I've been thinking about killing myself,
More and more these days.
It scares me less and less to think
This might be the only way.

I've been thinking about killing myself,
The pressure's just too much.
Daily life is really hard
For reasons not quite touched.

I've been thinking about killing myself,
Writing out the notes
In my head, to all my friends,
I'll deliver before I go.

I've been thinking about killing myself,
But I couldn't shed a tear.
Numbness lives inside me now,
Replacing sadness and fear.

I've been thinking about killing myself,
and, truly, I don't think I will.

But I've been thinking about it.

We have been at war, and I think you’ll never stop
Attacking me with feelings, and sharing all your thoughts

Incessantly they fly at me – into my field of vision.
Anger, sadness, shame and fear, now these things have risen.

I fought you hard through day and night, separating wrong from right
Looking for the antidote, I searched and searched, I talked and wrote.

But still you just
Stayed right here
In the dust,
No answers near

You have been my most faithful friend
I guess you’ll be here to the end
My ego, my ball and chain
This is the price of conscious brain

Perhaps acceptance I can find
If nothing else, see and know
The everlasting nature of your bind.

And press on.

I can't win.
I can't beat this worm in my brain that tells me you're only wearing sheep's skin.
That beneath you're a wolf,
a dangerous threat;
And if I don't watch out you might **** me dead.

I can't win.
When I try to see your best side the worm screams the worst.
My attempts to just love you, tarnished by this curse.
And my fear runs wild and my anger festers long
And I don't see the beauty when you're playing your songs.

I can't win, I can't say all the things I want to.
It'll just make it worse between me and you.
Even though I know that you too are in fear
I wish you were better, a friend and a peer.
To others as well. But you only see him.
When I'm around you I just can't win.

Ruminate
About the date
The time and place
Where we were supposed to be together

Why's it hard
I'm not that far
Just commit

I think you're scared
You live in fear
That he will cut you loose

It's no way to live
I can't be your friend
You're obsessed to the point of blindness

At least I'm untangling
The keys are jangling
And soon I'll release my own shackles
I'll soon be free, then you'll see.
And I'll feel like less of an *******.

You made me feel like the most important thing in your world
For a little while

And now I've been replaced by someone else
For a little while

Sometimes you make me think I'll be special to you again
For a little while

But then you pull the rug from under me and I just lay on the ground and fester
For a little while

Well I've been thinking
For a little while
And I'm not sure what to do
Cause when you flash me that little smile
I'll always want to be the one for you

At least for a little while

Often I am tangled in the web
Like a soulless fly awaiting death.
But in this web I’ve found a place to thrive
It catches me so headfirst I will dive.

Thank you for allowing me to share.
Thanks for thumbing up to show you care.
This poem stuff is still brand new to me,
But in it I become a bit more free.

These days I’ve been stuck inside, and the couch is my new bride.
She’s my betrothed and together we watch all my favourite shows.
Through thick and thin, this grey mass of furniture has truly been my biggest win.
And I’ll always vacuum the crumbs from under my *** when I’m done.

Birds of a feather, we spend days together. Pressing ourselves into one another for hours, she’s beginning to fit me like a glove.
Somehow, I know it’s more than gravity and friction that affix me to her embrace.
But is it her love that holds me down, or my inability to self-motivate?

The long, cold nights when everything is quiet, the pizza arrives to annihilate my diet.
She supports me and my pepperoni, never tells me my body’s too round or too bony.
She doesn't judge me for the gin, that's always dripping down my chin.
And I’ve decided to adorn her with a fitted sheet to protect her delicate fibres from my stinky feet.
Because she does so much for me and when I’m on her I feel a bit more free.

I love this couch, we’ve been through it all.
Heartbreak, loneliness, depression and dull.
Though I can’t help but imagine the day I show her a new friend.
When the three of us will hang out: me, the couch and a real human.

Cause I long for a real companion. One to end this long, dark famine.
No offence sofa, my friend, I love you lots but I do hope for the end.

So stick that needle in my arm already, and everyone else’s
Before I legit go nuts and **** this couch.