In this life
I can't refuse
whatever comes
I do not choose

I come upon
things every day
I simply use
and throw away

I am a guest
Life and death
I cannot hold
just like my breath

Once saw something
I wanted to keep
the harder I squeezed
the more it leaped

I am a prisoner
in this life
My life is full
of pain and strife

I am someone
with many needs
yet I must thank
the hand that feeds

I cast the distractions aside and begin a process
Of untwisting the ball of tangled thoughts
Can't sleep, it's gotten late
Just want to think straight

I'm so very mad at the world
I hurt myself today
I nearly coughed out a lung and hurled
From smoking and drinking to feel ok

How come the wrong people stick in the human mind?
How come bad events, most unkind circumstances float in the head, while the good is well hidden, difficult to find?
Why is it so hard to rest, sleep and properly unwind?

I'm in for it now, she's in my head
I can't make bread, thinking of lead
Through her brain, I wish she was dead
Things like this better left unsaid

There are many people who hurt me but I don't want revenge
I'm not deranged, I just want them to feel remorse
I'm venting, it'll come in due course
For now I must be patient

A shallow existence is a price to pay
For inviting comfort every day
It tugs me in, the way it pulls
I eat my fill, yet I'm never full
I drink and smoke, and cannot stop
I pray for the day these habits I drop
Yet it's hard when you live on your back
Stuck in a corner like a cornered rat
Fools surround, I cannot teach
A waste of words, their brains don't reach
Speaking only from their point of view
It's an assault on them to speak what's true
Just try to reason or get through
Nothing will stop them looking down on you
Love is patient, love is kind
I hold fast when it's time to unwind
Yet the fear never leaves my mind
Rest is a task and hard to find
Unless I'm doped up
Unless I'm messed up
The dust sets, things start breaking
I can't move with the pills I'm taking
I swallow the pain, I feel so dumb
Despite the taste, it makes me numb
I was the one who couldn't conform
And most of what I say is against the norm

In a world of half-truths
Where everyone likes to argue
And prove themselves right
To win every fight
Life is a game to some
But I feel too dumb
To play like the devil
I'm not on their level
I avoid the bread of evil
To feast on holy gravel
For I have rocks in my gut
Stomach pain keeps me in a rut
I recall things I said
When I'm lying in bed
They said I rock the boat
So they threw me overboard
To sever the cord
Between me and the LORD
Now I'm sinking like lead
Nearly dead
I can feel the compression
But here's my confession
Though I've been tossed out to sea
And they celebrate victory over me
I've become more intelligent
My desire for truth is pertinent
On the inside I'm full of glee
And my soul is happy

Truth likes to hide
Look for the clues
Good never mentioned
Death makes the news
Gossips and sadists
Whatever they choose
To feed a hungry race
Who can't refuse

The good things we do are overlooked
Counsellors and therapists, overbooked
We're all influenced by selected truths
It's what makes the news

Don't fall into the trap
Of being too negative
Evil isn't everywhere
You just care
Where is the good
From where does it flow
It's so simple
It's the status quo

The filter that is installed
Between her head and heart
Stops her before she can start
To reveal her melancholy art

She fears the words will go round
Circle the earth at the speed of sound
Only for them to roll
Back into her lonely soul

Tears in her eyes it brings
With stones attached to her wings
Then she steps out of her cage
And onto the stage

And her words
Soar in the sky like birds
With a resting place to be found
In this heart of mine

The things she said I look back on in bed
A resting place they find in my head
Immortalized in the air
Forever there

Pain caused by misunderstanding
It's what I gained from mishandling my life.
When fear turns my stomach and I feel hot,
I try to imagine I'm someone I'm not.

Pain makes me lose control and twitch.
Is there a soul who can get me out of this ditch?
I've tried fighting, I've bloodied my fists;
I tried biting my tongue, but the pain persists.

I look to God, asking for help with this,
Meanwhile he acts like he doesn't exist.
My world consists of an impassable wall,
When I sleep, I'm curled up into a ball.

I'm too insane to work or sing.
I want for nothing, cause I hate everything.
All I can do is patiently endure,
Like Jesus said, and resist the accuser.

