I pushed the button
  I need the shot in
  the devil's purse
  it seemed like hours
  probably minutes as
  I ground teeth to dust
  comes the angel nurse
  she memorized the verse
  heaven's squirt in vein
  I wander in the cool rain
  come soon morphine noose
  **** pain or me. Choose.

Belgian Congo owns us.
You break our black backs
with your profit margins as
we get your diamonds and
make you rich and we starve.
Yellow eyed hatred never dies.

I'm always tired lately. Can't wait
    for bedtime to lay me to rest and
    wake tomorrow to the same day again.
    I'm caught in a whirlpool forever.
    What can I drink or smoke or inject?
    What religion will help me out here?
    Maybe I'm dead and don't know it yet?

My dear old friend
I can't watch your end
between the seconds
ticking it's threatens
life's final surrender
the great pretender.

I don't know how to tell you
I don't love you anymore.
I never want to hurt you so
I'll just turn love off and
you die of thirst not sudden.
I'm a coward. I hate me too.

I wish I had
a different life
a different husband
a different wife
a different name
and different pets
just not so tame
without regrets.

I'm diminished
almost finished
just one more
day open door
outlive fears
phony tears.

Do you know these people
  dirt poor with joyful eyes?
  No tears or pity asked they
  work hell's cloudless fields
  every meal fatback and beans  
  sharecropper hands of stone.
  Sunday overalls starched go
  to Church praise Jesus, atone.
  Saturday nights there's music
  and moonshine and slow dance
  they give up the ghost midnight
  still clutching in fierce romance.

Do you know these people
  dirt poor with joyful eyes?
  No tears or pity asked they
  work hell's cloudless fields
  every meal fatback and beans  
  sharecropper hands of stone.
  Sunday overalls starched go
  to Church praise Jesus, atone.
  Saturday nights there's music
  and moonshine and slow dance
  they give up the ghost midnight
  still clutching in fierce romance.

Do you know these people
  dirt poor with joyful eyes?
  No tears or pity asked they
  work hell's cloudless fields
  every meal fatback and beans  
  sharecropper hands of stone.
  Sunday overalls starched go
  to Church praise Jesus, atone.
  Saturday nights there's music
  and moonshine and slow dance
  they give up the ghost midnight
  still clutching in fierce romance.

Do you know these people
  dirt poor with joyful eyes?
  No tears or pity asked they
  work hell's cloudless fields
  every meal fatback and beans  
  sharecropper hands of stone.
  Sunday overalls starched go
  to Church praise Jesus, atone.
  Saturday nights there's music
  and moonshine and slow dance
  they give up the ghost midnight
  still clutching in fierce romance.

I'd like to be considered
a '***** Old Man' until further notice,
unless I have a stroke or die or worse
vote for Woodrow Wilson again!

Now I see me.
Now I don't.
Trick mirror
steals my image
and makes it
disappear.
One more drink
I'm gone for good.

Never live or die
just disappear fly
too fast to splatter
too small to matter.

You better get
   your makeup kit
   make the fear
   last night
   disappear.
   wear your shades
   'til the black eye fades
   people just stop asking
   when shopping at the IGA
   repair the fist holes
   in walls and doors
   and in your heart.

I write my essentials so as not to be forgotten
   by the time my funeral service and the casseroles
   and my cold ashes in some anonymous jar are an
   afterthought while the living move on as we do.

   Know that I was born March 23, 1949, at 5:32 am
   in Cincinnati, Ohio. Named William John Donovan
   the second. Firstborn son, 2 older sisters. I'm sure
   I was shriveled like a prune and PTSD after the chute.

   I lived a typical baby boomer life in that time.
   A whole bunch of hi jinks and other mistakes marked
   my time. A million laughs, a billion grins and pain
   and regret, etc. The scale is centered as far as I know.

   I'm now 69 (oh how long I wanted to say that) and I'm at
   a delicate place. I must dismantle my life. The **** collected
   is monumental. It's precious to me, only me. Proof of stuff
   I did at school, sports, work and clothes that defined me.

   Books are my essence. They map my life more than anything.
   I pile myself into boxes. I drop them at Goodwill. Goodbye.
   Soon I'll be empty enough to disappear. Please read this
   prayer and put me in a special place inside your heart.

I don't know where I am
this vast wilderness my life.
I starve for your touch again,
instead I feel your knife.

