So this is goodbye
No closure
Just a feint of composure
I know it's the end
For I cried in your presence
And broke down

It's how relationships die
You won't forgive me
I understand why
Now all I can do
Is forget about you

So I retreat and act sullen
Heartbroken and fallen
I swallow the pain
Knowing I will never
Go down that path again

You're not to blame
I will find someone new
I will honour their name
As long as they remain
Faithful and true

No worth
To earth
Low birth
No use
Short fuse
No hope
Just dope
Unsure
Impure
Uncured

I learn
God's word
Now I'm
Assured
When I'm through
Hands of love
Will take me
Away from earth

And I
Am ready
To take
The voyage
New world
New birth
To heaven
Where someone
Is waiting

There’s nothing I can say
Or do to save you.
I’ve been fighting all my life
For what is true.
Now I’m beginning to feel
I’ve made a deal with the devil
Cause I think of your body
More than God.
You got me hooked
You yank the rod
I heave and resist
While you just nod.
You caught me
Release me
Like a bird
Terminate
The contract I signed
With a four letter word.
Hate.
Love.
I don’t know anymore.
Feelings unnatural
Deep in my core.
One day I’ll be free
And you’ll be in chains
I will be happy
And you’ll feel the rains
Of fire and hate
Yours to keep
Cause you celebrate
While others weep.

Truth likes to hide
Look for the clues
Good never mentioned
Death makes the news
Gossips and sadists
Whatever they choose
To feed a hungry race
Who can't refuse

The good things we do are overlooked
Counsellors and therapists, overbooked
We're all influenced by selected truths
It's what makes the news

Don't fall into the trap
Of being too negative
Evil isn't everywhere
You just care
Where is the good
From where does it flow
It's so simple
It's the status quo

Frozen and lost
Trapped on this road
They all said to move
and not to be slow
Now it's time to go
but where should I go
and why would I not
want to be where I was?
But time has a cost
it proves against all
the longer one stalls
the less one grows
and before you know
you're pinned to the floor
feeble and poor
asking for more
I continue to sit
where the wind doesn't blow
stagnant and alone
utterly thrown
Into a world where the light
is the glow of a computer screen
and the only hope
is the next hit of dopamine
Now what do I have
on this earth, in this place
Nothing to show
A complete disgrace
cause I went with the flow
to a world without rest
Now I'm stuck in this space
to clean up my mess

Being shy
I open my hands
Whatever I get
I feel content
I don't ask for more
Or less
The wall is enough
The shadows on the ceiling
Make me feel a certain way
There is nothing on earth
That doesn't make me feel
Something or another
As long as I feel
I know I'm alive
I can't turn back time
Can't forward the clock
My mission has ended
So I sit with my thoughts
I know I'm being tested
But I feel so tired
My excuse is
I'm half asleep
Then I get shocked
Then I go back to sleep
I'm on leave
Until I get back up
Show me what there is
I'm missing
And please stop
Hurting me

Long have I waited to escape the toxicity
Of the house I grew up in, my parents hypocrisy
I thought I could right the wrong if I was alone
Yet without a spouse, is this really a home?

I've done my best to keep out of sight
Stimulants in the morning, depressants at night
They make me smell bad and tarnish my beauty
Who can love someone like me?

I have an open mind, but a heart shut tight
I'm open to ideas, but against love I fight
I've been hurt and burned by love grievously
Who can love someone like me?

I ask for help, and get empty words
I hear their song, they sing like birds
To a shattered soul, it hurts and burns
Weep with me, and patch my wounds

Live with me, and hold me tight
Dream with me, all through the night
I promise to be loyal and true,
Like a stray dog, I'll forever love you

Deep in the mindless void there is a light
Even there it shines so warm
No thoughts needed it's pleasant to the sight
But there's a force keeping me down

Where there's chaos a person cannot flourish
Yet even there is a light that can take form
For all the outcasts and loners to take hold
For the rebels to feel warm

Nature is pretty, scenery turned red
The sky is grey, with raindrops it bleeds
The bird feed is gone, the leaves fell to the wind
All that's left on the branches are abandoned nests

As crimson leaves with the wind soar aloft
Up to the sky so high, only to land so soft
Into roads soaked and full of puddles yet cool
Reminds me of life, and how fate can be cruel

