Smeared with sweetness.
No corner lost.
Caught in the sweet sticky.
Unable to free.

It's on me.
Never saying no.
Guilty for feeling
The weight of the crises.
Accepting that they don't.
Too heavy for them.
Too constraining for them.
They take a little.
Also knowing that
It depends on me.
Head up,
The strength is there.
It's on me
To know my limit.

Soothing as my mood runs
in disorder.
Soft whispers against
My harsh inside voice.
Like a drop of ink
Split into a bucket of water.
It dissolves and fades.
Lavender with sweet scent,
Makes me rest.
Tired of troubles.
Free of thought.
Tumbling away concerns.
Released.
Quiet empty.

The room is spinning;
In my mind
I try to jump on top
As if I am on a Disney ride.
Feeling the sensation
Like teacups spinning.
I don't want to stand
And fall from the ride.
So I rest with eyes shut
Caught on the ride.
My own personal park.

She shakes her head;
Move on, it isn't.
He reaches for her;
I will wait.
Strongly she pulls back;
Too late.
With tears in his eyes;
I will wait.
She frowns;
You let it go
Now, I feel no more.
I can't just be elected
because I won't.
He dips his head, my former crush;
I think I feel it, too.
If it is meant,
It will happen in God's time.
She turns;
God has better things
For his time.

Yet another falls behind;
Like an apple off my tree;
Resting on the ground
With mellow sweetness;
Ripe with what was
and what should have been;
The first apples were pulled
With greedy hands
and hungry delight.
Now, more apples on the ground
Than left on the tree.
Fall is deep.
Winter is near.
Frost bite will soon take the rest.
The apples made sweeter by the age and cold.
Only the wise enjoy what is left.

He would watch with his tender eyes.
Almost misting, sometimes.
Almost smiling, sometimes.
I think I mistook tenderness
seeing it as his love of me.
However, he was not tender.
The look covered the lies that
he did not want me to see.
He melt my brains with the look.
No tenderness, just pity
for my ignorance.
"Ahh, she knows better."
But we all grow and see.
Now, I look with tenderness
at him with thoughts
of what he missed.