I'm food for the crow, next to the worm and the mole
I've sunk very low, dug myself in a hole
People look at me, they stare and they gawk
Don't like what they see, they glare and they mock
I'm so full of sin, and so I don't talk
Let you under my skin, my mind is a rock
I cry all the time, only one who listens is God
I sigh for my crime, truth strikes like a rod
Evil surrounds, it strikes from all sides
The devil confounds, he taunts and divides
My mind is a blank, never making a peep
Yet for this I thank, and this memory I keep
I looked up, and saw a light
Through which evil couldn't pass, with all it's might
And it surrounded me while I counted the sheep
And I felt at ease, and I fell asleep

Like with a brush
You painted a canvas
Intricately and exquisitely
To the voice of your will
And thus was I
I danced and was thrilled
Bending my soul
To the shape of your whim
Yet now I cry
For you put me aside

I will be loud
I won't  be hushed
To win you back
I will do much
From the heights
To the depths
I'll paint the world
With how I felt
I'll touch the hearts
And they will melt
Perhaps you'll remember me then

How long must it be
Realistically
Before you appear
And set me free
For I'm in hell
Now where I dwell
A shell of what I used to be
Under this spell
A brokenhearted fool
Without you

Search deep for the truth
Claim it and hide it
Hold on to it, and don't let go

Take pride in your roots
Don't forget where you come from
Remember your youth

Know who your loved ones are
Ask yourself
Who loves me?

Often we love those who hate us
And scorn those who love us
Focus on those who need us

The mob can be cruel
It goes where it wants
But it will never understand

There are those who laugh now
They will mourn in the future
Mourn now, laugh later

Grow wise and mature
Stand up for what's right
And what you believe in

I cannot
live
like most

to travel
from coast
to coast

to eat
my fill
of roast

to raise
a glass
a toast

For I
have naught
to boast

I am
just like
a ghost

I live
just like
a corpse

No sound
escapes
my throat

Sometimes
I feel
remorse

Still I
can't leave
my post

I do
not have
a choice

until
I find
my voice

On who is the plaything
Tonight the tables might turn
I can't hide the fact that
My feelings for you burn
You pulled my string again
Then like a wind-up toy
I danced to your tune
At the end of the day
It all comes out
It's because I care!
With tears in my eyes!
Love me
The people I like,
The people I care about
Its enough

There are certain corners in my mind I can't go
Memories of the past distorted and concrete
When I try to open my mind
To let love inside me
They pop up
Obstructing

I run, dash and dodge around these memories
I try to focus on the good times
As hard as I try I can't forget
And if I try to face them
I get eaten alive
Then spat out

They say I should leave the past behind and move on
That I should have more compassion on myself
But it's the way I am and can't change
Some scars are simply eternal
And won't go away
Until the end

In the process of healing it's important to forgive people
You may say that some wretched people are beyond forgiving
Understand that we are all enslaved and in debt forever
We've reaped what we didn't sow, a world pleasantly delightful

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a cage or prison
At times like this I wonder who put me here
Was it people who used me as a stepping stone?
Or those who put me in their crosshairs and fired?

Yet the worst pain is betrayal from a trusted friend
How can one trust anymore after being misled and backstabbed?
Intentionally hurt by a person in a position of confidence
Is like a death blow to the soul, eternal pain

Some things are beyond our understanding, some folk without hope
We must pray that we be unyoked to this world
For we are ghosts and shades and spirits in flesh
Here temporarily on our way to a more permanent place

From point to point, you see me run
Never still, like the moon and the sun
Always running, even with no one near:
I'm being chased by soul-crushing fear
I cannot stop, or I would drown
A current continually pulls me down
There's something inside that keeps moving around
The flesh that surrounds me longs for the ground
It's like an old bird that yearns for its nest
Wanting to go back to its pleasant rest
Wants to lie frozen devoid of life
I constantly fight it with heavy strife
Now every task feels like an impossible feat
Even eating and keeping the place tidy and neat
I don't want to make any more mistakes
Gotta start with the small things for goodness sakes!

