I found myself in an unfamiliar place
I was fiending for love, then I saw her face
She was pretty and fair, with blonde hair
Pretty to the sight, she was wearing white that day.

I saw another strange thing:
A human with armour, flying without wings.
I tried to chase after him  into the sky,
But I could not keep up, and before I could sigh
He transformed me into a statue, and I fell from up high.

I then saw the two anomalies conversing with each other;
The man came to me and said brother,
This girl wants a *******, what do you say?
I said, while there is still time, let sin have its day.

He said, do you want to lose your soul?
Do you want to go down to the hole?
As we were speaking, a third person appeared;
The man gave his attention to him,
And they neared to converse.
They spoke as if in verse, then one said to the other, enough;
They turned away from me and flew off.

So I went to the woman, and we found a bed;
As I was about to go into her, she turned red.
Her hair fell off, she grew horns and a tail;
At the sight of her I grew dizzy and pale.
i shrieked and my knees grew weak,
And I could smell her - she started to reek.

Then I woke up, and started to think
About the folly of lust, and what it brings;
The sin of fornication is one we should avoid,
It’s something I’m learning with my time in the void.

Take my strength, take my pride
Take my home when you need to hide
Take my heart, take my soul
You need to eat, swallow me whole

Now you’re gone, and left me bare
I lost my strength, and tore at my hair
Then I felt you did not care
But the truth is you were never there

I am my dad's child, an abused son
Whenever he'd lie, I would cry
Whenever he called me, I would run
We never could see eye to eye
His face was the illusion of the sun
But without the warmth, I couldn't fly
I'd stare into the barrel of his gun
To me it was comforting, that I could die
Now I shun the people that live for fun
I don't say hi or good day or goodbye
Instead I look at the ground and what I've done
And how I've fallen having never been high
By merely surviving, I couldn't have won
Yet for whom do I live, for what and why?

Watch where you walk, be aware of your path
The better you do, the more narrow it gets
It's like building a house of cards
One mistake and you have to start all over again
Some things you pick up and can't part with
Some people come along and you can't let go
You must learn to stand on your own
You must face yourself at some point
They can afflict you, they can abuse you,
but nothing will hurt like what you do to yourself

Some things are a mystery to me, like
Should I always speak the truth
Or if I should cover ugly truth in the name of love
Where I end, and where my surroundings begin
If other people can sense what I'm feeling
If I hurt others as much as my mind convinced me I did
Is everything going downhill, or if things will get better
Will there be a new revival, or are we in end times
Is life scripted

What's the use
I do no harm
I do no good
Locked in my room

What's the use
Keep my head low
I have these feelings
I cannot show

Yet in my head
Behind the soot
There is a spark
That life is good

But what's the use
I do not choose
I don't consent
I don't refuse

What I'm seeing
An inner war
For the core
Of my inner being

What goes inside me
I feel within me
Wanna breathe out the old
And smell something new

Many people are born of blue skies
A star in the sky belongs to each one
A dream forms in their sparkling eyes
They follow a destiny that begins in their vision
Calm and secure, they are free to roam
To walk with light that guides their paths

I was born of a different sky
On a rainy and stormy November morning
Cold and damp, I knew to rebel
My destiny was to go where others would not
I died each time I was put under light
Only to be reborn through a desire for the end

But now the blanket of darkness has been lifted from my heart
And I see that in all my pain was a comforting nothingness
Despite my loneliness I never lost my strength and courage
The coldness caressed me like a nurturing mother
In her womb I dwelled while others saw depression
And anxiety and nervousness and laziness and sloth

I feel relieved that the demons have left me alone, if for a while
I am not being harassed spiritually by nightmares and terrors
My methods of relief are not needed
It is at this point that I cease judging others
I see the blue skies, and they are numbing the pain
And with the blue skies I understand that it is time to act

I never had a goal or a dream
Except to live and gaze at the beautiful skies
To live in peace and security
In harmony with nature and God and with people
I have sat alone and in despair for so long
I am thankful for a moment when the sun parts the clouds

I'm waiting for a day that does not exist
Where I can reunite with my loved ones once more
I am trapped in a loop, routine dictates my nights and days
The more time passes, the more I know I've lost them forever