Soon when winter comes with its white snow
To cleanse the earth with its cold air flow
I will think of the memories I had
And it makes me sad

I hope to have more time
To right the wrongs, a season in my prime
A new year for which I can now prepare
The start of a new life, and this time I'll care

Starting from the bottom I wanted to scale the ladder
Tried to hone my craft and turn out the winner
They pyramid was tall and I knew I could fall
In the end I understood nothing at all
For they sabotaged my efforts so I failed in my tasks
Discouraged and lost I turned to the flask
Drinking and high all washed up and burned
In examining me they left no stone unturned
Humiliation set in every waking day
I was put away, but in the end I'm just clay
They tried but couldn't break my hope
The thought of death actually helps me cope
I know the end is better than the start
And I hope in heaven you and I have a part
Evil and corruption come and pass
But these things are but a kingdom of glass
Naked and scared, all will know their sin
Nowhere to run, they will be exposed just like I have been
And they will learn nothing to them was ever owed
While those who walked in purity will be clothed

In my fallen state
I cannot do my job
I cannot sing or dance
I just mope around all day long

Nothing keeps my attention
Shifting but not dreaming
From point to point
Not enjoying the journey

Am I broken beyond repair?
Can nothing restore my happiness?
Where is my pride?
Cast down with no one to help

We are slaves and servants to the Lord, through our humble service we will reap our reward...

We ask ourselves, what is life?
We toil hard while there's light
And find no rest come night

What is life?
Our foes force us to take flight
We are targets, always in sight

What is life?
Our hope is very slight
That we'll be released from our plight

What is life?

There is no true happiness in the world that we're in...
As long as we're mortals under the spell of sin...
We cannot conquer and save our skin...
Yet if our hope is in Christ, we can be sure that we'll win

At heart I'm an extrovert
Though I've always been shy
I think I am kind
They ask me why do I tolerate so much rudeness
Why do I waste my time
Thinking things will get better
It's because I am blind to their ways
Blind to their games

They have a sense of humour
But it's an unnerving kind
That keeps me silent
Don't know if I should laugh or cry
Jokes of mockery
Laughter at misery
They speak for pleasure
Rather than for the greater good

But I'm tired to fight
And so I retreat
Into my nest
Where I put up my feet
And try to forget
Try not to crack
Yet memories always seem to come back

I take comfort in knowing
I'm not the centre of the world
I don't need to make a huge difference
That might prove to be a hindrance
If you take kindness for weakness
There's something you're not seeing
It takes great strength
To be a worthwhile human being

What is the lot of a liars life
The beautiful things in life I condemn
I was never allowed to grow
Just shut up and do as you're told
I have a hard time explaining what I know
The way I was raised bears a strong hold
I was being strangled now I strangle others
Twisted and flipped what once was real
I was robbed but now I steal
My words don't match the way I feel
My testimony is false
I am at the verge of death
Yet I act like I have pride
My fists are clenched but my eyes open wide
Even when I sleep curled on my side
Society has failed me, so I failed it
I expect them to mock while I throw a fit
Because they don't tell the truth
Now I find myself doing the same thing
Perverting what's sacred
Blinded by hatred
I stand guilty before my maker
I am a failure in my own eyes
Yet things aren't always how they appear
I wish there was something for me here

Some people have been placed
in positions of authority
Looked up to by everyone
Treated like royalty
They're the it thing for a time
By general society
Then they get tiring
to look at or see
Then people get out their lighters
And spark the wick
For they sit on a powder keg
that they didn't choose
Didn't read the fine print
Didn't know fame is a ruse
One little spark
and all hell breaks loose
Trained from youth
To lead not to follow
But they have no real answers
Their words are hollow
Yet reflect what we're all thinking
However shallow
They are beacons of adversity
Lightning rods of controversy
The spirit of the times
Show love to your celebrity
but don't let them lead
They are just human beings
Don't bow at their feet

I wanted to feel you
I wanted to be brave
I tried to stay true
All your faults I forgave
But now I know we
Can't be together as one
I'm setting you free
The action is done
We'll no longer dance
Under the sun
A failed romance
An hour of fun
A mild heart attack
I go all numb
Now my heart has a crack
About you I was wrong
And like a hard smack
Poetic, like a song
I learned I can't help you
For I need something better
I can't live through you
I don't care if you read this letter

