It's been a forever vigil watching over her sickness.
     December 1st it finally ended. I couldn't be sure. She always
     rallied and I waited for her to come back to me. She never did.
     Family came to prop me up in my knee buckling despair.
     Funeral casseroles and flowers escorted us to the farewell.
     There's a church and a prayer and a moment of despair. I
     catch my breath and say my final goodbye to she who mattered.
     She worried there would be nobody left to watch me die.

Boston. January. Temperature near zero.
  You had no heat. Naked under covers our
  breath smokes in passion not to be denied
  like a fire breathing dragon called Love.

Our hearts are low hanging fruit
for you ******* Casanovas.
We're forgotten as soon as you ***.
We curse you when you never call.

Where have we met before?
Children playing with toys?
Coyly touching hands in heat
our low spark of heavy noise.

We break flesh and commandments
embrace our mortal sin
the child we planted
shifts course from within.

Mad hatter. White rabbit. Tea party.
    Alice small. Alice tall. Cheshire cat.
    Hookah smoking caterpillar. Door mouse.
    The Red Queen. Steel yourself. LSD.
    Acid. Window pane. Loony tunes. Microdots.
    Tripping. Mind altering. I was then not.
I have lucid moments. I'm catatonic.
I just want to **** Alice again.

In ROTC I dared to grow my hair.
   On the cusp of hippy life with
   burned bras and free love and
   smoking hash I dumped my baggage.
   I joined a circus going to Boston.
   I was baptized in saltwater. Plum Island.
   I made love to love tilting at windmills.
   In my attic I learned the hard truths.
   The People's Almanac was my bible and
   those who held my heart my confessors.

Forever student at Ohio State,
brilliant or simple who knew?
Never bathed smelled of B.O.
so bad his nickname was Phew.
Mascot of comp sci department
everywhere on every spectrum
pity and love together arrived
we all learned to respect him.

Lust is love's destroyer.
It steals trust from homes.
It ignores the children and
breaks vows and sows guilt.
Nothing's ever right again.
Lust is the mad dog coming.

Bring me your lust
disguised as love
your proper verbs
**** is making love
meet the parents
sober for a change
good impression
seems so strange

Making love in the pouring rain
cleanse our bodies of cheater's stain
we love more than we understand
lust's baptism is never planned.

I met you in the bar and
I'll wander through the pages
of your life as you do mine.
Our secrets are well hidden
in crevices never found.
Only years reveal truths
as trust erodes fears and I
know you won't leave me.

Drunk in a bar we
****** like dogs.
We went to my room
in a cab to ****
the night away.
We woke in ashes
of lust and traded
fake phone numbers.

The beast blood red Lust
demands a proper fight
**** honesty and trust,
the moon is full tonight.
Shadows die at midnight
troubled dreams of flight
we always die indifferent
like the disobeying kite.

Lust is brutal and raw
   heart in a shark's jaw.
   Absolutely pure desire
   humans' procreation fire.
   We devoured us forever
    then found a new lover.

Lust is brutal and raw
   blood in a shark's jaw.
   Absolutely pure desire
   humans' procreation fire.
   We devoured us forever
   always find a new lover.

You have a lover for white hot moments
that would burn you to the ground if
you spent the whole night in flame.
You've forgotten her drunken name.

You have the love of your life that
has periods and migraines and cancer
carried our Love's child for 9 months,
delivered Bailey the perfect answer.

I reached inside my heart
and found the broken part.
It was not believing in love
only hold lust's black dove.

3:00 am. Lust  died tonight.
     I don't want to turn that light off.
     Let's live a little while longer
     and we might create perfect love
     and wake what lies dormant in us.
     Lust is life's great hallelujah.
     We'll **** in broken bed and not
     think of broken hearts as waves
     whisper of love and we drift off
     in impossible dreams to graves.

I dismounted the lover
  tamed beneath my thigh,
  abandoned I Do 'til Death,
  let my kids be free as I.
  ****** kept me in a spectrum.
  I fell in love in bars at night
  and ****** our love to death and
  never minds in morning's light.

Hold my hand to the end and beyond
  where souls never break their bond.
  No flesh to navigate lust's spasm.
  We exist as one in our perfection.

Love is Lust caged
never jealous drunk
not a lover enraged
desire finally sunk
to bottoms of hearts
rusted ruins forgot
no place for starts
in currents I rot.

I'm pyramid scheme.
I'm a silent scream.
I Love You forever
alone frozen lover.
Wish upon a star
hide a birth scar.

Our baby got tangled
up in tubes and died.
Buried our lust with
the forgotten bride.
Forgive my lost way
I want to want you
it just won't be today

It scares me how you turn
your face into a wall
how you rip your ears off
when I call
You turn your lips to stone
when I try to kiss you when I fall
in love with you and kneel at your
feet with ****** knees after I crawl
your just an old wrinkled crow almost
forgotten except for your distant caw.

I was driving a Uhaul filled
    with my meager life thus far
    with my latest burned out love
    beside me going to Nashville.
    I thought she'd stay behind.
    I couldn't break hearts clean
    like a good hanging neck snap;
    always death by a thousand cuts.
    The worst lovers stick like glue
    and never seem to have a clue.

