I expected to die by now.
I'm lost in a lost world.
Bette's 92 lost in her past.
I visit she sees ghosts,
thinks I'm her brother
asks about our mother.

I'm still that little boy
confessing little sins to
be forgiven by a penance.
Instead I ate a nun's stew.
Acquired taste devil dance
before I die one last chance.

So close to the last breath
I just want the final ending
knowing my little death
through time's bending.

I'm 75 years old. I'm 17 again.
Old memories playing on a screen
in silent black and white, piano
music, time sees where I've been.
Happy Birthday. Blow years away
the candles set the years on fire
burn the bridges and words we say
regret the lost fierce brief desire.

I'm 75 years old. I'm 17 again.
Old memories playing on a screen
in silent black and white, piano
music, time sees where I've been.
Happy Birthday. Blow years away
the candles set the years on fire
burn the bridges and words we say
regret the lost fierce brief desire.

All the good things from my past are past
and my future looks like a ghost empty vast.
Tremors are worse, memory is going too fast
Clocks are breaking and time will never last.

Anybody ever understand me?
I try to make a point but silent
stares fill me with terror. Do they
hate me or am I on fire naked?
I have equations to prove my point.
Einstein agrees with my logic and
if the sun dies in the blink of an eye
we have 8 minutes to say goodbye.

I married a 10 who's now a 4.
What is to become of our bed?
Once we broke them to the floor
now they last forever instead.

Alcohol stole my brain.
  Left me lobotomized
  random pieces remain
  to juggle compromised
  living on a tightrope
  balanced above a crowd
  spotlight blinds hope
  quiet was never so loud.

We sit in church basements on
folding chairs drinking bad coffee
with shaking bones and shame in our eyes.
I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Joe!
Christmas eve. Presents wrapped under
the tree. A fire in the hearth. Kids are all
smiles and best behavior. We toast the
scene again and again until it clicks in me.
I'm a terrible monster full of rage and
I'll never know why. I roar and throw
all the presents in the fire with my life.
I will always be an I. I'll never be an us.

We sit in church basements on
folding chairs drinking bad coffee
with shaking bones and shame in our eyes.
I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Joe!
Christmas eve. Presents wrapped under
the tree. A fire in the hearth. Kids are all
smiles and best behavior. We toast the
scene again and again until it clicks in me.
I'm a terrible monster full of rage and
I'll never know why. I roar and throw
all the presents in the fire with my life.
I will only be us as me and a bottle.

I abandoned myself
kids and wife on
Mariana's shelf
reborn my son
staged crazy life
always have fun.

Left behind with stuff we didn't need.
We found you as a puppy and kept you
safe and loved you 'til we had to scram
and left the stuff we didn't need.
Forgive us our sins. I ache for you.
The day will come I'm left behind.

4 English singers were
killed in a crosswalk
on Abbey Road today.
A double Decker bus
ran them down on
26 September 1969.

I slept in a UFO last night.
Creatures crawled over me
with probes and putting my
fluids into tubes I could see.
I watched tiny beasts swim
seeking the one we all want
in my ***** like tadpoles
in a frenzy of life's hunt.

We write poems like ants in colonies.
We submit our jewel here and hope
for the front page. I'm hanging on.
I wait for the phone to ring or the
letter in the mailbox but I feel like
I'm playing the lottery with my
submissions. Billion to one chance.

We swarm to be heard.
We write to plant our seeds
in your furrows. Ideas take root.
Cocktail chatter and bedroom whispers
spread them far and wide from church
to AA to shooting galleries.
We shout words in sound proof rooms
wrapped in straight jackets and put down.

Everyone I've known
   fades into a lie.
   We're all children
   'til the day we die.
   Let's dance close
   let's be wicked.
   Take a chance
   be a bit addicted
   reduced to threads
   inside our heads
   above our beds
   torn to shreds

Everyone I've known
   fades into a lie.
   We're all children
   'til the day we die.
   Let's dance close
   let's be wicked.
   Take a chance
   be a bit addicted
   reduced to threads
   inside our heads
   above our beds
   torn to shreds

Everyone I've known
   fades into a lie.
   We're all children
   'til the day we die.
   Let's dance close
   let's be wicked.
   Take a chance
   be a bit addicted
   reduced to threads
   inside our heads
   above our beds
   torn to shreds.

I travel forever to the end of time
leave a stop watch inside this rhyme
a second left to create one more life
aborted by mom with a kitchen knife.

Dodged a bullet called life
so beautiful yet shattered
fine crystal bloodied hands
we all act as if it mattered.
We protest in graveyards cry
blood tears for tiny abortion
boy or girl we never know now
just another ignored correction.

Dodged a bullet called life.
So beautiful. Just shattered
fine crystal. Bloodied hands.
We all act as if it mattered.
We protest in graveyards cry
blood tears for tiny abortion
boy or girl we never know now
just another mistaken *******.

I'm 72 and still a boy
  of 12. BJ. Bill junior.
  I know people are happy
  when they're laughing so
  I keep them laughing in
  my desperation for love.

I never made it to Christmas
or Birthdays or school plays.
I was drunk and chasing ***
to bed somewhere for lays.
I know my failure up close
live in forever confessions
forget me with each dose
erase me in shrink sessions.

Oh what a time we had. Bohemians.
  We drank too much and laughed too
  loud. We danced wild in neon light.
  We shocked the frozen faced prudes.
  We pulled the sun up, ate croissants,
  slept naked until love's black night.