Melancholy haunts me as I go about my business
Estranged friends pop into my head at times
I've failed them, just like I failed myself
The only thing to look forward to is death

Yet there's a dim ember inside me
That come the end, there will be a new beginning
And I will see the ones that I love, alive and well
And what once tore us apart, will no longer be

As my heart plummets, I feel its weight
Oh my stomach... it's not what I ate
I'm in a trance, can you relate?
Give me a chance, let me reiterate

If I deigned to inform you, if I were to say
I'll die alone; would you then pray
Or would you be inconvenienced for a day?
Let me say it a different way

I walk in the dark, bruises and  bumps
Without any talk, my body jumps
As my heart pumps, I'm falling fast
Until the thump, which I feel last

I'm like a doe
Or like a raindrop
I go with the flow
Where the wind blows

I feel possessed
Under control
The more I think
The less I know

My mind goes from fast
To incredibly slow
And sometimes life
feels like a show

Tend to the earth
Help trees grow
Uproot the weeds
You reap what you sow

My matters are grave
My spirit is low
Someday it'll make sense
Gotta learn to let go

Hail to the fire
May the light never wane
For fire I am yearning
I am enlightened by pain
My stomach keeps turning
I am covered by shame
My eyes reflect the burning
I am drawn to the light like a moth to the flame

Fire like water
Cleanses in its own way
Just like my father
Who would work me all day
Just like the visions
Of mockery all night
Constant divisions
Had to learn how to fight

Fire like water
Makes my nightmares float away
They turn into dreams, I can think on all day
Where the morning-bird sings
Where I grow wings
And fly to heaven
I remember the King
Walking upon the water
Commanding fire from above
Ohhh
The pain
The pain
I need fatherly love
In this place
In your heart
I need help from above
How I long for peace
And for fatherly love
For a bit of release
When my task here is done

We form a circle and stare at each other
Blaming the other who's on the outside
It's easy to raise someone up then
Just like it is to tear them down

Sometimes in bed I wonder
Are moments equal just like people
And why I keep thinking the same thing
A moment and everything changes

We stumble hard and then there's no turning back
We fall through cracks left by moral decay
And even if we make it to the top of the pile
We are not satisfied with it

How I wish we could live together
United as one, on the same page
No more fighting but on the same side
But that is a dream of a different place

I cannot
live
like most

to travel
from coast
to coast

to eat
my fill
of roast

to raise
a glass
a toast

For I
have naught
to boast

I am
just like
a ghost

I live
just like
a corpse

No sound
escapes
my throat

Sometimes
I feel
remorse

Still I
can't leave
my post

I do
not have
a choice

until
I find
my voice

I needed care
And you refused
Said it's not something
I can choose
Said it's only for
an emergency
When I didn't want help
you forced me

Now I have nothing
no one to share
the passing days
only psychiatrist's care
a handful of meds
And then I sway
away from dreams
the only way

Still the mind, be silent for once
Bind the thoughts, they've run their course
Slam the door, on the inner voice
For peace's sake, your must make this choice.
Calm the waters within you, and then you will find
There's a force outside you, that's loving and kind
Its presence is true, its power sublime
let it wash away the cobwebs and grime.

I used to write freely
Vividly and openly
but ever since you broke my heart
I've been writing bitterly

I spend my days alone
Fear and anger, can't tell what's worse
I'm used to pain, but what I'm dealing with
is more like a curse

I can search myself
but there's nothing to find
in these dark holes
that exist in my mind

My stomach and head
they hurt as I groan
I've learned my lesson
just leave me alone!

Philosophy will wane
Protect the status quo
Take off the chain
Throw off the cord
Focus on gain
You will get a reward
Someone will teach you
You will become a commodity
Something of value
You won't have to worry
No need to confess
You're free to laugh
At those that have less
Take what's theirs
Steal their ideas
Neither loser nor winner
Neither master nor beginner
There are all types
Of shadows that walk the city
Who take comfort in mediocrity
You will be surprised
You may even be shocked
When you realize time is money,
You will make friends with the clock
A time to sleep
A time to get dressed
Brush your teeth
Go to work, without stress
A time to play
Do the same thing every day
No excuses, money to spend
A time to unwind
A time to throw a rubber band
Into the eye of your friend
In the end
No need for a sharp mind
No need to understand
For we're all just putty
In someone else's hand.