Love is accepting
That's not what I gave
It wasn't love
But a harsh lesson from above
A desire to save
That put our ties in a grave
We succumbed to the hail
This love doomed to fail
My love has grown cold
And due to betrayal
Where once I was bold
I'm now just a baby
Or so I've been told
It put out my sun
I search for red flags
And see evil in everyone
Like they're hiding a gun
I
Trust
No
One

I can see my enemies
are closer than my friends indeed
Always on my mind, I can never be freed
Like birds they soar, they peck at me like seeds
So I clipped their feathers and broke their beaks...

Blood-******* freaks...

Who sets up snares before your eyes?
Who stomps on you and ignores your cries?
Who seeks mommy before he dies?
Adorn yourself with blood and gore
And they will learn the meaning of hell and war

Blood-******* freaks... forevermore...

You're not dumb or dense
I won't leave you in suspense
Your blood is precious upon the throne
Offer your lifeblood and eternal life you will earn
Repent of cowardice and turn, while these

Blood-******* freaks... forevermore... BURN!!!

I intentionally live a simple life so I can give it up with ease
I try to decrease the things I see and hope the fear will cease
I'm spending a lot of time wishing for a happy ending
I'm hoping for love in return for the love I'm sending

I threw all my love at you and hoped it would help us grow
Instead of nurturing the seed of love you simply let it go
I should have known your heart of stone was not a place to sow
It got swept away by a stream that day to where the rivers flow

Yet what may seem lost to me may be still be discovered
By another, who can use the seed as medicine to recover
For I can confess what I'm depressed over and uncover the truth
And we can learn to be better lovers than we were in our youth.

I would have loved if I had known
Love is not something you can hold
Everything's so overgrown
I cannot toil, I must control

For once I turn my back it folds
Like a house of cards it falls
Back to dust it slowly goes
Rust consumes within these walls

And like the dust that moves with air
One day It will settle down
I'll live my life without a care
And dig my roots into the ground

From what did it stem
This ship wreck of a life
I sit with memories
Picking up pieces
Only to release them
Like a fly in my house
But where is my wife

In my photo album
Made an addendum
Never again
Too much pain
I said please
Got on my knees
And begged her to stay
What did she say
Where is she now?

Long nights
Cold sweats
Short days
Regrets
In my sleep
Nightmares
I try to smile
Meanwhile

Meteorite misses
Plagues and diseases
New skin creases
While my missus kisses
Another worthless
Enemy
It's making me feel
Like I wanna stay home
Eternally
Alone forever
What's the remedy

How alone must I be
Before I repent
Heaven send me
Someone new
So I can finally let go
Cause these times
This nightmare
Has left me begging
Begging

I try to be open
My words a stream
My love of the Lord
Is my life's theme
My heart on my sleeve
My pearls before swine
My people never gave
Patience and time
To be saved
To be redeemed
That's not the point
Of my ministry

My people are dogs
I'm a sheep amongst wolves
They point and laugh
And call me a fool
For they are cruel
They want to eat me alive
The way they drool
No hand over mouth
I get stares that are cold
I suffer grievous harm
To the point where I fold
Yet I do as I'm told
I ignore so much
Love shouldn't be sold
I reject no one
In truth I am bold

I had a dream
I remember these words
You bear the cross of Noah
Is what I heard
When I go out in the world
When I preach the word
I get hurt
I argue my case
And get thrown in the dirt
They spit in my face
Such is the world
Look what they chase
Before they get hurled
To a terrible place
And be disgraced
When the scroll gets unfurled
I don't want that to happen
To this simple race
The key to forgiveness
Is to be happy
But in this place
It's an impossibility for me
So I wait patiently
For my hopes to be real
In the end I will reap
The fruits of my zeal

Sick outside and in
I have red bumps on my skin
Off to loony bin

The night is upon me, commence end of day reflection
Trying to sleep while thoughts swirl in my head
I've lived like a robot on autopilot
Resistant to change

The more I think, the more frustrated I get
Trying to remember but also forget
Why I'm alone in my bed
And where is the one who lives in my head

In the morning I'm happy
To have survived another night
And got some rest, feeling my best
But by golly I can't make the right decisions

For the things I promised at night to myself
Do not come to fruition in the dawning light
Every time I make plans it comes to naught
Maybe next week, maybe next month

The months turn to years, then decades and that's life
Funny I can't control anything including the present
I can't alter the future by myself
I cannot give clarity to my past when I'm all alone

To love someone who flirted with you
without feel a thing
To love someone who deserted you
after taking everything
To love someone who hurt you
and left you on the floor
Takes more strength than anything
I've ever done before.

