i really feel numb
a kind i can't shake
the kind that makes you dumb
because your wish is to feel
even if it puts your life at stake
every risk you take
despite the missteps
and many mistakes

whisk you away
from all the ****
you've become embroiled in
agony, as she cries
a dizzy, sickening need to do
see you okay
but nothing for you to
break the waves

writing these is like a knife
knowing you read them
maybe aloud
and laugh
yours is black, like night
and probably needs a hundred stents
to keep it in rhythm, and make it pound
it's a gas
to call it a heart
thank you
for a piece of the crown

For there have been many holocausts.

They steal our work and use us still
As a tool in our media.

Communication is like compassion,
Both synonymous with mutual understanding & love.

Collaboration is like patience,
Both synonymous with consent & mutual acceptance.

people hate me
the optimism, the cheshire grin, the happy-go-lucky attitude
the enthusiasm and ambition
tHeY dOn'T wAnNa sEe mE wIN

you are my soft light
on the other end of the axis
you trip me up
like a dose of acid
but the colors
and shades you show
are lasting
so you stain my brain
with a handprint and an asscheek
kiss me
watch me go out blasting
when my mind recedes
into what's ever coming after

it won't be okay one day
one day, when it all caves in
when the timber beams collapse
and all that i've swallowed and kept bottled
comes up, chokin'

I know you feel all alone
even with me here
I wish I could be more to you
though I know I alone am not enough
I try to push you out
out of the house
on the road
down and out
my luck is **** with this stuff
and I never get it right with words;
I just want for you to blossom

Once cannot teach
Because One is still a student,
This is because we are always learning.

One cannot study
Because One is still a teacher,
This is because we are always guiding.

Developing,
Like three rivers which join & fork -
Only to re-join in course.

We are always trying & changing,
Doing & reaching.

In the pursuit of understanding,
Truth is achieving
And knowledge is victory.

Compassion & patience -
The keys to all things.

loved you
for over half a decade
i've never gotten what i've wanted
who i've wanted
and you think i'm upset
because of some boyish *******
of impatience

who am i kiddin'
it's me that's cowardly
keeping my love hidden
i regret my decision
but i can't write revisions
i just know
i don't want to lose you
but i understand
taking all for granted you've given
it hasn't been easy livin'
but it seems that way
for us both

we trickle
like rains through the rock
transfigured
by that which we endured
every hardship, every mis-staked claim
all those still to come
hooks and lures
the allure almost too much
not to succumb to;
run the gambit
stay the grind,
stand your ground,
and keep your nose clean

all we ever look for
is that feeling of content
and we search and search
before forgetting
what it felt like
and when it passes you by
it leaves you the fool

oft are the times
that see me wading
waiting, in the tides of the day
for a break
when it's all work
i feel like jack
where he had it wrong
was with that axe
it should've made a dent
in his own deranged dome
but when it's a broken home
i guess everyone needs a way to vent
all work and no play
working nearly everyday
and when i'm with my friends
i feel so alone
it's a shame i know
but it's all i know

is there some sting
to these words of mine
is there time?
make sense of this
you work forty hours a week
and still can't meet
the standard your parents did
what gives?
put in the hours
but don't dream of ivory
can't you see
that's not for you or me
our ilk works, sweats, and bleeds
oh, you can dream
but that's all they can be
so don't waste your day
in a happy lull
with a head fixed
on material ****
move ahead
and let's fix this

Kronos to Atys,
Time to Humans;
Never reaching to grasp their true Nature,
Compassion & Patience.

Only when the waters recede
Is ever there patience,
Only when they flood
Is there ever compassion.

For you compromise all balance
And so you comprise limited liberation.

For, as you all 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 to be,
You are unworthy.

A Tiny Explanation Of The Previous Work Posted:

In the "mysteries" of "Dionysus,"
Or the philosophy of Apollo,
This means stand when you imbibe libations.
When/if you do drugs.

To better know how inebriated or intoxicated
You are or have become.
To properly imbibe them rather than be binded by them or blinded by them.

Similarly, such libations can cause sickness
Without moderation. Such things zap us
Of our relaxation, even stealing our tongue(s).

Hunting what the cause is -
Searching for the light in silence or by abstaining,
Can rebirth the (good) time
Of truth wrapped in/up.

We must ward off sickness;
About our troubles we must talk.



What made them philosophies to the Order(s),
Was the constants between cultures.
You could rattle off names of "Titans" & "Gods"
To easily communicate
Whatever was happening,
Readily understood by those initiated.

Very useful if you spoke different languages,
If it was not safe/was dangerous to talk in open/openness.

And what made them "mysteries"
Was that outside observers
Were left clueless
Unless they themselves had found the light/sawed through the darkness
Or hunted for the truth(s) of the matter(s).



