The media, how it shines
It doesn't need to rhyme
To get us hooked on new sensations
In keeping with the times

You read between the lines
you discern sublime signs
And still you cannot begin to grasp
the horror it entwines

I want to learn what's new
Just terror through and through
Everyday I'm drifting farther from
The thought there's good in you

Never feeling bored
Wrapped in chain-like cords
trying to maintain my sanity
as events unfold

In the end it haunts
It prods and burns and taunts
The harm it causes to the populace
Is in the tiny font

I had a dream
I was sitting on grass
Talking with old friends
About current events
That I haven't seen
In fifteen years
Then a giant walked by
Controlled by AI
We just looked at it
And continued to sit
We laughed and told jokes
I said for a smoke I would ****
Then saw a stall selling smokes
And paid with a hundred dollar bill
And as I was about to go on my way
They said not today!
The bill is fake
For heaven's sake!

A time to reap, a time to sow
A time for everything, this I know
But what about the man who understands
yet can do nothing but watch
as time slips through his hands?

I don't know what it is
that stops me from functioning
They call me a nut
but I'm just a child
who never grew up

I went to the park
I sat on a swing
until it grew dark
drinking
thinking

The bright lights were stinging
I realized it's all a result
of a horrible upbringing
If people were more humble
I wouldn't be sinking

Don’t ask what to buy to brighten a room
Just change your mindset to lighten the gloom.
It’s a choice to trust and lust
After things that will turn to dust.

An object fought for will be forsaken,
A thing sought after will be taken away.
Look how it goes to waste,
Losing its smell, losing its taste.

Search your soul;
Have you noticed those pinned to the floor?
The things they bought have come to life,
Cutting and slashing their hope like a knife.

Walls can shrink,
And ghosts dwell in places you wouldn’t think.
Remember those ghosts, which things couldn't save;
For what they loved most, has become their grave.

I don't believe in coincidence
but luck and chance
Random encounters
where no pre-thought exists

You can try to foresee things
or play out your fantasy
Yet the best things in life
will come unexpectedly

In a world of points and lines
it's hard to believe
in unexpected joys
and what one can achieve

Solitary life can feel like a curse
but I choose not to complain, cause I know
I've had it worse
There's no shoulder to lean on and cry
No one to bring me down when I get too high
I do it myself, using every means possible
I poison myself

I smoke and cough, drink
and wonder what turns people off
To be fair I wouldn't want to stay with me either
I would say go away till you're sober
Love can be tough
But never cruel
Love is not a blind man leading a fool

Months turn to years
I've yet to conquer my fears
I wonder about my future
Feeling unsure
But I know I'll stay
It's all I know anyway
I kinda like it this way

If the past is set in stone, then what of the future?
I don't know, but of a few things I can be sure
We grow old
We die
It's hard to decipher truth from lie
Enslaved by my own impulsive drive
To give up
To let go
The garbage I leave behind
Out of sight, out of mind
Out the door
Done my chore
What do I have to show for
Years of wandering to and fro
Just let go
To be alone
Now I'm starting to see the light
I can rest my thoughts tonight
Into sleep
Into dreams
For I found what I was looking for
Life eternal is in store

You are the ache in my body
I struggle to not let you take me under
For I know what you are thinking
And I know you want to watch me suffer

I wish it weren't so
but you can't stand to watch me fly
Cause then I would leave you behind
But I'm tired of living under your wing

I can keep you company for a while
Meet with you and talk of the old times
Though I can't be around long
For we all need to be alone sometimes

If the wise look to wisdom
and fools look to the world
Then I'll search for you in my mind
And try to turn the nightmare into a dream
But all's not what it seems

I won't ring a bell
and stand on rooftops and yell
I grow faint when I retell
What ended in hell
What didn't end well

I'll tell you the story
Someone came to me
but it was only temporary
They wanted something from me
I gave it for free

Oh the agony!
All along they were the enemy
I let them into my mind and heart
I thought we were so close
We'd never tear apart

I was too nice to my foe
But now the truth is exposed
In this world I suffer
It's the path I chose
But it's all just temporary woes

We can leave this world any day
It's not a matter of wits
Will you be happy in eternity
Or will you be like the hypocrites
and have to pay?

