Coworkers on a bus after night shift
Waltham to Boston. He said he was sick
in a serious way. Doctors baffled and
he feeling worse by the day. I told him
not to worry because he'd be better soon.
They always figure it out. He died. AIDS.
Several years later at an AIDS hospice
I heard the rattled breath at deaths door.
Barely able to hold his cane he stood then
struggled mighty to make it to his grave.

Your breath rattles in a fragile chest
the heart feebly clanks to push blood
when there's a bit in the aorta. You're a
young man in an ancient failing body by
an unknown disease. You lean on a cane
slumped in a chair waiting for a miracle
that won't come for you. You're a skeleton.
We fear you. We fear death.
I fear ignorance.

You got fired today.
   The money always gone
   again. I'm sorry.
   Ain't we got fun?
   Camping out on Main St.
   Puking over the bridge
   into the river's waters
   Ain't we got fun?
   I'm just a tattered *****
   beauty worn thin by time
   Ain't we got fun.
   anything for a dime.

A knock on my attic walk up,
no good reason for my fear,
I'm a starving poet birthing
a poem to our new frontier.
Different like Bukowski and
Cummings and Frost and Dylan.
They stood in the hall in tears
for this Poets timely killing.

I'm going to say goodnight
and say my prayers
and hope to God
there won't be bears!

Can I spin gold from straw
or straw from gold
or good from bad or make
promises and break them?
I deal in snake oil and magic.
Never give me your heart.

Light the flame. Do your magic.
   Mix your powders into elixir
   for me to shoot or snort and
   levitate above life for awhile
   a soul floating after death to
   God's welcoming arms at last.

Dad dropped bombs on Dresden.
   I was born into wars aftermath
   first born son his namesake I
   had to endure his brutal wrath.
   Light the flame do your magic.
   Mix your powders into elixirs
   for me to shoot or snort and
   sing praise to almighty fixers.

The bottles in mirrors
in bar light infinity
Alchemy potions to
bring you serenity.
She looks at you, smiles,
spins straw into lead
I doubt all I once knew
realize I'm finally dead.

Hands begin to lose control
   start their palsy shakes
   like a *** of boiling oil
   angry bag of angry snakes.
   Can't operate shirt buttons
   or a steaming cup of coffee
   open a jar of dill pickles
   and pants look full of ***.

They live in crypt like bars
stained yellow with cigarettes
smoked over too many years.
Livers surrendered long ago
give them ugly yellow eyes
and skin the color of ****.
The stench of alcohol clings
like way too much cologne.
They never sleep. They just
pass out. Come to for a drink.
They just die day to day
while we all look away.

They live in crypt like bars
stained yellow with cigarettes
smoked over too many years.
Livers surrendered long ago
give them ugly yellow eyes
and skin the color of ****.
The stench of alcohol clings
like way too much cologne.
They never sleep. They just
pass out. Come to for a drink.
They just die day to day
while we all look away.

You always wanna be the best
It's a struggle without an end
Running as fast as you can
But you will never pretend
It's the struggle of our daily life
Of politics and war
Everyone here runs so fast
But only gets so far.
And suddenly you find yourself
Running with the Red Queen
Through valleys and over hills
nothing is what it would seem.

I try to keep my life inside the lines.
I drink Alice's potions and it all bends.
Can hardly see where I'm going now or
where the whole **** thing finally ends.
The Queen of Hearts says off with my head.
The Wizard of Oz speaks with certainty.
Toto exposes his act behind the curtain.
I'm in a Cuckoo's Nest; wine is my gravity.

I chew Xanax like Tums
to keep me from shaking.
Anxiety screams to me for
attention to her cruelty.
I lose my mind in her hole
to wonderland where the
queen of hearts takes heads
fields of poppies let us dream
of Kansas and dust gone wild
tornadoes take us where we
need to be after all in a barn
Tin man, Scarecrow, Lion.

They tried to break me.
I kept spitting out the bit.
You can't tame the righteous  
Fire burned my spirit.
Wedding bands won't
shackle me like chains
I buck and snort and rebel
burn you with my flames.