Oh what a time we had. Bohemians.
  We drank too much and laughed too
  loud. We danced wild in neon light.
  We shocked the frozen faced prudes.
  We pulled the sun up, ate croissants,
  slept naked into love's black night.

Societies' fabric would never hold
if no little white lies could be told.
Does this naked look good on me
if I climb trees in a nudest colony
even though I just turned 70
perched hung in an apple tree.

Our absolute truth reveals itself
in a pale blue translucent light
in our dreams. We can't see it in
naked light of day. Like staring
at the sun it would blind us and
truth stripped bare is horrible.

That one lifetime I got
everything I asked for
like a magic Christmas
Tiny Tim and the poor.

I never thought I'd see
America on her knees
bleeding on her shores.
Borders all open doors.
Et tu, Obama?
Never mind drama.
Make a last stand
an Alamo again.

I would never suicide.
My children need me.
I have nothing to hide.
Neglect we never see.
An ounce of ****** is a
pound of prevention.
Divorce was surrender
never my true intention.

I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of our kitchen
  I found my new soulmate
  I'm leaving you and the kids
  to write poetry with poets.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of your dorm room
  our last kiss and
  I'm off to Boston
  where I hope I am.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of my garret
  a broken fist I put in your wall
  I'm jealousy's beast of burden
I'll call drunk from the booth
outside the Taco Bell
and slur my apology
to answering  machines.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  with a drunk monument.
  I'm just another voice
  gather your stuff, bye
  why do I keep dying inside?

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  Nashville new job, we're over
  I'll mail your stuff.
  you were the cruelest month
  still I couldn't set you free

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  always
  no cure for romantics
  who believe in God
  and impossible love.

I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of our kitchen
  I found my new soulmate
  I'm leaving you and the kids
  to write poetry with poets.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of your dorm room
  our last kiss and
  I'm off to Boston
  where I hope I am.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  of my garret
  a broken fist I put in your wall
  I'm jealousy's beast of burden
I'll call drunk from the booth
outside the Taco Bell
and slur my apology
to answering  machines.

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  with a drunk monument.
  I'm just another voice
  gather your stuff, bye
  why do I keep dying inside?

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  Nashville new job, we're over
  I'll mail your stuff.
  you were the cruelest month
  still I couldn't set you free

  I'm aching naked
  in the raw dawn
  always
  no cure for romantics
  who believe in God
  and impossible love.

A bag of red hot suns
one of cool full moons
serenaded by Pink Floyd
with powdered spoons.

I'm naked at the party.
Such wonder and awe.
Welcome to my mind
a puzzle with a flaw.

I tripped the light fantastic
back in the day.
I dropped acid and dressed
like a high clown prince
and dreamed us in forever
in the place we always wanted.
Where did you go?
Where am I now?

No one wants your love
a bitter pill of poison
sounds of a crying dove
with no rhyme or reason
tears falling from above.

I saw God's spark set me in motion.
     Hell broke loose and molten metals
     exploded into a universe too big to
     imagine. Light begot light and suns
     were born. Globes crashed into globes
     stars blinked in night's black canvas.
     One burst light of a thousand suns
     blinded me in my tiny eternity gone.

In bed framed in the mirror watching
    our scene play out as on a stage.
    We make love and our first child.
    Beyond our mirror a world enraged.
    We might be Adam and Eve cast out
    again into Eden's disappointed age .

The petting
the kissing
the getting
just missing

That night we came together
into the sacred secret Eden
my Adam your Eve forever
forbidden fruit not eaten.

She made me a scarf.
It was Ireland green
France Fleur de lis blue
Germany's sunset red.
She worries about me like
a treasure in her heart
where I feel most at home,
that will be lost someday.

Drugs don't stop
the shaking now
but I still try again
the promises louder
needle full of water
Rehab false slaughter.

I love you more than life.
Addiction is so seductive.
I lose things left and right.
You are most destructive.

You poets. You priests. You shrinks.
You've no idea what I'm going through.
My shredded nerves demand another hit.
Have my body for another shot of it.
Let me dream among mine own kind.
Tomorrow I'll wake in ****** hell.
I'll find another shot into paradise.
I'll dream of being clean once again.
I'll dream of perfect childhoods and
true love that lasts a lifetime.

Birds cawing. Rats gnawing. Cats clawing. Craving.
  Bells ringing. Choirs singing. Dead bringing. Score.
  ****** faking. Thief's taking. Mischief making. Under.
  Alice small. Alice tall. Red Queens fall. Floating.
Birds cawing. Rats gnawing. Cats clawing. Craving.

I exploded into my life
born in fierce storms
of light and thunder
faceless light aliens
clean me and fit my
blue straight jacket
hand me to the stranger
they call her mother
who comforts me forever,
if snake eyes roll never.
nothing seems to matter
her spoiled breast milk
nothing worth a splatter.
Conflicted addicted real
world **** we live in curse
offer ******* to buy a shot
and beer and call it commerce.
Stay drunk and no worse to feel.

I love you for awhile.
Nothing else matters.
I promise forever, but
my forever is never.

The shotgun blast
woke up the baby
left her mother less
crying for the candy.
Life turns on a dime
every tick of the clock
we hope and we hope
best we can do is ad hoc

A dime a dance
  seeking romance
  maybe seduction
  buying a chance.
  If hearts align
  among the stars
  our perfect sign
  and perfect scars.

They said I needed help.
They admitted me to the
ward of madness and shoved
pills into me that made me a
scarecrow. A man of straw
shaking mad in the wind as
weak as my resolve to be me.
I never came to life again.
I died in bright light at peace.
The crows sent me on my way.