Don't want to stick out
Dumb is the word
I will be secure
as part of the herd

But the hunter is hungry
He makes no sound
His aim is steady
He sends out his hound
To gather his prey
Keeps his nose to the ground
But why butcher me
when others abound?

I don't want to go
where conflicts unfold
Wanna live in my head
Avoid doing what I'm told
alone in the dark
in the fiery cold
I've forsaken my flesh
which once shone like gold
Which once was so bold
is now shrivelled and old

There is a way forward
A spirit renewal
And in time's hands
my flesh will shine like a jewel
For I have suffered
but I learned and now see
my body will recover
using the right remedy
I will again dance
to the tune of a melody
when my soul recovers
and I'm holy and free
Everything will be restored
And I'll be called happy
And my mind will come back to me
In this there is beauty

For all my life I have been shy
They pick on me I don't ask why
Their words are bullets that tear through me
I should get on a raft and drift out to sea

I sweat whenever I get scared
They never asked they never cared
Why my skin is red and swollen
Where is my pride, it has been stolen

I have answers yet the question is missing
The answer is obvious yet no one listens
Please God and the manna will be given
You will see worlds that you can live in

Where all your wishes materialize
Clean up your mind to find the prize
Sweep up the dust and wipe the grime
Live your life like it's for all time

For all my life I have been shy
But now I feel I have to try
No one should make me sweat or cry
The answer is obvious, the question is why

If my belly could speak, wonder what it would say
It grumbles and tumbles and hurts all day
Perhaps I should quit smoking, perhaps I should fast
I know deep down the problem is caused by curses cast

I fed on competition, I savoured violence
To outwit and outdo made sense
At last it's a dead end
It's not how it works, I haven't a friend

I've regurgitated my memories and vomited out poison
It took some years, hardest years I've ever seen
I want to turn back and repent against sin
I want to sober up, so I can be healthy again

Long have I waited to escape the toxicity
Of the house I grew up in, my parents hypocrisy
I thought I could right the wrong if I was alone
Yet without a spouse, is this really a home?

I've done my best to keep out of sight
Stimulants in the morning, depressants at night
They make me smell bad and tarnish my beauty
Who can love someone like me?

I have an open mind, but a heart shut tight
I'm open to ideas, but against love I fight
I've been hurt and burned by love grievously
Who can love someone like me?

I ask for help, and get empty words
I hear their song, they sing like birds
To a shattered soul, it hurts and burns
Weep with me, and patch my wounds

Live with me, and hold me tight
Dream with me, all through the night
I promise to be loyal and true,
Like a stray dog, I'll forever love you

I feel the disease and curse of hate creeping in
I need a release from the pain and hurt
Hatred is but an outlet for helplessness I know
But there must be a reason why I feel this way

When I'm myself
I shock and appal the general populace
With words I move people, they physically push back
I may be slow to anger, but I ain't slack

The current norm is to be a deviant
And I've seen their sick behaviour and mindset
One day they're ******* up to you, flaunting ***
They dry you up, then move onto the next

We don't want violence, so STOP MILITARIZING WORDS
Y'all are a bunch of confused birds, looking for prey
Acting oppressed...
The only one oppressing you is the truth, cause you ain't blessed

Acting oppressed... Try being persecuted
Cause the only thing you're fighting for is yourself
Try fighting for a cause that's greater than your own
That which will scold you when you're doing wrong

Or keep biting the hand that feeds
Since you reject authority, it will now be blind to your needs
And when you're left with only people like you,
Your concrete paradise will truly be a filthy zoo

