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We write poems like ants in colonies.
We submit our jewel here and hope
for the front page. I'm hanging on.
I wait for the phone to ring or the
letter in the mailbox but I feel like
I'm playing the lottery with my
submissions. Billion to one chance.
We swarm to be heard.
We write to plant our seeds
in your furrows. Ideas take root.
Cocktail chatter and bedroom whispers
spread them far and wide from church
to AA to shooting galleries.
We shout words in sound proof rooms
wrapped in straight jackets and put down.
Everyone I've known
   fades into a lie.
   We're all children
   'til the day we die.
   Let's dance close
   let's be wicked.
   Take a chance
   be a bit addicted
   reduced to threads
   inside our heads
   above our beds
   torn to shreds
Everyone I've known
   fades into a lie.
   We're all children
   'til the day we die.
   Let's dance close
   let's be wicked.
   Take a chance
   be a bit addicted
   reduced to threads
   inside our heads
   above our beds
   torn to shreds.
I travel forever to the end of time
leave a stop watch inside this rhyme
a second left to create one more life
aborted by mom with a kitchen knife.
Dodged a bullet called life
so beautiful yet shattered
fine crystal bloodied hands
we all act as if it mattered.
We protest in graveyards cry
blood tears for tiny abortion
boy or girl we never know now
just another ignored correction.
I'm 72 and still a boy
  of 12. BJ. Bill junior.
  I know people are happy
  when they're laughing so
  I keep them laughing in
  my desperation for love.
Oh what a time we had. Bohemians.
  We drank too much and laughed too
  loud. We danced wild in neon light.
  We shocked the frozen faced prudes.
  We pulled the sun up, ate croissants,
  slept naked until love's black night.
We all think we're new. Hippies were the 1900 Parisian  Bohemians.
Oh what a time we had. Bohemians.
  We drank too much and laughed too
  loud. We danced wild in neon light.
  We shocked the frozen faced prudes.
  We pulled the sun up, ate croissants,
  slept naked into love's black night.
Our absolute truth reveals itself
in a pale blue translucent light
in our dreams. We can't see it in
naked light of day. Like staring
at the sun it would blind us and
truth stripped bare is horrible.
That one lifetime I got
everything I asked for
like a magic Christmas
Tiny Tim and the poor.
I never thought I'd see
America on her knees
bleeding on her shores.
Borders all open doors.
Et tu, Obama?
Never mind drama.
Make a last stand
an Alamo again.
I would never suicide.
My children need me.
I have nothing to hide.
Neglect we never see.
An ounce of ****** is a
pound of prevention.
Divorce was surrender
never my true intention.
I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of our kitchen
  I found my new soulmate
  I'm leaving you and the kids
  to write poetry with poets.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of your dorm room
  our last kiss and
  I'm off to Boston
  where I hope I am.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of my garret
  a broken fist I put in your wall
  I'm jealousy's beast of burden
I'll call drunk from the booth
outside the Taco Bell
and slur my apology
to answering  machines.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  with a drunk monument.
  I'm just another voice
  gather your stuff, bye
  why do I keep dying inside?

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  Nashville new job, we're over
  I'll mail your stuff.
  you were the cruelest month
  still I couldn't set you free

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  always
  no cure for romantics
  who believe in God
  and impossible love.
West Side Story
I tripped the light fantastic
back in the day.
I dropped acid and dressed
like a high clown prince
and dreamed us in forever
in the place we always wanted.
Where did you go?
Where am I now?
No one wants your love
a bitter pill of poison
sounds of a crying dove
with no rhyme or reason
tears falling from above.
I saw God's spark set me in motion.
     Hell broke loose and molten metals
     exploded into a universe too big to
     imagine. Light begot light and suns
     were born. Globes crashed into globes
     stars blinked in night's black canvas.
     One burst light of a thousand suns
     blinded me in my tiny eternity gone.
In bed framed in the mirror watching
    our scene play out as on a stage.
    We make love and our first child.
    Beyond our mirror a world enraged.
    We might be Adam and Eve cast out
    again into Eden's disappointed age .
Birds cawing. Rats gnawing. Cats clawing. Craving.
  Bells ringing. Choirs singing. Dead bringing. Score.
  ****** faking. Thief's taking. Mischief making. Under.
  Alice small. Alice tall. Red Queens fall. Floating.
Birds cawing. Rats gnawing. Cats clawing. Craving.
I love you more than life.
Addiction is so seductive.
I lose things left and right.
You are most destructive.
You poets. You priests. You shrinks.
You've no idea what I'm going through.
My shredded nerves demand another hit.
Have my body for another shot of it.
Let me dream among mine own kind.
Tomorrow I'll wake in ****** hell.
I'll find another shot into paradise.
I'll dream of being clean once again.
I'll dream of perfect childhoods and
true love that lasts a lifetime.
I love you for awhile.
Nothing else matters.
I promise forever, but
my forever is never.
The shotgun blast
woke up the baby
left her mother less
crying for the candy.
Life turns on a dime
every tick of the clock
we hope and we hope
best we can do is ad hoc
A dime a dance
  seeking romance
  maybe seduction
  buying a chance.
  If hearts align
  among the stars
  our perfect sign
  and perfect scars.
They said I needed help.
They admitted me to the
ward of madness and shoved
pills into me that made me a
scarecrow. A man of straw
shuddering in the wind as
weak as my resolve to be me.
I never came to life again.
I died in bright light at peace.
The crows sent me on my way.
They said I needed help.
They admitted me to the
ward of madness and shoved
pills into me that made me a
scarecrow. A man of straw
shaking mad in the wind as
weak as my resolve to be me.
I never came to life again.
I died in bright light at peace.
The crows sent me on my way.
I found the want
inside your heart
I fed the need
with love's seed
desperate hunt
for a convent
Apostles creed
we'll all bleed
the child lent
to ghost parent.
I've used substances to balance my tilt.
     Smokes, beer, wine, vallium and xanax.
     They've helped me to stay in the lines.
     I chose to ignore the rules and live on
     a pinball machine with frenetic energy.
     All I want is a drug to bring me down
     to this earth where I began the journey.
     Please take these cravings from my mind.
     The Chemists come up with carnival rides.
     Up and down and everywhere in between,
     Coney Island madness in their tiny pills.
     Bring me back from this life on Mars.
Writing poetry seems like *******.
I write my fantasies that I can only
share with strangers and myself in
a dark and ***** theater with stained
seats and tear stained souls.
*** is a necessary evil we love.
I'm ashamed of my affliction
   through no fault of my own.
   My life's been lived in parts
   watching from the dark alone.

