i dream
from it i've drawn a shapeless being
colored outside the lines
i did not give it a mouth to speak
but i see its monsters grin

its stood in the backways
it though me how to lie
convinced me loneliness would be my only comfort
i listened
i feel fine

look at me
look me in they eyes
i am not your savior
you've confused our friendship
for something much more than what i can provide
and for that
i am truly sorry

wash my hands
wear my mask
eyes down
keep away

canceled parties
postponed weddings
crushed dreams
lost memories

lock the door
draw the blinds
netflix, are you still watching?
yes, stop asking

January first
a brand new day
who are we kidding
its only the beginning

i'm about to combine my hobby, passion and career into one
the job that keeps food on my table
my kids table
i'm horrified

good morning
skipping breakfast
and start the day
push till lunch
skipping lunch
grind till dinner
ill have dinner
end the day
half hour till liftoff
the best and saddest part of the day

i was a ghost back then
not by choice
i drifted with the shadows
they kept me safe and sane

looking back
i don't know how i did it
i don't know if i could do it again
i don't know if i could continue

when i left i decided to not be me
i haven't been me since
the shadows still follow
just in case

she speaks
ill keep her secret safe
it won't harm anyone until one day it does come out
it will be tragic but inevitable

for now, lips are sealed
a time capsule with no end date
the anticipation of a champagne cork taking flight
with a lot more tears