this is not my world
or my people
freak on the outside
and when you get a glimpse
through the peephole
see what i hide
find out it's just as
ugly on the inside
3005
ain't no one
like you
in this life
no one has it figured out
deep seeded insecurities
full of doubt
when i look at you
i see you
when you look at me
you see what i see
and i hate me
so it's just as easy
to hate through
that lense
and your perspective

babooshka
i haven't the time
for games
the mind can only be split so much
and do you parse through the pieces
you wring out
this wet rag
if it's tears you want
watch me weep
and anger is something i keep
to feed the furnace of my soul
and it's a ***** fuel
i need something renewable
but the miles just don't add up
it all feels futile

you have actually destroyed me as a person
i was thinking the other day
it really doesn't matter, to you
since you never saw me as one anyway
just your "favorite"

i can see
the end of me
my whole expense
in so many thousands of ways
like knives in my eyes
they don't go away
painfully sober and clearheaded
even high
i want to rip them out
leaving sockets
empty
and though tears run
they immediately dry

yes, I know
how lonely life can be
it's a tale recounted
if you let it flow
let the bad go, you'll see
what love has grown to
or the little that has
in reality, amounted
one sided
it seems
as most of your relationships
tend to be
it's a trend
one of the ones
i'm breaking free

I know you don't think you are,
But you are capable of being loved.
No matter how much pain you've endured,
No matter how much pain you've caused
You are still deserving & worthy of love.

i see the pain hidden in my siblings face
and it makes me cry
i wish there were something i could do
but when i try to be honest
you reproach me
and i know it's the past that troubles you too
it troubles me
and i do love you
but that's always a thing
i've felt you've refute

the nihilist says
she prolonged the inevitable
the pessimist says
just do it
and the optimist
is happy
for all you did

The harrowing angst,
Of night soon come to close.
And the anxiety of a new day,
What troubles does it hold?

The weight that doesn't stop, but only grows
Pressure on my neck, shoulders, collar bones.
Peace of mind, and a piece of the pie;
What more could I ask for?

A restful sleep, for but a night-
One where I am not tormented by all that has taken its course,
And every steer of the rudder
That veered me farther into the unknown.

can't help but laugh
at the people that detract
simply from being offending

The Ouroboros?

This One is simple.

The snake eating itself
Is suffering from starvation,
While trying for an egg.

It thinks
By the act of consumption
That it can give birth to something,
Rather than lapse
Back into nothing.

An allegory for those who steal, bastardize, destroy, and desecrate philosophy;
But ultimately, an allegory
For the evolution of those without compassion & patience.

Because those without
Are only eager
For more nothing.

I wrote a draft
I'll circle back
when thoughts coalesce
instead of collapse
when I have
a better grasp
of what exactly I intend to mean

one man's hell is another's heaven?
a reference
to something I said when we were younger
and dumber
it's true, i think the world of you
but what good does it do

for you?

the first time we touch
remind me not
to mark you
he might notice
and that'd be awkward
word
not like this isn't
now
how you do switch
with ease
turn off your feelings
cold freon
gonna be an eon
waiting to feel
like i could love again

***** around i guess
with old flames
until then
while they look
for the same thing
hang on
until desire is quenched
or i'm hanging
swingin'
higher and higher
keep on
higher and higher

can i
this mental block
is crazy
emptiness that fills
the void
inside
this cavity
that only grows
talent to please
but where's my appeasement
i invite relief
from lazy, uncaring parties
and get upset
when they prove what i was thinking
what you got
that i don't know
that makes you
so superior

through the slivers of night
that slice betwixt your curtains
stabbing at you like knives
all the regrets, all the burdens
regress into dark light
that sleep beckons
in your yearning
relief is a far sight
and your worry burning

call me
run your fingers through my hair
give me signs
you're at least there

found your daddy yet?
cause i got a me ****
and her son loves me
and her man is oblivious
he's nice but
he's just an idiot
leavin her unsatisfied
wants me to give her
another kid
yea well um uh
you see
i don't know
if that's me
keep clapping them cheeks though
could go for weeks
between and below
think you're a ******
i'm a freak

What difference does a **** make to me?
None.
Fools running a country
In the desert, into the ground.
Another on-stage for the EU.
What difference does it make
What name you take?
It's the same **** you spew
From a *****'s mouth
Sold to the most secretive
Or those just as ignorant,
Whether in the same or different ways.

contemplating suicide
because what is life worth
to be a beggar, without so much as a bowl
drinking down muddied waters
consuming tasteless mush,
which will make you sick,
being thin, and lanky
with hair overgrown
and nails *****
contemplating suicide
because life is worth it
if you've worth

i have the courage to ****
and i've instilled the will
through a drip
and still
concentrated
focused
gnawing,
till i've had my fill
and the house of cards
crumbles

preclude the multitude
of thoughts drenched
in savage observations
savagery, like apathy
are better let
to pass you by

It is shameful,
That ones will try to
Break your brilliance, to test
Of what you are capable.
What foul intent.
Worse yet, to have
Little breath but still be unable
Even to catch a moment of respite;
Parallels of the shallow and deep.
The waters we dwell,
Paired with the walls of the well.

I got an angle
it's love, conditional
dig?
cause that's how we do it
keep your
brother-sister *******
sing a sad song
***** another wall
burn a new bridge
just promise me
it ain't takin' long
cause I'm not waiting around

orange, as the light
that tells me my engine
needs to be serviced
shallow night, boring
noticing every note now
it's torture
picking apart each piece
combing
it's autonomic
like breathing
snoring

this life
is never truly lived
we're all too focused
choking down *******
and those of us that aren't
are too concerned
creating trouble
for the rest of us

"From whence you came
No memory shall you retain,
Lest peace by self-contentment you regain.
But remember in dreams."