I bear no grudges
I forgive with my whole heart
I hold none accountable for what they did

It's a curse for me now
but a blessing for me later
I will escape the fires of judgement

A thousand thorns in my mind
I try to pick them one by one
As another thousand come
I try to think around them
But they always come back
They truly are a threat
I want to attack
I choose my target
Just wanna pluck it out
Just wanna forget it
But I can't
Give me new memories
Please
So the old ones cease
So I have a better perspective on this disease

I wish I could just tell the truth
without being ripped to shreds
The truth is I am hurting
Attacked spiritually while in bed
Hypocrites full of hate
Who cry peace but are destroyers
Been praying for them of late
I cry over their fate
But they're so at ease
They simply can't relate
Misfortune is a breeze
They cannot tolerate
While I sit shellshocked
Dumbfounded and confused
Because I care about the wicked
I always get used

You think of the future
And act like you're sure
You feel secure
Like you're the cure
It goes without mention
I'll stop your ascension
Break your intentions
Destroy your inventions
Take my rod and strike
So you know what it's like
To live without sight
In the absence of light

I don't need much
Your touch would be nice
But I always think twice
and can't break the ice

One day I approached you
and broached you to stay
you said I must go
without delay

I thought it was done
but then you turned to say
what drugs are you on
and how much for some you ***

Peace? There is no peace! To those who know no disgrace, you have no trace of praise. I have chosen my side, I don't step out of line and I will hide and bide my time until my moment to shine. I used to think speaking truth is something to be braved, to open the eyes of the unsaved. Now I'll leave arguments about truth to the youth. Through disgrace is my salvation, for it I will receive praise. For I stood for good when others would not. I lay my life down each day, and I carefully watch what I say in case it might turn my allies away. As for my enemies, I wish I could pray for them and we could learn from each other but they hide from me so let them burn in hell.

The opposite of love, though equally strong
An emotion that kills, yet can still pass as song
You want your enemies to suffer for
how they hurt you to the core

Like the narcissist blessed with confidence
who abused your trust and manipulated you
By the time you wise up to their lies
they're too far gone to say a goodbye

Why must it be like this?
Why am I concerned when someone dies
yet want others to die so badly?
It's how I feel sadly

For I am jealous of their confidence
Though I know deep down it's just pride
They killed Jesus out of jealousy
for they couldn't stand before envy

And you shine like an angel of light
I want my revenge for you abusing my trust
But I won't act on my lust for revenge
I must put out the fire of hatred before it consumes me

You thought you would get a laugh, watching me squirm;
stepping on me, crushing me like a grape for your cup.
I was to be your trophy, on the wall of those you *******;
you'd look back and say a-ha! Look what we made you do

It's true that a dark cloud has enveloped me;
depression weighs heavy on one who can see nothing but darkness
Anxiety keeps me from the connections I need
To conquer addiction I must face my demons

I toss and turn in bed, and wish I was dead;
The Lord allows this, yet gives me bread.
He put to flight me enemies, they exist only in my head;
he took my sword, and fought for me instead.

The pain that I feel, is centred on me;
the shame that I feel, is not what others see
I cannot describe the way that I feel
A faith in that which is not yet, but some day will be real

The fire that would keep me warm has burned me
The people I wanted in my life have betrayed me
I depend on water that would drown me
I put my trust in someone that would strangle me
The walls I put up no longer protect me
They forced me into the light before I was ready
They bit off my finger when I reached out my hand
Put me into the ground, without trying to understand
We live in a world where anything goes
There's nothing I can do to help, too many blows
Yet throughout it all God knows
I will wait on him to make things right
And chase the wicked out of sight

I looked into your eyes and smiled
You weren't very welcoming
So I shut myself in
And left

I wonder about fate
Not just mine but of yours
It's easy to tell you to go to hell
Harder to assume you're going to heaven

I want to know about fate
Even if it's none of my business
Will you be there in the afterlife?
Will I have to put up with you there?