Are you soft or are you hard?
Are you in or are you out?
What says your Tarot card?
All that's certain is doubt.

Dive bar
    Depth Charge
    Pickled eggs
    Slim Jim's
    Fat *****
    hang over
    bar stools
    no fear of death
    it's 4 am and
    last call saves
    them one more time
    maybe we all die
    sleeping at last
with no hangover.

Dive bar
    Depth Charge
    Pickled eggs
    Slim Jims
    Fat *****
    hang over
    bar stools
    in fear of life
    it's 4 am and
    last call saves
    them one more time
    maybe we all break
    tomorrow finally.

A speck exploded in nothing
made everything in something
we fall in love in moonlight
burn our skin in the sunlight
drown in the vast oceans deep
dream in endless night's sleep
science denies a divine design
Darwin is their sacred shrine

The universe is on display tonight.
    A storm is coming. Birds in flight
    as lightening cracks the sky in two.
    There's half for me and half for you.

I crave love.
I hunger for White Castle.
Your hair smells like rain.
Box Chardonnay is coolio.
Keep me in your thoughts.
I'll spy on you in dark from
the tree in your yard and
sign the divorce papers.

I crave tomorrow's Lust.
Her hair smells like rain.
You're a flaccid balloon.
She is my Chardonnay.

Keep me in your thoughts.
I'll spy on you of course
from a tree in your yard
and give you the divorce.

In 1940 it was scandalous.
  Let no man put asunder.
  It drove a wooden stake
  through God's great heart!
  Man's hubris knew no limits.
  Shame on the failed divorcee.

  Today with God on life support
  divorce is like a parking ticket.
  Marriage is ******* for a year.
  Kids are game pieces played in
  partner chess moved to beds on the
  board until you're too old to play.

We **** in public.
We **** in public.
We **** on his feet
always love him.
Love him when he gets
the mail for a minute but
we know he spent the day in
Paris with a French Poodle.

Thunder
fear and wonder
lighting
blind frightening
flood
from above.

Do it again? Remember that,
back before we both got fat?
I'd rather eat food than you.
A fortune cookie maybe true.

A failing wind after 16 days
   madness erupted in many ways
   cook with a cleaver menacing
   captain in his cabin dancing
   to a tune that only he can hear
   and the rest of us can only fear
   we pray to Poseidon set us free
   wind just wasn't meant to be
   things might take an ugly turn
   fierce equator sun might burn
   the whole ****** thing down
   laugh in cool waters and drown

I drove me to the corner
with an oversized *****.
She's a camouflage lover.
I wear bullet proof rubber.
We pretend love in Motel 6.
I sleep. She goes for a fix.
I buy her eggs and a waffle.
Our love was really awful.

We die one at a time when
our time is up and like dominoes
we click as we fall into graves we
never expected but knew about
all our life. Each of us thinks
we'll be the first to live forever.

I can't do this anymore.
Aimless daytime chores
pick up all the dog ****
clean the uppity cat's box.
Capture errant dust *****.
I'll start smoking again
addict myself to ******.
Overdose is my final sin.

She thought I was a carny
but loved me all the same
I made her laugh out loud
never caused her shame

Don't break me like a toy
or a long forgotten boy
yesterday's mistake
tomorrow's deadly snake
a heart drowned from tears
spilled over many years.

Do I know you from somewhere?
You seemed so near in my rifle scope
across no mans land. I tried to **** you.
Let bygones be bygones. Forget the rope.
I'll be your waiter can I fetch drinks?
Bury the hatchets and hold onto hope.

Do I know you from somewhere?
You seemed so near in my rifle scope
across no mans land I tried to **** you.
Let bygones be bygones. Forget the rope.
I'll be your waiter can I fetch drinks?
Bury the hatchet and hold onto hope.

Don't slam the door, boy, when you leave.
   You made your bed with that worthless *****
   and you'll both end in hell's kitchen weeping
   for your unholy child born within deep sins
   of forbidden flesh and lust's laughter. Look
   out for fire. I pray for your souls always.

   We lived with our love and sweet daughter.
   We had a son soon after. Like rabbits.
   Years later you are all dead. Life moves on
   and as I near the grave I slam every door I
   can and give my blessing to every **** thing
   that lives outside the lines. They matter most.

