I want to flee the scene of sadness.

Fast forward to a surely better time,
or worse yet, playback to 'a when' i wanted to remain quite still.

But I have feasted on all kinds of bad decisions.

And now my time has come to pay the bill.

I’ve tried to run but it is futile.

I’m always apprehended at the gate.

So I’ll make  haste and scoot back home now.

My sadness doesn’t like to wait.

An unpaved road,
A vacant room,
A ball of clay,
A flatlined story
Until you write me,
fill me,
Shape me
Occupy me....
Designed to be designed,
demolished,
and rebuilt.

I’ve stood tall with rising suns
And held my ground with angry seas,
But you,
with your golden eyes  
and reckless smile
-you bring me to my knees.

I lose things all the time;
Hair elastics, wallets, keys,
memories.

Over the years, I have begun to lose him too.

I can't recall the colour of his eyes.

I just remember they were the colour of love.

The colour of certainty.

The colour of a home I always knew would remain exactly the same as I left it

Until the day i returned.

Only day never came

I have so often felt
like I was playing a role in this life
Instead of living it

The day I disappeared
was just like any other.
You got up,
brushed your teeth,
and looked right through me.

I wait for you
day after day,
observing a parade
of black umbrellas
through a stained glass window
Like an ever-hopeful widow
without a corpse

I miss you
But I've found a way to stand
the missing,
by never missing you at all.

You see, I see you still.

I saw you walking by the seawall
just the other day,
sure-footed, yet in no particular hurry.
Left stride a little longer than the right,
that tiny tilt,
your "flippers" flopping with each step into October.
Who else but you?
Though barely a blip in the distance, I knew
I just knew.

I swiped right the other week
and later on the phone,
I cracked a joke to break the ice.
He laughed your laugh-
this Sudden
unexpected,
joyful,
slightly manic howl.
I kept my clown nose on all night for you,
gladder than glad
to be the fool
to hear that laugh again.

Sometimes,
I find a piece of you in someones voice-
trapped in a throat,
Revealing bits
through code that only you and I could know.

Sometimes
I'll catch a glimpse of you
in someones convictions
and I'll argue with you for hours.
We never did agree on many things ...

Sometimes I'll slip and whisper "baby"
When we're making love
******* completely in two syllables  
before a perfect stranger.

Sometimes,
when I make this space
-our space, pitch black
If I steady my breath-
your breath just so,
and picture nothing at all,
I can almost trick myself into believing you're still here-
I see you still.

I really thought you were the sun.

A ray of light contained in every gaze my way.

You cast the moon out of the sky for months - and I had never even thought to miss the stars.

I really thought you were the one.

If a rose could strip itself of petals,

I don't believe that it would hesitate.

Not for a fallen moment.