Mixed messages can be confounding
   but if looked at through an alcohol
   filter they can be deciphered as if
   spoken in clear and precise language.

   Passive aggressive onslaughts are hell
   disguised as innocent comments. Clever
   warfare that has plausible deniability.
   Be vigilant and you can discern it.

   Manipulation uses ills often; migraines,
   back and/or neck pain, depression and the
   mother who visited her madness upon you.
   The first marriage tore holes in you.

   I married a 1 who became a 10. What can
   I do? signed Desperate. Dear Desperate,
   You can become a 10 or find another 1 and
   hope the new 1 will not become another 10.

A bag of red hot suns
one of cool full moons
serenaded by Pink Floyd
with powdered spoons.

I'm naked at the party.
Such wonder and awe.
Welcome to my mind
a puzzle with a flaw.

You have a lover for white hot moments
that would burn you to the ground if
you spent the whole night in flame.
You've forgotten her drunken name.

You have the love of your life that
has periods and migraines and cancer
carried our Love's child for 9 months,
delivered Bailey the perfect answer.

I was born
torn forlorn
alone storm
sorrow ****.
I broke rules
made by fools
for useful tools
and Govt. mules.

Between the beauty
and incessant pain
glorious sunshine
and November rain.

We lived among dead
and the almost living
those who always take,
alive forever giving.

We were naive lovers
long years gone away
mock marriage tattooed
always here to stay.
I'm in a tomb
another womb
tiny rented room
sleep all afternoon.

You live in shadows of fears.
You swim in rivers of tears.
Meet me in the promised land.
Take my offered helping hand.
I'm different from the others.
I swear no smothering lovers.

Never thought I'd be 75.
How'd my drunk arrive?
I died but I'm still alive?
Kind acts always survive.

Give me our broke vets
under bridges in tents.
I give them all money
for a cheap pint of honey.
Thanks for your service.
July 4th makes you nervous
1812 Overture torn apart
from bottom of your heart.

I never meant to
steal your shadow
lock your heart in
my prison's flow

Burn your friends
in my insecure bonfire
screaming their ends
for my own desire.

I could never find you
in the vastness of living.
We never shared a beer
never found a wedding.
You bent chords like I
bent my tiny day to day
shuffling decks forever
without a card to play.

Home Depot. Need a gas can. A woman
spraying plants told me where to go.
Aisle 3. I was met by John who said his
wife had cancer and told me the best
gas can to get. I asked about his wife
and he said she lost her hair and was
sick to her stomach. Hemp oil helped
her pains and I promised prayers
and the helpless hope we all offer.
I found hemp oil on Amazon for her.

I question ****** birth
carpenters drive nails
into Christ's self worth.
Now everybody flails.

Prayers are not somehow.
I still believe in fairy tales
Santa brings *** toys now.
Jesus save us from our fails.

Give me our broke vets
under bridges in tents.
I give them all money
for a cheap pint of honey.
Thanks for your service.
July 4th makes you nervous
1812 Overture torn apart
from bottom of your heart.

We see Gatsby's party lights.
     Brilliant morning sun ignites
     the colorful bouquet of leaves
     inside the fragrant ocean breeze.
     I walk my dog that I call Rusty
     to *** and **** in sand and sea.

I'm not sure what to say
are you in a bad day?
Do you need space?
Am I leaving this place?
Is your garden forbidden?
Is your true heart hidden?
Just questions, no answers
always unknown cancers.

You cannot Love
in moderation
all in or all out
no *******
no blowup dolls
or Centerfolds
just she who
really matters.

Can I stop the treason?
No I **** in cross winds
no sense of solid reason
fallout buries my friends.

Beauty and perfume
I'm in love with you.
Drunk and dry spell
what else would I do?
*** all the week long,
eating in then eat out.
Turn it up louder song.
MIA at work ants shout.
What is the fuss about?
Fierce *** is never wrong.

I brought you to life
   in a poem. You'll never
   love in moderation. Love
   screams out loud and catches
   its breath and sleeps 'til noon.
   Then it happens next full moon.

I never made it to Christmas
or Birthdays or school plays.
I was drunk and chasing ***
to bed somewhere for lays.
I know my failure up close
live in forever confessions
forget me with each dose
erase me in shrink sessions.

I brought a book
and flowers for you
and a fragile heart
hoped that I would do.

57 years we are still
climbing our journey
up what's left hill
I always hope to be.

I give you thorns
without the roses
loveless marriage
with baby carriage
we sleep apart
with dead heart.
It's naked time.
Be my valentine!

Deaf to mother's screaming
  unheard from a waiting room
  the thorny villain with flask
  his baby being forced into
  life is not heard until it's
  born into blinding light a
  world of mistakes forgotten
  on death's lonely wedding bed.
  

In the old days fathers waited in rooms with bad coffee and fuzzy TV and ashtrays full of butts until the nurse summoned us to the nursery window where we saw a stranger looking like Winston Churchill. We ran to the nearest bar to celebrate the new arrival and hand out cigars and buy rounds for the house until the money ran out. We slept alone in our wedding bed for the first time but not the last.

