Quick daylight leaving;
Tumbling darkness;
Cold wind batters the shutters;
Candle flickers;
Fireplace crackling with bright heat;
Dancing shadows against the walls;
Song of the long night;
Red and green decor;
Women with hoods and gloves;
Druid dream surround;
Met with Christian mood;
Mankind's combination
Of spirit and mystical.
Long night fills the soul.

My Christmas decoration
To adorn my hall;
While the tree lights the den;
The cookies lay upon the plate;
The ribbons scatter on the floor;
Lights glitter about inside and out.
Children run and chatter
about the Christmas cheer.
Angel wings and halo firmly rest
upon the blessed.
The message sent.

Seems like a day to wash away scares;
Seems like a day to relieve cares;
Seems like a day to drift on clouds;
Seems like a possibility;
Just to be, to behave without despair.
A cooling, resting , no care December day.

A space with no relief;
Not there yet;
Not a time to anticipate;
Nothing has the strength to move;
A grey between the floor and ground;
Where shadows hide;
No feeling comes;
How to budge to the glow;
No feeling left except low.
How to feel the life loved.
Just crawling round the grey.

This is such a short bit;
Time swift with wishes;
Never as intense as anticipated;
Just a drift of thought.
Must be more.
Isn't that the promise?

Turned away,
No more say,
Just leave.
Deep red hues
Busting over hills.
Leaves pulled by rain.
Autumn tune of vibrant life
and dying all at once.
Train's whistle in distance.
No more words to say.
Just leave.
Let me be.
Let it be.

Time whipped into a lacy dress.
About ankles with an upturned face.
Short cut curls and hanging veil.
Upturned face with glowing smile.
Handsome man in morning suit
With gloved hand holding the laced arm.
Wedding cake delicately held.
Now, a dream of the past black and white.
Another with gown sweeping at the ground.
Long blonde hair held up in pins.
A man in dress mess grinning down.
Walking beneath arched swords.
Glossy in color within a book.
Tomorrow a low dipped gown.
A knowing smile.
A quick little service
With a loud wild party.
Just how it is.

Going to meet with Gemma!
Did you pack my special pants?
We can pack when I get back!
Don't touch that bag!
See ya later!
Maybe not!
College tomorrow.
I'm so gone.

Now I take thee
As my bride, by my side,
As my family;
Now I take thee
for my own;
For me to cherish;
For me to have;
Now I take thee
this autumn day,
my beautiful bride;
full of pride,
full of hope.
My Mary, my wife.
Now I take thee
as my own.
Love me,
As I love you.

Running down the edge;
Toward the bottom;
The last bit of the storm.
No more thunder.
No more lightning.
Just the reminder.
The last drip.
Glistening in the sun.
Power surrendered;
Glistening in the heat of day.

The desk sat on the edge of the woods;
The pretty wood on top was weathered;
The shine had left the wood;
The wood wanted to splinter under my hand.
The drawers were shut and locked
At the back of the desk,
The burnt  orange color browning with time.
The corners pushed out as once it had
In the office with drawers.
The piece that rolled out for signatures
Hung loosely at the front.
Mourning all undone
On the heavy top of the old desk.
Perhaps to repair and start again.
Led to the edge of the forest by ghosts;
The spirits pulling at me to this old spot.
To let me see what lay waste.
Pained by the failure.
The missed opportunity of what could have been.
The work undone.
The skill let gone.
The thought set free to rain and sun.

If only I knew,
What to stew.
I'd fill my ***
With a lot.
And let you sip
Until you slip
And let me be
Your only she.
I am no such witch,
I am just a itch.
A chore,
Never one to adore.
No such brew,
Nothing new.
Just  me.
Never we.

Lingering summer.
Moon resting on the trees
Big, round, orange.
Summer's burn on my cheeks.
Laying on the brown
Woolen Army blanket
Prickly to my bare shoulders.
My suit still wet from the swim.
Coolness chilling the summer night.
Contemplating things to come.
Stroking aimlessly the moist
Green grass beside the blanket.
Moaning music drifting from the house
On the hill above.
Lazy summer coming to end.
Smokey fall and sad goodbyes-
Omens yet to come.