   Afflicted. Conflicted. Addicted.
   Betrayal. Portrayal. Burial.
All my poems are postscripts
of The World's Greatest Poets
now dust and teeth in crypts.

Shakespeare still takes the cake
for all the scratches that we make
pretending exposed as a fake.

Nothing is new under the sun.
Every line's already been done.
Maybe world's end will rerun.
we are makers
we are breakers
we are gods
we are undertakers
we are eggs and fakers
we lie at the wedding
I'm waiting for my heart to
fall in love with you again
sitting in your backseat
trying to pick your locks to sin
I have a bag of seeds to sow
upon your fertile afterglow.
Visit my hall of horrors.
Every misstep framed in colors
plays endless loops feed the poor.
Remember visit the museum store.
Lock of hair. Stillborn brother.
Brokenhearted suicide mother.
Drunk and smoker's half life
spent my love in Queen's beehive.
Visit my hall of horrors.
Every misstep framed in colors
plays endless loops feed the poor.
Remember visit the museum store.
Lock of hair. Stillborn brother.
Brokenhearted suicide mother.
Drunk and smoker's half life
spent my love in Queen's beehive.
An afternoon tea
 lust's debauchery
set the hens free
 no **** let us be.
Climb down off your cross
  forget crucifixion's dying
  wow the gathered crowd by
  feeding them and free wine.
  Have the band play the hits.
  Do your comic act. Applause.
  Sign autographs no charge.
  Beg money for your cause.
Lovers are ******* hurricanes.
Shouting out God's nasty names
during the fevered ****** games
after the storm all that remains
nothing's lost but never the same
nothing ventured nothing gained.
You staged my imminent demise
in your dreams behind your eyes
I was just an afterthought
a cheap trinket that you bought
I left her again.
I packed my clothes
in a garbage bag again.
I was in my cups again.
I'll crawl back tomorrow
asking forgiveness again.
I refuse to succumb to
surrender to old age.
I have no choice but
to turn the final page
read my lines on stage,
die against the rage.
Age
Age
Years build the decades,
expose our ugly living.
Mirrors image just fades
I'm godless no forgiving.
I'm ageless as the ruins of Rome.
I live in the white cliffs of Dover.
I'm the Pyramids and Great Wall.
I'm the tiny voices in your head
that never leave you alone and
chant your failures out loud in
bed with lovers never satisfied.
I'm Death's brutal echo forever.
I'm ageless as the ruins of Rome.
I live in the white cliffs of Dover.
I'm the Pyramids and Great Wall.
I'm the tiny voices in your head
that never leave you alone and
chant your failures out loud in
bed with lovers never satisfied.
I'm Death's brutal echo forever.
Let us make famous this field
   our armies' blood will make red
   victor makes vanquished yield
   both sides sort out their dead.
Now I love low light and shadows.
     Night is my flattering friend who
     understands the ugliness of aging.
     My skin turns purple as my veins
     capture hold on my thinning skin.
     Onion skin. Thin translucent, like
     strong wind could rip it off bones.
     I was a fetching beauty not too long
     ago. Full sun on the beach I had
     men staring agog. I strutted and
     knew they didn't have a chance. I
     decided who would plant their flag.
I am kind.
  I am cruel.
  I am loved
  and a fool.
  I am guilty.
  I am free.
  You'll find me
  in Agony.
Aids 1980

  We worked night shift
  and shared a bus home.
  Rod lived in Cambridge.
  He told me he was sick
  betrayed by his immune
  system. They'll cure you.
  I never saw him again. Shifts
  changed and we all moved on.
  He went to hospice care and
  rattled when he breathed
  and used a cane until he was
  bedridden and died quiet.
  His obit in the Boston Globe
  spoke of his kindness to all.
Coworkers on a bus after night shift
Waltham to Boston. He said he was sick
in a serious way. Doctors baffled and
he feeling worse by the day. I told him
not to worry because he'd be better soon.
They always figure it out. He died. AIDS.
Several years later at an AIDS hospice
I heard the rattled breath at deaths door.
Barely able to hold his cane he stood then
struggled mighty to make it to his grave.
Your breath rattles in a fragile chest
the heart feebly clanks to push blood
when there's a bit in the aorta. You're a
young man in an ancient failing body by
an unknown disease. You lean on a cane
slumped in a chair waiting for a miracle
that won't come for you. You're a skeleton.
We fear you. We fear death.
I fear ignorance.
For Dorothy Rengsdorf  and my co worker Rod.
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