He stands beside me.
His sensitive heart catches my despair
And tosses it gently from me.
His easy grip holds me firm with hope.
He knows my dreams for him.
I want him to be free of care.
I don't want him to cry for me.
He is too young to be caught
with me.
I will find peace within
So my son can fully shine
Without a care for me.

Cast
Onerous
Pity
Into
Neglected
Garbage

*****
Under
In
Crestfallen
Indigo
Dreams
Eternal

It grabbed my mother.
When will it seize me?
Will it take my daughter?
Will my son go scot-free?
When will thought escape me?
My memories be surrendered?
No more plan.
No more focus.
Just a life forgotten.

She brought him home.
His smile was easy.
His words were free.
Her face lit with his empty words.
Didn't she see?
He's married.
Has two kids.
Left his wife.
No divorce.
Let him go.
He is no good.
No happily ever.
Mom says, "Love born wrong.
Leave him be."

I rest my argument
The test is end
No more to go
No more  bitter regret
Time to pack
To leave the foe
To leave the battleground
All thoughts in tow
No worries about what might have been
What should have been
To know what is.

Angels dancing;
Demons in a spin;
My mood glides north;
I am not forgotten;
Blessings pour over me as the sun;
Bright reds and oranges;
Shining with laughter;
I giggle with lit heart
Knowing gladness in the world;
Demons in a spin;
Angels dancing.

You  sit entrenched
Unwilling listener
I challenge every thought
No black and white
The world is total Grey
You shake your head and take a sip
Not your taste
You sit alone today.

His smile was perfect
His manner easy
Why did mom hate him
Why did mom hurt him
His name became a curse
He ran with mom's girl

Yet mom still spoke evil
mom yelled angry words
Girl said, "Crazy Mom"
Off they went together
mom's words made no matter
Happily ever after

He lives above me
My crush
Three years going still
I blush
Soon to move
Green lawns lush
Out one night, it happened
I rest my head on his shoulder
He grabbed my hand
Then I knew,
No need to rush
Three years gone
How much more with three days left
Goodnight, my dear crush

All the expectations
All the preparations
Each year that comes
It could have been
Happy daydreams
Reality, I cope
I still long for you
Knowing you as no other
I bring you flowers
My sweet Cate
Three were born.
Two remain.

Sweeping the steps
Dealing with death
Making it a normal day
Thinking it won't be
Thinking of the hurt
Sweeping the steps
Deep in memories
Make it go away
Let me have her back
Make it a normal day

I went back to town
I had to see
Did he want me?
He had said how bout lunch
I went back to town
Beginning or end
I had to see
Heart wide open
Ready to fall
Picked up my phone
I made the call

He says his piece
I say mine
Both flow freely
Hours of hurt
Guided by lawyers
Directed with purpose
With clever questions
and pointed thought
To conclude this matter
So much money for
so little.

He hit me
His fist met my face like an old friend
I backed away

His anguish filled the room
He flung his arms in the air
I backed away

No  future
No past
All just a blow
He hit me

Now it's done
No regret
Deep breath
Humble prayer
Step aside
Glance from side to side
Walk ahead
Relief

Wet above my lip
Sweat  on my legs
I stretch my arms above my head
I turn my face to the side
The itch is consuming as the heat
Hot summer thunder in the distance
The room is close
Surrounded by pillows and white bleached sheets
Let the time never end
Hold me closer
Whisper the secret of my name
Kiss me tender in the heat

I am not that bad.
I played a game.
You played one, too.
I felt the shame.
Alone in that.
Me, held to blame.

You said you had
So much to lose.
It came a time
for you to choose.
I moved back
my heart to bruise.

I am not that bad
I let you go.
It was so deep
and yet not so.
You were the cheat.
I saw you go.

I want to run screaming down the street
Let me go!
Let me go!

I want release
Don't follow me!
Don't follow me!

I want to be free
Leave me be!
Leave me be!

I want to let go
But I can't
But I can't

Crazy in my mind
Trapped in a life I did not choose
Crazy in my mind
No release
Duty is mine
No place of solace
Don't share your guilt with me
Crazy in my mind
Let me be
Just a little peace

Why have I forgotten
Is it to ease?
Why have I forgotten
Is it forgiveness?
Why have I forgotten
Is it punishment?
Why have I forgotten
Is it merely fate?

