I want to be 16 again
looking for mortal sin
Catholic girls' willing
to spend God's shilling
to forgive the 'shoulds',
naked in Winton Woods.

Gateway to adult is 17.
Desired yet forbidden
flattered and unsure
keep them hidden.
Boys swim around you
smelling woman's blood
you blush each month
enduring the flood.

1890 was a time when women gave birth or died trying
    upstairs as not to disturb the rest of the family below.
    The husband sits in the parlor ******* on a flask and cigar.
    He barely hears muffled screams and reads his London Times.

We choked on our stock's ashes.
1929. The crash. We lost it all.
nothing left to bear my burden.
nothing left to sing my praise.
my body aches. my soul despairs.
Forget friends. Never mind prayers.
The only warmth a stranger's "Hello".
I doubt innocence. What does he want?
I'll sleep on benches and city grates
and wipe my *** with worthless paper.
I'll walk the stairs for the first time
to the top of my building and perch
and gaze upon the city that betrayed
and step into death's cool flight.

We choked on our stock's ashes.
1929. The crash. We lost it all.
nothing left to bear my burden.
nothing left to sing my praise.
my body aches. my soul despairs.
Forget friends. Never mind prayers.
The only warmth a stranger's "Hello".
I doubt innocence. What does he want?
I'll sleep on benches and city grates
and wipe my *** with 20 dollar bills.
I'll walk the stairs for the first time
to the top of my building and perch
and gaze upon the city that betrayed
me and step into death's cool flight.

We choked on our stock's ashes.
1929. The crash. We lost it all.
nothing left to bear my burden.
nothing left to sing my praise.
my body aches. my soul despairs.
Forget friends. Never mind prayers.
The only warmth a stranger's "Hello".
I doubt innocence. What does he want?
I'll sleep on benches and city grates
and wipe my *** with 20 dollar bills.
I'll walk the stairs for the first time
to the top of my building and perch
and gaze upon the city that betrayed
me and step into death's cool flight.

The hearts we set aflutter as we
     danced inside the canvas tents.
     Towns on the edge of the dust bowl who
     still had pennies and loved our scents.

     Times were hard and we moved to catch
     the next town with a sawbuck to steal
     with our games of chance and ladies
     teasing what we'd give after a deal.

Men were home from war and
back to work busy making kids
with the boss of the house and I
won a lottery and came to life in
a sweaty moment of busy parents,
two girls trying for a first son.

The beats are howling for truth
   angry wolves in need of a fix
   in a pack in Central Park at
   3 am, junkies on the prowl.
   They won't be denied a deity.
   Ginsberg's Howl their Bible.

The beats are howling for truth
   angry wolves in need of a fix
   in a pack in Central Park at
   3 am, junkies on the prowl.
   They won't be denied a deity.
   Ginsberg's Howl their Bible.

We've all gone crazy lately.
I don't wear a tie or cut my hair.
I smoked some hash and lost my
mind a little bit. Save me from
a world I don't recognize anymore.
I dress like a clown and eat drugs
to keep me up and down and level.
Friends are straight or hippies each
seeking their very own Nirvana and
I walk a tightrope above the madness.

We've all gone crazy lately.
I don't wear a tie or cut my hair.
I smoked some hash and lost my
mind a little bit. Save me from
a world I don't recognize anymore.
I dress like a clown and eat drugs
to keep me up and down and level.
Friends are straight or hippies each
seeking their very own Nirvana and
I walk a tightrope above madness.

We've all gone crazy lately.
I don't wear a tie or cut my hair.
I smoked some hash and lost my
mind a little bit. Save me from
a world I don't recognize anymore.
I dress like a clown and eat drugs
to keep me up and down and level.
Friends are straight or hippies each
seeking their very own Nirvana and
I walk a tightrope above madness.

1967 Class Reunion

  We are never prepared
  shock of wrinkled grey
  House of mirrors distorts
  Roger Bacon has been
  lurking in my shadows
  scared I'll be the next
  in the arms of Christ
  on the list of the dead.

We've all gone crazy lately.
I don't wear a tie or cut my hair.
I smoked some hash and lost my
mind a little bit. Save me from
a world I don't recognize anymore.
I dress like a clown and eat drugs
to keep me up and down and level.
Friends are straight or hippies each
seeking their very own Nirvana and
I walk a tightrope above them both.

We've all gone crazy lately.
I don't wear a tie or cut my hair.
I smoked some hash and lost my
mind a little bit. Save me from
a world I don't recognize anymore.
I dress like a clown and eat drugs
to keep me up and down and level.
Friends are straight or hippies each
seeking their very own Nirvana and
I walk a tightrope above them all.

We've all gone crazy lately.
I don't wear a tie or cut my hair.
I smoked some hash and lost my
mind a little bit. Save me from
a world I don't recognize anymore.
I dress like a clown and eat drugs
to keep me up and down and level.
Friends are straight or hippies each
seeking their very own Nirvana and
I walk a tightrope above them both.

