wash my hands
wear my mask
eyes down
keep away

canceled parties
postponed weddings
crushed dreams
lost memories

lock the door
draw the blinds
netflix, are you still watching?
yes, stop asking

January first
a brand new day
who are we kidding
its only the beginning

At forty
burdened by sorrow's weight,
Innocence fades, tears permeate.

Hope whispers, a gentle embrace,
Guiding you through life's somber space.

Forty years, drinks in hand,
Cheers to life, a wild demand.
Reflections swirl, memories unfold,
A drunken toast, turning bold.

In the depths of despair, forty years unfold,
A somber reminder, a story untold.
Drunk and desolate, lost in the night,
A bleak existence, devoid of light.

i was too young to care
i'm old enough now to never forget
i miss you

i was a ghost back then
not by choice
i drifted with the shadows
they kept me safe and sane

looking back
i don't know how i did it
i don't know if i could do it again
i don't know if i could continue

when i left i decided to not be me
i haven't been me since
the shadows still follow
just in case

i'm afraid to admit
i've become addicted to the pain
try shattering this mundane routine
that i've become too afraid to change

and just like that
you stole my heart
like a thief in the shadows
a daring daylight capper

but you didn't steal it for love
when we ended you left me with nothing
not even a sliver to share with someone else
just a cavern never to be filled again

and just like that
you stole my heart
you made it so
id never love again

nice guys finish last
its the polite thing to do

a generation lived
a generation remembered
a generation all but forgotten
a generation of photo-less family tree entries

show me
show me you're wonderful
we've argued till our vocals fry
but haven't moved forward

i picture your immaculate
radiating power
a sight to behold and hold forever
but my minds eye lies to me

i wish
i wish i could yell at you
to tear it off the bone
but it would be too polite

we use to play
but now i'm stalked as pray
and with every hopeful vibe
the pressure rises

you'll tear me down again
as you'll grin through your modesty
i find myself loosing every hand
i've lost what i've never had

lets face it
at this point it is what it is
the story is written and buried deep
the final draft summited
a life: published with no revisions

cut the death branches
prune the over growth
dig deep, the roots need attention
clear away the rot
take a breath
and another
and another
hold
a little forced smile
it'll come naturally next time

when we're young
we look up
and find idols
they shape us
the lift us up
inspire us
anything is possible

but there comes a time
when we realize the fragileness of life
a family member, a friend
a distant life ends
and then one day
all our heroes die
and we morn them as a friend

(cheers to the ones who master chess while we learn to play checkers)

i'd say goodbye
but you've closed the door
i'm only in your pictures now
a wilted flower kept to remember

table for two
we sit down
but dine alone

i can't believe
you confused my caring tenderness
with selfish lies

this world is never what it seems
even for fucken drama queens
who live their lives like storybooks
but in the end they always look
the other side so welcoming
tricked into giving up their dreams
and all they'll have to sells their soul
can keep their minds its full of holes

open up your eyes
and let me spit inside

tragedy awaits
so go ahead and smile for the camera

suicide, suicide
or death that's riding side by side with life
and an endless smile

trying to remember where I'm heading
but the past pulls me back in every time
i'm drowning in nostalgia and unanswered questions
the faded ceilings tell my story
but i can't write the ending in time
and ends, always incoming

i've become something new
brace yourselves
its a new day floating in space
feel the sunlight

another tuesday
our reality to bend and fold
some bend to dead ends  
we learn to live with it

i've never written in a journal
is it like talking to yourself
but writing it down?
don't we do that already?
now were keeping a record?
i don't know how real it will be here
a smattering, an over abundance
none, all
i don't even know
the truth lies somewhere in between
if you trust what i'm saying

don't do anything
do less
yield
stop
listen
try to understand
who's tears are we crying?
who do we see in front of us?
the shell hardens
a panic to conflict
critical energy flow
the narration of a life together
read from different manifestos

enjoy
that last sunny day
felt the last of their warmth
at nightfall
the chill comes in
the trees prepare for winters sleep
heavy silence of frozen mornings
...the heaviest of silences
a peace unfitting
amidst a world of chaos
just smile
pretend
enjoy

its seems like you have something more to say
and i am here to listen
i'm interested in you
like i always have been
but the walls you've built
have few missing bricks for looking in
it felt nice the last time
calm and patient
we listened, responded
never preachy or judgmental
a rare freshness
a cloudless sky
the cleanest air
that was nice

cry less
you don't smile enough anyways
typecast
typical

a memory flooded back to me today
unexpectedly
it was nice
like chicken soup on a chilly day

you know the one

its been fifteen years since we last spoke
our paths just
parted
a shame

was it a shame?

it seems to me our one way street forked at some point
i went left while you, stood, still
you wanted to follow, you told me as much
how long did you stand there?

are you still standing there?

neither of us have much presence online
no way to peak into each others lives
to slide in, to say hello
it must have been for the best

was it?

