PTSD LGBQT ADD OCD ABC XYZ
look in the Shrink's book they
pretend to know our afflictions
catalogued with treatments.
Our despair is hope in hopeless
shadows cast from burning bushes.

PTSD LGBQT ADD OCD ABC XYZ
look in the Shrink's book they
pretend to know our afflictions
catalogued with treatments.
Our despair is hope in hopeless
shadows cast from burning bridges.

I'm an altar boy raised by nuns,
trying to dance on the wild side with
guilt my constant companion. I bury my
conscience under absinthe and *******.
I wake naked and bewildered among people
searching for clothes caught in piles
never to be found again. We cover our
shame with anything we can and slither
out the door in splendid wonder at what
we dared do in such a strict world. We
are strangers who will meet again in
tomorrow's ****** of our own creation.

I am a man who doesn't
know how to love
no matter how many times
I try. I write poems
hoping my heart might be
captured by one love at last.
I am still not able to love.
I love impossible hearts.

It's huge
melodious centrifuge
stealing rhythm
with no misgiving
from each to give
to each to live
fabulous Commune
a marvelous tune

I went online to Amazon
to get my purchase fix
but didn't need or want
anything in the crazy mix.

Jeff, you've filled my cart
with all my dreams cheap.
You drained my heart
with nothing left to keep.

My brain won't stop spinning
like plates balanced on sticks.
I've drunk my share of *****.
What's wrong with me? Am I
diseased? I worry I might die.
I thank God and chemists
I have my sacred Ambien and
fall into a rabbit hole to Oz.
Visit me in my dreams naked
just like a million years ago.

Ambiguity is my magic wand.
Like a shifty lawyer I parse words.
I hide love under cups watch close
as I move them quickly about
then point the true one out.
All cups are empty. It's magic.

I travel forever to the end of time
leave a spy glass inside this rhyme
I fell for you in a newsreel at 10
brave and boyish I fell in love then.
You were always on my distant horizon
but the yearning was always poison.
Amelia, you disappeared from sight,
broke a million hearts that night.
You were my constant north star
always so close and yet so very far.

I travel forever to the end of time
leave a spy glass inside this rhyme
I fell for you in a newsreel at 10
brave and boyish I fell in love then.
You were always on my distant horizon
but the yearning was always poison.
Amelia, you disappeared from sight,
broke a million hearts that night.
You were my constant north star
always so close and yet so very far.

We've loved in planes
  that spin out and dive
  loves crash and burn
  yet we still survive.
  I crash into your arms
  and hate I'm so weak.
  People cheer me but
  never what I seek.

I travel forever to the end of time
leave a spy glass inside this rhyme
I fell for you in a newsreel at 10
brave and boyish I fell in love then.
You were never in my distant horizon
but the yearning was always poison.
Amelia, you disappeared out of sight,
broke a million hearts on that flight.

Born in the fires of freedom
our founding fathers liberty.
Betrayed by Washington D.C.
burned to death in treachery.

Born in the fires of freedom
our founding fathers liberty.
Betrayed by Washington D.C.
burned to death in treachery.

We bury a great Lady
who kept us safe since
1776. She was ***** and
pillaged by the DC vipers
in expensive shark skin suits
and 500 dollar haircuts
thousand dollar ******
and selling the country
piece by piece as jobs
disappeared and they
became billionaires and
we wept at our burials.

Shifty eyed, *** covering bureaucrats,
   everybody knows 'bout the Beltway bubble,
   the plague is here and now, ****** USA
   $50 buys a loaf of bread and pint of *****
   and votes enough to steal any election
   print monoply money, kiss Soros' *** and
   take a slice of American Pie 'fore it's gone
   read this fast before it dies in a gulag.

shifty eyed, *** covering bureaucrats,
   everybody knows 'bout the Beltway bubble,
   the plague is here and now, ****** USA
   $50 buys a loaf of bread and pint of *****
   and votes enough to steal any election
   print monopoly money, kiss Soro's *** and
   take a slice of American Pie 'fore it's gone
   read this fast before it dies in a gulag.

I sleep in the richest country
or so they tell me it is
and it was on the news and
it must be true or all is lost.
Everything's a ******* fiction
Trojan horse of politicians
sold us out to Oligarchs for
pennies on a worthless dollar.
Our great country of money
on a game board of Monopoly.

The best politicians
easy money can buy
promise satisfaction
unwashed masses die.

Gates and Fauci are
eugenic reasons why.
Filthy rich wage war
poison shots then lie.

We all thank our sacred gods
we're living the American dream.
Our slums are better than the others
less disease more milking mothers.
Irish, Italian, German, English all
came through Ellis Island hoping
for tickets to a better maybe place
looking for the better opportunity.

The plans are everywhere. How to
   live the American Dream. Be born
   on her soil in projects or mansions.
   Tame your anger like a stallion and
   ride it hard chasing the dream forever
   until you rope and tie it. Live it.

Freedom bought by
Bill Melinda Gates.
America on knees
depression rates.
Lick the bones
of Lady Liberty
torch now dark.
It's such a pity.

Can I cure the sick or raise the dead?
   Can I feed a crowd with fish and bread?
   Can I turn water into Chardonnay?
   Can I walk across your pool today?
   Can I count on a betrayal Judas kiss?
   Can I die and rise reborn in bliss?

I wonder what I am.
    King or common man?
    Am I rich or am I poor?
    Queen waiting or *****?
    Either we share a bed
    of perfume or the dead?