It was a language of Philosophy,
The Philosophy of Language.

distance
it's what we all need
to grow and develop
mature

to flower from a ****

it's nature
to grow apart and disagree
to love one another

without loving

i still want you in my life
if it's at all feasible
but say you get hung up on me
i don't want you to hang around waiting

you deserve better

i can't care about
what's in front of me
i need to be
40 steps beyond and behind
and predict the flow of time
anticipating, every chance moment
taken and missed opportunities
and the effect geopolitically,
globally;
famine, natural disasters, disease
there's so much
it's hard to breathe
and that just reminds me of the higher rates of asthma in urbanized and industrial areas

i bet you think
i actually
didn't notice

A wax rose dipped in gypsum,
That's never led me astray.
When I had the will to listen
To the righteousness of moral and ethical thought;
Lucidity was the light, rationale was my guide, and fear and ignorance cleared the way.
When you realize science is holy,
You can pick out the false practitioners.
Those who really only want to learn more
To plunge us back into
Dark days of an old world
That was easier to leash

you have no appreciation
for the hell you put me through
and the coals you rake me over
seemingly no conception of them
only what they do to you
you must see me
as nothing more
than water's reflection

Men who have fought
Only themselves, and have lost-
What you can do to me,
Has already been done.
What can you do to me,
As I am, as you are? Lest
Any man may stand in judgement,
His views are shown in his own;
That judgement can be judged. And
Devoid of justice, or be its epitome.
How often are we below,
Acting above.

maybe it's this generation
of instant gratification
that keeps my head
swimming
but i just want you around
take it; love, money, veneration
be my ruin, my downfall
my annihilation

good? begets grief
befalling all to men's
warped minds
and the things they witness
but never come to terms with
it's elementary
that they should be broken
by the things that choke them
and keep them from sleep
in the night

The Jews aren't, but
The Zionists are.
Imperialist dogs who
Step on the throats
Of those we voted into office.
Through blackmail and extortion.
From far-right foreign factions
Stuck in the past,
Who know not of anything
That is not steeped in fallacious fat.
Facts obscured through religious sect,
When knowledge goes to burn

you want to be
my world
end all be all
my God
the deity i swear by

you don't even try

i need you
as i've never needed anything before
it's scary
it makes me laugh
and smile from ear to ear
cause you break me with ease
but build me back up with the same speed
i need you

******? Inter-breeding?
Disgusting interpretations!

Cannibalism? All types of sick rituals?
Disgusting interpretations!

*******? All kinds of sick sacrifices?
Disgusting interpretations!

In more ways than one.

With love. Take care of them.
Raise them, lift them.

Eat with them. Make it a normal habit.
Feed them, look out for those after them.

Find the young. Whoever most curious.
Offer shelter, by statue place visage.

And I watch these congressional hearings
And marvel at all the people in the room
Who are not politicians.
Marveled they are allowed to work like they do out in the open, have no shame.
When they extort your favorite guy
To vote yes, to sending another round
To either of the conflicts we're in.
When they blackmail your favorite lady
To a yes vote, for laxer taxes for our upper classes
For the businesses that fuel industry
But already bring home far too much
That you all made, but won't see.

and opened up
so many wounds
why talk anymore
say anymore
wrestling breath from this body
and puking forth
vile thoughts
cause i have episodes too
cause my life is stressful too
not that you would know

each eve
is a deluge
of what i feel
perhaps, i should go back
to keeping it within
rather than
have to recoil
at each tightening
of the reel

we must seize the momentum
that youth propels us with
because the ride slows
and we grow old
wrinkling, withering, weary
did i lead a good life?

wonder what he knows
that you talk to me this way
send what you've sent
or would you say he's oblivious?

Father; I have slipped her,
I who was the only one
Whom her body could ever let her guard down around.
Your wife, my mother, has died.

I know you are in there,
Though your mind is yet blind.
I know you see & hear,
Watch & listen.

Forgive me.

For I know you are both of the divine.
It was her decision
That she was yet unable to make,
Having lived eons in instinct's subjugation.

I who am your son,
I shall shepherd you to liberation -
I shall break your chains.

I who am
Evolution.

There in the wrong,
On the right side;
There is, in the dark,
A light that shines.
It's what you must show,
To those who feel blind
Because they've never
Walked out from night.