Wrapped in a small package;
Sitting on the table.
The light streaming from the huge window
Above the door landing on the table
Where the package sat.
Dust dancing about the golden rays
Reaching the tiny package.
Inside the secret held.
Awaiting the chance to be known.
Should it be seized before shared?
Or opened for all to see?
She ran her fingers along the edge
of the table.
Bit her lip and raised the package.
Folded so carefully.
So plainly in brown paper.
No bow, no card.
She placed it back.
Grabbed her coat.
Glanced once more about the hall.
Pushed the door and called her fate.
The brown package was past.

To sleep late;
To walk outside
and feel the warm sun;
Splash in the cool ocean;
Not worry about others.
To exist with sunburn.
Read my book as I please.
Knowing it will flee
with giggling speed
as child running past.
This week almost more
for thought of what will be.

Tarry rain smell.
Washed streets and cars.
Bar with light bulbs hanging
in the windows glistening
through the rain drops.
People scattering inside and out.
Cracked sidewalks.
Music too loud drifting as
doors open and close
filling the busy night.
Too much horn,
Wails out calling guests.
The ***** smell of people
running past to get to the next stop.
Darkness falling with the rain.
Cars drifting among the crowded street.
A horn blast and a blink of lights.
Busy night in town.

Tripping from normal.
Forgotten promises
To be recalled at later date.
Release from normal anxiety.
Time away.
With wondering thoughts.
Reckless nothing.
Freed from dysfunction.
Burnt ashes of lost thoughts.
Magnesium for the soul.
Balancing life with gentle ease.

Fork in the road;
Delay or decision;
Times in life when reason escapes;
Others the answer lands in sight;
Good days are blessings that
glow in our memories.
The bad days land on a dusty heap-
often days which were anticipated.
Sometimes the bad days are redeemed
with after-known facts that only become
apparent with maturity and knowledge.
It is neither this or that.
It is all.

Don't recall that stumble.
I remember boldly standing.
Did I stammer?
I thought I was fluent with the cause.
Did I hide behind a lie?
I thought I signed up for the chore.
How is my recollection so flawed?
Let me not back down.
I'll check my notes and get back.

Some is just for me.
Busting a feeling from inside.
Because the day is so long
and hard with cost.
Masked thoughts
of what should be or was.
Confusing to those
who never lived it.
Observation of other's pain.
Some is just a sharing of what I see.
I have to let it go somewhere.
I put it safely on paper.
Not for approval but for release.

Simply unneeded;
Cargo sliding in the storm;
Threatening to run over
the cherished dreams.
Just push it over the side.
Don't let it crush what matters.

Lean forward to better see the view;
Trees speeding past on the bright blue day.
This trip is for duty;
Next trip for fun.
Holding the package on my lap.
I raise it and look at the tab.
Obsessive, compulsive- yes,  
the correct one.
I swallow the lump
as it raises in my throat.
This for work;
Next for fun.
I look forward.
Raise my chin.
Confidence.
This is for duty;
next is for fun.
A matter of hours.
No work undone.
Almost there.
This has yet begun
but seems almost done.

Snagged her from my grasp;
Little bit under the weather;
Thought you were helping;
Never understood it was a plot;
Just taking a little break;
Left the dog treats on the bed
just so you would know I needed you.
Never thought you would use it against me.
Need you to help me long.
Why'd you give it up.
Baby, not yours.
Ha, you know.
Just needed a place to stay.
Don't punish me with that.
Not yours, she is only mine.
Gave her all I have.

Thought you were mean;
You said no more;
I was hurt;
So you pulled me back;
Not with passion;
But gentle caring;
It had been love;
Then it was guilt;
You meant no more;
But you were human.
You felt my pain.
Not cruelness.
Just helplessness.
You were done.
I get it now.