Others might call me lazy
But I'm working on not looking back so much
There is no guarantee of a future
Each day is like the last

And the past is still in me
It jolts and shocks me
I don't want to dwell anymore
I want to talk to you without being afraid

In my fallen state
I cannot do my job
I cannot sing or dance
I just mope around all day long

Nothing keeps my attention
Shifting but not dreaming
From point to point
Not enjoying the journey

Am I broken beyond repair?
Can nothing restore my happiness?
Where is my pride?
Cast down with no one to help

I want to get married for a free card
Too much kindness makes me hard
I must maintain my celibacy
The family tree ends with me

There is a woman that I know
Who thinks it's good to **** and blow
The story goes she don't last long
Moans and screeches are her song

God forgive this worthless stoner
I'm alone but not a loner
The way you coerced it into her
I will break your little *****

And she is a little spinner
And at love I'm no beginner
I will forget and ignore yet I find
I'm going insane from seduction of mind

Taught to surrender
Forced to submit
By a raised hand
Threatening to hit
I wait and I wait
For someone to come
Tell me what to do
And call me dumb
I may have escaped
Times may have changed
But the mentality stayed
I live life numb
And play dead
Waiting for someone to come
To ruin my day
I pray and I pray
Ah Lord why
Am I attacked in the night
By visions and fright
Is it because during the day
I forget to walk in the light?
I feel disarmed
Yet still forced to fight
Enduring the strife
With an aching mind
And a knife in my back
For the horrors of sight
Which I witnessed in plight
Do grind me down
Yet I ain't blind
I'll be all right
For I am kind
And compassionate to others...

I need time to unwind

I've been thinking a lot
On how to succeed
For I'm ashamed
Of the life I lead
There are many books
One can read
Some say pain is gain
To sweat and to bleed
Others say success is measured
In every good deed

Yet I say success begins with the heart
It must have root
That's where it should start
Not by habits of hand or foot
It must be broken apart
It must be thought through
A strong foundation
Uniquely you

I want to forsake my possessions
I must straighten what's bent
And begin my sessions
Of enlightenment
Or these distractions
I'll take to the grave
Only to find out
They cannot save

I struggle to explain what I'm witnessing
What difference does it make, when you don't have a voice
It would be nice to talk to a human being
The lonely life I live, is only partially by choice

I can't let go of this feeling I have
It's one I've had since I was a child
Of the need to brace for constant attacks
Like being surrounded by scorpions and snakes in the wild

I come from a narcissistic family and it shows
I bear all the classic symptoms and traits
Evading reality is all I know
A lonely life is all that waits

My heart jumps at sudden noises
From a leaf rustling in the wind when I'm walking
To new messages, to new voices
It's always about me they're talking

Still I hope that in the end
All those people who betrayed me
Will change and be my friends
And we'll live as a family

The ship of life rocks back and forth
One side to another, tables turn
No one feels good all the time
Love sometimes returns for hate
Sensations are forgettable unlike events
Needless consumption is a sign of fear
The innocent feel the spirit of the times
Nightmares haunt their days and nights
Common people let things pass
Justice leans on uneven scales
Some appear clean but not inwardly
It takes time to discern a person
Death might put an end to souls
Sin makes one feel as though they are enslaved
Though still alive, one eats himself
Better that, than to condemn
Blame is never good to give
The outstretched finger will be broken
Some situations make one learn
Yet reality like sparks could go either way
Talk to yourself, you don't have to check in
Freedom to escape is good to have
I expect the worst, and it keeps happening
I hope for the best, but it's a gamble
This world will always play its tricks
No one can boast, for we are fallen
Those who boast are often popular
Yet when wisdom calls, few answer

They say trials and tribulations make for virtuous men,
and whatever doesn't **** you makes you stronger.
The more damage the world dealt, the more pain I felt,
the less I said, the closer I am to dead.

I'm restrained in speech. I'm not one to teach.
The pain I bear is not something I wear.
I wish it would cease, wish my mind would ease.
Wish I could openly speak about this disease.

I try to look up, but have no one to love.
Poetry is hard for one who rarely sees the sun.
I have nothing to say except good day.
And goodbye. I lie about being ok. I actually cry.