I never chased the things I lacked
Hoped they would just come around
People ask what's with the frown
Some things gone do not come back
It's not what I lack that has me down
It's that I didn't cherish the things I had
In the well of thoughts I drowned
Now I'm like a fish going round and round
Or an angry bitter hound
Forever stuck to a pole in the ground
The ball and chain, to which I'm bound
If I break free, I will be glad
With a mind that is clear and sound
To face the good, endure the bad

Picture an abandoned well
Devoid of water, or an empty shell
After a long period of drought,
Only an echo can be heard about
The voice that made sense is no longer found
Chaotic and disorderly is the sound
An inner tempest is the norm,
Battered heavy by the storm
If you tear me apart, or break me open,
You will see, it's as I've spoken
And my looks, it's not pretty
I look like a sideshow character from the city
Wrinkles on my face cause a perma-frown,
All of love has let me down
Yet I don't want anyone else to feel pain
So from aggression I refrain
For as the sun dawns, and then must set,
To rise again, so it's not over yet
The cards will reset, the tables will turn
And all those that hurt me will have to learn
That I am loved, and the pain I feel is due to sin
I am careful, for the path to life is narrow and thin
I will regain all that was lost, and once again be sane;
I will be filled with life again.

It's hard to flourish when your truth-malnourished.
I tried to dig my roots into soil, and grow good fruits.
But with every good thought, along came rot
Wanted to thrive, got eaten alive.

I have only birds and bugs to give me hugs.
The worm is eating my beating heart.
You betrayed, yet still stayed
Inside of me, you live rent free.

I groan and moan before God's throne.
See the snake, crush it for heavens sake!
Of course we're not to fight before God's sight.
The Lord is delayed, but our blood price is paid.

I want to die, I sigh and cry.
In the end, my heart did rend.
My beginnings were rough but I will get more tough.
My trust was misplaced, but your memory will be erased.

I intentionally live a simple life so I can give it up with ease
I try to decrease the things I see and hope the fear will cease
I'm spending a lot of time wishing for a happy ending
I'm hoping for love in return for the love I'm sending

I threw all my love at you and hoped it would help us grow
Instead of nurturing the seed of love you simply let it go
I should have known your heart of stone was not a place to sow
It got swept away by a stream that day to where the rivers flow

Yet what may seem lost to me may be still be discovered
By another, who can use the seed as medicine to recover
For I can confess what I'm depressed over and uncover the truth
And we can learn to be better lovers than we were in our youth.

I rode the tide, the current of life
It was my choice to gamble with fate
I was naked and blind
Sweet and kind
You caught me before it was too late

I was in the lions den
Fat like a juicy hen
Surrounded by evil men

The situation was dire
The beast and the liar
Were trying to lure me
And set me on fire

They made my mind sick
Drew stones and sticks
They struck me quick
Now my wounds I must lick

Yet I survived by your grace
And left that place
Now I have all the time and space
To reverse my disgrace

I am your doe
Meek and low
Yet my enemy is your foe
My pain is your woe
You will repay them for the blood they let flow
Blood for blood, they'll reap what they sow!

What benefits are there for knowing God?
You get no applaud
Maybe a cross on the wall and a bible on the shelf
It will be something you keep to yourself
No one will share in your belief
Unbelief will come like a thief
Wicked thoughts will spring up like weeds
On the ground where you've planted good seeds
More than the sand on the shore of the seas
Forcing you to fight an endless battle
You will be a shepherd in a field of grass and cattle
Trying to keep your mind pure where snakes rattle
Normal people will no longer be on your level
You will no longer be indifferent to evil
Suffering greatly fighting the devil
You will notice those who distort truth
You will know them by their fruit
The devil will send demons both spiritual
And in human form to mislead you
You will belong to a whole different kind of family
Once they knew you, now they don't see
For you are no longer the person you used to be
You will be called crazy
The world will make you an outsider
Though you open your arms wider
The world will reject you for sure
For you are no longer the world's, or worldly in nature

Something hidden from the wise
And yet to fools, is no surprise
The depth and gravity of yearning eyes
That magnetically spellbind with attractive lies

Puts black holes to shame
Different day different name
Those who see through the game
Flee the soul trap all the same