We knew all along
we weren't happy but
neither had energy to
start over for another
bout another fight
sick of endless rounds
with no KO's just punch
drunk slurs and morning
shame and mute rituals.
Amazing how good we became,
amnesia and kiss off to work.
Who knows where the time goes?
Will either of us have a shred
of life left when the other finally
dies to lie naked with a stranger
just to sleep with your memory?

So pretty and anorexic like a
    beautiful boy. She sings angel's
    and devil's songs full of ******.
    We cheer her destruction. She OD's.
    She leaves us speechless. She is gone.
    I wish we  had a chance to start over.

There's an open window.
**** it and say goodbye.

I fell in love with your poetry
just a grey haired Aphrodite
imperfect face artifacts of age

we head to the all night diner
full of drag queens and communists
to steal a few poems lost in the smoke

amid the buzz we snort lines and
put them back like a Picasso
monster Dylan Thomas or Bob.

Time capsules in walls
from there to the now
birth to hair on *****
sparse and grey somehow.

Kiss Susan Tucker at eight
Mrs. Reddy crush when ten
virginity offered on a plate
lost myself in a garbage bin.

Great empires die from within.
Cowards cower before barbarians
hating their weakness but accepting.
The senate has stabbed Caesar and
everyone who had hope in him.
Wild hordes will tear us to hell.

I turn a century tomorrow.
All my friends died long ago.
My face is melted candle wax.
My body is a question mark.
My hands are crooked claws.
My kin won't visit anymore.

I turn a century tomorrow.
All my friends are long gone.
My face hangs like a mask.
My body is a question mark.
My hands are crooked claws.
My kin can't see me anymore.

And death shall have no dominion
Dylan Thomas - 1914-1953

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

Even junkies were impressed
  when you dropped out of rehab
  scored a shotgun prescription
  that same night and just died.

my eyes burn
***** yearn
holes all earn
5 bucks a turn
needle's worth
a dreams birth
drunk's mirth
sound of surf.

I may not believe in God
but I believe with all my
heart in angels. They've
saved me from me so often.
They don't have wings but
they have gentle ways to
calm my anger and guide me
the long way back to me.

A full moon
boiling spoon
needle's rush
Van Gogh brush
a starry night
Angel's Flight.

I wandered so off course I didn't
  even recognize myself. A stranger
  I feared. What was I willing to
  destroy? Was anything sacred?
  Children? Wives? Family at all?

  I gladly sent the church to hell.
  Empty platitudes and all the rest.
  I never trusted holier than thou.

  I was saved by angels. Women who
  cared enough to approach my heat.
  It was warm but sometimes caught
  fire and burned out of control.

  They showed me my north star.
  I found my way back home then.
  No happily ever after. Never.
  Regained a foothold with my kids.
  That was enough. We love on and on.
  The angels still come around.

Anger is our superpower.
  It always seethes just below
  the surface. Never forgotten
  or forgiven it's the constant
  strength moving time onward
  to next chapters 'til the end.

We're angry angels
   with broken wings
   and tortured souls.
   You think we'll save you?

I won't hide. I won't ignore.
**** fear. Hate me. I won't die.
Read me or don't. I'll read you
or won't. It's random. We pan
for nuggets in streams and find
them in the Klondike gold rush.

War's soldiers never the same
boys looking for adventure.
Rough stranger my son's name
comes home an angry warrior.

My world has become lava
  pouring from some volcano
  I'll never see. I smell the
  hell fire and feel the heat
  but never drown in molten
  ***** flowing over my small
  life that is a blink in some
  god's eye as we're swallowed.
  I'll wake and walk the dogs
  and pick up their **** and
  let them **** where they must
  and wonder why it all works.

in the end none of it mattered anyway.
  worry didn't help. wishing was useless.
  prayers were mute pleas to a deaf god
  with animus for every **** one of us.
  in the end it never really happened.
we never existed outside our minds.

in the end none of it mattered anyway.
  worry didn't help. wishing was useless.
  prayers were mute pleas to a deaf god
  with animus for every **** one of us.
  in the end it never really happened.
  we never existed outside our minds.

There's an itch you can never reach.
   Each night is perfect. Each morning
   is a mix of shame, regret and amnesia.
   People you love warn you of danger.
   There's an itch you can never reach.
   You go on the water wagon for awhile
   but your dog dies and you need a hair
   of the dog and sit on your bar throne.
   There's an itch you can never reach.
   Lose a foot to ***** and swear it off.
   Clean and sober for a year or two but
   there's an itch you can never reach.
   Your liver is ****** as are you, so
   you keep on with your poison and Tab
   and suffer slings and arrows because
   there's an itch you can never reach.

She's beautiful with an angel's voice.
   If I were young again I'd chase her down
   moonlit streets offering my love as if
   it might entice her. I'd go to my bed alone
   hear her voice calling from rocky shores
   in dreams and gladly die in her sweet song.

I didn't set out to confess my
broken self to you. My shrink
said write about my suffering
as catharsis. I put my soul on
pages and pages and just kept
vomiting my pain. Forgive me.
The only ending to it was my
head in an oven full of death.

She comes to dinner wearing a corpses sheet
with a hangman's knot around her neck
holding a straight razor to her jugular vein
with a bouquet of dead roses wicked thorns.
Sitting in the Buick hose in the window
I fall asleep forever dreaming of you.

Dying at your own hand left
  broken hearts behind. Maybe
  that was your intent? It might
  have been a desperate resignation
  from the pains all our lives inflict.
  Maybe one more day we'd have met.