What was precious to me
I put on a tray
And offered it up
You ate for a day
I gave you my heart
You said you would stay
Then turned your back
And went your own way
Left me with nothing
To grasp or display
Yet keep what you stole
I won't beg or pay
I've learned to hold on tight
To watch what I say

Am I me
Have I lost my glow
I can see
a dark shadow
Chasing me
My girl,
where is she?
These lips, have kissed lies
and the sighs and the cries
Ring in my ears
Mocking me
What is this fear,
fear in me,
my girl,
where is she?

The pain
The pain
All I wanted was love
In your heart
In your heart
Stop tearing me out
The fear
The fear
Of what you have become
Memories
Coming back
Oh what have we done
Save me
Save me
You don't have to run
Hear me
Hear me
Though I know
You are not
The one

I see well up close, but I can't see far
Sometimes I think I'm acting like a star,
But really I'm just acting dumb
And sticking out like a sore thumb.

When I get hurt, I struggle to find words
So I remain silent and walk away

These things I hope to never understand:
Willful sin
Lack of inner reproof
Words that put others down

I survived a demonic attack
I am a target of all evil people
I wish I could fight but my faith forbids
Blood of Jesus

When will it end?
I feel out of place
I'll never belong here
Called stupid
But my heart's not with this world

Do you like my hot rod?
Came straight from the furnace
In fact, it was so hot that
Little tinman, with his rod,
Was jealous.

Little tinman, little tinman
Didn't like that my rod was hotter than his
Ohh little tinman, little tinman
Wasn't having any of this

So little tinman thought up a plan
He struck my rod, with his poking stick
Oh how it crumbled, straight from the furnace
Cause little tinman had enough of this

But as he struck my rod, his hand slipped
Little tinman lost his poking stick
And Little Kitty grabbed it in his mouth
Here kitty! Here kitty!

The cat brought the stick to me
As little tinman watched in horror
Good kitty! Good kitty!
And little tinman was struck with terror

I hate to see little tinman frettin'
So I gave him back his poking stick
It was at this moment he grew still
Oh no, I think he's broken!

To receive you must lend
It's not good to forever ask why
We are free, we are free
To have fun
To forget the pain
If you find a friend
Don't tell them the end is nigh
The answers are in the sea
The weather and sun
Anyone who's sane
Knows these are not times of the end
When the smoke rises high
And we can't see, we only see
What we have done
Over and over again
This is the end

I pull my hair I grind my teeth
I punch the bed I stomp my feet
I gave to you all I had
You took it all and left me sad
Cause you went away when you could've stayed
And when I pray you're always there
Can't get away you've left your mark
Just wanna be alone in the dark
Crying tears I bow to fears
It's what I've done for many years
Even though the blame is yours
It is of course, I blame myself
I force myself not to care
At night I look for you and you're not there
I'm waiting for someone to revive me
And give me love, not to deceive me

What I do in darkness comes out in the light
I then have to explain what crawls out my heart
My lips incriminate me and my tongue utters false things
I know what to do yet I can't do it
Actually it's more about what not to do when alone
I do it because I can and to exercise my freedom
I'm stuck in the past so I wait for wisdom
The walls start to talk saying they don't know me
As I sit by myself smoking and letting things go

The way it's been
Is not the way it's ending
You say I cannot win
Because you see me struggling
My skin is thin
Each insult leaves me crying
I let you in
And now Im slowly dying

Forever it will not be
One day I will be happy
You trampled me
But you could not defeat
My conscience says to me
Get back up on your feet
No need to lie or cheat
I will reclaim my seat

We form a circle and stare at each other
Blaming the other who's on the outside
It's easy to raise someone up then
Just like it is to tear them down

Sometimes in bed I wonder
Are moments equal just like people
And why I keep thinking the same thing
A moment and everything changes

We stumble hard and then there's no turning back
We fall through cracks left by moral decay
And even if we make it to the top of the pile
We are not satisfied with it

How I wish we could live together
United as one, on the same page
No more fighting but on the same side
But that is a dream of a different place

"What have you done"
Is a question I run from
Ever since that fateful crime
I committed on a dime
Then my conscience turned on me
And the darkness covered me
So in shades is where I am
Blackened, *****, little man
What once was a lamp has been put out
Blank minded as I walk about
Protect yourself; look, and see;
Don't become a man like me.