My head is a mess
My heart's in distress
I want to be motionless
To sink into the mattress
and dissolved into nothingness
I close my eyes and see blankness
Chaotic shapes and darkness
I see other people's happiness
and can't help but be thankless
for what I possess
but I'm learning to let it bother me less

Thanks for the pleasure
And the adventure
We had fun in our leisure
Where I was your pleaser
I offered my treasure
You took without measure
I'm the poem in your folder
You're the liability in my ledger
My chain and my boulder
The fly on my shoulder
As I get older
I grow colder
As you get older
Your crimes get bolder
I needed the lesson
To regain my vision
But you don't need my lecture
So you left without closure

I did my best to give you love
And shower you with splendour like rain above
But you're a dog who bites its own
cause it wasn't presented with the right flavour of bone
Or a shark that swallows smaller fish
To give me pain was your honest wish
You presented a lie, the real you I don't want
And so forevermore I will take up a taunt
To sing happily about you I must
I reject you utterly, you lover of lust!
I went all in, you barely dipped your toes
I showed you my cards, you revealed them to my foes
Showing no loyalty or prudence
A little bit of everyone, zero sense
I thought I could help, a wasted effort
I should have know I cannot change you mother effer
My pain will subside, your shame will live
I will now move on and forgive

A passing spirit
Might hear it
When I talk to myself
Inside my head
I don't fear it
I cheer for it
I hide nothing from it
I open my soul to it
It changes me
It clears up the misconceptions
I talk to it
Lay before it
What I can't express
How my soul is stressed
Can't show my face
My lungs are full of toxic waste
My heart is venomous
My head suppresses it
A filter silences me
Truth is repressed in me
Words form in my heart
But are too revolutionary
My friends are distasteful
Speaking to people
Is a leap of faith
Some are like sheep
Most are stubborn like goats
I don't want to be an influence
Don't want to be heard
Except by the passing spirit
The passing bird
In my head

From point to point, you see me run
Never still, like the moon and the sun
Always running, even with no one near:
I'm being chased by soul-crushing fear
I cannot stop, or I would drown
A current continually pulls me down
There's something inside that keeps moving around
The flesh that surrounds me longs for the ground
It's like an old bird that yearns for its nest
Wanting to go back to its pleasant rest
Wants to lie frozen devoid of life
I constantly fight it with heavy strife
Now every task feels like an impossible feat
Even eating and keeping the place tidy and neat
I don't want to make any more mistakes
Gotta start with the small things for goodness sakes!

Your story is interesting
Unique and brilliant
No need to omit it
Glory is imminent
The people against you
Have all been defeated

You are very much needed

"What have you done"
Is a question I run from
Ever since that fateful crime
I committed on a dime
Then my conscience turned on me
And the darkness covered me
So in shades is where I am
Blackened, *****, little man
What once was a lamp has been put out
Blank minded as I walk about
Protect yourself; look, and see;
Don't become a man like me.

Solitary life can feel like a curse
but I choose not to complain, cause I know
I've had it worse
There's no shoulder to lean on and cry
No one to bring me down when I get too high
I do it myself, using every means possible
I poison myself

I smoke and cough, drink
and wonder what turns people off
To be fair I wouldn't want to stay with me either
I would say go away till you're sober
Love can be tough
But never cruel
Love is not a blind man leading a fool

Months turn to years
I've yet to conquer my fears
I wonder about my future
Feeling unsure
But I know I'll stay
It's all I know anyway
I kinda like it this way

I'm food for the crow, next to the worm and the mole
I've sunk very low, dug myself in a hole
People look at me, they stare and they gawk
Don't like what they see, they glare and they mock
I'm so full of sin, and so I don't talk
Let you under my skin, my mind is a rock
I cry all the time, only one who listens is God
I sigh for my crime, truth strikes like a rod
Evil surrounds, it strikes from all sides
The devil confounds, he taunts and divides
My mind is a blank, never making a peep
Yet for this I thank, and this memory I keep
I looked up, and saw a light
Through which evil couldn't pass, with all it's might
And it surrounded me while I counted the sheep
And I felt at ease, and I fell asleep