Am I forever alone? Sure. I don't desire a partner.
All my friends are dead or inside my head.
This life and this world make me want to hurl.
All the while my enemies dance and twirl.

But there's a glimmer of hope that is not lost.
I bet on it long ago, and haven't yet lost.
My hope is with the father, son and holy spirit;
I pray they can exorcize me of all these foul demons.

For there's a war on, that very few can see.
It's a fight for the souls of people like you and me.
And I sense evil in all people, it just takes time.
I prefer to be alone, what's mine is mine.

Your eyes are my thunder
Your gaze sets me loose
It's really no wonder
I do what I choose
Yet there's something about you
I feel it in my chest
You set me free
To try my best

Slowed to a halt
The cringe is a knot
I try to untangle
the intrusive thought

My mind doesn't match
what I do with my hand
I'm due to snap
Like a tight rubber band

There are two sides to me
Many things come in twos
I am so stuck
I simply cannot choose

It's the war
that I wage within
It keeps me poor
And beggin'

Eternal fight
Always the same
Yet there's the door
New memories are calling my name

In all the wretchedness and cruelty I've seen before me
I cannot think of anything more foul without measure
Than those shrimp boys who call themselves pimps
Who abuse women for entertainment and pleasure

These women were meant to be brides of the Most High
To be at our side, to make us laugh and dance and cry
Those stupid thugs give them drugs
I wish I could squash them like the bugs they are

I have nothing to live for
What should I believe
My heart always drops to the floor
Because I wear my heart on my sleeve

I tread gently near women like you would a dove
My heart races, I want to make a good impression for love
But no woman has been able to tame my racing heart
And so I keep my distance, I keep myself apart

Call me a white knight, it makes no difference
I have a sister and a mother, and some sense
If I see a fool who thinks he's cool abusing others, why,
I will lift a finger and not stand by.

I am not afraid of my mortality
I have grown accustomed to shaming
All this dirt thrown at my face
I'm still praying for the best

My relationship with God is my greatest asset
I don't mind if you share my passion
Turn back today, obey, nobody can say
they have mapped their own future or fate

I'm afraid of the power God has given me
To have a mind that can see beyond what's in front of me
I really don't want to be seen until I'm ready
In the past I've hurt some people accidentally

My people used me as a stepping stone I confess
Yet time rolls on and things progress
I don't mind being the last to clean up the mess
I like being last, at the bottom, unnoticed

What's normal and sane is majority ruled;
It's easy to get schooled by a bunch of fools.
I know you are keen, I know you are wise;
but don't make a scene, you'll get institutionalized.
See with your mind, not with your eyes;
what they try to hide, is bright as the skies.
Tell the truth, don't hide behind lies;
It's ok to get hurt; let them mock and advise.
Don't ask for help, they'll get you hooked;
The cure don't make rich, so it's overlooked.
It's good to cry, you even should;
Writhe and moan, it's for your own good.
They can't destroy you, but they can set up hooks;
They think they'll be counted in history's books.
In the end it will all be destroyed, with no remorse;
they cannot change the past or the future's course.
It will all be anew, like fresh dew;
make sure to endure, through and through.

The tongue is a rudder
Its words are like fire
Sparking imagination, spreading

Rumours cut
deeper than knives
Ruining lives

Label attached
Like a parasite
Staining the white

No one will touch
A leprous man
What hope for such?

The fool walks about
Pointing the finger
Exposing another

What will he do
when he is stripped from power
and stands fore his maker?

There once was a time
or rather, a sight
Somewhat of a rhyme
yet also a plight
before the first dawn
before the first night
before God declared
let there be light
Children were born
shining and bright
though some were torn
between wrong and right

Now war was on the horizon
and all had to fight
Many chose a side
The forces of darkness tried
to overthrow the law
and take the throne
force goodness to scrape low
but commanded by the sun
the ground opened wide
and down they fell
upon the sound
of the trumpet and bell
and descended to hell
though once mighty hounds
defeated they were
Over it was
before they could tell
forfeited lives
they rest behind bars
in cell - like hives
no longer stars