As my heart plummets, I feel its weight
Oh my stomach... it's not what I ate
I'm in a trance, can you relate?
Give me a chance, let me reiterate

If I deigned to inform you, if I were to say
I'll die alone; would you then pray
Or would you be inconvenienced for a day?
Let me say it a different way

I walk in the dark, bruises and  bumps
Without any talk, my body jumps
As my heart pumps, I'm falling fast
Until the thump, which I feel last

It's hard to flourish when your truth-malnourished.
I tried to dig my roots into soil, and grow good fruits.
But with every good thought, along came rot
Wanted to thrive, got eaten alive.

I have only birds and bugs to give me hugs.
The worm is eating my beating heart.
You betrayed, yet still stayed
Inside of me, you live rent free.

I groan and moan before God's throne.
See the snake, crush it for heavens sake!
Of course we're not to fight before God's sight.
The Lord is delayed, but our blood price is paid.

I want to die, I sigh and cry.
In the end, my heart did rend.
My beginnings were rough but I will get more tough.
My trust was misplaced, but your memory will be erased.

Dropped shield and sword, I run from bad company
I pray to the Lord, but the word doesn't come to me
I weep cause people act like they hate me
I get sleep but no rest to rejuvenate me
I am like a dad but childless
Or a cat with its claws removed; powerless
I speak words yet have nothing to say
Whether silent or loud people ask away
What's wrong? Have you gone astray?
How long will you continue to lay?
My heart is bitter, my lullabies sullen
I am no quitter, I'm simply fallen

I'm scared of love
In fact, I don't believe in it, nope,
love is a thought
If someone loves me, I ask, what?!
And then I say no, you love me NOT!

I'm like a rock, or maybe a tree
I blend in well with the scenery
I don't like drama, can't tolerate fuss
I am a free thinker, don't care about us
It's an over used word, I care for my soul
Everything else is troublesome toil

My roots are shallow, not so deep
I do not sow, nor do I reap
I'm skin and bone, not earth and stone
I do not own the world alone
There is some insecurity in me
I am free but to a degree
Waiting for the next panic to arrive
for flexing manic men to rise
to drag us to another place
where they will tag the human race
on the forehead, on the hand
or you can't buy bread, understand?

Spent time alone
Away from it all
To heal my soul
To catch my fall
To clear the grime
I ask myself
What is time
And what's the meaning
Of being?

I gave you my heart
Opened my chest wide
You asked me
What the hell is this
As I died

In this place
Try so hard
Have you got
My back
I try to unwind
Spent time away
Spent my heart
It's no use
I'm left behind

As the great light shines on,
I see my path, and glorify the sun.
And as I go about my own way,
I look up, and praise the day.
When its my turn to die,
I’ll give thanks for the sky.

As the great light shines on,
I can dance and laugh and have fun.
For a moment I forget my hearts decay,
And the fact that I can’t stay.
For there will come a time when I say goodbye,
Yet I’ll always be thankful for the sky.