This city life is mentally toilsome
My mood shifts like a rocking pendulum
Working for ****** isn't fun
Fall in love with one and you're done
My eyes are bloodshot behind a locked door
What the world has to offer, doesn't cut it anymore
I use drugs to fill the gap in my soul
And to counteract the meds that make me sore
One minute I'm pacified, the next thirst for gore
I try not to succumb in this spiritual war
I implore you not to search for me, you will not find
I can't tell the truth without being unkind
The average person makes me want to go blind
Demons are feeding on my lobotomized mind
The same kind of demons that made these machines
The works of the hands have men on their knees
A stagnated society with feminist themes
It works for ******, who shouldn't lead
I serve no purpose, and feel no ease
I just want my own land and to eat fruit from trees

I live in the shade
A dark corner of the housetop
My actions and habits
Have all lead me here
I live in fear
of losing what's meant to be lost
and gaining what's meant to be gained
I sit in the dark

Light means exposure
From its pinnacle I have fallen
Into an abyss of my own doing
A prison of my own making
I want to leave
There's nothing for me here
except more of the same
Like eating the same food for eternity

I've decided to leave
Though I have no destination
I will scour the nation
And search for you
Lead me away from my burden
Take me away from myself
Refresh my aching spirit
Remind me that misery isn't centre stage

I want to go back
to simpler times
when the grass was greener
and people were more innocent

I don't want what's new
I miss the ignorance of childhood
When I felt a zeal for life
before I knew evil

I don't believe in evolution
I don't want amendments
The more you add, the more you take away
Some things are above humans

I want to be more pure
but this irks some people
so I shut myself away
to await better times

And I know it will get worse
before it gets better
People are angry
but I will protest quietly

Had a good time
I was free
Did what I wanted
I had to reach
This point
To battle the spectre
That haunts me
I've been lazy
I've been reclusive
Most of all
Selfish
Now I live
With the results
For alas
I have no one
Not a soul
Who will carry the burden
Of all I've done
I'm alone
With my thoughts
But in the end
That's the cure
For my restless head
As I sink into bed

Ever since the fall of man
Humanity's been in a hole
We fall then rise, then fall again
Always with a sleepy soul
Most infuriating to me
Is one who sits on others backs
What are we, a totem pole
Why should we should be stacked?
Don't ride my heart into the ground
I am already in a tired state
My heart is bleeding through these cracks
You inflicted with your weight
For when you rise to bring me low
Or when you do better than me and call me slow
It's like you're setting me up to stumble
It's so important to be humble

Achieve the impossible
Retrieve what you lost
Let trust take the reigns
Behold and believe
Cherish the signs
They will lead you to truth
Leave doubt behind
Surrender to light
Take hold of our words
They are yours to behold
For better or worse
They need to be told
Clutch them in your hands
You can understand
And be freed like a bird
You can learn from our past
Delight in your senses
Savour each sentence
Seize what you like
Trust what you see
For wisdom and love
Are reflected in poetry
And being a poet
To me is a dream

Wake up
Drink coffee
Smoke half a pack
Try to process the dreams

I don't get hungry
till half way through the day
Then I gorge
And then get sick

Such is my retirement
A life without a job
Without anyone
I struggle to find purpose

Everyone has their place
I walk a path I paved myself
Back and forth I go
Circling the same places

Who can change the course of their life
at any given instant?
Who can forgive and let go?
Forget and be perfect?

I have schizophrenia
I falsely feel people are targeting me
One foot in the grave
But one hand on my heart

For I understand those who suffer
Thus I gravitate to such people
I would never hurt you
Your pain is my pain

In all my life
I haven't found life or liberty here
Only veiled threats and manipulation
Yet I hang on by the hope of a better afterlife

It's probably best to not start,
you'll feel better if you just sit your **** down
they say
but to me,
that's when the demons come
and that's when you have to start again

The closest thing I know to heaven is inside me
But I can't open my heart to just anyone
They'll betray me
I dance and sing in my mind
On the outside a cold demeanour
I'm happy but it never shows

And they tell me to quit
But my fate has been written
There is no deviation
I go where the wind takes me
For I have no say in what's true
I see what I see, and that's that

I am earth and dust
I am life incarnate
I am beautiful and just
I go where I want
And say what I must.

So why did they ******
Me into prison
To be educated
To be brainwashed
What's the reason?

