a selfish stage,
you deserve better

My ultimate goal is
to become that for you

I don't mean to be rude
but I finally feel worthy

One year my dear
and one month
since I last saw you
One year my dear
and three months
since we broke up
I still miss you
Four years my dear
and one month
of me messing up
with no improvement
I really let you down
However many years
and months my dear
It takes you to reconsider
I'll be waiting for you
and our lost love dear
until you're actually
really mine dear
I will always miss you

No more training wheels
Life is filled with many falls
Always get back up

There's a world of distractions, there's a world of temptations, there's a world of problems and it's no longer my concern....  

Within these worlds is the world that really matters, it's the world I call home, it's the world where I'm a father....

...............I        ​​​​O      I      O
              I                  I
...............I..................I...............
       ­       I                  l
     X       I        X       l      X
...................................................
    ­          I                  I
              I                  I­      O
              I                  I

​​​​​​TIC TAC FOE

I trusted you
enough to let you win
You broke my heart
when you purposely lost
Our love

Contagious energy
provides gravity
Creates comfort
becomes contagious

Old Orchard Beach
cold fall day
Couple massages
psychic reading
Elegant dinner
small cabin.....
i miss us