I was driving a U haul filled
    with my meager life thus far
    with my latest burned out love
    beside me going to Nashville.
    I thought she'd stay behind.
    I couldn't break hearts clean
    like a good hanging neck snap
    always death by a thousand cuts.

I was driving a Uhaul filled
    with my meager life thus far
    with my latest burned out love
    beside me going to Nashville.
    I thought she'd stay behind.
    I couldn't break hearts clean
    like a good hangman neck snap;
    always death by a thousand cuts.
    The worst lovers stick like glue
    and never seem to have a clue.

I was driving a Uhaul filled
    with my meager life thus far
    with my latest burned out love
    beside me going to Nashville.
    I thought she'd stay behind.
    I couldn't break hearts clean
    like a good hanging neck snap;
    always death by a thousand cuts.

I'm a country song
in a bar doing wrong
hope to sleep in beds
unknown tails heads
I bleed mercy after all
always sought after fall
Join me in my lonely death
give me your last breath.

Sing these poems silent
make them your song
feelings always spent
right a certain wrong.

If only I'd known from the beginning
things would take an ugly turn.
While my well intention gift of love
played out too soon and burned.
You could have worked out nicely since
my mother would never approve.
I destroyed all your pictures, got new
bedding. All traces I will remove.
Tomorrow I'll find your replacement
and try once again to make it last
forever after. I keep trying to make
a Madonna from ash. Same old past.

If only I'd known from the beginning
   things would take an ugly turn.
   While my well intentioned gift of love
   played out too soon and burned.
   You could have worked out nicely since
   my mother would never approve.
   I destroyed all your pictures, got new
   bedding. All traces I will remove.
   Tomorrow I'll find your replacement
   and try once again to make it last
   forever after. I keep trying to make
   a Madonna from ash. Same old past.

I always want what I don't have
  and don't want what I have?
  I'm a dog chasing my tail
  'til I can't move any more.
  I sat with parrot like shrinks
  saying what do you think?
  A simple answer for my confusion
  I think we're all mad as hatters.

A million laughs
and bubble baths,
loud 1812 Overture
drugs open aperture.
Both mutes *******
broncos are bucking.
Watch silent movies
Garbo on her knees.

I try to contain my mad dog
in some kind of cage but he
refuses to be less than he is
and snarls and tears the world
to shreds while I applaud.

I try to contain my mad dog
in some kind of cage but he
refuses to be less than he is
and snarls and tears my world
to shreds while I applaud.

I stand cold and naked
outside of the head
at the party sacred
ignored like the dead.
My life is unraveled.
****** fills my head,
my maps untraveled,
my world a dark dread.

I always want what I don't have
  and don't want what I have?
  I'm a dog chasing my tail
  'til I can't move any more.
  I sat with parrot like shrinks
  saying what do you think?
  A simple answer for my confusion.
  I think we're all mad as hatters.

Old Joe's drumming on the pots and pans
    as someone hums a harmony and starts a
    symphony as others join into the noise.
    Soon dancers move into the picture and
    flail about as only the mad can. They
    are perfect in this human zoo. I love
    every scar. We each own every flaw.
    They define us and make us beautiful.

The world is splendid. It's
     bright and loud and colorful.
     I could blow a fuse and bring
     my machine to a sudden halt.
     I keep my light low and noise
     whispers and never love fully.
     I walk among the tombstones of
     those who've gone before me as
     others will dance upon my grave
     and drink toasts to this madman.

Vincent's fingers paint skies
full of mad midnight stars
we'll recognize our lies
still try to hide our scars.

the dearth of death
is birth and breath
when a broken bed
betrays my stead
petulant reaper
becomes my keeper
when madness rules
this house of fools
I'll always pledge
this razor's edge
to my neck's vein
to spare you pain.

the dearth of death
is birth and breath
when a broken bed
betrays my stead
petulant reaper
becomes my keeper
when madness rules
this house of fools
I'll always pledge
this razor's edge
to my neck's vein
to spare you pain.

the dearth of death
is birth and breath
when a broken bed
betrays my stead
petulant reaper
becomes my keeper
when madness rules
this house of fools
I'll always pledge
this razor's edge
to my neck's vein
to spare you pain.

The only thing left is madness.
We brought us to the cliff's edge
and debated jump or **** again
we rut as we make a final pledge.

Poetry was my religion.
Each poem touched me
like quilted squares to
blanket me set me free.
The world's gone sallow
sun doesn't cast shadows
the moon lost its hold
on the ocean tides
orbits don't follow
gravity's rules now.
My world is gone
I'll die a mad poet.

Dawn's first faint light
    beer fueled fury abates.  
    I'm spent, no more fight.
    Sweep up broken plates.

    The neglect always shows through
    yellow teeth in a drunken grin.
    The kid's dressed in hand me downs
    yellow bus without lunch again.

    I have magic elixir I can give
    that makes life worth living.
    Beer and music help me live
    another day still forgiving.

I wish I had magic needles
full of chemicals to land
in youth's sweet innocence
shoot up with wrinkled hand
Dali painting weeping watch
time space never understand

'Til death we vowed
heads fervent bowed
We'd been drunk wild
belly full of child
18 and 19 naive
tonight we believe.

I think of us creating you
the backseat Mustang view
fog the windows in our heat.
Eat White Castles for a treat.