Wild blueberries for breakfast muffins.
Green Kool-aid on Birthdays,
with green icing on homemade cakes.
Sticky homemade popsicles
and sips from gushing water hoses.
Tadpoles in jars.
Flyflies lighting the night skies.
***** feet pushing at pedals
To win the race.
Picking vegetables for dinner.
Swimming at days end in the lake.
Smell of grilling steaks on Friday night.
Fresh cut grass on Saturday morning;
Charmed with this.
The blessing of childhood.

Soft pale gold enveloping
Dragging me down
Into deep thoughts
More my self here
Alone, eyes down.
Missed opportunities.
Blessings counted.
Pulling me deeper in myself.
Prayers for direction.
I will be. It will be.
Just old me.
Sinking under.

Leaves being caught in the rain
Torn from the trees;
Falling on the road;
Steam rising on the wet bricks.
All in front of me.
A time when youth seemed
Like all I would know.
So much freedom,
Hungry life.
I would love to live it again.
Heart so full.
So sure of self.
To live such reckless beauty.
Toss my calm grace
For a moment of charmed energy.
Move over wealth of knowledge
for breathtaking unknown.
Fresh beginnings just a thought.

Cin, Cin,
Alla nostra salute!
Grasp the sweet,
Surrender the mold.
Join in company
With open heart.
Dismiss your care.
Dive in,
Not too deep.
Feel the rush of open thought.
Open dreams.
Cin, Cin,
Alla nostra salute.

Smeared with sweetness.
No corner lost.
Caught in the sweet sticky.
Unable to free.

It's on me.
Never saying no.
Guilty for feeling
The weight of the crises.
Accepting that they don't.
Too heavy for them.
Too constraining for them.
They take a little.
Also knowing that
It depends on me.
Head up,
The strength is there.
It's on me
To know my limit.

Soothing as my mood runs
in disorder.
Soft whispers against
My harsh inside voice.
Like a drop of ink
Split into a bucket of water.
It dissolves and fades.
Lavender with sweet scent,
Makes me rest.
Tired of troubles.
Free of thought.
Tumbling away concerns.
Released.
Quiet empty.

The room is spinning;
In my mind
I try to jump on top
As if I am on a Disney ride.
Feeling the sensation
Like teacups spinning.
I don't want to stand
And fall from the ride.
So I rest with eyes shut
Caught on the ride.
My own personal park.

She shakes her head;
Move on, it isn't.
He reaches for her;
I will wait.
Strongly she pulls back;
Too late.
With tears in his eyes;
I will wait.
She frowns;
You let it go
Now, I feel no more.
I can't just be elected
because I won't.
He dips his head, my former crush;
I think I feel it, too.
If it is meant,
It will happen in God's time.
She turns;
God has better things
For his time.

Yet another falls behind;
Like an apple off my tree;
Resting on the ground
With mellow sweetness;
Ripe with what was
and what should have been;
The first apples were pulled
With greedy hands
and hungry delight.
Now, more apples on the ground
Than left on the tree.
Fall is deep.
Winter is near.
Frost bite will soon take the rest.
The apples made sweeter by the age and cold.
Only the wise enjoy what is left.

He would watch with his tender eyes.
Almost misting, sometimes.
Almost smiling, sometimes.
I think I mistook tenderness
seeing it as his love of me.
However, he was not tender.
The look covered the lies that
he did not want me to see.
He melt my brains with the look.
No tenderness, just pity
for my ignorance.
"Ahh, she knows better."
But we all grow and see.
Now, I look with tenderness
at him with thoughts
of what he missed.

As it rests before me,
whether this is the chance to take
or leave by the roadside.
Is this the cherry love that tops all?
Is this the last moment of
something sweet that is to be lost
in one guilty, greedy gulp?

With eager eyes viewing.
With hushed tones
so as not to miss the cue.
Sitting on the edge of knowledge.
Just a mist of possibilities.
Not today.
Earnest worry cannot deliver.
Wait another day.

Sit up straight.
Don't slouch with disappointment.
Ladies don't do that.
If it isn't nice, don't share.
Hold it deep inside.
Let it fester.
Don't tell the bad.
Don't make discomfort.
Glow, don't sweat.
Water makes it grow.
You might burst.