Yet when it dies, is a relief
For it is a power thief
Else it might live long enough to see
And know the truth, which is worse I believe

In this life
I can't refuse
whatever comes
I do not choose

I come upon
things every day
I simply use
and throw away

I am a guest
Life and death
I cannot hold
just like my breath

Once saw something
I wanted to keep
the harder I squeezed
the more it leaped

I am a prisoner
in this life
My life is full
of pain and strife

I am someone
with many needs
yet I must thank
the hand that feeds

Each time I worry I stumble and stall
With you if I fall, won't feel it at all
For you I fell fast, forget the past
You are my friend, others don't last

Some people shun you, others can't bear
Yet I can take you anywhere
You help me do things I wouldn't normally dare
You make me forget each worry and care

I grasp your neck, and bring you to my lips
The more I indulge, the more I relax my grip
Until I fall and disappear
Into a void of temporary cheer

Ever get that feeling
where you're walking
and you don't know
what you're hitting

And then you stumble
perhaps someone pushed you
caught you off balance
and then you fall

Now you're flat on your face
and cannot stand up
in this pitiful darkness
You're stuck on the floor

That's when truth appears
and with concern says
you were acting irrationally
walking blindly

It's time to wake up
You were chasing a dream
without noticing
what was under your feet

Get up
It's time to move on
You'll get other chances
We all make mistakes

I am a piece of dough being reshaped
I am a piece of steel being reforged
I am a rock rounded out by a gushing stream
I am a rose being clipped and pruned

My enemies protect their ways
They challenge anyone who asks, "what are you doing?"
They deflect any correction
and continue stubbornly in their paths.

I said to myself I will be alone until an event
that will put me back in the right direction.
As I wait I am tormented by visions
and dreams - I wish I was dead.

The wicked in their pride want to cast low
Giving no thought to their victims
They are like jagged rocks below a cliff
or dogs growling and bearing teeth.

Those who will not heed instruction
or give way to slow changes
will be changed suddenly
their lives will end in calamity.

I have made these mistakes
but I live to tell the tale
My testimony is valid
and I will share my life story to anyone who listens.

He lost his roar, they suppressed his soul
He's starting to ****, like a black hole
He has no hope in hearing good news
even if he heard some, he'd still have the blues
He thinks he's no good, a freak and a creep
He asks the Lord to take him away in his sleep
The Lord answers his prayer, but not how he'd expect
instead of killing him, he honours him with respect
then takes him away in his nightly slumber
to show him a place where he roars like thunder

A boy appeared, so bright and pure
He thought forever he'd endure
A girl adored his charming grace
She knew his ways, he knew his place

He wanted to give her a piece of his heart
Hoping she'd give him hers so they'd never part.
But he knew not how to say no;
Infatuated and unguided, he gave her his soul.

She took his soul, like food on a plate;
She swallowed it whole, alone she ate.
And when he came to see her face,
she turned away, and left the place.

After that a part of him slowed,
not knowing why, so slightly it showed.
His graceful light was being robbed from him,
A part he thought would never fade.

Not wanting to be seen, he no longer walked the land
His knees became weak, he could hardly stand
His face so pale, and weight he gained
He turned to alcohol to help his pain

But then the darkness began to fade
He didn't know he was dreaming, that he'd awake
He knew he must not choose such a fate
Chapter closed, he'll have to wait

I can't stand the thought of you
Like a protruding nail I want to hammer you down
into the wood until you're just like every other pain
I want to look at you and feel nothing
The desire for revenge is sickening me
I am mad with fury, red with anger
In a fit of rage I might do something I would regret
Stay away from me for all time

I want to greet you and eat with you
Kiss you and share this present I got you
But I don't miss you, and I don't want to meet you
In moments like this, I want to be free from you

Am I hurting you?
Maybe
Are you hurting?
I can't really tell

Sometimes I wish you would change
As I force myself to change around you
Bending over backwards feels deranged
There is nothing much left to be said

Like rain on a wildfire
When will relief finally come
I'm so very tired
I beg for death

Everyone has turned aside
And followed their hearts
I'm left in the dust
With my traditional ways

In God I trust
I'm zealous and sure
Yet have no one to speak to
Who believes like I do

My treasures cannot be seen
My good deeds go unnoticed
Everyone has turned their backs
And followed their own paths

