I bring you invisible to the party to
   meet my friends on an autism spectrum.
   They drink every third beer and **** on
   the hour. They avoid eye contact and guess
   your IQ and love your smell and fear you.
   They like us. They invite us to come again.

I exploded
then floated
mist above
fierce love
killed Jews
in the news.

I barely live
day to day
hard to give
flesh to pay.

To yank a soul out
of nonexistence into
this meat and to force
a life into this thresher
my child died painless
still inside my innocence
she spared me the sin
of having been a father.

For the dead the wars are done.
The dead's pets will not atone.
Chemo's foul stench won't become
roll dice to see who gets a bone.

I lived in the loneliness
with beers and smokes
look for perfect mistress
watch **** with strokes.

Where did I go wrong?
I went to a crowded bar.
Strangers hum the song
yearning only goes so far.

Life's a puff of smoke and chaos
    and a breeze that makes it clear,
    an endless walk towards endless.
    We fall in step then we disappear
    
     in a lost rhythm sometime after.
    Memory is fallen wires snaking
    in the rain, deadly in its clarity.
    We start it through fear shaking

    and end it down a rabbit hole that
    takes us through a looking space.
    Hungry man snake pulses inside
    the waiting Snowdrop ****** vase.