I come to life
of the living
through you
I see a light
Lay my soul
naked to fight
swallowed alone
I am coming home.

Train rolls on down the line
takes me miles back in time
when life was an easy living
of just us taking and giving.
Now much more is at stake
MacArthur Park ruined cake
left out in the rain all night
spurned lover denies delight.
Slits wrists dies in bathtub.
Death's feather is final rub.

Forever student at Ohio State,
brilliant or simple who knew?
Never bathed smelled of B.O.
so bad his nickname was Phew.
Mascot of comp sci department
everywhere on every spectrum
pity and love together arrived
we all learned to respect him.

I confess and eat penance
having sinned I must dance
again with my true mistress
awed as you slowly undress
tempting Eve in the garden
God is lost no way to win.

The waves blood clots deliver
  whatever narrative he desires
  1984 2020 brick stacked on brick
  build this awful factory of lies.

  Row deep for truth below our feet
  beyond safe buoys mermaids sing
  wind can tear you from your seat
  your arms remain strong rowing.

You're a looker
and a ******
love's blind eye
just do or die
pay the rent
message is sent
fill any hole
my ***** mole.

Bless me, Father
for I have sinned.
I had *** with a nun
tasted priests' ***
took god's name
in some kind of vain.
Lied to mom and dad
was just kinda  bad.

All the good things from my past are past
and my future looks like a ghost empty vast.
Tremors are worse, memory is going too fast
Clocks are breaking and time will never last.

I live my life in tiny parts
steal pieces of my heart
reluctant in fits and starts
wish I were here  for my part.

My memory is less than it was before.
I can't remember my five wives names.
I can't forget thunder of  slamming door.
I will never heal my cruel inflicted pains.

Her fingernails grow
like vampire teeth
bleed your back slow
when I come I seethe.
The hottest heartbeat
explodes in lust flame.
You're my kindest treat
no sin left for any blame.

It's getting worse
memory fading
away each day
grow old curse.
I know I know
but I just forget.
Were we in love
with love's regret?

My bike was broke
dad fixed the spoke.
My heart was broke
Jeanie gave me smoke.
Eileen walked forever
listened to my bother.
Kevin bailed me free
I stole dimes for candy.
Terry looked other way
while I ****** the day.

Is apathy
ever free
civil war
in the bar
drunks fight
for the right
take a stand
**** the band
bury the hate
never too late
bury our dead
drink instead.

Empathetic. Tear stains.
  Heart afire and broken.
  Youth. Broke vows. Broke
  family. Round the drain.
  Angel saved me. Broke her
  heart. Angels saved me.
  Broke their hearts. Devil
  saved me. Broke her heart.
  Queen Jayne saved me as
  stars in our dark night
  alone together we do it
  til we create new light.

White widow dances free
Sapphic lover's get a key
*** toys no longer hidden
bigger is better for kitten.

I try drawing you from  old memories
   but can't get your eyes right. I don't see
   the body that destroyed my earnest vows.
   I can't see your warm young ******* and
   ******* that grew so hard by my caress.
   I can't see us dancing naked in the dark.
   I wish I'd kept the photos. I cremated us
   in an ashtray and I can't see us anymore.

We live and we change,
some easy some strange.
I can't rhyme it tonight
maybe tomorrow's light?
Maybe there's no rhyme
or reason the last time.

I lost you in my chaos
some hurricane attitude.
I've felt the sacred loss
inside painful solitude.
I look for you everyday
in the out of way places
we always seemed to stay
searching all our spaces.
Always holding hands
just smelling your hair
dream of wedding bands
We haven't got a care.

Act I and II are powerful
I never have an Act III.
Love always turns awful.
I have no choice but flee.

Maybe somewhere in between?
****** in *** or Beauty Queen?
Living our middle class dream
or maybe vomiting Opera Cream.
Christ broke my Catholic heart
promises we could never keep.

I'm still as a corpse
cold beside you now
an old dead horse
or a lazy crazy cow.
We **** we scream
pleasure's intense now.

I have a cat with one eye
can't control her eating
I can't tell you why
eats when heart's beating.
Leaves ***** art on floor
to clean it up seems cruel
she always leaves more
it turns into a puke duel.

The Greatest thing
I will never learn,
is just to love and
be loved in return.

Life is Blink of an Eye
      
I was born through time and space
      landed in this crazy bright place
      furious at light and white beasts
      with no faces but ******* and feces.
      I lived parts dealt me rich or poor.
      Bully or bullied Methadone *****.
      AA and AlAnon LGBTQ and straight.
      I always struggled most with weight.
      I had visions through time and space
      in Hospice in Morphine dreams place
      light's candle abandoned the living
      accepting a blink of eye forgiving.

Lust is brutal and raw
   heart in a shark's jaw.
   Absolutely pure desire
   humans' procreation fire.
   We devoured us forever
    then found a new lover.

I'm an imposter
pretender of me
cannot get closer
but I want to be.
I can't fix it now
just set me free
I don't know how
In dark I can't see.