Christ, I'm underneath your avalanche.
  I need one of your miracles right now.
  Forget bible verses and pretty nurses
  I need the saving of your sacred cow.
  I'm froze in place like Mount Vesuvius
  captured in our small pieces of living
  as I suffocate I think of you and me
  and wonder at the miracle of forgiving.

I've known you for years. Grandpa introduced us.
    You always made the room glow and laughter flow.
    You calmed me when I betrayed those I promised
    to never betray. You made me smarter than I was
    and clever when I was dull and modest when clever.
    There's always a madness in the air when you grace
    us with your presence. Thing is you make me ugly.
    I dance on tables with lamp shades on my head and
    drop my pants invite kiss my *** in a full moon.
    I plan your funeral. I bury you in a potter's field.
    I've tried burying you before. Like Christ you rise.
    I put a stake in your heart and salt on your grave.
    You refuse to be banished from the lives we live.
    Maybe you'll stay buried beside me in my grave.

Every color of the rainbow
  shadow and nuance and love
  eyes face hair and lips
  your eyes thalo green
  mixed with bits of sun
  face ochre mixed with coffee
  hair midnight black mixed with
  beach breeze and *** perfume
  lips rust lust in a hayloft
  blush leaves a hint of crimson.

Death is a rebirth back
into infinity's dark mystic
the vast door opens a crack
into time's lonely final tick.

We never have enough to eat.
Winter is brutal up north and
we can't pay for heat huddled
around Dollar Store candles.
My Goldy is dead in morning.
Daddy can't keep a job anymore.

Footnote:
an ancillary piece of information
printed at the bottom of a page.

I've always been a footnote. Never
a title or chapter or paragraph.
I'm diminished and dispelled, an
afterthought after all. Forgotten.
Dead my whole life. Invisible.
Ghost among the living after all.
I'm the one dressed in black with
weapons so you see me and forget.

I'll be a footnote in macabre history
the school shooter at Columbine.
Still never remembered because
footnotes are never really seen.

Did someone say the end is near? Voices.
   Just one decibel short of understanding.
   Soft whisper like breeze through branches
   of the hanging tree. Where our voices aren't
   quite heard. We scream our outrage when
   our overlords are deaf with their pleasures.

She was every kind of beautiful
  that ever was or ever will be.
  More so because she didn't care.
  We floated above the noise
  just us two in bed stars in our eyes
  consuming us numb to all else.

  Jealousy clawed its way back
  into my heart. It always does.
  It ruined every love I ever had.
  I'm old and still don't understand.
  I fear lust's sting. Green eyed
  monster always in the wings.

I do
I don't
I would
I won't
I should
I shan't
I could
I can't
I need
your seed
I bleed
you're freed

I hear the whispers always
warning me avoid the edge
of living near the end days
and making a false pledge.

Just a note to say I'm sorry.
Please let it go don't worry.
Everything will end up well.
Kiss Kiss from eternal hell.

I drink wine from the box not the bottle.
     I'm not a connoisseur. I'm a wine sewer.
     My empties are very functional. I make
     so many things from them. Chairs. Beds.
     Dog house. Walls between us too tall to
     ever surmount. Even my own coffin.

God's perfect creation
Adam and Eve conceived
in the Garden of Eden,
His paradise received.

Lust is humans' crack,
desire behind our back
Love's not worth its' own
weight, just light to black.

Put Love on a butcher's scale
beside a broke heavy heart
I watch my Valentines fail
forever from the start.

A funeral procession
a box for confession
the Fourth of July
and wondering why
the young had to die
can souls really fly?
Without arms or legs
no saluting the flags.

**** near naked trolling
  you pose through the bar  
  for another lover's love
  a plastic trophy tin star.
  Innocent buzzed I watched
  I was caught in your net.
  We loved for a half year.
  You left.  I've no regret.

We huddle in our houses
watch statistics on TV
numbers scare us into isolation
can't breathe the air or touch.
We kiss through masks and love
from afar on video calls.
The Vaxed hate Unvaxed
and no one trusts elites.

I melt into promises like molten lead
   cooling into bullets aimed at my heart.
   I never make them lightly or ever mean
   to keep them forever they never start.

   I'm at war with me. I'll be victor and I'll
   be defeated and I'll bleed all over brave
   while I die in a trench of my own intention.
   Bury me where I fall in an unmarked grave.

I'll make my own God of split atoms.
The sun stares at Him and goes blind
leaving the world in total darkness.
It ends not with a whimper or a bang.
I still have a big bag of marbles.
I found one that looks like Earth.
I confessed my sin to my Priest.
10 Hail Mary's fix everything.

I'm tap dancing as fast as I can the
sparks jump off of the sidewalk
demon flares half insane in the dark!
I'd bend over backwards for us to talk.

I don't know what cruel rule I've broken.
I'm sorry. Your brutal silence bleeding
my tears. I'm stillborn in a quiet place.
My dead dreams are angry and pleading.

I was born
torn forlorn
alone storm
sorrow ****.
I broke rules
made by fools
for useful tools
and Govt. mules.

Lately the turn of death's wheel
spins slower with fewer clicks.
I'm growing tired and can't drink
like my younger self used to.
I smell death in my bed now
reeking of those gone before.

She thought I was a carny
but loved me all the same
I made her laugh out loud
never caused her shame

For birth
for need
for jealousy
for greed
for love
for lust
for envy
for trust
for anger
for hate
for planning
for fate
for breath
for darkness
for death

Oh, God forgive me
I lost my keys
to Your Kingdom
crawling on my knees
over every piece of me
too drunk to hope to find
Your lost and found
I just step out of my mind.