Tumbling through the full.
Not merely surviving, but
Truly thriving.
No complexities of living too long.
Enjoying the rounded tastes.
Dancing with angels.
Spinning with demons.
Letting go of the sadness.
Free wheeling delight.

So, Son, I wish it
hadn't happened.
We could always say
why would it happen
to such a good kid like you.
Circumstances surround you
in a way they never have another.
Collapsing on your broad shoulders.
Possibilities crumble like dust.
And what about him.
It is worse for him and his.
With the pain I feel for your mistakes,
Their misery to me is unbearable.
Why does free will conquer good will?
There you stand to face the moment.
My heart aches.
But you are straight and fearless.
You will take your consequence.
I must take mine.

Just a drop of recollection.
Not remembered.
But forgotten.
A word misspoken
With no purpose.
Is it my lapse?
Has it struck?
Can I live
Without placement
With a mind that no longer
serves me, but wonders
to unknown.
Will I wonder without purpose?
All goals unknown and undone.
Just a lapse.
A lapse of what is.

All flavor in one sip.
A sip taken with a glance
over the cup into deep
lost space of nothing eyes.
Beautiful empty with no mood.
Such discomfort in blank nothing
for all but me.
All had stepped away.
My fascination with
How to pull forth the thought
which is so deeply unseen.
A twitch at the corner of lips.
The open eyes are watching
with almost something.
I raise my face and smile.
There you are.
Not so lost, not so alone.
Just withdrawn.

Sandy met him at twelve.
Fell in love.
**** that's young,
I thought.
Then, found she
died at thirty.
Love at twelve,
'cause she had to have
time to love.

Heard dad was dying.
Looked at my cousin
with such envy.
Both of his loving parents
standing there to be with us.
Felt such a feeling of loss,
he wouldn't yet know.
Yet, my aunt died
quickly 'cause the silent
death ceased her as
my dad continued to die.
'cause that was fate.

My sonshine found trouble
'cause he looked in a dark place.
I told my friend she would never
know my grief.
One year later, her son found
a darker place,
'cause love can never save.

I regret my envy and
misunderstanding.  
I judged
'cause I never knew the purpose
of God, the paths he gave.
I need to stop the ponder that
only makes it hurt.

Tripping with delight
in time to the music
of my heart.
Spent with the love
so bright and pure.
Moving with the thrill
of "yes, I am sure."
Not thinking of what
might be, but
how it feels.
Move in time with
reckless step.
Dance of life.
Dance of instinct
Without thought.

Floats to the surface
With oxygen that truth
Always seeks.
Truth never hides
Under cover.
Truth needs open
Spaces and blue skies.
The big reveal is always
Pregnant with life
Waiting to burst forth.

My dear first;
Want to cling to the good
But the bad keeps rising.
Fell asleep in your car?
Really?
Who were you holding?
Said yesterday was good.
Who got that day?
Seems all I get is crazy.
Like them, Helluva lies.
Excuses not even good.
Don't care enough to cover.
Goodbye, *******.
See you never.

Stop toting.
Lift with reward.
Sorry short.
Not sorry lived,
Unload the burden.
Do the spectacular.
Walk with direction.
Love with reckless abandon
Each day with open heart.
Hear the news
Not with sorrow,
But with understanding
Sorry short,
Not sorry lived.

Today would be the day;
A day without a trouble.
Easy and placed well.
Not exactly a Friday.
But a delight all the same.
Maybe not exactly good news.
Just overall satisfying.
God blesses us all
With such days.
Happy mediocre.
Cherry picking.
No sorrow, no blame.
Just a quiet thought.

Not enough time.
The day passes
With all my chores.
You sit and brew.
My slight no notice.
Spite invigorates.
Things amiss.
Hid and placed.
Clutter my brain with loss.
Shame on me.
Add a search of hours
For things amiss.
Trick on me
As you sleep.
Replaced as you awake.
Shame on me.
Trick on me.

Enough today
No more.
No more dancing.
No more love.
Just a bit of rest.
Selfish nothing.
Give no more.
No more gentle touching.
No more words.
No more thoughts of youth.
Enough today, I'm old.