Waiting for the time.
Sitting in solitude.
Deciding what to do.
Never been so alone as now.
Sound the alarms.
Man the posts.
I need someone.
Could take the way out.
Asked if it should be hidden.
Nah, don't hide the exit.
Tomorrow will be a time to heal.
Do I want to last forever.
No, I want to rest alone.

Cinnamon and nutmeg dance in the kitchen;
Ginger and orange spring about the party.
The scents of holiday flood
and tumble past the kitchen.
Snowy clouds billow as the warmth
inside the house grows and glows.
Hearts are filled with thoughts of past
and candied future hopes.
The spice party glides and mixes with the mood.
Holiday punch to cover bitter thoughts.

Creeping from the depth;
brushing over trembling heart;
Sensation of trepidation
rests upon the sleeping mind.
Eyes shut attempting to block
The known to remain unseen.

Only your terms
Smells to me
Worse than cheese.
Done my friend.
Your worth to me
Is none.
Merry Christmas!
***** of a poem.
A personal gift to me!

He lives above me
My crush
Three years going still
I blush
Soon to move
Green lawns lush
Out one night, it happened
I rest my head on his shoulder
He grabbed my hand
Then I knew,
No need to rush
Three years gone
How much more with three days left
Goodnight, my dear crush

Just in the shadows,
Waiting to take a step forward.
Hesitation for a blessing
Or a lack of courage?
Lingering to see.
Not ready to commit.
Always someone else.
Never the hero
to save the day.
Just a bystander to marvel
At life happening.

Falling from the present,
into a photo of the past.
The spot without the troubles.
Sunshine morning
With birds singing.
Blessings of youth and
stability of unknown.
Sun burns across the linen
onto the sleeping face.
Happy curling lips.
Quite snuggles
without the burden
of sharing years.
Perfection of the start.

You knew this was it.
There you are, still,
Subject of my quest.
Have come to know you
In and out.
Seeing scars as I make my own.
Leaving me to guess.
Silently giving.
There for me.
Generous person,
When done,
Dispatched.
The gift of knowing you
Lingers with me.

Darkness settled;
Loneliness drapes my shoulders;
Wet stings my face;
Sobs shake me deep;
How did it come to this;
Loud crashing nothing;
Flashing temper.
So much, for so little.
Angry showers,
Should make you cower.

My foot failed to catch the step;
Your calming hand clasped my elbow;
With a glance, half a smile;
My heart bounced forward
not missing the fall.
That gentle wave of knowing.
The thought of familiar.
The memory of your scent.
The memory of your intimate touch.
Never will my heart stop feeling.
To my mind, you belong to me alone.
Perhaps also to yours.
A shame that is not the way
as I continue alone.

Wet above my lip
Sweat  on my legs
I stretch my arms above my head
I turn my face to the side
The itch is consuming as the heat
Hot summer thunder in the distance
The room is close
Surrounded by pillows and white bleached sheets
Let the time never end
Hold me closer
Whisper the secret of my name
Kiss me tender in the heat

Wild blueberries for breakfast muffins.
Green Kool-aid on Birthdays,
with green icing on homemade cakes.
Sticky homemade popsicles
and sips from gushing water hoses.
Tadpoles in jars.
Flyflies lighting the night skies.
***** feet pushing at pedals
To win the race.
Picking vegetables for dinner.
Swimming at days end in the lake.
Smell of grilling steaks on Friday night.
Fresh cut grass on Saturday morning;
Charmed with this.
The blessing of childhood.

Love the deep of night;
Moon's full light streaming on the earth;
Guide me in my thoughts;
Pull me in the tide.
Lift me from my sad norm
To happy freedom
Of reckless dancing delight
In Moon's glow.

Still sorely missed.
Daydreams about what might have been.
Pain is distant and so close.
A shard of glass pierces as my mind reviews
The glass is hidden in the years which dull.
The pain of the shard is new as first.
Sweet girl what should have been.  
Already you see my father.
My mother is watching for you with tired eyes.
Sweet Cate, treat them well.
You are old enough to care for my parents
With loving heart.
My years add for us to meet.
I will look for you when I join, but
Don't expect too soon.
I've my chores here to do.
Love you, Sweet Cate.

