Some is just for me.
Busting a feeling from inside.
Because the day is so long
and hard with cost.
Masked thoughts
of what should be or was.
Confusing to those
who never lived it.
Observation of other's pain.
Some is just a sharing of what I see.
I have to let it go somewhere.
I put it safely on paper.
Not for approval but for release.

Simply unneeded;
Cargo sliding in the storm;
Threatening to run over
the cherished dreams.
Just push it over the side.
Don't let it crush what matters.

Lean forward to better see the view;
Trees speeding past on the bright blue day.
This trip is for duty;
Next trip for fun.
Holding the package on my lap.
I raise it and look at the tab.
Obsessive, compulsive- yes,  
the correct one.
I swallow the lump
as it raises in my throat.
This for work;
Next for fun.
I look forward.
Raise my chin.
Confidence.
This is for duty;
next is for fun.
A matter of hours.
No work undone.
Almost there.
This has yet begun
but seems almost done.

Snagged her from my grasp;
Little bit under the weather;
Thought you were helping;
Never understood it was a plot;
Just taking a little break;
Left the dog treats on the bed
just so you would know I needed you.
Never thought you would use it against me.
Need you to help me long.
Why'd you give it up.
Baby, not yours.
Ha, you know.
Just needed a place to stay.
Don't punish me with that.
Not yours, she is only mine.
Gave her all I have.

Thought you were mean;
You said no more;
I was hurt;
So you pulled me back;
Not with passion;
But gentle caring;
It had been love;
Then it was guilt;
You meant no more;
But you were human.
You felt my pain.
Not cruelness.
Just helplessness.
You were done.
I get it now.

Wild blueberries for breakfast muffins.
Green Kool-aid on Birthdays,
with green icing on homemade cakes.
Sticky homemade popsicles
and sips from gushing water hoses.
Tadpoles in jars.
Flyflies lighting the night skies.
***** feet pushing at pedals
To win the race.
Picking vegetables for dinner.
Swimming at days end in the lake.
Smell of grilling steaks on Friday night.
Fresh cut grass on Saturday morning;
Charmed with this.
The blessing of childhood.

Soft pale gold enveloping
Dragging me down
Into deep thoughts
More my self here
Alone, eyes down.
Missed opportunities.
Blessings counted.
Pulling me deeper in myself.
Prayers for direction.
I will be. It will be.
Just old me.
Sinking under.