Can you hear the desperate cry of the broken hearted saying good-bye as they hold back tears through all the years it takes to forgive those kind of sears? To build one up to tear one down to see them smile then see them frown what a life to stir up strife only to leave a man without a wife? Too many adulterers in this place I see them chasing evil like its a race only to cry in full display when they are caught and made to pay. Emotion is not good I learned it first hand unless you're a woman please understand you treat me bland like I'm tough meat you spit me out still I think you're neat. I try to run I see you here I see you there and everywhere. I thought you'd care didn't think you'd dare but it's all part of the cross I have to bear.

There will come a time
when you ask for forgiveness
and I will accept your apology
but then I will tell you
if you are around me
keep your nakedness to yourself
It's appalling to me

My bones shake at the slightest noise
This flesh feel so rent, that houses my soul
And due to the numbness and pain inside,
my mind's stuck on the ground, lost my bird's eye

Lately I've been living on feeling
Trying to feel good, but I'm not healing
Only revenge, I want to see
the consequences of what they did to me

And I know it's none of my business
I need to focus on myself, but the stress!
I failed each test, though I tried my best
I lay all this at God's feet, and rest

A lack of understanding, a loss of faith
I hate myself, I vow to never be the same
Since you left, I'm not having fun
I'm under attack, from what I've done

So now I feel lust, it won't go away
I want *** so bad, every day
At night I dream of it, in the morning I forget
And try my best to be celibate

I want love, but not really
Can't stop using habitually
My time's running out, the clock's ticking
I waste my days on what's addicting

I've lost it all before, but now I've lost my mind
I hate all women, even if they're kind
I lost my place on earth, I've lost my grace,
but really I've fallen from high up in space.

Someone help me, for I am lost
Save me, O God, in whom I trust
The task is great, but if there's a cure
Take away my thoughts impure

A time to reap, a time to sow
A time for everything, this I know
But what about the man who understands
yet can do nothing but watch
as time slips through his hands?

I don't know what it is
that stops me from functioning
They call me a nut
but I'm just a child
who never grew up

I went to the park
I sat on a swing
until it grew dark
drinking
thinking

The bright lights were stinging
I realized it's all a result
of a horrible upbringing
If people were more humble
I wouldn't be sinking

To receive you must lend
It's not good to forever ask why
We are free, we are free
To have fun
To forget the pain
If you find a friend
Don't tell them the end is nigh
The answers are in the sea
The weather and sun
Anyone who's sane
Knows these are not times of the end
When the smoke rises high
And we can't see, we only see
What we have done
Over and over again
This is the end

It's getting old
The same story told
Same heart every day
Fighting the void
I tried to be perfect
To have a clean soul
But then I got cold
And lit it like coal

The fire burns bright
And lights up my eyes
I cannot tell
Am I in hell?

I'm fighting back urges
And mental diseases
I have very few things
that survived the purges
My bible has creases
I smacked my head with it
I wanted a new lease
So I burned all my bridges

The fire keeps burning
Devouring and spreading
I cannot tell
Is this hell?

The days are now shorter
I'm waking up later
The sun races off
But I am moving forward
No longer picking up pieces
Of missed opportunities
Tomorrow will be different
Life will get better

Loving too much and too often
Yields unexpected results
I tried to love everyone
Ended up falling apart
For they knew I was open
24/7
To tickle their eardrums
And flatter their hearts
I always gave love
Yet didn't received it
They took it for granted
Or didn't believe it
I took what was golden
And made it so common
From platinum to copper
Stretching it thin
When I ran out
The sorrow began
Now I live with the shame
That I don't understand

You gave me signs,
But my heart was busy tasting spirits and wines.
You gave me warning after warning,
But I was looking elsewhere each morning.
Then you took her from me,
Yet still I didn’t see
My anger, my apathy, the hypocrisy.
You’ve taken my wife
You took my other half
You’ll take my life
It’s all I have.
Take my soul,
Slaughter me like a calf,
And swallow me whole.
I tried my best,
Yet failed the test.
Purify my heart,
And grant me some rest.
For it will take time
To heal this injured heart of mine.