Humid night
Fighting for porch's best seat.
Swaying in the best seat
Laying back with legs straight
I win the race.
My sisters get the steps,
they are younger and slow.
The chains squeal back and forth.
Enjoying chocolate ice cream.
Flip-flops dropping from my feet.
"Anthony, just rode by!"
Called the middle one.
Jumping from my place to the rail.
Trying hard to catch that glimpse.
No Red Trans Am.
Should have heard him.
Turned to take my place.
Pushed between them.
Sat on top.
The swing moaned,
But dutiful held its burden.
Until heat scattered us inside
for air conditioning and TV.

Hide the thought.
Head upright.
Chin stiff.
Cheeks plump
With smile.
Eyes blink.
Hand brushes brow
With a soft tilt of face.
Right, right
I understand.
Sweep and turn.
Over.
No more.
Gentle toss.
Deep breath.
Relief.
Quiet full grin.
Release.

Wonder the mystery of acceptance
Never playing the same tune
Looking for the extraordinary
Never giving way
Eyes never meet
Unable to converse
Words playing inside
Never hearing what is said
Bad fit so unfit
No one is found
Friends are hard to know

Draped with the knowledge
That it is coming to an end;
Dipping beneath the glowing
Gaze that follows me.
Want to shake loose
and wriggle free.
Take off.
Take your chips.
Give me mine.
Games over.
No more tiny slices.
No more twisting knots.
Take off.
Love someone else.
Leave me be.
No feelings left.
Just bitter taste.
Spit it out.
Take off.

Don't spill the full;
Wriggle from the top;
Scramble from the bottom;
Make each minute count;
Sip it, don't gulp it;
Boldly eye before the jump;
Sit upon your hands;
The time is resting;
The fate is waiting;
Hours last so long.

Fullness bloomed on my tongue.
Filling my person with a newfound purpose.
Never knowing that life could feel so free.
So open, so many possibilities.
Then melted no longer strong.
Needed another taste once again
To see the purpose
To understand my future.
To acknowledge my past.
The taste was needed to open the possibilities.
Never again would life move forward without
the memory of that first taste.
Others would never be the same.
Quest in life remained for the sensation
of the first fullness.

He would watch with his tender eyes.
Almost misting, sometimes.
Almost smiling, sometimes.
I think I mistook tenderness
seeing it as his love of me.
However, he was not tender.
The look covered the lies that
he did not want me to see.
He melt my brains with the look.
No tenderness, just pity
for my ignorance.
"Ahh, she knows better."
But we all grow and see.
Now, I look with tenderness
at him with thoughts
of what he missed.

Take to the streets;
Follow a higher law;
Never be a captor of wrong;
Don't be a victim of disorder;
History will be your guide.
Test your own conscience.
Use your own sense of justice.
Don't be led into disrespect
of your fellow human.
Love your freedom and
The God given free will.
Some leaders are no leaders
and stay hidden.
Other boldly mix
with their people
and hear the voices of their people.
The hidden have no conscience,
only self interest.

They packed her Ford with his belongings.
Texas to Philadelphia.
Internet love fully bloomed.
He left it all behind
to make it work.
Old enough to know better
Dumb enough to hope.
Texas to Philadelphia.
She called the shots.
He fell in line.
He left it all behind.
Now, he only calls his sons.
She pays the child support.
He left it all behind.
His ex drugs too much.
His momma cries.
The boys are going wild.
He's stuck in Philadelphia.
His heart's no longer there.