I fell down into a rabbit hole
tumbling until I landed in an
acid trip my keyboard shakes
and my mind expands and
you all creep from the shadows.
A Cheshire cat's grin appears
then it shows itself and directs her
to the March Hare's house
and the mad tea party.
She finds  her way to the garden.
The hookah smoking caterpillar
lusts for her purity but lets her
go to find the Red Queen says
off with her head. The door mouse
warned her keep your head.
She wakes from her dream.

I fell into a rabbit hole and
tumbled until I landed in an
acid trip; my keyboard shakes.
My mind expands. I'm in Wonderland.
You all creep from the shadows.
A Cheshire cat's grin appears then
the cat shows itself and directs her
to the March Hare's house
and the mad tea party. The tea is
spiked with acid and she has a cup
then finds her way to the garden.
The hookah smoking caterpillar
lusts for her purity but lets her
find the Red Queen who says,
"off with her head". The door mouse
warned her keep your head, Alice.
She wakes from her dream. She finds
herself chained to a bed in Bedlam.

My life was on the ropes.
     22 and 2 ex wives. 2 kids.
     Night shift cleaning floors
     and toilets in a grocery chain.
     She reached me at 2am in tears.
     Our dog died. I went to her dorm.
     We drank and ****** like before.
     I ran away to Boston to do over.

Do Poets Reside on a Mental Spectrum?

    Are we insane to a greater or lesser degree?
    Creativity comes from internal conflicted minds.
    Alcoholics, drug addicts, suicides and everyone.
    We work harder than most. We wring out all meaning
    of each word. Poetry puts us on a very tight budget.
    Life stories can be as short as:
          I lived. I died.
    A bit longer:
          I lived. I loved. I died.
    Getting a bit wordier:
          I lived. I loved. I strayed. Her lawyer ****** me.
          I died. I was buried in a potters field.
    I'd love to go on but I'm in my cups and ready to walk
    my hounds of hell and listen to music and stare at the
    stars and planets and wonder if we poets are stardust.
    When I get home I hope I can remember that thought.

Slightly ****** and drunk
  we enter into far out reaches
  of the universe to microscopic,
  subatomic worlds. We wonder if
  life's a dream, then argue whose.
  Is time travel possible? Maybe
  we're all from the future or past.
  If we changed an event from the
  past would we exist in the now?
  3am we all dream of tomorrow.

Slightly ****** and drunk
  we enter into far out reaches
  of the universe to microscopic,
  subatomic worlds. We wonder if
  life's a dream, then argue whose.
  Is time travel possible? Maybe
  we're all from the future or past.
  If we changed an event from the
  past would we exist in the now?
  3am we all dream of tomorrow.

Dorothy found us all in need
of a heart, courage and brain.
We walked her yellow brick road.
We slept in poppies in the rain.

She kept us going as dear friends
hard working with deadlines near
we all felt the changing winds.
Her laugh died, too much to bear.

Dorothy found us all in need
of a heart, courage and brain.
We walked her yellow brick lead
We slept in the poppies in rain.

She kept us alive with fine wine
hard working with deadlines near
crack soft whip to finish on time
her Dot laugh our reward to hear.

I cover me in doubt's blanket
keeps me warm against fake it.
True or false who to trust now?
Lust's gravity's birth's plow

Throw a final dart
place to live to die.
Final beat of heart,
final kiss goodbye.
Cremate me I learn
be happy in an urn.

We grabbed each other shamelessly in theaters.  
   Weekends in the bed never coming up for breath.
   Eating was not important. *** was all consuming.
   I'm sorry you stopped being the woman I married.
   I'm sorry I stopped being the man you married.
   The air came out of the balloon. The wood rotted.
   Time always has its way with our sacred myths.
   We are stunned when love withers on the vine.

We grabbed each other shamelessly at movies.
   Weeks swimming in bed never coming up for air.
   Eating was not important. *** was all consuming.
   I'm sorry you stopped being the woman I married.
   I'm sorry I stopped being the man you married.
   The air came out of the balloon. The wood rotted.
   Time always has its way with our sacred myths.
   We are stunned when our love withers on a vine.

In anything? Me or you or us?
Kids or Uncle Reggie's cancer?
War's brutal destruction?
Love's gentle healing?
A kind word to strangers?
A smile on the train and
laughter among the pain?
Dreams? Forever after?

The Trinity? Me or you or us?
Kids or Uncle Reggie's cancer?
War's brutal destruction?
Love's gentle healing?
A kind word to strangers?
A smile on the train and
laughter among the pain?
Dreams? Forever after?