Cinnamon and nutmeg dance in the kitchen;
Ginger and orange spring about the party.
The scents of holiday flood
and tumble past the kitchen.
Snowy clouds billow as the warmth
inside the house grows and glows.
Hearts are filled with thoughts of past
and candied future hopes.
The spice party glides and mixes with the mood.
Holiday punch to cover bitter thoughts.

Holly and mistletoe drape the halls.
Marriages held together with sticky frosting
like gingerbread houses awaiting the
resolutions of the first.
Families hold in place with anticipation.
First babies, first puppies, couple's first Christmas
adorn the trees as ornaments to be kept forever.
Children's hasty gifts made in kindergarten,
first grade, second grade decorate the tree
until fallen to bits unable to hang.
The short day comes with preparation
for the day of blessing and hope.
The short day comes  so quickly
and leaves so quietly,
we almost forget to feel.
But take a step away.
Before is the glory of all that can be.

There it is;
Beyond the bliss I have know;
Still the past,
Rumbling and bumping;
Still moving inside;
Occasionally wakened when I look your way;
Giggling inside my heart
With what might have been,
But never should have been.
Thumping around but never released.
It was just a thought,
never a start.

Made up of the dust
Of life's journey.
Picking up the bits
Swirling about me.
Soaking into me
The strength made
From events beyond
My control.
Sparkled with the joy
Of the unexpected happiness
Of life's great blessings.
At the end washed from me
So that I am cleansed
And rinsed onto my love ones
As a memory of what was.

Tip it over on the pillow;
Let it drain from deep within;
Sands of consciousness drain forth
in confusing stories of the night.
Trying to make sense of the depth of life,
Looking for forgiveness,
Attempting to right the wrongs,
Figuring the problems that can't be solved.
Flying over distant lands.
Talking happily with long lost friends.
Night is a time to drift and seek.
To meet the fears and conquer.
If only that dream can be found.

Cuddle up tight in a warm blanket;
With pillows surrounding;
Christmas tree blinking at me in the corner;
Fire crackling in the fireplace;
Hot chocolate on the table;
Fun book in my lap;
Not enough of these lazy days.
Kids come through shouting;
Goldens jump up in my lap tipping over cocoa;
This is the chaos that I know.
Time to wrap the gifts, let out the dogs, and treat the kids.
Thoughts of reading tossed aside with my book's lost mark.

You knew it was gonna happen;
You could have been clean for this one day;
Why am I standing here beside you?
All it took was this one month out of six.
Your parents spent so much money and hope.
Couldn't you have faked it just a little?
You fake caring and saying you are going to stop.
You fake giving a ****.
You fake looking for jobs
When all you really do is fish and hunt.
You carry a gun and can't pass a *** test.
Joy and bliss for you isn't worth a ****.