Morning preparation for the big together;
Wonderful smells throughout the house;
Some remember that they did it all;
(But, they never really did);
Other's remember the warmth;
Grandma's house with all her love;
Captain Kangaroo before the start;
Mickey Mouse Club while we wait;
Children with hungry stomachs;
Waiting for the fathers to return
from hunting in the woods;
Mothers gossip in the kitchen;
The big together commenced with prayer;
Kids at the children's table;
Even kids with babies in high chairs
at the children's table as time went by;
Kids table became the envied table;
Chocolate cake for grandpa's birthday
celebrated at the big together
no matter the date, always last Thursday.
Men gathered with little care
As woman cleaned the mess clear.
The big together for another year.
Now, I have the big together.
Missing the kids table, I take a big sip of wine.

Floats to the surface
With oxygen that truth
Always seeks.
Truth never hides
Under cover.
Truth needs open
Spaces and blue skies.
The big reveal is always
Pregnant with life
Waiting to burst forth.

Make room.
Rain or shine.
A happening to share.
No RSVP.
Just a notion.
Day into night.
Drunk with music.
Green grass under foot.
Beverage toted by pickup.
Fellowship,
Maybe romance.
Sleep it all off.
Portable party.
Ease of youth.
Angels dancing.
Demons spinning.
Life living.

Things aren't always happy;
Tidy up the troubles;
Grateful for the good;
A loneliness in the crowd;
Wondering about place at life's table;
Surrounded by loved ones;
But feeling no attachment;
Others have so much to do;
Lost in chores;
Sweeping away thoughts of grief;
Searching for a reason;
Needing to appreciate where I am;
What I have done;
I just don't feel done.

Three a. m.  I  went outside.
Full moon lighting night
Wind blowing in the new spring leaves
Dancing along wood's edge.
Unknown blessing in my path.
Alone with God,
Yet feeling the presence of another.
The night sounds warning of impending loss
The leaving of my father
As he traveled to eternal.
The wind was his gentle touch as he left the earth
Gently brushing my hair.
'Thanks, daddy, for the visit.'

I rest my argument
The test is end
No more to go
No more  bitter regret
Time to pack
To leave the foe
To leave the battleground
All thoughts in tow
No worries about what might have been
What should have been
To know what is.

You saw, didn't you?
We weren't alone.
Just outside.
I called the cops.
Don't give me that look.
I make perfect sense.
On the camera.
Just look.
Why did they take you
in the room?
What did they say?
Don't give me that look.
I saw it all.
Its just right here.
On top the roof.
Beside the cars.
I'll try to sleep.

Stolen with a bit of silence.
Seized by a lack of flow:
Lack of self with numbness;
Self  is gone.
Shocked away.
The thief left with her
Leaving just a shell.
Gone before leaving.

Fork in the road;
Delay or decision;
Times in life when reason escapes;
Others the answer lands in sight;
Good days are blessings that
glow in our memories.
The bad days land on a dusty heap-
often days which were anticipated.
Sometimes the bad days are redeemed
with after-known facts that only become
apparent with maturity and knowledge.
It is neither this or that.
It is all.

Warmth inside fades to the cold
Through the open door;
Sun glares on the ice and snow;
Crunching one foot forth
into God's world;
Pulling the scarf across my mouth;
Another glistening world.
Cold wind wraps about me
With wicked arms.
Wet in my eyes goes cold
around my sunglasses.
One slippery step after another.
My old knees creak my walk.
My happy golden charges ahead
plowing a path for me to follow.
Old sun grins upon the earth.

There it is;
Beyond the bliss I have know;
Still the past,
Rumbling and bumping;
Still moving inside;
Occasionally wakened when I look your way;
Giggling inside my heart
With what might have been,
But never should have been.
Thumping around but never released.
It was just a thought,
never a start.

Tripping from normal.
Forgotten promises
To be recalled at later date.
Release from normal anxiety.
Time away.
With wondering thoughts.
Reckless nothing.
Freed from dysfunction.
Burnt ashes of lost thoughts.
Magnesium for the soul.
Balancing life with gentle ease.

Spinning toward the future
At a slower pace.
Not able to leave the minute
That just seems to linger
With me longer than it should.
Takes so long to move down
The road when I moving at
My normal pace.
Something inside just not right.
Time needs to catch my moving mind.