To me it's obscene
To gain knowledge
Yet forsake the dream
To be a cog
In the machine

I never graduated
And I'm proud
Yet the world scorns and mocks
And blocks
And doubts

I am a rejected one
An unwanted son
Yet my life is mine
And the dream can shine
So yes, I'm doing fine.

I live in my head, off the body of Christ's bread
His blood flows in my veins, which I'm prepared to shed
My workaholic dad said I'm lazy and better off dead
But I'm always wet as sweat burns my skin and bed
When I asked him to brave the fire of hell with me he fled
He couldn't stand the scorching red, he chose the easy path instead
Heaven my reward, money is where he got lead
In the end I'm a scapegoat who bled so they can stay the same
I shame myself so my folks go easy on the pain
They say I'm stupid and not on my best behaviour
As they **** my blood I think of my lord and saviour

The parties, the soirees
Moving the body
Socializing and mingling
Music and singing
I always wondered
What are they celebrating,
what am I missing,
why am I not relating?

Too high to be bothered
High on each other
Finding new lovers
Having *** with each other
To get over on one another
Ditching the former
Remembering never
that love lasts forever

My life was never easy
I'm a mess
I don't want to be seen
A life of sadness
Adversity at every turn
Weight of the world and stress
Yet I look at the foolish
How short-lived their happiness

There is nothing to say
to people such as these
No conversation to be had
They know nothing of worth
**** of the earth
Who don't think of tomorrow
When the party is over
their joy will be sorrow

Today I prayed to God and said
I want to give up, want to give in
The worldly path is glistening
People can't be reasoned with
I can't even tell if you're listening
Feeling oppressed, wish I was dead
I envy those who already died
I am one whom you cast aside
I know well this world is hell
With many pitfalls everywhere
You cannot tell, they hide them well
I couldn't tell before I fell
I wish you'd talk to me like the old days
But I feel you've forsaken me due to my ways
I come to you hurting and muddy
Why do you keep slamming me into the dirt?

I do believe the world is friendly
and people like me
I try to be kind
One person reflects another
emotions are contagious

It's when I want to be alone
I get lonely
but I don't want to be around people
I get sick
Mental and paranoid

I just sit in a corner
and wipe my dry eyes
forgetting I don't know how to cry
And scratch my head
thinking, why?

Why am I so broken
I'll take to the grave a broken heart
nothing can surprise me anymore
I've spent too much time thinking
Learned too much

With knowledge comes sorrow
I know too much to be happy
It's just a fruitless road to the end
A death march, a lesson on vanity
Around the bend is the death

Nothing can satisfy me
No one can tell me what I don't already know
The things I've trusted in have failed me
Knowledge is not wisdom
Wisdom is to avoid too much knowledge

If only I could rely on others
to raise me up
and some people do
but many do not
I have fallen flat

I don't know what to do
Still the sight of you
makes me feel better
And the thought of you
We're in this together

I want to say a thing
But nothing will come of it
There is no power in my words

So I feel hurt
Yet I don't blurt
I leave my speech unheard

I fight against myself
What for I cannot tell
Inside two warring birds

I don't have lavish dreams
I am no wanna be
Just want serenity

I'm like a boulder or tree
There is nothing to see
Like every human being

Like any other freak
Exhaling as I speak
There is nothing to see

What do you seek
I'll shut my beak
There is nothing to see

Friends close, enemies closer;
they haunt my nights and days.
As much as I hate to admit it,
there's wisdom in this phrase.
A good person travels undetected,
they do not lie in wait.
They do not leave a mark on you
but leave you to your fate.
An evil person will try to latch onto you
like a parasite;
they bite and sting, they tear your wings
and keep you up at night.
You try to rip them out your chest,
and put the trophy on your shelf,
only to feel like you lost a better version of yourself.
A spiritual war we're in, there is no cure for it;
we're continually attacked and mocked and bit
These forces we can't outwit - only outlast.
Demonic armies with their hoards keep coming back for more
Sending people into our lives that shake us to our core.
When will it end? How will it end?
A question I often ask
What's the point of striving on
Should just wear a mask.
All the pressure on a human being
abused and crushed, to dust we return
from whence we came, crying again.
The tears burn, and yet we learn
there's nothing to do with evil but turn.