his Hindenburg
is a life unfulfilled
but how does he feel
fulfilled

butterflies
turn to moths
like the one that
straddles her abdomen
abaddon
this distance between us
what madness
it inspires inside
the jealous thoughts
obvious lies
i'm glad you think
i'm so great a guy
you never ask
if i lie
or if there are others
maybe it doesn't matter to you
you empty me out
routinely
i can fake the smile
if it does something for you

make me mean it

the salt of my tears
is a taste
i've become accustomed to
through all the pain
throughout the years
out of my hands and that i self inflict
i'm just a waste
a steer, branded and fixed
mule-ish *****
improperly reared
a man of his age
whatever the moment calls
each of his greatest fears
already lived
down many a hall
from ecstasy to rage
emptiness, and everything in between
watch me
just dance

the tears will fall
onto satin sheets
while a silk robe
clings to me
and i
a hole
simply trying to
plug the emptiness within
before it escape out

i am sorry
for you to have known
who i am

if i were brave
i would save
you all the trouble
and stay on my own
let me just be
someone you used to know

let me take you
back into my arms
in hybrid moments

i write about myself
this narcissist
with all his pitiful wishes
of realities unreal
and tired *******
that reveals
that i'm no better
than anyone else
i'm tired
of pretending
tired of existing
it's all so demanding
the needs and the listings
i fear i don't even know myself
it's a useless tripe
when i could fade to black
and rescind into night

so used to being on your own
you've become comfortable
only when you're alone
when you can't be
you push everyone away
or make leaps and bounds
to lead you far from the storm
leave the bodies of your woes
scattered around
your anguish on show
for all to know

three little birds
and not worrying
forget about the tears
on the level
try looking in my eyes
sitting on the dock of the bay
watching the tide roll in
barely makes me stir
it's all been such a whirl
having fun till my final days

first school dance, six
having "***" next
and driving at eight
staying up all night
on the job site
and now i cough black
coke, lsd, psilocybin, ****
scratches down his back
wreaking of *****
ah, to be sixteen
partying
in misery, in poverty
but youth has that specialty
of feeling free
even chained
and schooltime
i didn't try
and did a slight bit
above average
**** if i applied myself
thought i deserved the scholarships
offered
instead of scoffing
getting higher
than everest
wow
my problems have consumed me

play it cool
sweat down your temple
like condensation from shirley
surely it's too early
to be so broken and weary
it should be simple
instead your head's got involved
but ask yourself, is there a direction it steers me
or am i careening through life
rudderless, out of control
with an aching back and chest tight
the only stress is what you're creating
and it's hard to not notice it taking it's toll

the death of innocence
well, that went with you brother
i still look through your pages
at all the photos you captured
your loss is our loss
sincerely, i'm crying
cause i just miss you man

Cursed? Condemned?
To wander the Earth for eternity?
Aeneas, or Cain as some call him,
Was a person of renown - a leader and scholar.
Part of the crew of Odysseus,
He was called to the ship
But neglected to board it.
The name of the isle of flowers?

The Garden of Eden.
It's caretaker? Cybele.

Before the isle
Aeneas, like others,
Were offered the Trials.
This was to visit all the places
Currently & properly "gardened."
Reward for completion of the Trials
Was longevity, strength, et cetera.
Gnomen & Seers had procured,
Through generations of Trial & error,
A potent cataplasm
Which they learned to mutate/grow
Into a selected fruit.
Like an apple.

The Garden of Eden
Was a place of experimentation,
Much in the same vein as the Tower of Babel.
Where the Tower of Babel was focused
On the development and perfection of communication;
In things like language, oration, poetry, literature, et cetera
The Garden of Eden was focused
On experimentation with different forms of chemicals.
Chemicals, of course, coming in many forms;
Plants, minerals, other natural phenomena, substances & combinations, et cetera.
Part of this was experimentation with psychotropics,
Attempting to develop natural immunities
To such things like alcohol and cannabis.

Aeneas & Cybele,
Driven mad by drugs & mental-illness,
Left the isle.
For Aeneas was a rule-breaker
And confided in Cybele all that he understood and knew
About the Trials.
Aeneas had one trial left,
The Maze.

The Maze was enormous.
Upon its walls
All of human history was carved,
The entirety of that which was experienced by us.
All that had been relayed by various Gnomen & Seers
Through generation after generation.
Carved in ways that could be universally understood,
At least by those living within those ancient societies.

The red thread?

A guide to weapons, combat, subjugation/*******, et cetera.
This area of the Maze
Also housed a weapons cache
In the event the Maze was threatened or attacked.
Who informed Aeneas of the red thread?
Cybele.
Who informed Cybele?
Scylla.

You see, as previously mentioned,
Part of the Trials was to visit
All these areas which had been "gardened."
Auxiliary to this
Was to visit all those
Who had been deemed unworthy or had failed the Trials,
Like Scylla had been before meeting Cybele.
Living cautionary tales,
"Condemned" not to "wander"
But to live out their natural existences
On isles which were gardened for beings
Like predators and plant life which was vicious.

It was Scylla who "blew" Odysseus & his crew off course,
Knowing of Cybele & Eden.
Cybele who later drugged the "Minotaur."

so scared of losing you
but i just want you to leave
would never walk away
but it runs through my head
everyday
cause boyfriends say
how terrible she is
and she can't help but believe
and feed into
all the little lies
******* spun
the twine is pain
the loom is avoidance
and you wear each article with a smile
it hurts to see