one day we should meet again
remember the old times
catch up on the the new
as familiar strangers

one day
i wonder how long it will be

there it is
that shine
a sign it will be a great day
fingers crossed

i know that you're dying
pretending wont stop the crying
we hide it deep down inside
the messages can't be diminished
anything for you
i know you're dying

i've taken pictures all my life
a stolen moment in time
we reminisce about those days
when everything just felt right

i've taken pictures all my life
i've taken one today
i wonder how this one will be remembered
some moments are meant to be forgotten

the skeletons in my closet laugh at me
they've been there for years
to say they know all my secrets is an understatement
they can destroy me

i can keep them quiet
i've build so many rooms in my mind
some don't even know of the others exist
its a real mess

but sometimes, i visit
to see them makes them real
makes me remember that gut-wrenching
the days of tears that follow

they are my sentence and my salvation
they are the blood in my veins
the thoughts in my mind
they are who i am and who i'll continue to become

a dim lit haze where shadows play
moonlight whispers memories away
in smoky air dreams of yesteryears
linger
silent footsteps
lead hearts to home
this city's a ghost of love's refrain
lost the rhythm of the midnight train
beneath the stars secrets unfold,
embers of romantics fill the night's cold stranglehold
melodies float in darkened skies,
the dance of lonely hearts none too wise
lights flicker like distant dreams
conversations drift on silent streams
in corner booths, shadows dine
glasses toast to borrowed time

bend
watch them all decay
structured endless shame
it grabs a hold and you cant get away

hate
pretend you have it made
let go of the shame you put up every day
to mask the pain

lie
to better fit you disguise your true life
it seems you're not quite real
and dead inside

fade
you'll never be the same
hold my hand to save yourself
your not quite well, always betrayed

now i see that this place hates despite all my beliefs
even if they're few and far between
existence for me means i'm the one that choses when
pull the trigger, a trigger to an end

my world decides to bend and i will never know if i will ever find myself
its not yet time, but please don't take too long
know that this place has nothing for us
life goes on
life goes on

i fall asleep every night in my chair
go upstairs
another puff
ill rest here awhile

i don't like balconies
i'm not depressed but, suicidal, when standing on a balcony
so i step back in
distance helps

but the option remains
among this gleeful group of people
behind an easily slid glass door
and i can see through it

overly gleeful

am i not as good as them at pretending?
another failure for the list
schizophrenic terrorist
they're not pretending

i don't like balconies
i'm not depressed but, suicidal, when standing on a balcony

as the day comes to an end
i never feel more at peace
than the moment right before i fall asleep
to never wake up would be the greatest release

you know what keeps me up at night
and what it takes to fall asleep
it angers you
i'm in control
i don't need your help
you hardly offer it these days
you still claim to be on my side
but tomorrow ill wake up to an empty home
as lullabies drift away

this all seems familiar
your broken record replays in my mind
as hard as i attempt to turn you off
you keep your light on inside

i see you crawl, take the same fall
as you admit that i'm always wrong
remain my muse, for all my tunes
i thank you for breaking my heart

it must be hard
to sit in front of a couple and listen to their problems
how do you put yourself in their shoes
how do you live a life
and come out the other end
how do you live a relationship
for years
FOR YEARS
and steer their ship
school?
studies?
the problems grow deep
roots reach the core and suffocate
20 years distilled into hour chunks

interesting

i want to be better
but i can't fix impossible

i'm about to combine my hobby, passion and career into one
the job that keeps food on my table
my kids table
i'm horrified

id much rather drown you out with silence
than engage in a yelling battle i would surely lose

you will always stay with me
from the swings in mood you could never understand
to the depths of the deepest darkness
the heights of joy
the playful smiles
you were the light that never went out
until it did

you still pick at the scabs the blade has made
pencil in your though on your face
i can still feel you underneath my skin
you're lost and scared to let me in

you've abandoned all your beliefs
the relief you felt when you go to sleep
within your mind you cannot find
the point of sanity has gone blind

and all the rest just lay in bed
when you leave this place these walls will rest
oh be grateful
your time is all but spent

when i was a teenager
i knew i would live forever
now
i sit here writing poetry

i sit here writing poetry

the music
soul speakng
is covered by new bands
covering the classics

covering the classics

reactions to the classics
by uneducated streamers
covering the classics

if you want customer service and a fake smile
go to mcdonalds

you're eyes saw a world your mind could understand
while other ignored
you adored

the odd, the very strange
point, shoot
capture

last supper

did you know how important you were?
do you know how important you are?

i dream
from it i've drawn a shapeless being
colored outside the lines
i did not give it a mouth to speak
but i see its monsters grin

its stood in the backways
it though me how to lie
convinced me loneliness would be my only comfort
i listened
i feel fine

i'm worth it more in pieces than i ever was when i was one
a poor excuse for a human being

don't be a person
that can lie to a person
that can **** for a person
that can cry like a person
that can act like a person
that can buy like a person
that can ***** like a person
that can die like a person
that can speak like a person
that can eat like a person
that can speed like person
that can grieve like a person
that can steal like a person
that can feel like a person
that can gloom like a person
that can doom like a person
that can draw like a person
that can awe like a person
that can love like a person
that can shove like a person
that can be a person

shadows whispers
truth dies
dream a lie long enough
quickly becomes reality
deceit twist through the night
born from absence of the light

in a garden of anguish,
madness takes hold
dream a lie long enough
dark undertones