Small men standing tall
wearing giant hats and
medals they can hardly
carry. They feed soldiers
to the war machine like
butchers making sausage.

Is it wrong for me to want you?
  It simply speaks the silent truth.
  Can't we just dance naked in our arms
  in the dark, hot breath on our necks?
  Life lasts but an instant and it's gone.
  Let's pretend for a beat it's forever.

It's a quarter moon tonight
the tiniest sliver of light
just one more night to live
the perfect poem I will give.

There's a stench in the air
    that you can't stop smelling.
    We live in squalor with rats
    for pets and corpses swelling.
    Social workers come round
    to count living and dead
    and promise more help but
    just give us maggot bread.
    The swells attend fundraisers
    in latest styles dressed to ****
    feast on caviar and champagne
    while my dying child goes still.

I have a vampire cat
sleeps all day
up all night
I bet she has
a magic cape
I've never seen
her in a mirror.
I sleep with a cross.
She lost one eye
but she'll never die.

I'm waiting for my heart to
fall in love with you again
sitting in your backseat
trying to pick your locks to sin
I have a bag of seeds to sow
upon your fertile afterglow.

God's wrath struck the Joshua tree
   and burned it to its cremated ashes
   then let our world settle. Let it be.
   We watched it in lightening flashes.
   We live in angry desert cactus scrub
   hidden branches of the poison creosote
   where the only touch is death's rub.
   We have all but given up any hope.
   The stars are your eyes up above.
   The wind is my hands on our love.

There's nowhere safe
   painless and pure
   there is no perfection
   we're rats in the sewer
   we eat our children
   their innocent dreams
   elites strike a match
   we die in our screams.

There's a stench in the air
    that you can't stop smelling.
    We live in squalor with rats
    for pets and corpses bloated.
    Social workers come round
    to count living and dead
    and promise more help but
    just give us maggot bread.
    The swells attend fundraisers
    in latest styles dressed to ****
    feast on caviar and champagne
    while my dying child goes stiff.

Never text while driving
  and never text while drunk.
  Both can destroy lives. I
  love you in my cups but
  loathe me in the hangover
  having texted such truths.

A leaf
floats onto a stone
that felt alone
and gave it belief
in a God's love
never seen
vast machine
from high above

I never believed in anything
as much as I believed in you.
I'll never forget you. Your
heartbeat is still in my own.
You taught me how to love.
You taught me patience and
humility and to be kind when
it wasn't deserved but needed.
I need you more than ever to
help find my way back alone.

The waves blood clots deliver
  whatever narrative he desires
  2020 Covid brick stacked on brick
  build this awful factory of lies.

  Row deep for truth below our feet
  beyond safe buoys mermaids sing
  wind can tear you from your seat
  your arms remain awful rowing.

Her hair's alive with snakes hissing
She's electric with boombox laughter
I can't stop dreaming of us kissing.
I'm struck dumb in her shadow like a boy.
I fear what I feel. It resembles lust but I
am a prisoner of this life I almost enjoy.

Break wind, break promises,
break hearts but never ever
break Sacred Marriage Vows!
All the gods will have cows...
All kittens will die I swear on a
bible made in communist China.

DC is their fatality
their greedy totality
of their sterility
of their banality
total moral finality
it buries my reality.

He finally finished his last canvas.
  It satisfied his mad desire for love
  but left him wanting for his sanity.
  He shot himself and bled to death in
  the night he turned into day with the
  stars he painted into midnight suns.

I lost myself among the frozen stars
   in the dark palette of a cold midnight.
   Nowhere left to go I came by your door
   for old times and knocked. You were gone.
   You were never here. Pretend marriage.
   Me with a wife and 2 young kids and mad
   as a hatter I fell down the rabbit hole
   where we played house and thought we
   were in love. We were burned by lust
   and divorced and last time I saw you
   **** in your dorm and me leaving for
   Boston next day. We killed a 12 pack
   and pretended one last time at love
   and I went away and lived my life as
   best I could you always on my mind
   but knowing better. I came home to
   see my kids and came by to see you.
   I lost myself among the frozen stars
   in the dark palette of a cold midnight.
   Nowhere left to go I came to your grave
   whispering your name as a prayer.

I know you're there some nights
  seen you come and go smiling as
  you pass by perfume teasing me
  haunting my heart with never.
  So many bar lovers came before
  tasting feminine wiles forever.

Please just leave.
I don't want to hurt you.
Love is quicksand and
riptides so cruel.
Run for your life!
I'm just love afraid.
It never dies quick.
It will slowly fade.

The joy of life gone
  I answered to the gun
  held it to my ear
  without any fear
  this is my suicide note
  final everlasting quote.

I'll write a song
with music and rhyme
and poetry dripping
like dew from a vine.
I'll steal an orchestra
and God's own choir
and serenade you
to my bed on fire.

Earth is my mother.
Earth is my *****.
Earth is nuns in heat.
Earth is my carnal itch.
Earth swallows me dead.
Earth spins night into day.
Earth spins day into night.
Earth never lets me stay.

I never believed in anything
as much as I believed in you.
I'll never forget you. Your
heartbeat is still in my own.
You taught me how to love.
You taught me patience and
humility and to be kind when
it wasn't deserved but needed.
I need you more than ever to
help find my way back alone.

The north star was burned
by BLM activists said it was
too white in the dark night
blinded the hatred of sight.
The world has lost its way
can't tell night from day.

I said, I love you.
Your silence was deafening.
I kept saying shh, shh, shh.
You can't make this promise,
you can't betray your heart.
I die that night. Shh.