Reflecting light, my body’s beaming
Too bad I talk with little meaning.
My testimony’s hard to bear
Say the truth I do not dare.
For inside my rotten core
Guilt and shame, forevermore.
I humble myself, get eaten up,
I pride myself, get beaten down.
I cannot smile, cannot frown,
Cannot swim, cannot drown.
Cannot live, cannot die
When I talk, I always sigh.
Luckily this world is temporary
I don’t belong, that’s plain to see
How I long to go home...

What's it like to have lived 2000 years?
What's it like to hold the baby calf in your arms,
and drive off the mighty bear, leaving him
to war with himself?
The light of God shines at his back
but to us he appears as a human being
humble and serving till this day
Who can compare?
Even Apollo in all his beauty cannot compare
He taught me when the darkness
over came me and I was stuck
He gave me clarity and helped me in my
deep depression
I will give thanks to God for Jesus
The rock of the righteous,
the hope of the lost,
the conquerer of love and of this world!

The day I was born was the day of an accident
Parents never wanted me so they tried to destroy me
Yet at the same time ensured I was never free
Ganged up on me
Stood behind a wall I was too short to see
Then kicked me out at eighteen
To be torn apart by wolves
To ensure I fell, what was the point
Never had a place to call home
So full of nerves I couldn't break the ice with the girl I loved
And she loved me, what a pity
We could have had a beautiful life
All this time I lived in misery
They call me insane and make sure I'm drugged
Without the drugs I'd ******* **** all these bullies
For making this **** life even *******
How am I to live when devils surround?
Peace and love are nowhere to be found in this war
Nothing to live for, nowhere to be
No one to talk to, no one to see
Yet I tried to help others any way I could
I didn't want them to feel as low as me
So why am I targeted
Why must I fight Satan himself
And his armies of devils by the skin of my teeth?
Now comes the dark night of the soul
This is the closest to hell I've ever been
And I feel this way every day
I sigh and cry
Why do I try?
I don't want your money or fame
I don't want to play your stupid game
I'm alone and I no longer want to be
Please God put me out of my misery

Ever since the fall of man
Humanity's been in a hole
We fall then rise, then fall again
Always with a sleepy soul
Most infuriating to me
Is one who sits on others backs
What are we, a totem pole
Why should we should be stacked?
Don't ride my heart into the ground
I am already in a tired state
My heart is bleeding through these cracks
You inflicted with your weight
For when you rise to bring me low
Or when you do better than me and call me slow
It's like you're setting me up to stumble
It's so important to be humble

I like poetry
It's good to write down your thoughts
Retrospect your life

You might not have known
It's also a form of art
Poets are artists

But now I will sit
Until I find a purpose
Philosophizing

Do you think a lot?
Do you take matters to heart?
Are you a deep well?

Today I went out
Nothing interesting happened
I quickly went home

Nothings the matter
Yet nothing matters to me
Must find excitement

But Im too frightened
Don't need more bruises or stress
People sicken me

Intentionally
Make me want to **** myself
I'm better off here

In my comfort zone
Contemplating about life
Talking to myself

I dwell in cold places
Devoid of human warmth
Wherein are many faces
Of the human will they're born
Rich in human traces
Though lost to humankind
When I feel I'm about to fall
When I'm about to go blind
My paintings on the wall
Keep me alive
To dream of a different time

I walk through frozen landscapes
Where ice and snow take form
Can't drink the blood of grapes
To bring my temperature to norm
To my face the task,
To my back a stick
On my face a mask
I build things brick by brick
Though my feet are blistered and torn
And my shoes are withered and worn
Still the rhythm of music
Is keeping me warm

I have a mental illness and I have no quirks I want to do something but nothing works I just sweat it hurts so bad I think of all the times I had. There's nothing keeping me here I have no drive I cannot steer I cannot lie I cannot cry may as well kiss it all goodbye. Depression hammers at my heart as loud as a hammer that pounds nails it tears me apart. There is no way out gotta keep moving forward and act like I'm free but all the things I've done and let others do to me is draining and suffocating me. Despite all the dread I had a dream I was in a bus and it crashed and I helped save people and this is the type of person I am in my head.