The proud have their lives
I am devoid in all matters
Robbed of my senses
Horrified by what I see

Father come soon
The ways of the world are not for me
Take me away
Where I can rest from the pain

Hello there
Sweet lady
I'll take you
Out maybe
I'll try you
You'll touch me
I'll borrow
Your body
I'll ask you
To trust me
While you take
A while
You walk on
A wire
I'm walking
in fire
We're both love
Buyers
I'm so high
You're higher
In the end
Denial
What's left is
Two liars

Suppressed and intimidated, the truth hurts of late
The ones that I love, I should honestly hate
I wish it were enough to be gentle and kind
Without being robbed of spirit blind
I'm broken and hurt, ****** blue and dry
Emptied my soul then got tossed aside
I took what was valuable and fed it to dogs
Now confusion lingers like smoke and fog
Emptiness sings for me an echoing song
My heart wants to ***** out what I did wrong
I can't express what I feel inside
I try to hide what should be heard far and wide
The truth is for all eyes to see
And I'm not the only one who's suffering
People hate to be put in their place
They rob crowns and thrones, then try to save face
The agents of evil, the haters of truth
Who rebel against God, who demand proof
They are rebels and thieves who live in dens
This earth is the closest they'll ever be to heaven
I can't wait till it's over and done
Till they're thrown into hell, each and every one

I've given gifts to my sisters
And honoured my father
Was kind to my mother
And prayed for my brothers
But I never bothered
To reach for the stars
To live for myself
And not for another

I'm not a go-getter
Yet I risk my neck
Because they are better
And I am a wreck
I was always behind
Through painful neglect
Their feelings are mine
Forever to protect

But they see me as a slacker
For my heart is cracked
I lack stability
And mending a broken heart
Is beyond their ability
I'm poor as the dirt road that led me
Here to the point where I can see
That all I've ever wanted
Was for someone to support me
So I wouldn't always need
To stand on my feet

All of our steps are guided
All of our days are numbered
All of our thoughts are counted
All of our actions are noted
The past is like stone
The future unknown
If we follow our hearts, we fall
Search with our brains, we go blind
Nothing is within our control
Everything runs on its own
You get what you see
Somethings always will be
We must be content in being
Content with what we're seeing
For nothing else will fill the hole
And nothing is within our control

Nothing to do
Nothing to see
Nothing to live or to die for
Lay down your life
Lay down your soul
Reach in the fire and pull
Oh how the fire it burns

You never learn
You never turn
Now by the fire you burn
Nothing is true
Nothing for me
Nothing to give or to strive for
You're in a hole
I reach to the bottom and pull

Now you
Caught in the teeth
Of a fierce lion
Begging for meat
Whose never full
Who feels no grief
I reach out my hand to his mouth

I see well up close, but I can't see far
Sometimes I think I'm acting like a star,
But really I'm just acting dumb
And sticking out like a sore thumb.

No one can see it
But I feel it inside me
When I look at myself
Can't help but cringe
Placed on a pedestal
Where one shouldn't be
It was crooked and sloped
A balancing act
For all eyes to see
A throne of tears
I was placed up high
On a foundation of sand
And when I fell
The pain that I felt
Made everyone uneasy
I just hope in the future
You understand
And don't laugh
But understand
Please understand

The way it's been
Is not the way it's ending
You say I cannot win
Because you see me struggling
My skin is thin
Each insult leaves me crying
I let you in
And now Im slowly dying

Forever it will not be
One day I will be happy
You trampled me
But you could not defeat
My conscience says to me
Get back up on your feet
No need to lie or cheat
I will reclaim my seat

I tried to lead by example
To tell the truth and speak with love
Against an army of demonic sinners
I waged war against evil
For her

After all I invested in her
Sweat from work
Tears of anguish
I even shed my blood once
For her

And then what does she do
She ***** some guy
Behind my back
Thus making herself worthless
A failed investment

And then she tries to come back
As if nothing ever happened
Well, I haven't moved on
But the love I reserved for her
Is now wrath and I will cry against her

Why are the wicked preserved
Why are their lives prolonged
Their crimes are not met with swift recourse
They laugh at their victims
Make sport of their lives