We are human
and we're slow
we have the power to think
before it becomes so
we don't just wish for something
and it becomes so
though what side are we on?
We just don't know

To live one must have drive
But I'm not sure I have the strength anymore
I'm like a car that has no fuel
Sitting inside for a while
I used to run on ***** oil
and it's damaged some of my inner components
I need a good person that can invest in me
To fill me with gas, and take care of me
Otherwise it's off to the junk yard
For I don't think I can start again on my own

A lack of understanding, a loss of faith
I hate myself, I vow to never be the same
Since you left, I'm not having fun
I'm under attack, from what I've done

So now I feel lust, it won't go away
I want *** so bad, every day
At night I dream of it, in the morning I forget
And try my best to be celibate

I want love, but not really
Can't stop using habitually
My time's running out, the clock's ticking
I waste my days on what's addicting

I've lost it all before, but now I've lost my mind
I hate all women, even if they're kind
I lost my place on earth, I've lost my grace,
but really I've fallen from high up in space.

Someone help me, for I am lost
Save me, O God, in whom I trust
The task is great, but if there's a cure
Take away my thoughts impure

Sometimes it rains when I cry
I know how the dying feel
Yet miracles happen before my eyes

No one understands
For who can put into words
A being which exists in and of itself

The mind searches the unthinkable
The unspeakable
And then we forget

Like dreams
Like memories from your unique angle
So vital, so personal

Making mistakes for the sake of honesty
Shouldn't cost me my life
Though to some it's social suicide

I see little messages that poke out sometimes
Everywhere I go, everything is trying to tell me something
Yet to react is considered mental illness

And so it begins, the waterfall of tears
It's been years and it's no longer fears
that are making me stay, I feel enraged
Today's the day I hit the toad

I want you dead and out of my head
You hear me? Get out - OUT!
You ***** rotten sewer rat
I took a ****, it's you I shat

Vengeance, whether cold or hot
I will serve, and blot you out
I used to care, while you just mocked
Trying to help, was all for naught

Deep in the mindless void there is a light
Even there it shines so warm
No thoughts needed it's pleasant to the sight
But there's a force keeping me down

Where there's chaos a person cannot flourish
Yet even there is a light that can take form
For all the outcasts and loners to take hold
For the rebels to feel warm

Get up, show them what you're made of
...but my knees are jelly
and my head is full of marbles
Get up, dust yourself off
...but I want the dust to settle
The more I move the more it floats
Get up, move on
...but each step is a climb up stairs
and I feel unstable
Get up, show you care
...but my friends have not been kind to me
They just laugh or stare
Get up, don't be so soft
...but I feel powerless
and my expectations are aloft
Get up, swim for your life
...but I forgot how to swim
and each breath feels like my last
So what are you going to do?
...get up, smoke, lie down
Get up, smoke, lie down
Get up, smoke, lie down

If you ain't good, you ain't interesting

I used to trust people
and wear my heart on my sleeve
I still do these things
but it 's nothing more than a leap of faith

So I put on my blindfold
Stretch out my hand for peace
with a smile on my face
What do I achieve?

You sick ***** can't **** me
so you scheme
how can you destroy me
without sacrificing your dreams

You want to be reproached
You want me to hurt you
Teach you a lesson
So you feel something

If every one of you rats is a cockroach
holding a knife behind your back
gossiping and mocking when I'm not around
why should I open up?

You came uninvited
You made yourself at home
Made a chair of my back
and sat on your throne

And I have no defences
Except the almighty God
In whom I don't trust
It's why my anxiety is up

The scientist thought he was smart and clever
Until he got a runny nose
He couldn’t even cure the common cold

****** got applause
Jesus got the cross

There are two wolves inside you
Only one is good
Feed the good wolf

Don’t try to save the whole world, that’s dumb
Just look after yourself and your loved ones, ***

I pick up a controller and play
Every single day
Till I can't feel my head
Till my eyes turn red
I get ******
Then I get owned
The same old games
Of renown fame
just like so many others
I forget my name
Through these cords
I live a fantasy
Without any consequences
or rewards
It made me happy
when I was a kid
who had an imagination
but deep down inside I wanted to get rid of it
A life I could have had
like mom and dad
Now the cobwebs are forming
And the world is turning
And my passion isn't there
And I'm starting to care