I used to trust people
and wear my heart on my sleeve
I still do these things
but it 's nothing more than a leap of faith

So I put on my blindfold
Stretch out my hand for peace
with a smile on my face
What do I achieve?

You sick ***** can't **** me
so you scheme
how can you destroy me
without sacrificing your dreams

You want to be reproached
You want me to hurt you
Teach you a lesson
So you feel something

If every one of you rats is a cockroach
holding a knife behind your back
gossiping and mocking when I'm not around
why should I open up?

You came uninvited
You made yourself at home
Made a chair of my back
and sat on your throne

And I have no defences
Except the almighty God
In whom I don't trust
It's why my anxiety is up

I pull my hair I grind my teeth
I punch the bed I stomp my feet
I gave to you all I had
You took it all and left me sad
Cause you went away when you could've stayed
And when I pray you're always there
Can't get away you've left your mark
Just wanna be alone in the dark
Crying tears I bow to fears
It's what I've done for many years
Even though the blame is yours
It is of course, I blame myself
I force myself not to care
At night I look for you and you're not there
I'm waiting for someone to revive me
And give me love, not to deceive me

Spent time alone
Away from it all
To heal my soul
To catch my fall
To clear the grime
I ask myself
What is time
And what's the meaning
Of being?

I gave you my heart
Opened my chest wide
You asked me
What the hell is this
As I died

In this place
Try so hard
Have you got
My back
I try to unwind
Spent time away
Spent my heart
It's no use
I'm left behind

The passion was palpable
And so unforgettable
Too bad it ended
So regrettably
Lust's unpredictable
You're not always able
To know someone fully
Soul mates improbable
The start indescribable
The end so despicable
Leaving me so unstable
What I did was laughable
Falling in love so deceivable
But what you did was evil
Playing games like the devil
One day so huggable
The next unloveable
Now I feel so uncomfortable
My life so unliveable
Yet I gained a new level
I feel more untouchable
I will do what is viable
And be indestructible
We will both find a new place
It is undeniable
We will close the file
And not live in denial

My soul is fine, it's my flesh that hurts
Divided again, on the outskirts of pain
My poor flesh... Trying to save it in vain
The discomfort makes me insane
How long must I endure
This fear of dying, when death is the cure
People take advantage of my curse
They will transport me in a hearse,
Then lay out the urn, and set me aflame
But I want to let go of my body and name;
We all must let go; there's no one to blame.

With my eyes jarring wide
My lips sing your song
The words make me cry
Make me feel I belong

The song is so bright
Took my soul out the pit
The urge I must fight
The urge to steal it

I wished I could write
Such a powerful song
I searched all night
But my heart was all wrong

Then one starry night
I felt a cold winter breeze
A few notes took flight
And landed on my knees

Like a stark thunder peal
Like a sharp wind in spring
At once I could feel
The song I must sing

I don't really know
But I know someone who does
Therefore I know too

I try to be open
My words a stream
My love of the Lord
Is my life's theme
My heart on my sleeve
My pearls before swine
My people never gave
Patience and time
To be saved
To be redeemed
That's not the point
Of my ministry

My people are dogs
I'm a sheep amongst wolves
They point and laugh
And call me a fool
For they are cruel
They want to eat me alive
The way they drool
No hand over mouth
I get stares that are cold
I suffer grievous harm
To the point where I fold
Yet I do as I'm told
I ignore so much
Love shouldn't be sold
I reject no one
In truth I am bold

I had a dream
I remember these words
You bear the cross of Noah
Is what I heard
When I go out in the world
When I preach the word
I get hurt
I argue my case
And get thrown in the dirt
They spit in my face
Such is the world
Look what they chase
Before they get hurled
To a terrible place
And be disgraced
When the scroll gets unfurled
I don't want that to happen
To this simple race
The key to forgiveness
Is to be happy
But in this place
It's an impossibility for me
So I wait patiently
For my hopes to be real
In the end I will reap
The fruits of my zeal

You made no sound
When I crossed the line
When I put you down
You payed me no mind
When I gave you the frown
You didn't notice the sign
You gave me your time
I ******* around
I was doing my grind
You were drunk on wine
Now we are bound
You are mine
Now be a good boy and kiss the ground!