I died yesterday
light floats away
into night's star
neon sign in a bar
my obituary cool
bury a dead fool

I want to live until my little girl
finds her happy ever after.
I've looked for mine forever
and all I find is tears and dust.
She gives and trusts compromise
as a key but gets empty hope.
Ride the high winds full winged
and watch it all from up high.
Love is a pool full of sharks
you swim alone and keep on.

I'll dance with forbidden
and kiss girls forgiven
drink the devil's brew
as if we never knew
we'd turn a final scene
and both end up clean.

Break our world's heart
**** our beloved JFK
Dallas November 1963
CIA was culpable in play
Grampa smokes his pipe
innocent chuckles display
Allen's duplicity again
now you **** poor RFK.

Long hair bearded man sits on a toilet
reading poetry by Whitman and Frost
and Auden and Elliot and Dylan Thomas.
He works night shift as a janitor in
1956 the beats howling for truth.
He saw the best minds crawling
through the city streets at dawn
looking for an angry shot of speed.
He screamed truth on pure pages
and planted ugly seeds of rages.

Just be my breath and heartbeat for a start.
   Be stories that tore beautiful through my heart.
   Every lust that ever brought me to an end,
   the absolute to my doubt, straight to my bend.
   Be my broken vows and promises forgiven.
   Be my gentle ending when I'm done livin'.

Just be my breath and heartbeat for a start.
   Be the stories that made me fiercely weep.
   Every lust that ever brought me to an end,
   the absolute to my doubt, strength to my fear.
   Be my broken vows and promises forgiven.
   Be my gentle ending when my end is here.

Can I expose the making
   of a nation called America?
   Freedom the rich promised
   owned us all along let us
   vote and gloat we're boss.
   The federal reserve is
   our god almighty and
   keeps us trapped in rooms
   making trinkets and hourly
   wages taxed into destitution
   forced into credit cards we
   pay off with prostitution.

Can I expose the making
   of a nation called America?
   Freedom the rich promised
   owned us all along let us
   vote and gloat we're boss.
   The federal reserve is
   our god almighty and
   keeps us trapped in rooms
   making trinkets and hourly
   wages taxed into destitution
   forced into credit cards we
   pay off with prostitution.

Can I expose the making
   of a nation called America?
   Freedom the rich promised
   owned us all along let us
   vote and gloat we're boss.
   The federal reserve is
   our god almighty and
   keeps us trapped in rooms
   making trinkets and hourly
   wages taxed into destitution
   forced into credit cards we
   pay off with prostitution.

Everything is just beyond reach.
   I don't care anymore. Almost.
   I remember lover's smells. Almost.
   I remember my children. Almost.
   I know you. Almost.
   A golden retriever is familiar. Almost.
   My face in a mirror is a stranger.
   Almost, but not quite. Disappearing!

I almost cut my hair
It happened just the other day
It was gettin' kinda long
I could-a said, it was in my way
But I didn't and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
And I feel like I owe it to someone

Must be because I had the flu for Christmas
And I'm not feelin' up to par
It increases my paranoia
Like lookin' at my mirror and seein' a police car
But I'm not givin' in an inch to fear
Cause I promised myself this year
I feel like I owe it to someone

When I finally get myself together
I'm gonna get down in that sunny southern weather
And I find a place inside to laugh
Separate the wheat from the chaff
I feel like I owe it to someone

I offered impossible puzzles.
  Trapped love in web of strings.
  We made seeds, sweat, nuzzles,
  a world of fantasy smoke rings.

  We always danced in the darkness
  together yet each was still alone.
  Lifetime later I finally confess
  my selfish heart is made of stone.

PTSD LGBQT ADD OCD ABC XYZ
look in the Shrink's book they
pretend to know our afflictions
catalogued with treatments.
Our despair is hope in hopeless
shadows cast from burning bridges.

PTSD LGBQT ADD OCD ABC XYZ
look in the Shrink's book they
pretend to know our afflictions
catalogued with treatments.
Our despair is hope in hopeless
shadows cast from burning bushes.

I am a man who doesn't
know how to love
no matter how many times
I try. I write poems
hoping my heart might be
captured by one love at last.
I am still not able to love.
I love impossible hearts.