Looking back at my childhood experiences I
realize it was far from rosy and
I'm too young to feel so worn out yet
I'm too old to be a rising star

Never free
I see my sanity slip before my eyes yet
The end is still so far off and
when I'm gone the world will continue to be

I try to hide
These four walls protect me from the spies
With their prying eyes
Yet they still find a way inside

In the confines of my mind I see all I've done
And everything else done under the sun
I'm just a floating man on a raft out at sea
Waiting to be saved, or for someone to devour me

I want to greet you and eat with you
Kiss you and share this present I got you
But I don't miss you, and I don't want to meet you
In moments like this, I want to be free from you

Am I hurting you?
Maybe
Are you hurting?
I can't really tell

Sometimes I wish you would change
As I force myself to change around you
Bending over backwards feels deranged
There is nothing much left to be said

The burden of love is this
It won’t fill your heart with bliss
Or am I loving wrong,
Because I love my enemies?
They drag my heart across the floor
As my feet run to and fro
While my bones shake to the core
Can’t save myself, what’s more
I ask myself what have I done
I am like a setting sun
I failed once, with everyone
Now I offer myself for free
I’ll listen kindly but they don’t see
My own power frightens me
I’m more enlightened than they’ll ever be

Hello there
Sweet lady
I'll take you
Out maybe
I'll try you
You'll touch me
I'll borrow
Your body
I'll ask you
To trust me
While you take
A while
You walk on
A wire
I'm walking
in fire
We're both love
Buyers
I'm so high
You're higher
In the end
Denial
What's left is
Two liars

Sincere bluff
I'd change my ways but I'm not determined enough
I see your red lips I slow down
I stop in a trance
Yet I don't advance

Life is tough
A few dollars in my pocket, not enough
No fancy toys, my road is pain
I call your name, but you prefer your path
I leave you alone, I know your game

A nightmare
I must stop dreaming with a blank stare
I'll drive straight
The ditch is where I'll end up if
I don't stay awake

I saw you going down the wide path,
The path that leads to destruction and hell.
I tried to stop you, I tried to save you
But good deeds and evil mix like
Water and oil.

Wounds upon me
Wounds upon you
Wounds they can't see
Leaving us blue
It's hard to break free
From wounds that struck true
Wounds that follow you
Look what they make us do

The wounds you feel
They will take wings
And you will heal
The angel sings
Wounds will carve
Wounds will sting
Till we are
A better thing

You gave me signs,
But my heart was busy tasting spirits and wines.
You gave me warning after warning,
But I was looking elsewhere each morning.
Then you took her from me,
Yet still I didn’t see
My anger, my apathy, the hypocrisy.
You’ve taken my wife
You took my other half
You’ll take my life
It’s all I have.
Take my soul,
Slaughter me like a calf,
And swallow me whole.
I tried my best,
Yet failed the test.
Purify my heart,
And grant me some rest.
For it will take time
To heal this injured heart of mine.

I have a mental illness and I have no quirks I want to do something but nothing works I just sweat it hurts so bad I think of all the times I had. There's nothing keeping me here I have no drive I cannot steer I cannot lie I cannot cry may as well kiss it all goodbye. Depression hammers at my heart as loud as a hammer that pounds nails it tears me apart. There is no way out gotta keep moving forward and act like I'm free but all the things I've done and let others do to me is draining and suffocating me. Despite all the dread I had a dream I was in a bus and it crashed and I helped save people and this is the type of person I am in my head.

I lie in bed as the shadows creep
Across the wall, as I fall asleep
With closed eyes, I drift away
And let go of the memories of the day

Next thing I know, I'm in a new place
Where angels are happy to see my face
Where my wishes come true and I smile
If only for a little while.

Think of today
today is the day
what was yesterday
will be tomorrow
Think of today
It's enough for today
Tomorrow's problems
will soon be yesterday's
Today is the day
and you'll be okay
Tomorrow's problems
leave for tomorrow
Eat sleep and play
Today is the day
For this I pray
for more days like today

I want to cheer up my mind
by thinking good thoughts
Being kind to myself
Seeing the good side of life
There's so much wonder
And miracles abound
I won't give up
There's treasure to be found

My unwitting heart
has gone astray
thinking of you
every day
obsessed with you
Feels like you can do anything
You bear no shame
in all you do

I go to work
I think of you
I'm watching tv
I think of you
I'm in a bind
You're playing games
inside my mind
I'm going insane

There are no studies
about what you do
What's there to learn
Other than the fact
that you will burn
Get out you worm
I will make room
for someone who earned my respect

What do we get
What do we earn
When you forget
What did you learn

Our services spurned
You left us to shake
Left us to burn
Left us to break

If I had a wish
I would not be a warrior
My friends sleep with fish,
Food for the walrus

When a person stumbles, the catch their fall;
if a person is fallen, can they get up at all?