We've all gone crazy lately.
I don't wear a tie or cut my hair.
I smoked some hash and lost my
mind a little bit. Save me from
a world I don't recognize anymore.
I dress like a clown and eat drugs
to keep me up and down and level.
Friends are straight or hippies each
seeking their very own Nirvana and
I walk a tightrope above them all.

1968 Far Out

Wear Birkenstock's
ignore the clocks
grow your hair
forget underwear
be brave don't doubt
turn on and drop out
Naked on Alcott Lane
only myself to blame
I paint a full moon
inside our living room
sleep inside acid dreams
nothing is as it seems.

2021 Old Times

Obey the clocks take
your pills that make
you kind of normal
a bit less formal
*** will break you
I welcome my rue
I dream of our first
time to quench thirst
in tall grass Romeo
and Juliet long ago
so much life lived
so little still believed

birkenstocks and halter tops
no bras no rules free love
drink acid from the tea cup
kiss God's ***, bless His son
smoke hash eat ****** and
keep your sanity balanced in
space and time we have left
with alarm set to die young.

Mullets and discotheques,
gold chains, too much cologne,
lines of coke, smooth *****.
Dance the night into the day
back when everyone was gay
then the scourge had its way.
Really nothing left to say
but for my dead and dying
friends I ask bend your knees
listen to their rattled breath
inches from their death
and hold my hand to pray.

Mullets and discotheques,
gold chains round the necks,
lines of coke, smooth *****.
Buying drinks, making passes
back when everyone was gay
then the scourge had its way.

Skeletons rattling breaths
clutching the hospice deaths
Really nothing left to say
just hold my hand to pray
friends please bend a knee
thank their God their free.

I can't believe the incidence of rage.
No one is willing to turn the page.
America is left dying on her vine.
Every empire destroyed in its time.

Do I exist as I or us?
Can you be alone or
are you a part of me?
We must memorize
the truth as it is told
over the mind Net.
Our sky is yellow.
Our meat is farmed
inside a test tube.
We procreate alone,
hallucinate  together.
I don't feel pain or
loneliness. I never
cried but miss it.

Do I exist as I or us?
Can you be alone or
are you a part of me?
We must memorize
the truth as it is told
over the mind Net.
Our sky is yellow.
Our meat is farmed
inside a test tube.
We procreate alone,
hallucinate  together.
I don't feel pain or
loneliness. I never
cried but miss it.

I was 10 running in a field to the pool
where Patty wore her 2 piece and owned
my boyish heart. She was 15 and I was
******* her alone in my bedroom at night.
Everyone I ever ****** was 2 piece Patty.
She was beat to death with a fence post.

She's a spur in my saddle
  a boil on my ***
  drive 10 hours rattle
  heart attack just gas

  to any question asked
  recites her biography
  point to pain for me
  I was born by the sea

  she's stone in my shoe
  she just wants to die
  I hate to disappoint,
  just can't say goodbye.

I love you inside your mind
  I love you outside your head.
  I love you in solitude or screaming
  stroking you gently or kissing thighs
  in dreams or nightmares bravely or
  shrinking in fear from your anger.
  I love you inside out and upside down
  north south east west night or day.
  I always love you most at 3AM while
  you gently snore and talk in your sleep.

I love you inside your mind
  I love you outside your head.
  I love you in solitude or screaming
  stroking you gently or kissing thighs
  in dreams or nightmares bravely or
  shrinking in fear from your anger.
  I love you inside out and upside down
  north south east west night or day.
  I always love you most at 3AM while
  you gently snore and talk in your sleep.

I love you inside your mind
  I love you outside your head.
  I love you in solitude or screaming
  stroking you gently or kissing thighs
  in dreams or nightmares bravely or
  shrinking in fear from your anger.
  I love you inside out and upside down
  north south east west night or day.
  I always love you most at 3AM while
  you gently snore and talk in your sleep.

water dripping
clock ticking
counting sheep
just can't sleep
haunting violins
insane mandolins
constant litany
of sins dripping.

Fireworks started early as usual.
   They terrify my pets and veterans
   and I will lose my mind soon and run
   out the door and beat up the world
   or maybe set the atmosphere afire
   steal all the oxygen so no fuses light.

I was lying on a shrinks couch
and had a straight jacket moment
when I couldn't find a window or door.
He prescribed ****** for 15 years.
I finally came back from living dead,
staring into the shining sun no fears.

Look at these dames
  set hearts in flames
  they toast their boys
  use war's cruel toys
  bring us home a win
  we'll carry on again.
  Our men were buried.
  We never married.

The picture was from long ago in 1920's.
  Forget color they lived in black and white
  muted times with talcum powder and fancy
  hats and brooches. They look posed for a
  wax museum. 4 are smiling big but 1 is
  reluctant and looks forlorn. Maybe her
  husband died in Europe's wars or influenza.
  They're toasting something. Raised glasses
  to what I wonder? We all have things to
  celebrate and all have things to mourn.