It's huge
melodious centrifuge
stealing rhythm
with no misgiving
from each to give
to each to live
fabulous Commune
a marvelous tune

My brain won't stop spinning
like plates balanced on sticks.
I've drunk my share of *****.
What's wrong with me? Am I
diseased? I worry I might die.
I thank God and chemists
I have my sacred Ambien and
fall into a rabbit hole to Oz.
Visit me in my dreams naked
just like a million years ago.

Ambiguity is my magic wand.
Like a shifty lawyer I parse words.
I hide love under cups watch close
as I move them quickly about
then point the true one out.
All cups are empty. It's magic.

We've loved in planes
  that spin out and dive
  loves crash and burn
  yet we still survive.
  I crash into your arms
  and hate I'm so weak.
  People cheer me but
  never what I seek.

I travel forever to the end of time
leave a spy glass inside this rhyme
I fell for you in a newsreel at 10
brave and boyish I fell in love then.
You were always on my distant horizon
but the yearning was always poison.
Amelia, you disappeared from sight,
broke a million hearts that night.
You were my constant north star
always so close and yet so very far.

I travel forever to the end of time
leave a spy glass inside this rhyme
I fell for you in a newsreel at 10
brave and boyish I fell in love then.
You were never in my distant horizon
but the yearning was always poison.
Amelia, you disappeared out of sight,
broke a million hearts on that flight.

Born in the fires of freedom
our founding fathers liberty.
Betrayed by Washington D.C.
burned to death in treachery.

Born in the fires of freedom
our founding fathers liberty.
Betrayed by Washington D.C.
burned to death in treachery.

We bury a great Lady
who kept us safe since
1776. She was ***** and
pillaged by the DC vipers
in expensive shark skin suits
and 500 dollar haircuts
thousand dollar ******
and selling the country
piece by piece as jobs
disappeared and they
became billionaires and
we wept at our burials.

Shifty eyed, *** covering bureaucrats,
   everybody knows 'bout the Beltway bubble,
   the plague is here and now, ****** USA
   $50 buys a loaf of bread and pint of *****
   and votes enough to steal any election
   print monoply money, kiss Soros' *** and
   take a slice of American Pie 'fore it's gone
   read this fast before it dies in a gulag.

shifty eyed, *** covering bureaucrats,
   everybody knows 'bout the Beltway bubble,
   the plague is here and now, ****** USA
   $50 buys a loaf of bread and pint of *****
   and votes enough to steal any election
   print monopoly money, kiss Soro's *** and
   take a slice of American Pie 'fore it's gone
   read this fast before it dies in a gulag.

I sleep in the richest country
or so they tell me it is
and it was on the news and
it must be true or all is lost.
Everything's a ******* fiction
Trojan horse of politicians
sold us out to Oligarchs for
pennies on a worthless dollar.
Our great country of money
on a game board of Monopoly.

The best politicians
easy money can buy
promise satisfaction
unwashed masses die.

Gates and Fauci are
eugenic reasons why.
Filthy rich wage war
poison shots then lie.

The plans are everywhere. How to
   live the American Dream. Be born
   on her soil in projects or mansions.
   Tame your anger like a stallion and
   ride it hard chasing the dream forever
   until you rope and tie it. Live it.

Freedom bought by
Bill Melinda Gates.
America on knees
depression rates.
Lick the bones
of Lady Liberty
torch now dark.
It's such a pity.

Can I cure the sick or raise the dead?
   Can I feed a crowd with fish and bread?
   Can I turn water into Chardonnay?
   Can I walk across your pool today?
   Can I count on a betrayal Judas kiss?
   Can I die and rise reborn in bliss?

I wonder what I am.
    King or common man?
    Am I rich or am I poor?
    Queen waiting or *****?
    Either we share a bed
    of perfume or the dead?

We knew all along
we weren't happy but
neither had energy to
start over for another
bout another fight
sick of endless rounds
with no KO's just punch
drunk slurs and morning
shame and mute rituals.
Amazing how good we became,
amnesia and kiss off to work.
Who knows where the time goes?
Will either of us have a shred
of life left when the other finally
dies to lie naked with a stranger
just to sleep with your memory?