I saw the traps
Yet went right in
She hunted me down
Chewed me up
And spat me out

She was there when I went down
She was there when I was made a clown
She turned her back as I drowned
I begged and cried, don't let me die
She just sighed and said goodbye

I am the darkness she locked me in
I am possessed by what has been
Disturbed by what I continually see
I refuse to let go and break free
Yet there's still fight left in me

I will not rest
I will not cease
I'll devise a plan
She'll come crawling back
On hands and knees

Then I'll beat her till she's sore
I will make her beg for more
Ensure the pain sinks to her core
And when she knows she's done for
I will strike a blade through the *****

Ever get that feeling
where you're walking
and you don't know
what you're hitting

And then you stumble
perhaps someone pushed you
caught you off balance
and then you fall

Now you're flat on your face
and cannot stand up
in this pitiful darkness
You're stuck on the floor

That's when truth appears
and with concern says
you were acting irrationally
walking blindly

It's time to wake up
You were chasing a dream
without noticing
what was under your feet

Get up
It's time to move on
You'll get other chances
We all make mistakes

Each time I worry I stumble and stall
With you if I fall, won't feel it at all
For you I fell fast, forget the past
You are my friend, others don't last

Some people shun you, others can't bear
Yet I can take you anywhere
You help me do things I wouldn't normally dare
You make me forget each worry and care

I grasp your neck, and bring you to my lips
The more I indulge, the more I relax my grip
Until I fall and disappear
Into a void of temporary cheer

So this is goodbye
No closure
Just a feint of composure
I know it's the end
For I cried in your presence
And broke down

It's how relationships die
You won't forgive me
I understand why
Now all I can do
Is forget about you

So I retreat and act sullen
Heartbroken and fallen
I swallow the pain
Knowing I will never
Go down that path again

You're not to blame
I will find someone new
I will honour their name
As long as they remain
Faithful and true

I have no future
Never had one
I just obeyed others' voices
And did what I was told

My acts of rebellion
Self-harm and drugs
Act according to flesh
Satisfy my appetite

I stay away from women
Because that is what I desire
And I learned early on
That I cannot have what I want

Too much time alone
No one to trust
But I'd stick my hand out
Into fire to pull you out

My life is a sacrifice
I am a target
For people to point at and cast into the dirt
To inflate their ego

I see evil people
They're the ones that abused me in school
And set themselves above me
By twisted right and authority

I pray for vengeance
I want revenge against the wicked
Yet deep down I hope my curses fail
I try to forgive

How much longer must I endure
The pleasures of this world don't entice me
The riches and glamour are not for me
The pain in my soul has infected my body

I can't see around the bend, but I can look around
Inside my mind no remembrance to be found
If I could look backwards, not in hindsight but in replay
Perhaps then I would remember and learn from each day

But I can't
Nothing's sorted
All my memories are distorted
I can't control them, especially the ones I'm trying to

Forget
Drown out
Sleep off
Part with

I dwell in the shadows, I refuse to see
Yet I'm frequently bothered by some memory
It's hard to know what's true and real
When in a moment you can feel

Pride and cheer
Then blinding fear
Sadness here
Anger there
Did it really happen, should I care?