The picture was from long ago in 1920's.
  Forget color they lived in black and white
  muted times with talcum powder and fancy
  hats and brooches. They look posed for a
  wax museum. 4 are smiling big but 1 is
  reluctant and looks forlorn. Maybe her
  husband died in Europe's wars or influenza.
  They're toasting something. Raised glasses
  to what I wonder? We all have things to
  celebrate and all have things to mourn.

The picture was from long ago in 1920's.
  Forget color they lived in black and white
  muted times with talcum powder and fancy
  hats and brooches. They look posed for a
  wax museum. 4 are smiling big but 1 is
  reluctant and looks forlorn. Maybe her
  husband died in Europe's wars or influenza.
  They're toasting something. Raised glasses
  to what I wonder? We all have things to
  celebrate and all have things to mourn.

I'm barely awake from a dream. I
    need to call home. 6 Alcott Lane
    Greenhills. Is my room still there?
    Is the Xavier pennant still nailed to
    the wall, and Christ on the cross?
    That room was my growing up womb.
    
    I found my *** in that room. I puked
    beer in that room. I played with my
    plastic super heroes in that room. I
    was sent to that room when I told my
    parents that Kathy and I were pregnant.
    There's no place like home they say.

I'm barely awake from a dream. I
    need to call home. 6 Alcott Lane,
    Greenhills. Is my room still there?
    Is the Xavier pennant still nailed to
    the wall, and Christ on the cross?
    That room was my growing up womb.
    
    I found my *** in that room. I puked
    beer in that room. I played with my
    plastic super heroes in that room. I
    was sent to that room when I told my
    parents that I got Kathy pregnant.
    I know there's no going home.

I'm barely awake from a dream. I
    need to call home. 6 Alcott Lane,
    Greenhills. Is my room still there?
    Is the Xavier pennant still nailed to
    the wall, and Christ on the cross?
    That room was my growing up womb.
    
    I found my *** in that room. I puked
    beer in that room. I played with my
    plastic super heroes in that room. I
    was sent to that room when I told my
    parents that I got Kathy pregnant.
    I know there's no going home again.

I'm a worn out old man.
I want to go back to Alcott
where the world was in a jar
and we were masters of the
woods. We knew the creeks and
lake and swung on vines Tarzan
like and ran home to supper and
homework and TV and slumber
and dad off to work at 5am hacking
in the bushes and off he went in
the flesh colored rocket ship that
was a a '57 Chevorlet Bel Air.

I'm a worn out old man.
I want to go back to Alcott
where the world was in a jar
and we were masters of the
woods. We knew the creeks and
lake and swung on vines Tarzan
like and ran home to supper and
homework and TV and slumber
and dad off to work at 5am hacking
in the bushes and off he went in
the flesh colored rocket ship that
was a a '57 Chevrolet Bel Air.

I'm a worn out old man.
I want to go back to Alcott
where the world was in a jar
and we were masters of the
woods. We knew the creeks and
lake and swung on vines Tarzan
like and ran home to supper and
homework and TV and slumber
and dad off to work at 5am hacking
in the bushes and off he went in
the flesh colored rocket ship that
was a a '57 Chevrolet Bel Air.

I'm a worn out old man.
I want to go back to Alcott
where the world was in a jar
and we were masters of the
woods. We knew the creeks and
lake and swung on vines Tarzan
like and ran home to supper and
homework and TV and slumber
and dad off to work at 5am hacking
in the bushes and off he went in
the flesh colored rocket ship that
was a a '57 Chevrolet Bel Air.

Betrayed by my mother in easy summer days
    my father home from work at 3:00 drags me
    kicking and screaming to the whipping post.
    They never understood my Irish let me be.

    My rebellion was ******* all!
    I was forbidden to see West side Story
    I read the play from the library
    my father caught me and was angry?

    The catholic church can go straight to hell
    and use their fortune off the back of the poor
    to ransom their way to the heaven they offer
    to everyone as their own righteous *****.    

    I drag others into my whirlpool
    I want to die in my confusion...
    I want to fix broken parts and return
    to a corrected life in perfect fusion.

    I always aligned with the quirky ones
    where I always felt myself and real
    not correct and punctual, happy...
    no going back to squareville. Deal.

My arms are wrinkled linen
muscles betrayed me somehow
I have thin parchment skin
My face felt farmer's plow.

I expected to die by now.
I'm lost in a lost world.
Bette's 92 lost in her past.
I visit she sees ghosts,
thinks I'm her brother
asks about our mother.

So close to the last breath
I just want the final ending
knowing my little death
through time's bending.

I'm still that little boy
confessing little sins to
be forgiven by a penance.
Instead I ate a nun's stew.
Acquired taste devil dance
before I die one last chance.

I'm 75 years old. I'm 17 again.
Old memories playing on a screen
in silent black and white, piano
music, time sees where I've been.
Happy Birthday. Blow years away
the candles set the years on fire
burn the bridges and words we say
regret the lost fierce brief desire.