"From where you were
Never again to return,
Lest in your time given you have proven your worth.
But forget in living."

I've bet on luck
waited for the other shoe to drop,
that wager will drive you bankrupt.
your life is in your hands.
lay the money on your name
the cards are already stacked
so why not stay true to yourself,
when odds are
you lose the game

i'm here
always here
you could reach out
if you cared
god
i wish you would

for those who have taught me
or try to teach
i always appreciated it
and still do
i want you to know
if no one else tells you,
good job

the cowboy cries
alone, in his car
with the music playing
loud enough to drown out
any noise he might make
he doesn't care if anyone else hears
but that's something he can't bare

sometimes i have the will to walk away
other times i can't get through the day
it's an addiction
cravings that need fixing
from cigarettes, hookahs, and e-liquids
nicotine and man mixing

went to the gallery
i'd shown you
it was nice
you would like it
was all i could think

wake up filthy
she says to me
her cigarette smoke
blown in my face
good morning

i hate all the thoughts
i can't stand my
head

water stains
on what remains
of the bed sheets
his arms outstretched
tied to the frame

whips, belts, chains
leather bound
looking astounding
fatal femme
dom dame
inflicting pain with a smile on your face

hold on
while i transfer you
to a back line
give you a couple backhanded lies
and stab you a few times

i should be stronger
but i'm a stranger to strength
like a lone ranger
that runs the river's length
i go home
to see it taken back by the bank
and bushfires rage
crops reduced to soot
turn that page
to a chapter that's good
book bust?
change the story
be a space cadet, and get real far out
or a distinguished genius
decorated general
car salesmen
banana peddler

**** nostalgia
and family and friends
**** the queen, the president, prime ministers
all the positions in between
all tied and loose ends
let it all begin again
history repeats
a story of no winning
it never meant
anything

ripping the flowers
out of my hands
and the saying
is spring brings showers
and it is the youth of my life
so some rain is expected
just need a promise
it's merely
partly cloudy

shutting my mind to it all
i'll stay the grind till the axe fall
cause i won't be caught off guard
i'll go my own way and stand tall
maybe it's my pride
but it never swells
maybe it's me
insecurities
they never leave me
but i'm growing
you start living
not knowing
so if it takes some time
for you to get your legs
that's alright

More than mere "time-pieces"
These are who measure out the light
Of which Sol casts & which souls cast.
They are learners of the past,
Keeping their eyes & their ears open
As much as in the present as in the future.

By looking & seeing,
By hearing & listening.

There is no sacrifice ,
In the form of any one individual,
Which can be made by One
For the well-being or "saving" of all.

Not in that superstition, crazed way.
This is foolish & meaningless.

Collectively,
All individuals must find the way
To live with Nature as opposed to against.

to keep sane
huffing
the war breaking out
outside
this paper bag
my thoughts
muffler
stifle and catch in my throat
choke
the cause age old
playing
synth in my ear
seethe
carpe diem
and rage into the night

no spine?
that's what replays
through your mind?
let me give you
more ammo
for sleepless nights
anyone can see through you
when you walk around
and act dead
wake the **** up
nothing is working out for me!
oh-uh, yea, i guess i did spend
all my money
i know the radiator is broke
but look! corset, boots, smoke
at least i can pretend
everything is okay
even if no one believes me
even if everything is falling
apart

take me to
the edge of your knife
and slice
bring the horizon line
it's all fine
when you're blind
inject your venom in
i need to feel
your poison skin
on mine
this is obsession
and love
separate

walk me down
and hold my hand
i can't let go
even when
i want you to

it's in again
he's grinnin
although a loser
with me
he always wins

and i don't know why
i hate you so
but can't bring myself
to pack up and go

try to help myself
but it just doesn't work
to stem the pain
i'll bleed and hurt

i can't take
another day
between work, and love, and family
and then the other stressors
things of lesser
importance
but still just as much
of a *****

you probably think my desires
carnal, or insidious and ****** in nature
when i fantasize about strumming a song out to you
while you're still laying in bed
and rays of sunshine light up your hair
or having you curl up to me
while a movie plays
and we fall asleep in each other's arms
your voice
the first thing i hear in the morning

our misfortune
that democracy in our country
is broken,
with our public institutions
in the stranglehold
of an inept elite ruling class
and our money hoarded
*******, by those that don't understand
how to spend it
and refuse to profligate
that dollar they diefy

sometimes,
theses lines
amount to little more
than a colorful way to say
why?

trust is earned
respect is earned
adoration and love
and just as easily
burned
when it's something you scorn
forlorn
the track i drive
treads worn
weather the storm
but not for much longer

How to goade a hunter?
Just act as bait.
Pretend you know no more,
Than the fish in the lake
And when they get close
Take them under the water
And make whole again.
Join them,
Whether they emerge changed
Or remain in a watery grave.

silently crying
driving
the tears come down
welling up
behind my eyelids
streams cut
over the ridges
of my face
smoothly riding

what is there to say?
have you got the time?
to hear me rattle
to infinity
what you mean to me
just the mere mention
confounds convention
and all the wisdom and strength
I have is gone
at the sight of you
cat take my tongue
for it won't be long
till I still holler for you
though voice be gone

**** me
and this rotten outcome