I put my hand on her shoulder
say thanks for being there
I feel her revolting, she moves away
as countless voices numb my ears
They squeal their accusations
I can only laugh, I've been here before
I tried to repent of my iniquities
Every night I say I won't do it again
I'm used to being embarrassed
Live the life of a pariah
People spitting as I pass
but what I experienced is downright humiliation
I expect betrayal from friends
No one has been faithful
Loyalty is nowhere to be found
ever since I became a laughingstock
people have avoided me
My name used to be meaningless
now it's utterly soiled
I just sit alone in a corner
and smoke and drink my problems away
hoping this too shall pass
and some day mourning will turn to joy

No amount of water, no amount of soap
No amount of scrubbing with hygienic foam
Can clean me of my crimes,
So I indulge in wines
I drink the fire so clear and rank
To null the inner stank.

No amount of guilt, no amount of shame
No amount of planning in this God-forsaken game
Can free me from your hand,
You are like slippery sand
I think of us and all the fuss
that made me such a wuss.

No amount of wealth, no amount of fame
No amount of telling myself my past will be regained
Can stop me from my aim,
To clear my innocent name,
As the pain falls down on me
so heavy I can see

Nature is pretty, scenery turned red
The sky is grey, with raindrops it bleeds
The bird feed is gone, the leaves fell to the wind
All that's left on the branches are abandoned nests

As crimson leaves with the wind soar aloft
Up to the sky so high, only to land so soft
Into roads soaked and full of puddles yet cool
Reminds me of life, and how fate can be cruel

Soon when winter comes with its white snow
To cleanse the earth with its cold air flow
I will think of the memories I had
And it makes me sad

I hope to have more time
To right the wrongs, a season in my prime
A new year for which I can now prepare
The start of a new life, and this time I'll care

May the morning sun and evening moon
be enough to keep you company
Don't be easily controlled
Guided by truth I think you can make it

...is what I wish I was taught
I always wanted to carve my own path
But they wouldn't leave me alone
Eventually I stopped fighting and bowed

I was put under their whim
Whatever they wanted I did
Mow the lawn, take out trash
Help me with my work

A house run like a prison
Under distress I was at a breaking point
So I ran away from them and from school
Cops were called, and then the mental institution

Then they pulled a quick one and did a 180
They really did leave me alone
I was driven out and told to fend on my own
Where wind and cold chill to the bone

Why do such things happen?
You used me for your own pleasure
and as soon as I stopped being cute
you discarded me

So now I'm alone fighting the elements
In my head are all sorts of thoughts I can't say
Hatred and disappointment in myself and others
I numb the pain away

I can't move
My thoughts are destructive
In fetters of fear
I'm dreading things to come

I trust no one
Everyone is suspicious
They can read me like a book
Like my parents, with one look

The skies are black
The stars went out
The people groan
The land is cold
I rub my eyes
Cannot believe
I have no one
To share my grief
Darkness won
Inside my heart
The sun has set
All hope is gone
It's how I feel
I'm all alone
Afraid and trembling
To the bone

There is something
that the young and old
have in common
which those in mid-life
do not seem to grasp
or acknowledge
The fragile know it
The strong abhor it
It is so simple
yet it's an insult to ego
Ask your elder
how they survived
Ask your child
why they hide
It is to see evil
and not engage it
even though deep inside
you want to destroy it
If someone hurts you
and makes an attack
against your peace of mind
or against your will
do not dwell
Do not strike back
or curse them to hell
I have done the former
more times than I can tell
It is quite easy
The latter is harder
to just let things be
The more I thought of these people
the harder I fell
I struggled to understand
that endless vexation
the desire for vengeance
and the agitation
If they appear in your mind
look away
at something else
Anything else
Think of the future
If someone upsets you
and hurts you for no reason
Know they might not last till
the next season
Pray for your enemies
Hope they cease wickedness
for the good of those around them
who come in contact with them
If someone is haunting you
or their presence is daunting
Find peace at any cost
Let the relationship cease
and if the memory rots
and you can't stop the thoughts
know that revenge is best served
cold not hot