Some truths cannot be taught
They can only be experienced
Teachers trickle down knowledge
But to understand one must start from the bottom
You take pride in your education
Yet you will never learn the most basic thing
You just want a comfortable life
You sacrifice others on the altar of bettering yourself
You're hard as a stone
I'm malleable like gold
I listen to your problems and have compassion
But your true problem is that you refuse to change
Still, confetti falls on everything you do
So what reason do you have to change your ways?
The world rewards you
The same world that treats me like an anchor
You want progress and tech
I want a return to simplicity and nature
You do what you will
I go with you to the edge
You push me off
I fly up past you
I know what you're doing
You thought you could make me suffer
But I suffer willingly
Some day you will understand why

I find the mind difficult to control. Looking forward, facing the right way is essential. Thunderous flashbacks mixed with imagination that fight one another spiral into a force so loud it could produce a mushroom cloud. But only to your ear. The friction of an inner fight is enough to set my mind alight, usually at night when I'm trying to sleep. It hurts deep. If negative energy creeps in, I go out. I get up or toss and turn; it really hurts the way they hurt me, the ax forgets but not the tree. I forgive, without a doubt because I want to forget. I have no regrets, I'm just in a dark place and the only thing that will suffice is a really nice slice of paradise with Christ, but the inner war with vice cannot be won unless you stop being nice and purge these demons from your life.

Some people have been placed
in positions of authority
Looked up to by everyone
Treated like royalty
They're the it thing for a time
By general society
Then they get tiring
to look at or see
Then people get out their lighters
And spark the wick
For they sit on a powder keg
that they didn't choose
Didn't read the fine print
Didn't know fame is a ruse
One little spark
and all hell breaks loose
Trained from youth
To lead not to follow
But they have no real answers
Their words are hollow
Yet reflect what we're all thinking
However shallow
They are beacons of adversity
Lightning rods of controversy
The spirit of the times
Show love to your celebrity
but don't let them lead
They are just human beings
Don't bow at their feet

I try to understand
I try to wrap my head around
What happened when I fell face down
Into the ground.
You're supposed to trust in something
Don't wanna lose more sleep
If only I could trust in something
But my scars are fresh and deep
I tried to trust in something
I am but a sheep
I brought all the trust I could bring
And got ****** over an edge so steep.
Yet as much as I try, as much as I creep around,
I still can't understand why my face hit the ground.

"When lawlessness and evil reign
Being a nice person is a rebellion"

I don't believe in disposing people
Even if I don't believe they'll change
I choose to love everyone
Open love goes in all directions
I don't pick and choose who I'm kind to
If I did, that would make me a hypocrite
If they don't reciprocate my kindness
I turn my head elsewhere
The end doesn't justify the means
I don't hurt people to achieve a goal
Mean and rude people are very weak
It's so hard to understand that
I don't love the way money works
It's not an exchange
I expect nothing in return
I love because I am blessed
The day I stop being kind
That's the day my luck runs out
I may appear alone
But I am never lonely
Because He is with me
To keep me company
And though I feel backed in a corner
I have the LORD behind me
To help see me through
God put me here for a reason
Moulding me into a unique being
He takes care of my soul
I trust Him with the future

No one cares
until you're dead
before that happens
you're all alone
So many things
we leave unsaid
lest we eat our words
to the bone
one complaint
To tell the truth
without restraint
is to say goodbye
to comfort and bread
Better lose those
than water and air
I'm gasping for truth
that's how I fare

My eyes have seen evil,
But I hoped for the best;
I planted the seed
Of love where I could.
I did not see the extent
of my works manifest;
I did not play the reaper
I inclined to do good.

I did not eat or savour
The fruit of my labour
It was my job to sow
And let the seed grow.
Time is a cruel master
It continues to flow
The difference I made
My heart does not know.

I didn't want glory
nor a large sum of money
but an honourable discharge
and my sins to be waived.
Now I'm nearing the grave
and I'm beginning to see
All the love I gave,
I did it for me!