I feel sapped
A bloodsucking succubus has sunk her claws into me
I can no longer fight
I feel so weak
I doubt myself

Yet my life is a breath
And despite my rage I see what I once was
A sinner of varying degree
So I will wait for justice
As my patience is tested

I wish I could just tell the truth
without being ripped to shreds
The truth is I am hurting
Attacked spiritually while in bed
Hypocrites full of hate
Who cry peace but are destroyers
Been praying for them of late
I cry over their fate
But they're so at ease
They simply can't relate
Misfortune is a breeze
They cannot tolerate
While I sit shellshocked
Dumbfounded and confused
Because I care about the wicked
I always get used

In all the wretchedness and cruelty I've seen before me
I cannot think of anything more foul without measure
Than those shrimp boys who call themselves pimps
Who abuse women for entertainment and pleasure

These women were meant to be brides of the Most High
To be at our side, to make us laugh and dance and cry
Those stupid thugs give them drugs
I wish I could squash them like the bugs they are

I have nothing to live for
What should I believe
My heart always drops to the floor
Because I wear my heart on my sleeve

I tread gently near women like you would a dove
My heart races, I want to make a good impression for love
But no woman has been able to tame my racing heart
And so I keep my distance, I keep myself apart

Call me a white knight, it makes no difference
I have a sister and a mother, and some sense
If I see a fool who thinks he's cool abusing others, why,
I will lift a finger and not stand by.

Today I prayed to God and said
I want to give up, want to give in
The worldly path is glistening
People can't be reasoned with
I can't even tell if you're listening
Feeling oppressed, wish I was dead
I envy those who already died
I am one whom you cast aside
I know well this world is hell
With many pitfalls everywhere
You cannot tell, they hide them well
I couldn't tell before I fell
I wish you'd talk to me like the old days
But I feel you've forsaken me due to my ways
I come to you hurting and muddy
Why do you keep slamming me into the dirt?

My family is one
My love life is two
I've burned all bridges
There's no way through
My home life is three
My work life is four
I can't do my chores
I remain poor
Four walls surround me
And there's no door
I am wounded
Disturbed to the core
The only way out
Is either up or down
Which way I go
Is out of my hands
I am too badly hurt
And uncomfortable
To plan anything
Let it all crumble
The grave awaits
Desolate yet humble
I await good news
And then I stumble
I want to go
Wanna pass away

If the past is set in stone, then what of the future?
I don't know, but of a few things I can be sure
We grow old
We die
It's hard to decipher truth from lie
Enslaved by my own impulsive drive
To give up
To let go
The garbage I leave behind
Out of sight, out of mind
Out the door
Done my chore
What do I have to show for
Years of wandering to and fro
Just let go
To be alone
Now I'm starting to see the light
I can rest my thoughts tonight
Into sleep
Into dreams
For I found what I was looking for
Life eternal is in store

Sincere bluff
I'd change my ways but I'm not determined enough
I see your red lips I slow down
I stop in a trance
Yet I don't advance

Life is tough
A few dollars in my pocket, not enough
No fancy toys, my road is pain
I call your name, but you prefer your path
I leave you alone, I know your game

A nightmare
I must stop dreaming with a blank stare
I'll drive straight
The ditch is where I'll end up if
I don't stay awake

I wanted friends
Instead I got foes
Who in the end
Ushered my woes

Some people at first
Seem kind and respectful
Then they turn for the worst
To duty forgetful

I wanted a family
To feel safe and secure
But now I can see
That nothing is sure

I loiter about
All times of the day
I learned to stay out
Of people's way

I tried sleeping
I slid into bed
Then came creeping
These thoughts in my head

Why don't you call?
I know you are free
I'm not the one to make you fall
Why do you hate me?

Whenever I think of you
Why did you abuse me so?
Now that I see what's true
I will just let go

For I will have new memories
As I live
And I will recall my enemies
And I will forgive

The burden of love is this
It won’t fill your heart with bliss
Or am I loving wrong,
Because I love my enemies?
They drag my heart across the floor
As my feet run to and fro
While my bones shake to the core
Can’t save myself, what’s more
I ask myself what have I done
I am like a setting sun
I failed once, with everyone
Now I offer myself for free
I’ll listen kindly but they don’t see
My own power frightens me
I’m more enlightened than they’ll ever be