The world's a stage, it's all a show
Memories come, and memories go
Nobody's perfect
I can't pretend
That what I know didn't happen
I must be stronger
I must get you off my shoulders
I want to grow
And be at peace with what I know

As I walk the tightrope that leads to life
I look down at the bottomless *****
I see those covered in shadow and slime
Who fell away; I tighten my *****
For I know what will happen if I fall
Something the dead won't confess at all
Because they've lost all grace and hope
I hold on to faith, the eternal tightrope

I tried to be stern in all that I did, I had to learn I cannot put a lid on you.
I tried to be meek and kind, but you only thought I was weak and losing my mind, how untrue!
Whether the **** or the softie, I just cant make it work.
Whatever happens, wherever you go, I hope you can forgive me, and we'll both live where the clear waters flow and the plants grow.
I never wanted you to suffer, not the way I suffer, it's a wonder I can't see past my blunders.
I am no less than you, nor do I deem myself better; if we could meet in the middle, I could fulfill what I said in the letter, that
I love you, and my love is to let you go.

I've given gifts to my sisters
And honoured my father
Was kind to my mother
And prayed for my brothers
But I never bothered
To reach for the stars
To live for myself
And not for another

I'm not a go-getter
Yet I risk my neck
Because they are better
And I am a wreck
I was always behind
Through painful neglect
Their feelings are mine
Forever to protect

But they see me as a slacker
For my heart is cracked
I lack stability
And mending a broken heart
Is beyond their ability
I'm poor as the dirt road that led me
Here to the point where I can see
That all I've ever wanted
Was for someone to support me
So I wouldn't always need
To stand on my feet

Starting from the bottom I wanted to scale the ladder
Tried to hone my craft and turn out the winner
They pyramid was tall and I knew I could fall
In the end I understood nothing at all
For they sabotaged my efforts so I failed in my tasks
Discouraged and lost I turned to the flask
Drinking and high all washed up and burned
In examining me they left no stone unturned
Humiliation set in every waking day
I was put away, but in the end I'm just clay
They tried but couldn't break my hope
The thought of death actually helps me cope
I know the end is better than the start
And I hope in heaven you and I have a part
Evil and corruption come and pass
But these things are but a kingdom of glass
Naked and scared, all will know their sin
Nowhere to run, they will be exposed just like I have been
And they will learn nothing to them was ever owed
While those who walked in purity will be clothed

I've been living under a spell for so long
A lying backbiting little runt of a demon
Who points out all my faults and humiliations
And throws them in my face at will

I can feel my strength being drained
And it takes all my focus to redeem myself
I say to my soul, I am innocent
Compared to some, I am a saint

In each flashback or vision I have
The demon is there to laugh
My memories are a mess of truths and lies
Time distorted my mind to the events of the past

We are living through trying times
We are at the cusp of a breakthrough
I will be holding my post
Even if I must stand alone

I try so hard
to control my mind
It goes where it pleases
thinks whatever it wants
It usually goes back
to traumatizing events
I have to refute them
and get back on my feet

I would love to have you
And for you to have me
It'd be nice to hold you
Your eyes pretty like the sea
But I'm afraid to pick you
Worried of getting pricked
Scared of hurting you
I'll leave you be

Think of all the souls
You light up like coals
With your harsh growling vocals
And the melodic instrumentals

Like a dragon you yell
Crying like you're in hell
The stories you tell
Not purely to sell

And I lament with you
And your words are true
With the people I'm through
Nobody understands me like you do

A shallow existence is a price to pay
For inviting comfort every day
It tugs me in, the way it pulls
I eat my fill, yet I'm never full
I drink and smoke, and cannot stop
I pray for the day these habits I drop
Yet it's hard when you live on your back
Stuck in a corner like a cornered rat
Fools surround, I cannot teach
A waste of words, their brains don't reach
Speaking only from their point of view
It's an assault on them to speak what's true
Just try to reason or get through
Nothing will stop them looking down on you
Love is patient, love is kind
I hold fast when it's time to unwind
Yet the fear never leaves my mind
Rest is a task and hard to find
Unless I'm doped up
Unless I'm messed up
The dust sets, things start breaking
I can't move with the pills I'm taking
I swallow the pain, I feel so dumb
Despite the taste, it makes me numb
I was the one who couldn't conform
And most of what I say is against the norm