A time since was fun;
All in life glowed
With possibilities of new;
Music meant more;
Summer was bearable;
Possibilities rolled out
With freedom
Reckless thought.
Too fast,
Too whimsical
Too possible.
Now it is a time since.

Clear payment for a wrong done.
Sadness cleared.
A receipt granted.
No more repair.
No more cold dishes.
The dish was hot and ready.
Cut with depth and feeling,
The dish was plated.
The platter gold.
Clear payment for a wrong done.

Each has potential.
Trying to find the perfect fit.
Check each pocket.
Close each pouch.
Bushing fingers upon the glass.
Lost in whim of pleasure past.
Bell rings as shop door shuts.
A dash together in fall's cold rain.
The wet surrounds as laugh together.
Open and settle inside the car.
Lean forward for quick kiss.
Engine starts with smiling glance
Acknowledging presence
of together's gift.

At the seams.
Frayed strings
Spilling forth.
So worn and spent,
Cause be gone.

Not always what I say matters;
Trying always to push happy
in the air;
Humming to hide the care;
People want nice and pretty;
Life sometimes heaps the bad;
Yelling in my car with the windows
up tight;
My time of peace is acknowledging
to myself;
The trick is not to share.
Because most don't really care.

Tarry rain smell.
Washed streets and cars.
Bar with light bulbs hanging
in the windows glistening
through the rain drops.
People scattering inside and out.
Cracked sidewalks.
Music too loud drifting as
doors open and close
filling the busy night.
Too much horn,
Wails out calling guests.
The ***** smell of people
running past to get to the next stop.
Darkness falling with the rain.
Cars drifting among the crowded street.
A horn blast and a blink of lights.
Busy night in town.

Down the red clay hill.
Tracks travel the gravel path.
Deep ditches filled with water
on either side.
Coal thrown from the railway cars.
Little girls walk along the tracks.
Gather the shiny black lumps.
Holding handfuls.
Listening for the ******* engine
for planned escape.
The jump aside and up the hill.
Not knowing the mighty weight
crushes past faster
than sound can warn.
Pulling under in brutal force.
Parents hit by crushing sadness.

I see it.
Your face shows.
It is not the same.
I miss what was.
How did it leave you.
It is so vivid for me.
My heart trembles with the loss,.
I see it by the way you hold your chin.
So I drink more champagne.
No, I don't want food.
So, it is over.
My heart trembles with loss
As you eat a chicken tender.

Not enough time.
The day passes
With all my chores.
You sit and brew.
My slight no notice.
Spite invigorates.
Things amiss.
Hid and placed.
Clutter my brain with loss.
Shame on me.
Add a search of hours
For things amiss.
Trick on me
As you sleep.
Replaced as you awake.
Shame on me.
Trick on me.

There you are.
Misdirected part of life.
You glide into demons.
Smile with lack of concern.
Tight smile, the sign.
You dance with reckless move;
You sing maniac thoughts;
You act with disregard.
Triple threat ******.
Release me from your show.

Tip my sunglasses;
Skim my hand across the blue;
Warm coconut bakes me;
The pages stick to my skin
Translucent with oil and water.
Print smears me.
A good book unread;
A good story unknown;
Lazy, hazy give a care.
Lost on a golden day.

Rush by with ease;
Make a hasty move;
What were you thinking?
Letting the shine across
the lawn in dewy night.
No quiet can hide.
Turn it out.
Go to bed.
Leave it alone.
Pretend it's unknown.
Never admit sin still done.

Some days I feel so deep,
Others I am numb.
I have felt so much
My heart is covered by  turtle shell.
I feel no more.

I have no more to share.
No truth to tell.
I stare blankly
When once I was amazed.
Now I am unmoved.

My turtle shell is heavy.
I rest with blank dreams.
Please reserve my place in life.
I'll be back with my shell
pushed back.
Just not this day.