I still hear the music
My feet want to swing in step.
My eyes want to smile with welcome.
I want to cling.
I still hear the music.
My arms want to wrap with warmth.
My lips want to whisper.
The rhythm is familiar.
I still hear the music.
Come to me.
Let's dance, the dance of youth.

You said, I would be fine;
You said the time would be mine;
You said your time had come;
You said your time was done;
You said do it all, under the sun;
You said you were leaving;
I wasn't fine;
The time wasn't mine.
Now, I want to join you because my time feels done;
Why did you leave me?

They made a choice
Sweetest Choice.
They went astray
Against the word.
They made a choice
Free Will.
They went astray
Against the ease.
They made a choice
Their own desire.
They went astray
Against the bond.
They made a choice
Deepest Shame.
They went astray
Against their God.

3:00
Just a time
Peace and quiet
Gentle thought
Forgiveness

3:00
Alone with self
No, not alone
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

3:00
Atonement
Silent thought
Peace and Quiet
Forgiveness

Didn't you know it is all about me?
You thought it was about us-
You thought it was you and me-
Not so much.
The story was short.
You thought it was done-
Your part was over-
For me, it had just begun.

Just a feeling to never share
Known by none
Deepest secret in the snare
As a child was once a thought
Uncertain of the truth

Just a feeling to never share
Devastate so many
Uncertain left unmentioned
In the night help unsought
Uncertain of the meaning

Just a feeling to never share
Keep it close in your heart
Tamp it down and
Never rise.
Uncertain of the truth.

It sets forth the beginning.
It sets forth the reason.
It sets forth the place.
It sets forth the children.
It sets forth the intent.
It sets forth the remedy.
It sets forth the end.
My humble complaint.

I grew mellow;
I grew not to care;
I tossed my thoughts;
I gave a stare;
It stared back;
Ate me whole;
My green went yellow;
Fear took hold;
I gathered pride;
I await next tide
When I feel mellow.

I asked my sister for her words.
The only word she had, why?
I told her, she had more.
She shook her head, why?

I told her to write from her heart.
Her only word why?
It feels good to share.
She stared at me blankly "Why?"

I grabbed her hand and placed my pen.
Again she shook her head, "Why?"
She saw my frustration and took the pen.
She wrote her poem:

Why am I doing this?
She made me, that's why.
No better, no worse,
I've nothing to share, why?

Look into my eyes.
Don't you still see me?
Don't you still know me?
I love you with the tenderness that I did when
you were little.

Look into my eyes
Don't you still know me?
I pat your arm with the same tenderness that I always have.
Don't you know me?
Please tell me who I am.

You are my three--
I remember my three--
I will never forget my three--
Let me see--
You are--
My Three--
You are--
My girls--
Your names are--
You are my three.

One was just  alike
The Other was so different
One was first known
The Other was last known
One was just a dream
The Other was a life
One was remembered
The Other was forgotten
One was nothing
The Other was everything

At the early part of life, I left the path
I walked my own path
But I make amends
I mend my path
I walk my fate
I am satisfied with my amends

Just one time.
Never again.
But allow it once.
Forgive me, God.
Maybe one more time.
My soul is weak.
I can't seem to stop-
Humble human that I am--
Forgive me that I am.

Was that just a generation away?
A time when my mother had no voice.
A time when my mother was told to be seen, but not heard.

Was that just a generation away?
A time when a woman had to endure the rant of a man.
A time when an angry man was held in awe.

Was that just a generation away?
When a woman jumped to grab the salt which sat a foot away
from the man.
A time when a woman had to justify a missing sock.

Was that just a generation away?
Do people still try to pull that ****?
Let it go.

Grew up with too many
Lived life with too many
Took care of too many
Loved by too many
Plagued by too many
Lost too many
Years too many

Life is sorry short
As a child to watch
to never speak;
As a wife to obey
always be meek;
As a caretaker
eyes never leak;
At death,
leave the bleak.
A woman's life is
sorry short.

Love removed
Never near the place
Mossy damp darkness
The feeling of almost, but not quite
Remembering in a dream,
But forgetting to linger in the dream
Harsh woken by reality

Love removed
The thing feared most
Yet it happened
The sharing removed
The pang that  will never be
Not regained and as before
Harsh woken by reality.